How come Tinder is so difficult?

BabyE

From Reddit:

I did a little experiment all day, since I'm home for the holiday and there's nothing to do. Also I have no life.
I made three fake tinder profiles. One was with a perfectly average looking guy, one an underwear model, and one ugly looking guy
Each of them had the exact same tagline "I don't message first, so send me a cheesy pick up line." and they had one photo each. Each set the same age limits, 18-25, and each had a 20 mile radius. I swiped everyone right and did so until I ran out of possible profiles for each guy.
The results for the underwear model were just as anyone would have suspected. Within the 10 hour timeframe that I did my experiment, this profile got 345 matches and 94 of those sent a message first (only 3 of which actually called me out because they knew who the model was)
(EDIT: to give you some perspective, I've had a personal tinder profile for 10 months now and I have around 250. 345 in 10 hours is ridiculous)
What shocked me the most how small the difference was between the average and ugly profiles. The average guy got 9 matches and 2 first messages and the ugly guy got 3 matches and 2 messages (one from a bot).
I don't really have a conclusion to my experiment other than strive to look like an underwear model >_> (I wish). I guess you're either in the top 10% or you're invisible. It was a little depressing, yet unsurprising. Online dating is pretty hard if you're just average. I encourage all of the guys out there to start hitting the gym and groom yourself damn well if you want to have a shot at some crazy ridiculous results.

Startling, everyone would expect the underwear model to clean up, but the fact that there wasn't a large gap between the ugly and average guy is chilling.

BabyE

Myself and Nick Bateman go into a club, I wonder whose coming out with the girls :rolleyes: Subjectivity indeed. How can anyone tout this rubbish?

A girl might debate over whether she finds Zac Efron or Rob Kearney(I don't see it with him but who am I?) hotter, at that level subjectivity comes into it.

Kal El

BabyE wrote: »

From Reddit:


Startling, everyone would expect the underwear model to clean up, but the fact that there wasn't a large gap between the ugly and average guy is chilling.

The ugly guy has the highest batting figure :pac:
If you did the same test with three ladies, do you think it would be the same?

The Talking Bread

Kal El wrote: »

I dont think hes wrong using psychology, I think its not being applied correctly. As for experiments, I dont see a problem with that at all. No harm trying something out

Thats not the point! The fact is the more he delves into flawed experiments and generic analysis of women's mindsets, the more he is losing confidence. It isn't healthy. If you don't hold some sort of self regard and confidence, you have very little hope of attracting anyone.
There is no such thing as false hope. Hope is hope regardless. And its better to be optimistic than pessimistic in these scenarios, It is hard for the guy, I can see that but if he reverts to human psychology, wishy wasyhy stuff like women have a 6th sense and tinder experiments, there isnt a hope he will overcome this pessimism.
Its more advice than anything else.

Triceratops Ballet

That's not untrue but that's not the experiment he's running. He's running 2 average guys against each other, one only marginally more attractive than the other, and it still doesn't fix the fact that the two might not be seen by the same people, so there's no control group.

Anecdotally, in my group of friends, no two of us have ever found the same blokes attractive, at a time when we were all on tinder, our swipes couldn't have been more different. In fact one of them lives with a guy she met on it and despite the fact that he's 6'4 and built, I wouldn't swipe yes for him, and being tall myself, I'm usually all about guys that height

Dr Crayfish

Cornelius Crow wrote: »

Why bother? What on earth is the point?!

Responding to girls on internet dating medium that you wouldn't have much interest in. I would think they're thinking, well she's not up to scratch but I'd still bang her if needs be. Harsh but true I'm afraid!

Eric Cartman

Kal El wrote: »

The ugly guy has the highest batting figure :pac:
If you did the same test with three ladies, do you think it would be the same?

I don't really believe in most of what the above user is saying , and their 'scientific' tests. But considering the nature of lads , firstly the number of matches for all would be higher, and you'd find the average and hot girl close then a falloff to the ugly one , where the falloff is with the average guy when its women matching.

this level of depreciating standards for the ride is very clear. Even outside of tinder.(Im really not a fan of a vulgar 1 to 10 scale, but sure we'll use it for this)

Almost any lad whether he's a 3, 5 or 9 will go to a club and try and pull just above his station, failing that and around the 1am mark when the crowd is dwindling he will drop standards to go home with almost anything , you see 5's pull 1's out the door all the time. He will only declare no chance when literally every woman is gone / has rebuffed him .

However women will go out , whether they are a 3, 5, or 9 and try and pull as high up the queue as they can . Most will (as men) drop standards as the night goes on, but for the vast majority they won't even consider anyone below a 6 , luckily due to our friend alcohol , a lad who might be a 4 in real life will pass for a 6 in a womans boozed up vision , but unless you can somehow convince her that you are even a slight bit above average for that club/pub , no matter how drunk she gets, the 3s, 2s, 1s of this world aren't getting anywhere. A woman will declare defeat and proclaim 'theres no men here' only when the above average ones have all gone elsewhere/gotten too pissed/ rebuffed her.

Men tend towards 0 over time + drink , women tend towards 5.1 (even if they themselves are far below that)

Dr Crayfish

BabyE wrote: »

Myself and Nick Bateman go into a club, I wonder whose coming out with the girls :rolleyes: Subjectivity indeed. How can anyone tout this rubbish?

A girl might debate over whether she finds Zac Efron or Rob Kearney(I don't see it with him but who am I?) hotter, at that level subjectivity comes into it.

I had to google Nick Bateman. He looks like a mannequin came to life. Anyway why do you even know who he is? Honestly, I like reading your posts because I find them very amusing, but you read way too deeply into this stuff and the more you do it the less likely you are to get laid.
Just forget about it and try and enjoy your life, let the 20% or whatever bone the bejesus out of all the hot chicks because by your logic you're never going to be anyway. Try meditation.

Triceratops Ballet

Dr Crayfish wrote:

I had to google Nick Bateman.

Same, he's a bit plastic looking isn't he? I can see why people would think he's attractive, but he wouldn't be my cup of tea at all

Dr Crayfish

dottie_lottie wrote: »

Same, he's a bit plastic looking isn't he? I can see why people would think he's attractive, but he wouldn't be my cup of tea at all

That level of perfectness is freakish. I'd much rather look like myself!

Triceratops Ballet

Dr Crayfish wrote:

That level of perfectness is freakish. I'd much rather look like myself!

the facial hair is definitely sprayed on

Dr Crayfish

dottie_lottie wrote: »

the facial hair is definitely sprayed on

Or he came from a 3d printer

BabyE

Regardless, he certainty isn't 'forever alone' and I am sure he is used to a lifetime of validation and approval. A bit too 'prettyish' perhaps for some but a a bonifide slayer in equal measure. Sometimes I wonder if David Gandy, Yoann Gourcuff, David Beckham, Scott Eastwood to name but a few, are even the same species as an ugly guy. Certainty not in the eyes of women. But nonetheless this is going off point. Fact is 99.99 per cent of women would be attracted to these men, that's no so bad though because they are the equivalent of trillionaires(we don't even have a trillionaire yet, the first one won't come along for another two decades, but that is how much their looks are worth imo)

Dr Crayfish

BabyE wrote: »

Regardless, he certainty isn't 'forever alone' and I am sure he is used to a lifetime of validation and approval.

Is that something you crave? Are you convinced you'll be forever alone, do you get down about that? If you really think you'll be forever alone, which I certainly have at times, maybe just focus on other things you like in life!
The opposite of anxiety is appreciation. Look around your world and see what you like!

beks101

You see this is where you probably need a rest from tinder. When women are mathematical equations with numbers skewed against you and you're setting up fake profiles to prove a point to yourself.

In the real world, most people are average. Not all abs and chiselled jaws and "superior genes" with the less worthy sitting on the sidelines bemoaning their lack of luck and looking on as the "top 10%" get all the women. Most people could be taller, or better looking, or are a little bit fat, or have a growing bald patch or could do with getting down the gym more or have bad teeth etc etc etc. And most people marry or settle in long-term relationships.

When I was online dating, I clicked right passed the overly good-looking, overly groomed men with the ripped abs because my experience with them was usually negative. They wanted a shag, to completely generalise. Some were lovely fellas too mind, but I wouldn't respond to them simply because they were goodlooking. I needed more to go on. Increasingly as I got older, banter and having your sh1t together mattered far more than a piece of eye candy. And I increasingly discovered that what I found "attractive" on-screen usually did not translate in real life, so at least if you could have the craic with them online there was a better chance of a fun date, even if the attraction wasn't there.

If tinder is that much of a soul-destroying experience for you, surely logging off and finding other avenues is a better option like? Find somewhere where you can play to your strengths, if you're not some big dirty ride who steals all the wimmenz on tinder? If you're short, some women won't be into that. Find the ones that are.

There's a lot of people who will say things on paper which won't hold much water in the real world, when things like personality and chemistry come into play. If you'd asked me what my "type" was a few years ago, I'd probably have described someone who looks nothing like my OH. But we met and that was that. That sort of flexibility doesn't exist on tinder to a fraction of the percentage it does in real life - and if you're going to play the game, you'll have to play by those shallow rules, because they aren't going to change just because you feel aggrieved by the women who rule you out because of your lack of height.

Dr Crayfish

BabyE wrote: »

a bonifide slayer in equal measure.

So what? My dad is probably the most content man I've ever known and I'm pretty sure he's only ever been with my ma who he met 40-odd years ago.
Think of all the so called beautiful people who kill themselves. These so called perfect looks mean nothing in the long run.

bucketybuck

There are some really ****ed up attitudes towards other people in this thread. Cop yourselves on lads, perhaps if you dropped the chips from your shoulders and stopped assigning numbers to women you might get somewhere.

And by the way, most men go to the gym because fit and healthy is a good thing in and of itself, not because its step one on the path to getting laid.

BabyE

bucketybuck wrote: »

There are some really ****ed up attitudes towards other people in this thread. Cop yourselves on lads, perhaps if you dropped the chips from your shoulders and stopped assigning numbers to women you might get somewhere.

And by the way, most men go to the gym because fit and healthy is a good thing in and of itself, not because its step one on the path to getting laid.

:D:D:D:D:D

Cheers bud, I was in need of a laugh.

Kal El

Dr Crayfish wrote: »

Responding to girls on internet dating medium that you wouldn't have much interest in. I would think they're thinking, well she's not up to scratch but I'd still bang her if needs be. Harsh but true I'm afraid!

Nail on the head

Kal El

Eric Cartman wrote: »

I don't really believe in most of what the above user is saying , and their 'scientific' tests. But considering the nature of lads , firstly the number of matches for all would be higher, and you'd find the average and hot girl close then a falloff to the ugly one , where the falloff is with the average guy when its women matching.

this level of depreciating standards for the ride is very clear. Even outside of tinder.(Im really not a fan of a vulgar 1 to 10 scale, but sure we'll use it for this)

Almost any lad whether he's a 3, 5 or 9 will go to a club and try and pull just above his station, failing that and around the 1am mark when the crowd is dwindling he will drop standards to go home with almost anything , you see 5's pull 1's out the door all the time. He will only declare no chance when literally every woman is gone / has rebuffed him .

However women will go out , whether they are a 3, 5, or 9 and try and pull as high up the queue as they can . Most will (as men) drop standards as the night goes on, but for the vast majority they won't even consider anyone below a 6 , luckily due to our friend alcohol , a lad who might be a 4 in real life will pass for a 6 in a womans boozed up vision , but unless you can somehow convince her that you are even a slight bit above average for that club/pub , no matter how drunk she gets, the 3s, 2s, 1s of this world aren't getting anywhere. A woman will declare defeat and proclaim 'theres no men here' only when the above average ones have all gone elsewhere/gotten too pissed/ rebuffed her.

Men tend towards 0 over time + drink , women tend towards 5.1 (even if they themselves are far below that)

I dont disagree with this at all tbh. I would have a similar view as women myself, if I cant get a girl that I find attractive, I give up rather than take home a girl thats unattractive, but not all my friends are like that, Id say maybe 50% of us.

mzungu

BabyE wrote: »

:D:D:D:D:D

Cheers bud, I was in need of a laugh.

There is a lot more to life than getting laid. Going by the last few pages in this thread one or two posters seem to have an unhealthy obsession with the opposite sex. I am going to wager that it is this unhealthy attitude that prevents them from forming any kind of meaningful relationship.

BabyE

beks101 wrote: »

You see this is where you probably need a rest from tinder. When women are mathematical equations with numbers skewed against you and you're setting up fake profiles to prove a point to yourself.

In the real world, most people are average. Not all abs and chiselled jaws and "superior genes" with the less worthy sitting on the sidelines bemoaning their lack of luck and looking on as the "top 10%" get all the women. Most people could be taller, or better looking, or are a little bit fat, or have a growing bald patch or could do with getting down the gym more or have bad teeth etc etc etc. And most people marry or settle in long-term relationships.

When I was online dating, I clicked right passed the overly good-looking, overly groomed men with the ripped abs because my experience with them was usually negative. They wanted a shag, to completely generalise. Some were lovely fellas too mind, but I wouldn't respond to them simply because they were goodlooking. I needed more to go on. Increasingly as I got older, banter and having your sh1t together mattered far more than a piece of eye candy. And I increasingly discovered that what I found "attractive" on-screen usually did not translate in real life, so at least if you could have the craic with them online there was a better chance of a fun date, even if the attraction wasn't there.

If tinder is that much of a soul-destroying experience for you, surely logging off and finding other avenues is a better option like? Find somewhere where you can play to your strengths, if you're not some big dirty ride who steals all the wimmenz on tinder? If you're short, some women won't be into that. Find the ones that are.

There's a lot of people who will say things on paper which won't hold much water in the real world, when things like personality and chemistry come into play. If you'd asked me what my "type" was a few years ago, I'd probably have described someone who looks nothing like my OH. But we met and that was that. That sort of flexibility doesn't exist on tinder to a fraction of the percentage it does in real life - and if you're going to play the game, you'll have to play by those shallow rules, because they aren't going to change just because you feel aggrieved by the women who rule you out because of your lack of height.

Correction, most people DID settle down in relationships/marriage. Those days are gone slowly but surely drifting away, we are in the midst of a paradigm shifting epoch and a lot of men are going to be left behind and I guarantee this will create problems that nobody is willing to talk about. First you take someones job away, now you take the whole reason for his existence away i.e finding a girl, settling down, passing on his genes, this does not augur well one little bit. We won't see the effects of this narcissistic promiscuous culture that has dominated in the past decade but by god when we do.

I'm sorry, but as you say, you had your experience with the hot guys and you grew weary. As Taylor Swift sang 'Players gonna play, play, play'. Interesting that you had to be broken by these hot guys in order to see past the looks of your subsequent partner. Well maybe some guys are not happy to play second fiddle and scrap on the leftovers after they've between chewed and spat out.

Re my height, that is just a coping mechanism. if I had a better face it wouldn't matter. Girls can't tell height off Tinder, if anything it's clubs that are a death knell for short men(less than 5'11'')

Surreptitious

Two people just asked me for sex straight away to meet now in the last five minutes. Whoever thinks Tinder isn't a hookup site is wrong.

BabyE

Surreptitious wrote: »

Two people just asked me for sex straight away to meet now in the last five minutes. Whoever thinks Tinder isn't a hookup site is wrong.

LMAO. This is the life of (what women consider) good looking men on Tinder. Girls are looking for sex and they are getting it when and how they want. You are either in the game or your out! One thing is for sure if you fall off there will be nobody to pick you up and bring you along.

Eric Cartman

mzungu wrote: »

There is a lot more to life than getting laid, going by the last few pages in this thread one or two posters seem to have an unhealthy obsession with the opposite sex. I am going to wager that it is this unhealthy attitude that prevents them from forming any kind of meaningful relationship.

I think the poster has gone a bit far , however there are definitely a sizeable chunk of people who only pick up the aul gym routine to make themselves more attractive to the opposite sex. I know tonnes of people who would gladly swap the gym for endless takeaways and sitting around like a sloth all their lives if they didn't think it would harm their partner prospects.

I think if you go into these situations with a negative attitude, you're going to fail. Despite the assertions by some previous posters, I think personality and confidence has a lot to do with it .

I have done rather well out of tinder, and I would lay it down more to my great ability to pub talk for hours about almost anything or nothing. I have no idea what i'd even do in a gym and I have the physique of a darts player but a decent bio, some alright photos and not targeting your swipes to the 'size 6, makeup artist fake tan and gym enthusiast' types serves you quite well.

meeeeh

dottie_lottie wrote: »

Same, he's a bit plastic looking isn't he? I can see why people would think he's attractive, but he wouldn't be my cup of tea at all

Good god, I could be completely unfair to him but he looks like someone who channels all his three brain cells into improving his looks.
I find it insulting that someone could think I would be attracted to him.

BabyE

meeeeh wrote: »

Good god, I could be completely unfair to him but he looks like someone who channels all his three brain cells into improving his looks.
I find it insulting that someone could think I would be attracted to him.

Matthew 23:3

So you must be careful to do everything they tell you. But do not do what they do, for they do not practice what they preach.

beks101

BabyE wrote: »

Correction, most people DID settle down in relationships/marriage. Those days are gone slowly but surely drifting away, we are in the midst of a paradigm shifting epoch and a lot of men are going to be left behind and I guarantee this will create problems that nobody is willing to talk about. First you take someones job away, now you take the whole reason for his existence away i.e finding a girl, settling down, passing on his genes, this does not augur well one little bit. We won't see the effects of this narcissistic promiscuous culture that has dominated in the past decade but by god when we do.

I'm sorry, but as you say, you had your experience with the hot guys and you grew weary. As Taylor Swift sang 'Players gonna play, play, play'. Interesting that you had to be broken by these hot guys in order to see past the looks of your subsequent partner. Well maybe some guys are not happy to play second fiddle and scrap on the leftovers after they've between chewed and spat out.

Re my height, that is just a coping mechanism. if I had a better face it wouldn't matter. Girls can't tell height off Tinder, if anything it's clubs that are a death knell for short men(less than 5'11'')

Your negativity is astonishing and your lack of self-awareness even more so. Being "less than 5"11" is absolutely, 100% the least of your worries but you're not willing for whatever reason to face up to that. It's a handy little excuse.

There's tinder, there's your attitude, and then there's the real world, where people are drawn to other people for a multitude of reasons usually rooted in values and world-views, friendship, the ability to laugh together, wanting the same things, and held together by fancying each other's little quirks. The nuances that tinder gives little airtime to.

The thing about your kind of negativity is that it pervades everything and it begets nothing, as you're obviously learning.

Kal El

BabyE wrote: »

LMAO. This is the life of (what women consider) good looking men on Tinder. Girls are looking for sex and they are getting it when and how they want. You are either in the game or your out! One thing is for sure if you fall off there will be nobody to pick you up and bring you along.

I think the remnants of religion being such a force in the Irish society makes people live in denial about women and sex. I agree with everything you say in regards to women wanting it as much as men.

mzungu

Eric Cartman wrote: »

I think the poster has gone a bit far , however there are definitely a sizeable chunk of people who only pick up the aul gym routine to make themselves more attractive to the opposite sex. I know tonnes of people who would gladly swap the gym for endless takeaways and sitting around like a sloth all their lives if they didn't think it would harm their partner prospects.

I would wager they would most likely be quite young. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with going to the gym in order to look good, but the majority of people outside of teens and early twenty somethings would do it because it is exercise and it makes them feel good, as opposed to feeling obligated to do it simply because they look better to the opposite sex.