Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

Mother in law's dog for Christmas

Options
13»

Comments

  • Options
    #62
    di11on
    Registered Users Posts: 1,262 ✭✭✭di11on


    bucketybuck wrote: »
    And can you not live with it? Really? Is this something you really cannot live with or is it something you could live with but just don't want to?

    Thats a rhetorical question for you of course, but you have to ask if you're causing the friction because you really can't put up with a dog for a few days, or is it because you're fed up of the relationship between your wife and her mother and this is where you want to make a stand?

    Because if it is the latter, it might really be worth taking a step back and asking if its worth it, if this is really the best time and place to make that stand.

    Of course I can... anyone can live with almost anything if they are determined enough... but that's not the point.... it's the binary nature of it.

    Anyway, it turns out that my wife did broach the subject with her mum, who was upset but I think she'll be ok. That means a huge amount to me because I know how difficult it was for her to do. So as a result, I'm happy to put up with the dog. Now we can all get on with our lives :-)


  • Options
    #63
    Mystery Egg
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators Posts: 2,580 Mod ✭✭✭✭Mystery Egg


    bucketybuck wrote: »
    you have to ask if you're causing the friction because you really can't put up with a dog for a few days

    Wow some people here have no boundaries. The OP is not causing friction. They are laying a boundary in their own home. Unbelievable.


  • Options
    #64
    bucketybuck
    Registered Users Posts: 18,213 ✭✭✭✭bucketybuck


    di11on wrote: »
    Of course I can... anyone can live with almost anything if they are determined enough... but that's not the point.... it's the binary nature of it.

    Anyway, it turns out that my wife did broach the subject with her mum, who was upset but I think she'll be ok. That means a huge amount to me because I know how difficult it was for her to do. So as a result, I'm happy to put up with the dog. Now we can all get on with our lives :-)

    It kinda was the point, about determining why this was an issue at all.

    Your post isn't clear, your wife did speak to her mum and you are putting up with the dog, so what was agreed? 3 days or 1 day?


  • Options
    #65
    retro:electro
    Registered Users Posts: 21,039 ✭✭✭✭retro:electro


    di11on wrote: »
    Of course I can... anyone can live with almost anything if they are determined enough... but that's not the point.... it's the binary nature of it.

    Anyway, it turns out that my wife did broach the subject with her mum, who was upset but I think she'll be ok. That means a huge amount to me because I know how difficult it was for her to do. So as a result, I'm happy to put up with the dog. Now we can all get on with our lives :-)

    So in the end it wasn't really about the dog, and more about your wife's inability to broach anything with your MIL? It's weird that you now feel better having put your wife in an uncomfortable position. All seems a bit passive agressive to me.


  • Options
    #66
    di11on
    Registered Users Posts: 1,262 ✭✭✭di11on


    anna080 wrote: »
    So in the end it wasn't really about the dog, and more about your wife's inability to broach anything with your MIL? It's weird that you now feel better having put your wife in an uncomfortable position. All seems a bit passive agressive to me.

    It was about the dog - but I feel better about putting up with it given that my wife did bring it up with her mum and we will try to have a dog free area in the house.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #67
    retro:electro
    Registered Users Posts: 21,039 ✭✭✭✭retro:electro


    di11on wrote: »
    It was about the dog - but I feel better about putting up with it given that my wife did bring it up with her mum and we will try to have a dog free area in the house.

    So where is the dog going?


  • Options
    #68
    di11on
    Registered Users Posts: 1,262 ✭✭✭di11on


    anna080 wrote: »
    So where is the dog going?

    All things are relative and subjective. It's been progress for us that my wife brought the subject up with her mum at all. She had a confrontation - which is monumental progress. The dog will be in the house but confined within a certain area.


  • Options
    #69
    daisybelle2008
    Registered Users Posts: 2,403 ✭✭✭daisybelle2008


    di11on wrote: »

    It's Christmas. I love Christmas - always have. It's a magical time of year. The one time our dysfunctional family managed to pull it all together for a truly magical time. I try to recreate this magic for my kids. It's really important to me. My wife knows this too.

    di11on wrote: »

    She had a confrontation     - which is monumental progress.

    Well that is the main thing, that's the Christmas spirit. The magic of Christmas is restored. God bless us one and all.


  • Options
    #70
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators Posts: 13,809 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    It does sound like you dug your heels in, to force your wife to do something that was incredibly difficult for her, just so you would agree to something you were going to allow anyway.

    Your wife isn't a child that you need to show "tough love to". She's your partner who you should stand bedside and support. It might not seem like a huge thing to you, and now that it is done your wife might feel relieved, but it would have been a huge stress to her to approach (confront?) her mother. I am bemused by your approach and feel a bit sorry for your wife, with a domineering mother on one side and a husband on the other who feels he needs to "teach her" how to make a pointless stand.


  • Options
    #71
    Mystery Egg
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators Posts: 2,580 Mod ✭✭✭✭Mystery Egg


    Some truly horrible, and unnecessary, responses to the OP. If his problem here was that his wife would never confront her mother and it was affecting their life, the same people would be on telling him to leave her if she doesn't change. :rolleyes:


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #72
    retro:electro
    Registered Users Posts: 21,039 ✭✭✭✭retro:electro


    di11on wrote: »
    All things are relative and subjective. It's been progress for us that my wife brought the subject up with her mum at all. She had a confrontation - which is monumental progress. The dog will be in the house but confined within a certain area.

    Sure as long as you are happy that is all that matters.


  • Options
    #73
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators Posts: 13,809 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    Mystery Egg wrote: »
    If his problem here was that his wife would never confront her mother and it was affecting their life, the same people would be on telling him to leave her if she doesn't change. :rolleyes:

    As it turns out, that was the issue but he dressed it up around the dog.
    di11on wrote: »
    The problem for me is that she can't actually bring the subject up with her mother... she can't even discuss it. She would rather impose the dog on me and fight with me rather than risk upsetting her mother by even bringing up the subject. .......

    .........I'm upset that my wife can't even bring up the subject with mummy in law and prefers to impose it on me and make it all my fault if it doesn't work out.


    By putting dogs in the thread title and starting the thread saying he hated dogs, it's what most people took to be the issue, but rereading the OP, the issue was never the dog

    di11on wrote: »
    Anyway, it turns out that my wife did broach the subject with her mum...That means a huge amount to me because I know how difficult it was for her to do. So as a result, I'm happy to put up with the dog.Now we can all get on with our lives :-)


  • Options
    #74
    PressRun
    Registered Users Posts: 3,130 ✭✭✭PressRun


    Wow. What an incredible read. So there was never any issue with the dog, you just wanted to put your wife in a position where she'd have to confront her mother. How petty.


  • Options
    #75
    bucketybuck
    Registered Users Posts: 18,213 ✭✭✭✭bucketybuck


    Mystery Egg wrote: »
    Wow some people here have no boundaries. The OP is not causing friction. They are laying a boundary in their own home. Unbelievable.
    Mystery Egg wrote: »
    Some truly horrible, and unnecessary, responses to the OP. If his problem here was that his wife would never confront her mother and it was affecting their life, the same people would be on telling him to leave her if she doesn't change. :rolleyes:

    You appear to be more upset than the OP. Or the dog.


  • Options
    #76
    feargale
    Registered Users Posts: 8,636 ✭✭✭feargale


    When I saw the title of this thread "Mother-in-laws' dog for Christmas" I thought at least one turkey will be getting a reprieve. :D


  • Options
    #77
    anewme
    Registered Users Posts: 11,899 ✭✭✭✭anewme


    Lots of dramas, hidden agendas, political battles and point scoring.

    Certainly enforces what Mark Twain said ...the more I learn about people....the more I like my dog.


  • Options
    #78
    twill
    Registered Users Posts: 587 ✭✭✭twill


    anewme wrote: »
    Lots of dramas, hidden agendas, political battles and point scoring.

    Certainly enforces what Mark Twain said ...the more I learn about people....the more I like my dog.
    If you refer to the snide, sneering, self-righteous tone of the latter part of this thread which is very much dedicated to not helping the OP, I agree.


  • Options
    #79
    di11on
    Registered Users Posts: 1,262 ✭✭✭di11on


    It's not always easy to convey in words the totality of a situation but it is very easy to make cheap snide remarks based on a simple read of things.


  • Options
    #80
    bucketybuck
    Registered Users Posts: 18,213 ✭✭✭✭bucketybuck


    di11on wrote: »
    It's not always easy to convey in words the totality of a situation but it is very easy to make cheap snide remarks based on a simple read of things.

    Are people wrong that this whole situation was more about your wife's relationship with her mother than about a dog in your house?


  • Options
    #81
    retro:electro
    Registered Users Posts: 21,039 ✭✭✭✭retro:electro


    di11on wrote: »
    It's not always easy to convey in words the totality of a situation but it is very easy to make cheap snide remarks based on a simple read of things.

    It actually wasn't a simple read. You dressed up one issue and presented it as something completely different. You knew what you were doing. So it is to be expected then when some people get irked when they find out your real reason for posting, having taken time out from their day to give sincere advice to you.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #82
    di11on
    Registered Users Posts: 1,262 ✭✭✭di11on


    I don't like dogs. I was presented with an ultimatum that the dog was coming and that the issue of the dog couldn't be discussed with MIL which made me feel that my point of view wasn't being considered at all in this. There was history that contributed to me feeling this way. It turns out that in the end my wife did discuss the issue with her mum. That meant a lot to me me because I know how difficult that was for her. I don't see how that makes me a bad person, like you are making out.


  • Options
    #83
    Taltos
    Registered Users Posts: 20,830 ✭✭✭✭Taltos


    Mod Note
    As the dog staying over has been resolved for the OP we're closing this thread.
    Remember folk if you can't keep it civil please don't post, this thread generated quite a few reported posts due to the umbrage and tone some posters took with the OP.


This discussion has been closed.
Advertisement