Most creative excuse you've ever used?

beks101

So this evening I've elected to sit in eating cheetos and watching Netflix instead of going to another bloody Christmas drinks because I cannot be arsed.

I'm not usually a total scrooge and will go to the token work dinner and a few other drinks with friends worth making the effort for, but what is it about December and everyone and anyone's sudden need to orchestrate their own "Christmas events"? Haven't even started my Christmas shopping yet and I'm already broke.

Tonight I went with the old reliable "work at stupid AM and not feeling great" but I've a feeling that one's going to wear thin soon enough.

What's the best, most foolhardy, elaborate or creative excuse you've ever come up with to avoid a social event?

TLDR: BAH HUMBUG

The Specialist

I got away from a fine for having no car tax by telling the garda I had broke both my arms and legs in a cycling accident a few months before. Got a load of sympathy and sent on my way, still have no idea how I kept a straight face

beks101

Ha! That reminded me of another one. I spent a summer in the south of Spain while I was in college and got a job working in an English restaurant which I hated.

One morning I went in and just thought nope, not doing this anymore so pretended I got an urgent call from home and my sister had been in a horrible accident and I had to leave immediately. Then took a train up to visit my friend in Valencia and proceeded to get drunk for the rest of the summer.

Still feel a bit bad about that one. Teenagers eh?

CaptainR

The Specialist wrote: »

I got away from a fine for having no car tax by telling the garda I had broke both my arms and legs in a cycling accident a few months before. Got a load of sympathy and sent on my way, still have no idea how I kept a straight face

Brilliant

My uncle has a BMW motorbike from the early 80s, he hasn't taxed it since 1982. He was pulled last year and the garda asked him did he have tax. He just goes "Tax? On this? Sure its 30 years old it doesn't need tax its a classic motorcycle"

The garda: "Oh Jesus really? Oh right. How's it running anyway?"

"Ah grand, I've been to North Africa and everything on it"

"Wow, see you then, stay safe!"

Olishi4

I have one neighbour that I really click with and we'l meet for a chat and stuff the odd time but I don't really have a lot in common with my other neighbour. She's lovely but shes always trying to arrange things with me. I've met with her a few times but there's often a lot of awkward silence between us and I don't think she sees it.

She collared me the other day and said we must meet up soon because she's going away for Christmas. I have too much on coming up to Christmas so im just not in the mood. Anyway I'm a really bad liar so I just went blank and was like "eh ye we must" but I think she was expecting me to give a date! I just brushed past it but then when I was going she said "so we have to meet up?" and I just said "yup" and then legged it into the house Feel awful but hopefully this thread might give me a good excuse the next time it comes up

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Anti biotics

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

Dunno if you'd call it creative, but I laughed. Used to work in a place which did night shifts. Start 11pm, finish at 7am. One of the lads had a cinema date with a young one he was mad after, so he decided he'd take her, and just come into work at 12. Only thing was he never bothered to tell the supervisor he'd be late.

In he strolls at 12. I was standing with the boss and I saw him glance at his watch. "How come you're only in now?" he asked.

Yer man starts stuttering.. "ehm.... I slept it!"

SEPT 23 1989

I have a heart condition and if you hit me it's murder

tomthetank

"Food poisoning" and then make up some gory details which will have them running away from you at lightning speed

Mr. FoggPatches

The dog smoked it.

Mr. FoggPatches

SEPT 23 1989 wrote: »

I have a heart condition and if you hit me it's murder

My wife
*sobs*
Is having a baby.

mansize

I'd love to but I don't want to

Knex*

Back in secondary school, whenever I had a teacher that went mental when I didn't have essays and so on done, I'd write a few paragraphs on an A4 page, starting mid sentence, ruffle the page a bit and stuff it in my bag.

Then when the teacher asked for the essay I'd dig around in the bag, struggle to find it, before lo and behold I'd produce the last page but be unable to find the first page which had two thirds of the homework "written" on it.

Half the craic in school was the excuses and stuff you could get away with.

Also, thinking of around that time. One Monday night, many years ago, I got a text from a girl asking me would I shift her not so good looking, albeit lovely, friend.

I obtusely avoided the question by texting back, "can't right now. I'm watching the panel".

Sam Kade

The Specialist wrote: »

I got away from a fine for having no car tax by telling the garda I had broke both my arms and legs in a cycling accident a few months before. Got a load of sympathy and sent on my way, still have no idea how I kept a straight face

Some chancer and a gullible Garda I know a man that drives an oil lorry. He had a second car back in the old tax system and taxed it 6 months on 6 months off. Anyway he was taking his children to killarney one sunday and decided to switch the tax disc from the lorry to the car as it was out of tax. Following day as he was driving the lorry he was stoped by a garda and had no tax disc :eek: He told the garda that the tax was out and he forgot to put up the new tax disc, Garda swallowed story and said put it up when you go home

Cupcake_Crisis

Olishi4 wrote: »

I have one neighbour that I really click with and we'l meet for a chat and stuff the odd time but I don't really have a lot in common with my other neighbour. She's lovely but shes always trying to arrange things with me. I've met with her a few times but there's often a lot of awkward silence between us and I don't think she sees it.

She collared me the other day and said we must meet up soon because she's going away for Christmas. I have too much on coming up to Christmas so im just not in the mood. Anyway I'm a really bad liar so I just went blank and was like "eh ye we must" but I think she was expecting me to give a date! I just brushed past it but then when I was going she said "so we have to meet up?" and I just said "yup" and then legged it into the house Feel awful but hopefully this thread might give me a good excuse the next time it comes up

Pretend to move

beks101

beks101 wrote: »

What's the best, most foolhardy, elaborate or creative excuse you've ever come up with to avoid a social event?

A person I didn't particularly like phoned and asked me to a party at his house, so I channelled Peter Cook and pretended to check my diary, then said "Oh dear, I find I'm watching television that night" and hung up.

Felt like a right badass, was delighted with myself.

osarusan

Bit of a gammy leg from the Korean war.

Jimbob1977

The Feast of Maximum Occupancy

Skin failure

Goya

Not me but my friend's sister's friend: it was years ago - likely 2001/2 and her excuse for not going out was that she heard Al Qaeda was planning to bomb the place (in Ireland - not even Dublin).

baldtooyoung

Friday of a may weekend 2004 I think.the lads were heading off on a weekend on the lash.I was young and had no responsibilities then.i was livid I could only go on a Sunday and was sick at missing 3 days of it
My shift that week in work was Thursday, Friday and Saturday 8am to 8pm.
Friday about 1pm.told my boss that my testicles were on fire, her being a lady was totally aghast.

She said go to the company doctor, I said, no I go to my own doctor it happened before and I'm really embarrassed and upset.she said go! go!


So I legged it and had a great weekend.haha!

Potential Underachiever

Nobody has said 'I'm washing my hair' yet? Very slack indeed.

beertons

baldtooyoung wrote: »

Friday of a may weekend 2004 I think.the lads were heading off on a weekend on the lash.I was young and had no responsibilities then.i was livid I could only go on a Sunday and was sick at missing 3 days of it
My shift that week in work was Thursday, Friday and Saturday 8am to 8pm.
Friday about 1pm.told my boss that my testicles were on fire, her being a lady was totally aghast.

She said go to the company doctor, I said, no I go to my own doctor it happened before and I'm really embarrassed and upset.she said go! go!


So I legged it and had a great weekend.haha!

Bravo!

baldtooyoung

baldtooyoung wrote: »

My shift that week in work was Thursday, Friday and Saturday 8am to 8pm.
Friday about 1pm.told my boss that my testicles were on fire, her being a lady was totally aghast.

Goodness gracious, great balls of fire!

baldtooyoung

beertons wrote: »

Bravo!

Thank you! Haha

Pac1Man

Just tell them you don't want to go.

Don't be afraid of upsetting people!

baldtooyoung

Candie wrote: »

Goodness gracious, great balls of fire!

Plums Inferno was on my onscreen name!

Rented Mule

Back in the 80's living in Chicago. My father was a Chicago Police Officer. I had just gotten my driving license and would often use his car. He told me that the muffler on the car had gone and sent me out to have it replaced.

I pulled into the garage (which did free estimates). I sat in the waiting room as they put the car on the rack. The mechanic called me out to look at the exhaust system and pointed out a rake of work that was needed.

I knew straight off that I didn't have the cash to pay for this. It was also an era where a 'credit card' was something you saw on the telly.

I was up front about it with the mechanic.

He then quipped 'I see all of the police stickers in your window. Is your father a police officer'.

To this day, I am ashamed at what came out of my mouth.

'He was' I said.

'Oh, what happened?' asked the mechanic

Do you remember the three coppers that were killed in the line of duty a few years ago? (Fahey, O'Brien and Doyle - 6th District '82).

He just looked back

'Yeah, it's been tough' I said.

I just turned and walked away. He called me back and said he would do whatever he could to get this replaced.

I walked out of there with money still in my pocket. When I got home, the old man was impressed that I had gotten the work taken care of.

He asked me 'how much?'.

I said 'it wasn't bad'. I didn't use our real names.

He looked at me with a blank stare.

'I got a discount for killing you off'.

I told him what I had done.

He actually laughed out loud for coming up with it. We saved a few hundred dollars (which was a lot of money for us back then).

I still feel a little dirty about it. My dad has been gone for a few years now. I still remember his laugh. I'll always remember this moment.

buried

I can't be arsed man, I found 'People Just Do Nothing' up on the netflix and I'm eating me Doritos and drinking me beers, now kindly p!ss off to whatever XXXmas horror show you don't want to go to yourself when you actually think about it

Goya

Jimbob1977 wrote: »

The Feast of Maximum Occupancy

Skin failure

The Hamburglar's birthday?

baldtooyoung

Rented Mule wrote: »

Back in the 80's living in Chicago. My father was a Chicago Police Officer. I had just gotten my driving license and would often use his car. He told me that the muffler on the car had gone and sent me out to have it replaced.

I pulled into the garage (which did free estimates). I sat in the waiting room as they put the car on the rack. The mechanic called me out to look at the exhaust system and pointed out a rake of work that was needed.

I knew straight off that I didn't have the cash to pay for this. It was also an era where a 'credit card' was something you saw on the telly.

I was up front about it with the mechanic.

He then quipped 'I see all of the police stickers in your window. Is your father a police officer'.

To this day, I am ashamed at what came out of my mouth.

'He was' I said.

'Oh, what happened?' asked the mechanic

Do you remember the three coppers that were killed in the line of duty a few years ago? (Fahey, O'Brien and Doyle - 6th District '82).

He just looked back

'Yeah, it's been tough' I said.

I just turned and walked away. He called me back and said he would do whatever he could to get this replaced.

I walked out of there with money still in my pocket. When I got home, the old man was impressed that I had gotten the work taken care of.

He asked me 'how much?'.

I said 'it wasn't bad'. I didn't use our real names.

He looked at me with a blank stare.

'I got a discount for killing you off'.

I told him what I had done.

He actually laughed out loud for coming up with it. We saved a few hundred dollars (which was a lot of money for us back then).

I still feel a little dirty about it. My dad has been gone for a few years now. I still remember his laugh. I'll always remember this moment.

Legend! Happy for ya that he took it well at the time!

beks101

Pac1Man wrote: »

Just tell them you don't want to go.

I often think this would be massively liberating. But there's such etiquette around this isn't there? Saying "nah not arsed" will typically be translated as you being a massive prick and that message will spread throughout the office/social circle like wildfire. "She said she 'just wasn't arsed'! Can you believe it??!'

Though I'm a lot more inclined to be at least half honest these days. "I've got a big dinner the night before and just don't think I'll be up to it" as opposed to "I've been overcome with some horrible flesh-eating disease and I think it might be contagious" etc.

buried

beks101 wrote: »

I often think this would be massively liberating. But there's such etiquette around this isn't there? Saying "nah not arsed" will typically be translated as you being a massive prick and that message will spread throughout the office/social circle like wildfire. "She said she 'just wasn't arsed'! Can you believe it??!'

You can never tell that's the actual case though. Sure, those people might say that out in the open herd, peer pressure world, but they could all be saying to themselves at the same time "wow, she just does what she wants to do and doesn't give a fook, I wish I could do that too"

charlietheminxx

Kidney infection! Can't drink, can't go to crowded places where you might need to queue for a bathroom. You can still eat and act normal otherwise (no point faking a tummy bug or a croaky throat and then getting called out for being grand the next day as you tuck into a big lunch or answer the phone sounding not croaky at all).

I've had a couple of (genuine) kidney infections over the last couple of years and I remember thinking it would make a good excuse!

You're welcome.

DopeTech

Knex. wrote: »

I obtusely avoided the question by texting back, "can't right now. I'm watching the panel".

Ha that is the funniest thing I've seen is ages!

tomwaterford

Can't. ....have clothes drying in front of the fire



Used that 50/50 real/made up to get out of/allow being late for something

Pac1Man

beks101 wrote: »

I often think this would be massively liberating.

Trust me it's wonderful!

You might be surprised at people's reactions. There are very few people who will openly tell the truth when asked a difficult question so it's very intriguing and refreshing when you find someone who does.

Ironically it's sometimes easier to take it one step further. Last year I said something like, "I spend 8 hours with you(s) every day. You don't expect me to go out and socialise as well do you?". It was taken well.

To be honest if someone took offence to a simple but truthful 'no' answer, they're not the kind of person who I would worry too much about.

Try it! (and record it and show us)

Sirsok

Rang in sick to work one day when I was working in a grocery store, got caught out on the town the same night. Get called unto office next time I was in, asked why I called in sick and then went out.

Told them I had violent diarehha, and how I promised my girlfriend I would go out, since I had inmediate access to toilets while I was.out I felt like I could keep my promise to her, but since the toilets in work were upstairs and I would have to leave the till every time, it just wasnt logical for me to come in.

I really hit the diarrhea angle hard until she just had enough and I never heard another word of it

darkpagandeath

You could get away with a cold like...

baldtooyoung

Sirsok wrote: »

Rang in sick to work one day when I was working in a grocery store, got caught out on the town the same night. Get called unto office next time I was in, asked why I called in sick and then went out.

Told them I had violent diarehha, and how I promised my girlfriend I would go out, since I had inmediate access to toilets while I was.out I felt like I could keep my promise to her, but since the toilets in work were upstairs and I would have to leave the till every time, it just wasnt logical for me to come in.

I really hit the diarrhea angle hard until she just had enough and I never heard another word of it

Violent diarrhoea.never used that one.its good.I find if you drop in the word "explosive" it works a dream too
Nobody wants to visualise anyone spraying aggressively all over the bowl.
Good work.good work.

The most common one for me though and I reckon a lot of people was in school.I must have had 47 dead grannies,109 uncles and 88 aunts.anytime I went on the hop someone died.talk about bad luck.haha

Robsweezie

on the topic of honesty

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bdwQntqI-ts

mojesius

baldtooyoung wrote: »

Violent diarrhoea.never used that one.its good.I find if you drop in the word "explosive" it works a dream too
Nobody wants to visualise anyone spraying aggressively all over the bowl.
Good work.good work.

The most common one for me though and I reckon a lot of people was in school.I must have had 47 dead grannies,109 uncles and 88 aunts.anytime I went on the hop someone died.talk about bad luck.haha

The dead granny is a tough one to pull off nowadays due to social media. My friend pulled a sicky in work after a heavy night saying her granny died.

Cue a load of co-workers posting on her fb page - 'thinking of you and your family right now', 'sorry to hear about your granny'. Family members started contacting her in a collective panic that something happened to their granny.

It's a risky one.

baldtooyoung

mojesius wrote: »

The dead granny is a tough one to pull off nowadays due to social media. My friend pulled a sicky in work after a heavy night saying her granny died.

Cue a load of co-workers posting on her fb page - 'thinking of you and your family right now', 'sorry to hear about your granny'. Family members started contacting her in a collective panic that something happened to their granny.

It's a risky one.

Ya couldn't get a away with it now.no way! People can't have a wazz now without somebody tweeting it now.but the late 90s early 00s ya could.happy days

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

Pac1Man wrote: »

Trust me it's wonderful!

You might be surprised at people's reactions. There are very few people who will openly tell the truth when asked a difficult question so it's very intriguing and refreshing when you find someone who does.

Ironically it's sometimes easier to take it one step further. Last year I said something like, "I spend 8 hours with you(s) every day. You don't expect me to go out and socialise as well do you?". It was taken well.

To be honest if someone took offence to a simple but truthful 'no' answer, they're not the kind of person who I would worry too much about.

Try it! (and record it and show us)

There was 21st birthday drinks one place I worked. When one of the girls was finished her shift the day before (she wasn't on the next day) she gave the birthday girl a card and said 'Here you go, happy birthday, I won't be coming tomorrow because it's in a pub and I don't like pubs, so I don't think I'll have a good time', really made me like her!

My sister (as a teenager) once went to stay with friends and ended up being about 36 hours late getting home, she was supposed to be on the last bus that evening or she was going to be killed. Rang my mother and told her she'd missed the bus because "Steph was getting the same bus and it came early and we were going to have to run and Steph couldn't run because she's only got little legs and I couldn't just leave her there"

Mister Vain

Ahh the dreaded office parties. I never came up with anything really creative. I usually just say its too far or I couldn't be arsed because there's no free meal, or I'd be afraid I'd get drunk and call the boss a bollocks. One time I said a few of us in a different department were having a party of our own but that came back to bite me in the arse after the others denied it.

Pac1Man

Blaine Alive Symbolism wrote: »

There was 21st birthday drinks one place I worked. When one of the girls was finished her shift the day before (she wasn't on the next day) she gave the birthday girl a card and said 'Here you go, happy birthday, I won't be coming tomorrow because it's in a pub and I don't like pubs, so I don't think I'll have a good time', really made me like her!

:cool:

PM me her number.

Agricola

My dog ate my granny and then I had to go to her funeral.

I said

Left work one day early to go on the sess,rang the boss and told him id passed wind rather violently and was to embarrassed to tell him in person I had to go home and change my trousers.

Broken Hearted Road

A long time ago when we didn't have a TV licence and the licence inspector came to the door, I told him that my mother was back in the fields milking the cows.

cantdecide

Migraine.

No one in the history of the world has ever had a real migraine because they don't exist outside of headache tablet tablet box printing factories and the minds of those who can't think of better excuses - this goes especially so for the person who's considering claiming that they're real and if I ever had one I'd know all about it.

maudgonner

cantdecide wrote: »

Migraine.

You need a brain to know what a migraine feels like. Which explains things...

:pac:

_Whimsical_

I haven't had to draw on my creative reserves for excuses to much recently so I can't think of one.

The most creative one I've ever been given however was from a girl, I won't say friend, that I was to have lunch with on what turned out to be the hottest day of the year. She didn't show up and after an hour I rang her. She told me that the Moon was in her sign that day and she had been drawn towards the water and was now at the beach and would come meet me but felt it was really better that she "try and stay by water" that day.

We did not reschedule.