How come Tinder is so difficult?

Surreptitious

Kal El wrote: »

This is quiet funny, I agree with every second post you say :pac:
This I dont agree with at all. One of the fist things I tell a girl is Im not good in bed, but I sure as hell enjoy it :pac: Im certain that if there was 100 guys in a room 80% would be better than me, now I am fun in bed but still good, not a chance.

Now, now keep it kosher.

Eric Cartman

Kal El wrote: »

Yeah maybe, I thought you were classing all makeup wearing gym buddies as strayers. But yeah if you met in the gym and stopped going she might wonder whats the change, but the same could be said if the woman stopped going.

ohh ofcourse, considering the forum Im just coming at it from a lads perspective towards women. I know a few lads who have strayed because their missus 'let themselves go'

Kal El

Eric Cartman wrote: »

ohh ofcourse, considering the forum Im just coming at it from a lads perspective towards women. I know a few lads who have strayed because their missus 'let themselves go'

Pretty much were all pigs :pac:

BabyE

BabyE wrote: »

Anyone have success off it, why do standards seem to be through the roof nowadays. You got to have the good facial looks, the immaculate hair, amazing body, height, charisma and all the trappings of high status and wealth and then maybe, just maybe you might snag yourself a ticket using the rebound card.
What is it? Are we seeing a breathing out of the average male? Is a men only as good as his worse attribute to a women? So you might have a ripped well maintained body but by god if you are below 6 foot or that face isn't as symmetrical as it ought to be then you may as well sign out of the dating game.

Met a girl off tinder last year, both each others first dates since both getting out of a 3 year relationship, last month we got engaged, and we are inseparable! Shes a stunner also so thats a plus!

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

There's a few sleeze on tinder but I've matched with some seriously sound guys. Of tgeyee anyway weird in the first few messages (i.e. Asking me to prove I'm not a catfish) they're deleted. I think boards is more of a successful dating site than tinder TBH

The Talking Bread

Sirsok wrote: »

Met a girl off tinder last year, both each others first dates since both getting out of a 3 year relationship, last month we got engaged, and we are inseparable! Shes a stunner also so thats a plus!

I'm a girl and I met a boy off tinder last year, I told him he was my first date but I had been dating regularly and continued dating up to last month when he proposed. I tried to say no but the words just wouldn't come out of my mouth. Despite my best efforts to get away from him for even a moments space he never lets me go anywhere. We may as well be inseparable. He is also not that good looking and I know I am a stunner.

Any advice..................:D



Just joking, good luck to the two of you! It's trial and error like all dating and if you go in with a somewhat positive attitude without taking it too seriously you will meet people!

Eric Cartman

Kal El wrote: »

Pretty much were all pigs :pac:

Some would say, personally I just take myself out of it. I have absolutely 0 long term interest in a girl with a gym membership, one who wears makeup to anything except weddings/fancy outings (ideally id like a complete non makeup wearer, but thats not going to happen) or has to keep up with fashion trends. Im not arsed with any of that aesthetic crap so wouldn't want a partner to be either.

Salrub

The Talking Bread wrote: »

I'm a girl and I met a boy off tinder last year, I told him he was my first date but I had been dating regularly and continued dating up to last month when he proposed. I tried to say no but the words just wouldn't come out of my mouth. Despite my best efforts to get away from him for even a moments space he never lets me go anywhere. We may as well be inseparable. He is also not that good looking and I know I am a stunner.

Any advice..................:D



Just joking, good luck to the two of you! It's trial and error like all dating and if you go in with a somewhat positive attitude without taking it too seriously you will meet people!

Haha, had to laugh at that. You must have a good sense of humour which in a girl is attractive!!

The Talking Bread

Eric Cartman wrote: »

Some would say, personally I just take myself out of it. I have absolutely 0 long term interest in a girl with a gym membership, one who wears makeup to anything except weddings/fancy outings (ideally id like a complete non makeup wearer, but thats not going to happen) or has to keep up with fashion trends. Im not arsed with any of that aesthetic crap so wouldn't want a partner to be either.

99% of single women wear makeup on a daily basis so you are really limiting your options.
Why would you automatically rule out a woman who goes to the gym or wears a bit of mascara

Eric Cartman

The Talking Bread wrote: »

99% of single women wear makeup on a daily basis so you are really limiting your options.
Why would you automatically rule out a woman who goes to the gym or wears a bit of mascara

a little mascara I probably wouldn't mind, but somebody who needs a full face of crap just to leave the house just isn't for me. Ive known a few women in my life who can just get out of bed on a saturday , have a shower , put on a tshirt and jeans and go down the pub, not waiting round for an hour for a princess to get ready.

the gym thing deals with a range of issues,
1) low self esteem - I'm just done with this, I'm completely done with women who dislike themselves / their bodies , its just annoying and leads to headaches for me.

2) Talking about the gym - I can think of nothing more boring to talk about than the gym / working out / how many calories/miles/lifts whatever they did.

3) Serial Dieters / Calorie Counters / Girls who insist on diet coke or only eat half a meal or call themselves fat or have their mood dictated by the number on a scales, I am not here on this earth to be the victim who has to listen to / deal with that.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Eric Cartman wrote: »

a little mascara I probably wouldn't mind, but somebody who needs a full face of crap just to leave the house just isn't for me.

the gym thing deals with a range of issues,
1) low self esteem - I'm just done with this, I'm completely done with women who dislike themselves / their bodies , its just annoying and leads to headaches for me.

2) Talking about the gym - I can think of nothing more boring to talk about than the gym / working out / how many calories/miles/lifts whatever they did.

3) Serial Dieters / Calorie Counters / Girls who insist on diet coke or only eat half a meal or call themselves fat or have their mood dictated by the number on a scales, I am not here on this earth to be the victim who has to listen to / deal with that.

I know how you feel. I like a man with no opinions

The Talking Bread

Eric Cartman wrote: »

a little mascara I probably wouldn't mind, but somebody who needs a full face of crap just to leave the house just isn't for me.

the gym thing deals with a range of issues,
1) low self esteem - I'm just done with this, I'm completely done with women who dislike themselves / their bodies , its just annoying and leads to headaches for me.

2) Talking about the gym - I can think of nothing more boring to talk about than the gym / working out / how many calories/miles/lifts whatever they did.

3) Serial Dieters / Calorie Counters / Girls who insist on diet coke or only eat half a meal or call themselves fat or have their mood dictated by the number on a scales, I am not here on this earth to be the victim who has to listen to / deal with that.

You sure do generalise!!

GingerLily

Salrub wrote: »

So honest question for the women here? Would you go for a man 5ft 7" or do you prefer them taller?

My Fiance is 5ft6, I'm three inches shorter, height is not an issue for us.

I try not to wear high heels because I don't want to look taller then him, but he tells me to just wear what I want, which is usually not heels because they hurt!

Eric Cartman

The Talking Bread wrote: »

You sure do generalise!!

some people won't date smokers or drinkers or people that take drugs or whatever… the gym and is a past time Im not a fan of in a partner. don't see what the issue is really.

The Talking Bread

Eric Cartman wrote: »

some people won't date smokers or drinkers or people that take drugs or whatever… the gym and is a past time Im not a fan of in a partner. don't see what the issue is really.

I think ruling out a partner because they drink or smoke is a very different thing than dating a girl who wears a bit of makeup or attends a gym!!!

Would you dump a girl who took up a gym membership during your relationship? Or as their skin naturally changed, wore concealer?

Pat Mustard

Note:

Posts by rereg and replies to same deleted.

Please accept apologies for the inconvenience.

Stealthfins

BabyE wrote:

BTW when I say why is 'Tinder' so hard it doesn't just mean online dating. Nightclubs, bars, college campuses you name it are places equally hopeless for average guys. I never understand when people say 'well that's Tinder'. Tinder is just a reflection of outer reality, a manifestation of the things people dare not speak out in the open. Nobody would say openly that they are actively pursuing the 6 foot 3 Rugby jock and that they won't tolerate short guys. Simply put Tinder annuls all of these conventions.

My twin brother is gay living in Dublin and out of most of the closet married or in relationships guys out there, it's the Rugby jock types that are on Grindr looking for manly lovin.

I know woman who downloaded the grindr app with her friends one night,you know girls just having a laugh....

She forgot to delete the app before she went home,had loads of messages the following day....
And who sent a selfie and a pic of his weener....only himself...

Eric Cartman

The Talking Bread wrote: »

I think ruling out a partner because they drink or smoke is a very different thing than dating a girl who wears a bit of makeup or attends a gym!!!

Would you dump a girl who took up a gym membership during your relationship? Or as their skin naturally changed, wore concealer?

Id see it as the same as taking up smoking or cocaine , while in a relationship im sure you'd plead with them not to , and try solve the root cause as to why they felt the need to start, but you can be sure I wouldnt be happy about it.

Whats wrong with wanting somebody to appear natural, as the world intended and had the confidence to do so.

punk_one82

Eric Cartman wrote: »

Id see it as the same as taking up smoking or cocaine , while in a relationship im sure you'd plead with them not to , and try solve the root cause as to why they felt the need to start, but you can be sure I wouldnt be happy about it.

Whats wrong with wanting somebody to appear natural, as the world intended and had the confidence to do so.

You'd be unhappy about a girlfriend starting to wear makeup or going to a gym? You sound like a catch. What's unnatural about a body toned from working out? Maybe they're confident without makeup but feel even better with makeup?

The Talking Bread

Eric Cartman wrote: »

Id see it as the same as taking up smoking or cocaine , while in a relationship im sure you'd plead with them not to , and try solve the root cause as to why they felt the need to start, but you can be sure I wouldnt be happy about it.

Whats wrong with wanting somebody to appear naturall, as the world intended and had the confidence to do so.

:rolleyes:

It is natural to exercise and try to be healthy. Sure even the gladiators were at weights and workouts back in the good old days!

Eric Cartman

punk_one82 wrote: »

You'd be unhappy about a girlfriend starting to wear makeup or going to a gym? You sound like a catch. What's unnatural about a body toned from working out? Maybe they're confident without makeup but feel even better with makeup?

toned just isn't what i find attractive,

I think its a bit sad if a bit of powder and some black gloop is needed to improve confidence.

Eric Cartman

Eric Cartman wrote: »

Jaysus thats depressing, mate, look after yourself and disregard what other lads have , you'll feel a lot better. Constantly comparing and pitting yourself against others isn't healthy.

Thanks. Read a thread like this http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057302790 when you're my height though and see if you don't feel like wretching - every women saying stuff like "it's just my personal preference", "i just don't find short men attractive", "we all have our personal preferences", "no one has a right to be found attractive" not acknowledging or, truth be told, giving a damn about the hurt all those rejected short men have to live with (on top of the non-sexual implications of being short ..)
... the bit about spanish kids being offered growth hormones nowadays at 2 years old if they look like they'll be short makes me sick that it is considered that bad to be short and angry and jealous that i couldn't have been given the growth hormones. I've only read a few pages of the thread but it's like forcing myself to read all the depressing comments to assimilate the negative reality into my head so i can come to terms with it instead of having normal expectations and being frustrated but not knowing why.

punk_one82

Eric Cartman wrote: »

toned just isn't what i find attractive,

I think its a bit sad if a bit of powder and some black gloop is needed to improve confidence.

Fair enough, maybe someone would start going to a gym in a relationship if they feel they want to lose some weight rather than be toned. Still an issue? Fact of the matter is people can be unhappy with certain aspects of themselves and a gym is a healthy solution to some of those problems, leading to high self-esteem and more confidence...and you'd be unhappy with a partner going to one, just because you don't think anyone should need to do that to themselves?

It's great for you that you can seemingly be oozing confidence without having to do a single thing to make you feel happier about your appearance. An awful lot of people put some sort of effort into making themselves look better be it with the clothes they buy, the hairstyles they have or the makeup they wear in order to give them a bit of a confidence boost.

zulutango

The Talking Bread wrote:

I think ruling out a partner because they drink or smoke is a very different thing than dating a girl who wears a bit of makeup or attends a gym!!!

Girls who wear make up are a turn off to me. I know that rules out a lot of girls but I've been lucky enough to meet some great ones who aren't into make up so will hold out for them.

leggo

When I see people suggest that people go to the gym or wear make-up just to impress the opposite sex...again it goes back to the initial points I made in this thread: it sounds like a whiney excuse to everyone who does do it and understands it's not the case.

People like to feel good about themselves. None of us are immune from having some level of self-esteem.

Different things make different people feel good about themselves. Some get it from being healthy, some looking good, some get it from knowing a lot, or being good at a hobby. Some even get it from being judgemental and pass-remarkable about others online. So looking down on someone for doing one thing to feel good about themselves is ridiculous because you also do things to feel good about yourself. We all do.

Feeling good about yourself will lead to positivity which is contagious and good to be around, therefore other people will want to be around you.

Other people wanting to be around you will, naturally, include the opposite sex and therefore your love life will benefit.

So success in all things lust/love is a consequence of doing stuff like going to the gym and looking good. It's not the ultimate motivating factor. If it was it wouldn't work because these things take time and commitment beyond the short-term goals people in that situation would be looking for, so they'd give up.

Surreptitious

zulutango wrote: »

Girls who wear make up are a turn off to me. I know that rules out a lot of girls but I've been lucky enough to meet some great ones who aren't into make up so will hold out for them.

I'm unusual in that I don't wear make up. It would make me look better but I'm not even sure how to put it on properly. I think make up is more popular these days with bloggers and stuff online than it used to be. I can appreciate it on others but I just hardly wear it at all. I should try maybe to learn how to do it though.

Arghus

In a relationship, so I don't use Tinder myself. But I have two friends who use it constantly, they make for interesting comparative cases.

Both are reasonably good looking fellows. They wouldn't appeal to 100% or even 70-80% of women that are out there, but there'd be enough out there who like the cut of their jib. One of them is a regular gym goer, kickboxes, looks fit, lets call him Jean Claude van Damme. The other guy isn't a gym goer and has a slight build, lets call him Regular Joe.

JCVD has relatively little success on tinder. Regular Joe does pretty damn well for himself.

The problem for JCVD is that he can't really talk to women. He either says nothing to a match or engages in this comically overblown macho talk. Something like "I WANT YOU TO SIT ON MY FACE", will often be is opening remark. Direct, no doubt, but not successful. I feel sorry for the guy, he's not that much of a douche really, but he's utterly clueless when it comes to chatting to women.

Regular Joe, on the other hand, converses. He engages in back and forth with the women. And it works. Not all the time, but a lot of the time.

My takeaway from this is that looks are, of course, important but this idea that most men are shut out the online dating game is a
load of nonsense. Things like your social status, height, weight, whatever matter to an extent, but if you can talk to someone on twitter like they are a human being and don't come across like an absolute slimeball, then you will do absolutely fine.

zulutango

Surreptitious wrote:

I'm unusual in that I don't wear make up. It would make me look better but I'm not even sure how to put it on properly. I think make up is more popular these days with bloggers and stuff online than it used to be. I can appreciate it on others but I just hardly wear it at all. I should try maybe to learn how to do it though.

Make up is about trying to look different than you actually look. I'm not surprised that so many women are into it because the manufacturers play on women's insecurities about how they look. But really make-up just says that the woman is not confident in her own skin (literally) and that's unattractive to me.

punk_one82

zulutango wrote: »

Make up is about trying to look different than you actually look. I'm not surprised that so many women are into it because the manufacturers play on women's insecurities about how they look. But really make-up just says that the woman is not confident in her own skin (literally) and that's unattractive to me.

You're not one for generalisations are you?

One eyed Jack

blacklilly wrote: »

Speaking from experience, it would seem most of the good ones are taken.I'm not being negative here, I am talking from personal experience.

I know you're not being negative lilly, and I hope you don't think I'm being picky then when I suggest that it's more accurate to say that most of the good ones you've already met, are taken. It's the price of having high standards - if you're looking for good ones, then naturally they're going to be that much harder to find. I still maintain that nobody should drop their standards, but there is that trade-off that either you're willing to accept, or you're not.

For instance, just to give you some idea - I was out last weekend with a group from work, and getting to the bar for a drink was like trying to get through Birnam woods with all the 6ft+ guys in the way! Once I got through that lot, I was standing behind a woman at the bar who then decided it might be a good idea to lean her arse back and try and grind against my crotch. Her grasp of anatomy was left wanting as I couldn't figure out was this an attempt at flirting, or was she trying to massage my overweight belly with her ass. I leaned forward and told her that's my lighter in my pocket, and to save either of us any further embarrassment I moved way, waaaaay down the bar. Then at one stage when I went up for another drink (JD & coke, goes down too easy!), a girl standing beside me offered to buy me a drink. I figured why not, and we got chatting till closing time. I enjoyed her company far more than the prospect of spending a minute more in the company of the woman with a poor grasp of anatomy.

The point being that if you're looking for someone who's standards are compatible with your own, and vice versa, then it absolutely stands to reason that finding such a person is indeed going to be like looking for a needle in a haystack, but it makes all the dealing with headless chickens worth it when you eventually do happen to come across a person who's standards are compatible with your own.

blacklilly wrote: »

I'll respectfully disagree with you here, again speaking from experience as I assume that as you are just recently separated you have not been on the dating scene for some time. Things have massively changed. People are now dating like headless chickens, this is the reality. It's like a sweet shop to most, the general attitude is that there is always someone better out there. Again as above, I've no doubt there are decent people, hell I'd consider myself one but in mine and my friends experience its needle in the haystack stuff.

Recently separated lilly, not "recently dropped in from the planet Mars and have no idea what Irish society has been like for the last 20 years". I don't think society or dating actually has changed at all. People have been "keeping their options open" since human civilisation began when people discovered fire, never mind tinder! At least in Western culture, people are for the most part serially monogamous with an expectation of exclusivity. The needle in the haystack stuff is still far more common than the whole "keeping their options open" idea. I see people in work half my age using dating apps like tinder (and lets not forget that these apps are proximity based with people still hoping to find other people in their local area!), and then we'll still hit the local bars for a drink at the weekend where they'll hope to meet other local people.

How that's really any different from Ireland of the '50's when neighbours paired off with each other, I'm not too sure tbh. Even back then there were people who wanted to keep their options open!

blacklilly wrote: »

I think what you are saying above may have been relevant 10 + years ago but now people date numerous people at the same time, being exclusive is not something you take for granted and as I said above because there seems to be this lurking feeling that maybe there's someone better, there's also an apprehension about being exclusive with someone.

I think I already covered that though when I said -

One eyed Jack wrote: »

The vast, vast majority of people in my experience at least, have plenty of respect for the person (or indeed people, as the case may be!) they're dating.

There were always a minority of people who have that lurking feeling that maybe there's someone better, and that's why I said that I think it's more important that some people need to take a look at how tinder and other online platforms are affecting their perception of reality and relationships. Look at some of the posts on this thread from those who are practically obsessed with tinder (and before then there was POF, before then smooch, before then bebo, etc, etc), and you really have to ask yourself are the use of these new media actually creating the problem, or just facilitating a problem that's always been a part of human nature? I would say myself they're simply facilitating a small minority of people who really shouldn't take these apps so seriously to the point that it begins to affect their mental health tbh.