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Most creative excuse you've ever used?

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  • 09-12-2016 9:33pm
    #1
    beks101
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,802 ✭✭✭


    So this evening I've elected to sit in eating cheetos and watching Netflix instead of going to another bloody Christmas drinks because I cannot be arsed.

    I'm not usually a total scrooge and will go to the token work dinner and a few other drinks with friends worth making the effort for, but what is it about December and everyone and anyone's sudden need to orchestrate their own "Christmas events"? Haven't even started my Christmas shopping yet and I'm already broke.

    Tonight I went with the old reliable "work at stupid AM and not feeling great" but I've a feeling that one's going to wear thin soon enough.

    What's the best, most foolhardy, elaborate or creative excuse you've ever come up with to avoid a social event?

    TLDR: BAH HUMBUG


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    #2
    The Specialist
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,539 ✭✭✭The Specialist


    I got away from a fine for having no car tax by telling the garda I had broke both my arms and legs in a cycling accident a few months before. Got a load of sympathy and sent on my way, still have no idea how I kept a straight face :D


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    #3
    beks101
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,802 ✭✭✭beks101


    Ha! That reminded me of another one. I spent a summer in the south of Spain while I was in college and got a job working in an English restaurant which I hated.

    One morning I went in and just thought nope, not doing this anymore so pretended I got an urgent call from home and my sister had been in a horrible accident and I had to leave immediately. Then took a train up to visit my friend in Valencia and proceeded to get drunk for the rest of the summer.

    Still feel a bit bad about that one. Teenagers eh? :o


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    #4
    CaptainR
    Registered Users Posts: 221 ✭✭CaptainR


    The Specialist wrote: »
    I got away from a fine for having no car tax by telling the garda I had broke both my arms and legs in a cycling accident a few months before. Got a load of sympathy and sent on my way, still have no idea how I kept a straight face :D

    Brilliant

    My uncle has a BMW motorbike from the early 80s, he hasn't taxed it since 1982. He was pulled last year and the garda asked him did he have tax. He just goes "Tax? On this? Sure its 30 years old it doesn't need tax its a classic motorcycle"

    The garda: "Oh Jesus really? Oh right. How's it running anyway?"

    "Ah grand, I've been to North Africa and everything on it"

    "Wow, see you then, stay safe!"


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    #5
    Olishi4
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,469 ✭✭✭Olishi4


    I have one neighbour that I really click with and we'l meet for a chat and stuff the odd time but I don't really have a lot in common with my other neighbour. She's lovely but shes always trying to arrange things with me. I've met with her a few times but there's often a lot of awkward silence between us and I don't think she sees it.

    She collared me the other day and said we must meet up soon because she's going away for Christmas. I have too much on coming up to Christmas so im just not in the mood. Anyway I'm a really bad liar so I just went blank and was like "eh ye we must" but I think she was expecting me to give a date! I just brushed past it but then when I was going she said "so we have to meet up?" and I just said "yup" and then legged it into the house :/ Feel awful but hopefully this thread might give me a good excuse the next time it comes up :o


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    #6
    qo2cj1dsne8y4k
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,646 ✭✭✭✭qo2cj1dsne8y4k


    Anti biotics


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    #7
    Aint Eazy Being Cheezy
    Registered Users Posts: 4,630 ✭✭✭Aint Eazy Being Cheezy


    Dunno if you'd call it creative, but I laughed. Used to work in a place which did night shifts. Start 11pm, finish at 7am. One of the lads had a cinema date with a young one he was mad after, so he decided he'd take her, and just come into work at 12. Only thing was he never bothered to tell the supervisor he'd be late.

    In he strolls at 12. I was standing with the boss and I saw him glance at his watch. "How come you're only in now?" he asked.

    Yer man starts stuttering.. "ehm.... I slept it!"


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    #8
    SEPT 23 1989
    Registered Users Posts: 43,028 ✭✭✭✭SEPT 23 1989


    I have a heart condition and if you hit me it's murder


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    #9
    tomthetank
    Closed Accounts Posts: 157 ✭✭tomthetank


    "Food poisoning" and then make up some gory details which will have them running away from you at lightning speed


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    #10
    Mr. FoggPatches
    Closed Accounts Posts: 681 ✭✭✭Mr. FoggPatches


    The dog smoked it.


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    #11
    Mr. FoggPatches
    Closed Accounts Posts: 681 ✭✭✭Mr. FoggPatches


    SEPT 23 1989 wrote: »
    I have a heart condition and if you hit me it's murder

    My wife
    *sobs*
    Is having a baby.


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    #12
    mansize
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,521 ✭✭✭✭mansize


    I'd love to but I don't want to


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    #13
    Knex*
    Registered Users Posts: 22,477 ✭✭✭✭Knex*


    Back in secondary school, whenever I had a teacher that went mental when I didn't have essays and so on done, I'd write a few paragraphs on an A4 page, starting mid sentence, ruffle the page a bit and stuff it in my bag.

    Then when the teacher asked for the essay I'd dig around in the bag, struggle to find it, before lo and behold I'd produce the last page but be unable to find the first page which had two thirds of the homework "written" on it.

    Half the craic in school was the excuses and stuff you could get away with.

    Also, thinking of around that time. One Monday night, many years ago, I got a text from a girl asking me would I shift her not so good looking, albeit lovely, friend.

    I obtusely avoided the question by texting back, "can't right now. I'm watching the panel".


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    #14
    Sam Kade
    Registered Users Posts: 12,313 ✭✭✭✭Sam Kade


    The Specialist wrote: »
    I got away from a fine for having no car tax by telling the garda I had broke both my arms and legs in a cycling accident a few months before. Got a load of sympathy and sent on my way, still have no idea how I kept a straight face :D
    Some chancer and a gullible Garda :) I know a man that drives an oil lorry. He had a second car back in the old tax system and taxed it 6 months on 6 months off. Anyway he was taking his children to killarney one sunday and decided to switch the tax disc from the lorry to the car as it was out of tax. Following day as he was driving the lorry he was stoped by a garda and had no tax disc :eek: He told the garda that the tax was out and he forgot to put up the new tax disc, Garda swallowed story and said put it up when you go home :)


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    #15
    Cupcake_Crisis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 21,448 ✭✭✭✭Cupcake_Crisis


    Olishi4 wrote: »
    I have one neighbour that I really click with and we'l meet for a chat and stuff the odd time but I don't really have a lot in common with my other neighbour. She's lovely but shes always trying to arrange things with me. I've met with her a few times but there's often a lot of awkward silence between us and I don't think she sees it.

    She collared me the other day and said we must meet up soon because she's going away for Christmas. I have too much on coming up to Christmas so im just not in the mood. Anyway I'm a really bad liar so I just went blank and was like "eh ye we must" but I think she was expecting me to give a date! I just brushed past it but then when I was going she said "so we have to meet up?" and I just said "yup" and then legged it into the house :/ Feel awful but hopefully this thread might give me a good excuse the next time it comes up :o

    Pretend to move


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    #16
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 26,052 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    beks101 wrote: »

    What's the best, most foolhardy, elaborate or creative excuse you've ever come up with to avoid a social event?

    A person I didn't particularly like phoned and asked me to a party at his house, so I channelled Peter Cook and pretended to check my diary, then said "Oh dear, I find I'm watching television that night" and hung up.

    Felt like a right badass, was delighted with myself.


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    #17
    osarusan
    Registered Users Posts: 16,578 ✭✭✭✭osarusan


    Bit of a gammy leg from the Korean war.


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    #18
    Jimbob1977
    Registered Users Posts: 2,239 ✭✭✭Jimbob1977


    The Feast of Maximum Occupancy

    Skin failure


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    #19
    Goya
    Closed Accounts Posts: 464 ✭✭Goya


    Not me but my friend's sister's friend: it was years ago - likely 2001/2 and her excuse for not going out was that she heard Al Qaeda was planning to bomb the place (in Ireland - not even Dublin).


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    #20
    baldtooyoung
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 190 ✭✭baldtooyoung


    Friday of a may weekend 2004 I think.the lads were heading off on a weekend on the lash.I was young and had no responsibilities then.i was livid I could only go on a Sunday and was sick at missing 3 days of it
    My shift that week in work was Thursday, Friday and Saturday 8am to 8pm.
    Friday about 1pm.told my boss that my testicles were on fire, her being a lady was totally aghast.

    She said go to the company doctor, I said, no I go to my own doctor it happened before and I'm really embarrassed and upset.she said go! go!


    So I legged it and had a great weekend.haha!


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    #21
    Potential Underachiever
    Registered Users Posts: 4,989 ✭✭✭Potential Underachiever


    Nobody has said 'I'm washing my hair' yet? Very slack indeed.


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    #22
    beertons
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 23,070 ✭✭✭✭beertons


    baldtooyoung wrote: »
    Friday of a may weekend 2004 I think.the lads were heading off on a weekend on the lash.I was young and had no responsibilities then.i was livid I could only go on a Sunday and was sick at missing 3 days of it
    My shift that week in work was Thursday, Friday and Saturday 8am to 8pm.
    Friday about 1pm.told my boss that my testicles were on fire, her being a lady was totally aghast.

    She said go to the company doctor, I said, no I go to my own doctor it happened before and I'm really embarrassed and upset.she said go! go!


    So I legged it and had a great weekend.haha!

    Bravo!


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    #23
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 26,052 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    baldtooyoung wrote: »
    My shift that week in work was Thursday, Friday and Saturday 8am to 8pm.
    Friday about 1pm.told my boss that my testicles were on fire, her being a lady was totally aghast.

    Goodness gracious, great balls of fire!


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    #24
    baldtooyoung
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 190 ✭✭baldtooyoung


    beertons wrote: »
    Bravo!

    Thank you! Haha


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    #25
    Pac1Man
    Registered Users Posts: 4,394 ✭✭✭Pac1Man


    Just tell them you don't want to go.

    Don't be afraid of upsetting people!


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    #26
    baldtooyoung
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 190 ✭✭baldtooyoung


    Candie wrote: »
    Goodness gracious, great balls of fire!

    Plums Inferno was on my onscreen name!


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    #27
    Rented Mule
    Registered Users Posts: 5,153 ✭✭✭Rented Mule


    Back in the 80's living in Chicago. My father was a Chicago Police Officer. I had just gotten my driving license and would often use his car. He told me that the muffler on the car had gone and sent me out to have it replaced.

    I pulled into the garage (which did free estimates). I sat in the waiting room as they put the car on the rack. The mechanic called me out to look at the exhaust system and pointed out a rake of work that was needed.

    I knew straight off that I didn't have the cash to pay for this. It was also an era where a 'credit card' was something you saw on the telly.

    I was up front about it with the mechanic.

    He then quipped 'I see all of the police stickers in your window. Is your father a police officer'.

    To this day, I am ashamed at what came out of my mouth.

    'He was' I said.

    'Oh, what happened?' asked the mechanic

    Do you remember the three coppers that were killed in the line of duty a few years ago? (Fahey, O'Brien and Doyle - 6th District '82).

    He just looked back

    'Yeah, it's been tough' I said.

    I just turned and walked away. He called me back and said he would do whatever he could to get this replaced.

    I walked out of there with money still in my pocket. When I got home, the old man was impressed that I had gotten the work taken care of.

    He asked me 'how much?'.

    I said 'it wasn't bad'. I didn't use our real names.

    He looked at me with a blank stare.

    'I got a discount for killing you off'.

    I told him what I had done.

    He actually laughed out loud for coming up with it. We saved a few hundred dollars (which was a lot of money for us back then).

    I still feel a little dirty about it. My dad has been gone for a few years now. I still remember his laugh. I'll always remember this moment.


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    #28
    buried
    Registered Users Posts: 9,693 ✭✭✭buried


    I can't be arsed man, I found 'People Just Do Nothing' up on the netflix and I'm eating me Doritos and drinking me beers, now kindly p!ss off to whatever XXXmas horror show you don't want to go to yourself when you actually think about it

    "You have disgraced yourselves again" - W. B. Yeats



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    #29
    Goya
    Closed Accounts Posts: 464 ✭✭Goya


    Jimbob1977 wrote: »
    The Feast of Maximum Occupancy

    Skin failure
    The Hamburglar's birthday?


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    #30
    baldtooyoung
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 190 ✭✭baldtooyoung


    Rented Mule wrote: »
    Back in the 80's living in Chicago. My father was a Chicago Police Officer. I had just gotten my driving license and would often use his car. He told me that the muffler on the car had gone and sent me out to have it replaced.

    I pulled into the garage (which did free estimates). I sat in the waiting room as they put the car on the rack. The mechanic called me out to look at the exhaust system and pointed out a rake of work that was needed.

    I knew straight off that I didn't have the cash to pay for this. It was also an era where a 'credit card' was something you saw on the telly.

    I was up front about it with the mechanic.

    He then quipped 'I see all of the police stickers in your window. Is your father a police officer'.

    To this day, I am ashamed at what came out of my mouth.

    'He was' I said.

    'Oh, what happened?' asked the mechanic

    Do you remember the three coppers that were killed in the line of duty a few years ago? (Fahey, O'Brien and Doyle - 6th District '82).

    He just looked back

    'Yeah, it's been tough' I said.

    I just turned and walked away. He called me back and said he would do whatever he could to get this replaced.

    I walked out of there with money still in my pocket. When I got home, the old man was impressed that I had gotten the work taken care of.

    He asked me 'how much?'.

    I said 'it wasn't bad'. I didn't use our real names.

    He looked at me with a blank stare.

    'I got a discount for killing you off'.

    I told him what I had done.

    He actually laughed out loud for coming up with it. We saved a few hundred dollars (which was a lot of money for us back then).

    I still feel a little dirty about it. My dad has been gone for a few years now. I still remember his laugh. I'll always remember this moment.


    Legend! Happy for ya that he took it well at the time!


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    #31
    beks101
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,802 ✭✭✭beks101


    Pac1Man wrote: »
    Just tell them you don't want to go.

    I often think this would be massively liberating. But there's such etiquette around this isn't there? Saying "nah not arsed" will typically be translated as you being a massive prick and that message will spread throughout the office/social circle like wildfire. "She said she 'just wasn't arsed'! Can you believe it??!'

    Though I'm a lot more inclined to be at least half honest these days. "I've got a big dinner the night before and just don't think I'll be up to it" as opposed to "I've been overcome with some horrible flesh-eating disease and I think it might be contagious" etc.


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