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How come Tinder is so difficult?

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Comments

  • #122
    The Talking Bread
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,037 ✭✭✭✭The Talking Bread


    Alpha_zero wrote: »
    Tinder is a hook up app that is a fact, if you do meet a girl from it in person for drinks, odds are she is looking for a hook up just the same as you, hence the nature of the app.

    But it isn't a fact! Of course, you can hook up on it! But its a load of nonsense to suggest even a minority of people that use it solely to get laid. It is a dating app and dating these days is dating. You don't go in with expectations to find a life partner 0or even a stable relationship. Anyone with sense will know that dating is trial and error and the tinder format is a good means to explore different situations where this trial and error format is widened.

    Most people frequent the same spots these days so why not use it to branch out, meet people you wouldn't ever come across in "real life" which will enhance your chances of meeting a suitable partner.

    The stigma re internet dating is by and large a thing of the past among young people.

    At the end of the day you are meeting normal people, ie people that you may meet on a Saturday night out in town, not aliens.

    Like all dating it is a trial and error format and if nothing else it is a good social outlet and suits many young people who may not particularly like the pub scene.

    Go in with small expectations but make an effort to go past the window shopping element and actually meet up with the person and it is a much more natural manner to actually get to know someone to many than a late night crowded bar.


  • #123
    Jimmy Garlic
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,331 ✭✭✭Jimmy Garlic


    Dr Jakub wrote: »
    Time save up and head to Asia!

    You want to look slick though, not like MC Hammer.


  • #124
    One eyed Jack
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25,127 ✭✭✭✭One eyed Jack


    blacklilly wrote: »
    I don't get the mass generalisation that Irish women are overly picky.


    I'd call it a minority generalisation in fairness, because it's a generalisation made by a very, very small minority of men who cannot understand that people are entitled to have standards, and if those men don't meet that standard, then the problem isn't with them of course, it's those women who have the problem, because they don't want to lower their standards. Personally, I don't see why anyone should lower their standards, for anyone!

    blacklilly wrote: »
    I along with a few of my friends are single, I'd consider us all to be friendly, good looking, successful women but we cannot meet a genuine, sound, decent guy.


    There are bucketloads, bucketloads of friendly, good looking, successful, genuine, sound, decent guys out there, honestly! I'm not one of them myself, but there's plenty of them out there all the same.

    blacklilly wrote: »
    In this age of dating, people are considered disposable and there's very little respect left out there. God forbid you want to know where you stand with someone after a couple of months of dating. If you dare ask you're seen as clingy or desperate!


    I don't think that's a very fair assessment at all tbh. The vast, vast majority of people in my experience at least, have plenty of respect for the person (or indeed people, as the case may be!) they're dating. It's only again a tiny minority of people who would consider people disposable because they have no respect for them, and honestly, if you need to know where you stand with someone after a couple of months dating, and they see you as clingy or desperate, would you really want to continue a relationship with that person?

    I wouldn't, and that's not either being disrespectful to them or treating them as disposable. It's simply realising that after a couple of months dating, you really shouldn't need to ask where you stand!

    blacklilly wrote: »
    It's a total mind field out there, now more than ever we have more choice and it seems that people are afraid to give anything a proper go with someone cause they feel there may be someone better in the tinder swipping world.


    It's always been a minefield in fairness, but I think again the whole idea of the whole idea that people are afraid to give anything a proper go with someone because they feel there may be something better in the tinder swiping world, could only be applied to a very, very small minority of people.

    blacklilly wrote: »
    I'm not for one second suggesting that people should settle but we really do need to take a look at how tinder and other online platforms are making us behave.


    I think it's more important that some people need to take a look at how tinder and other online platforms are affecting their perception of reality and relationships, and I say that as someone who has recently separated from my wife and the most common first thing out of some people's mouths is "sure you'll meet someone else". I know already that I could, if I actually wanted to, but that, to me at least, would be the epitome of treating people as disposable.


  • #125
    professore
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,849 ✭✭✭professore


    Stealthfins wrote: »
    It's not you mate it's them,brats expecting Adonis.....and a body like Michael Angelo to boot.

    You're fcked if you don't drive a heap of **** like an Audi or BMW....

    You have to be able to bring them shopping to Brown Thomas spend everything you have on their puss...and they won't let you out without wearing Aventus creed,or something similar.

    Then you'll feel all comfortable and at one with yourself,youll start to eat more and then you're not as hot as Jack in Accounts.

    Jack is a creep but she doesn't see it that way,hes a hero because he bought his girlfriend a pair of those heels with red velvet underneath
    and agentprovecteur lingerie....

    There's a Christmas party coming up,Jack in accounts is going to be there and hell be ripped,wearing Gucci brogue shoes,nice Italian chinos,and a Paul Smith fitted shirt,he'll also have a dishy smile "glint" ****

    It's the era of sex love and attention addiction.

    I'm a Lucky bastrd because I'm like a cross between Richard Gere and George Clooney.
    I'm a so called salt n pepper silver fox at 41 5"11 and toned.

    My son is nearly 17 I'm successful,have a nice house, and never was married or intend to.

    But if all came to all I'd much prefer a nice attractive country or towny woman than one of those glamour puss from Tinder

    They'll end up fckn you over anyway, POF is full of them.....





    I've no intention of settling down

    Because I'm worth it ðŸ˜

    You're closer to the truth than a lot of men realise. And the worst of it is the women know Jack in accounts just wants a ride, including his girlfriend, but they don't care. You forgot the but where they claim some sort of mental illness or personality disorder to justify their actions.


  • #126
    Blacktie.
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,903 ✭✭✭Blacktie.


    professore wrote:
    You're closer to the truth than a lot of men realise. And the worst of it is the women know Jack in accounts just wants a ride, including his girlfriend, but they don't care. You forgot the but where they claim some sort of mental illness or personality disorder to justify their actions.


    But what about John from HR the serial stalker? He has issues and his wife just ignored them? Surely his needs have to be met somehow.


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  • #127
    The_Captain
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,373 ✭✭✭The_Captain


    The amount of sad sacks and creepy shut-ins in this thread is shocking

    How dare women not find you attractive. They're all just vain, money-grabbing whores.


  • #128
    blacklilly
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,687 ✭✭✭blacklilly


    One eyed Jack wrote: »
    There are bucketloads, bucketloads of friendly, good looking, successful, genuine, sound, decent guys out there, honestly! I'm not one of them myself, but there's plenty of them out there all the same.

    Speaking from experience, it would seem most of the good ones are taken.I'm not being negative here, I am talking from personal experience.

    One eyed Jack wrote: »
    I don't think that's a very fair assessment at all tbh. The vast, vast majority of people in my experience at least, have plenty of respect for the person (or indeed people, as the case may be!) they're dating. It's only again a tiny minority of people who would consider people disposable because they have no respect for them, and honestly, if you need to know where you stand with someone after a couple of months dating, and they see you as clingy or desperate, would you really want to continue a relationship with that person?

    I'll respectfully disagree with you here, again speaking from experience as I assume that as you are just recently separated you have not been on the dating scene for some time. Things have massively changed. People are now dating like headless chickens, this is the reality. It's like a sweet shop to most, the general attitude is that there is always someone better out there. Again as above, I've no doubt there are decent people, hell I'd consider myself one but in mine and my friends experience its needle in the haystack stuff.


    One eyed Jack wrote: »
    It's always been a minefield in fairness, but I think again the whole idea of the whole idea that people are afraid to give anything a proper go with someone because they feel there may be something better in the tinder swiping world, could only be applied to a very, very small minority of people.

    I think what you are saying above may have been relevant 10 + years ago but now people date numerous people at the same time, being exclusive is not something you take for granted and as I said above because there seems to be this lurking feeling that maybe there's someone better, there's also an apprehension about being exclusive with someone.


  • #129
    The Talking Bread
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,037 ✭✭✭✭The Talking Bread


    How is that not negative! Thinking that "all the good ones are taken"!!


  • #130
    blacklilly
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,687 ✭✭✭blacklilly


    The Talking Bread wrote: »
    How is that not negative! Thinking that "all the good ones are taken"!!

    As I said I'm speaking from personal experience. Of course I'm still hopeful of meeting one of the good ones. However in the time I've been single I've met very few. Maybe that says more about me then it does the men I've dated or maybe I've just been unlucky, who knows.

    You've also misquoted me, what I said was that it "seems most of the good ones are taken"


  • #131
    midnight city
    Closed Accounts Posts: 531 ✭✭✭midnight city


    I'm not on tinder or any other online dating sites but surely if all the women really were waiting for the top 20% of men it would be a very long wait for most of them. The top 20% of men are going to be interested in the top 20% of women.


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  • #132
    elusiveguy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 535 ✭✭✭elusiveguy


    I don't think its just that it "seems most of the good ones are taken", its that all the good ones who you'd actually date are taken. (That's in general rather than you in particular BL)

    I did tinder for about 18 months, found a few nice people who I'm friends with, found a few crazies, found a few who were just awful human beings.

    I also tindered a bit in Hong Kong, I was living there for about 6 months. VERY different experience to here.


  • #133
    eeguy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,399 ✭✭✭eeguy


    elusiveguy wrote: »
    I also tindered a bit in Hong Kong, I was living there for about 6 months. VERY different experience to here.

    Go on...


  • #134
    elusiveguy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 535 ✭✭✭elusiveguy


    eeguy wrote: »
    Go on...

    Western men are an eagerly sought commodity :D Broadly, every like was a match, every match started a conversation with me, most conversations were engaging and enthusiastic and if that continued for more than about 2 days, they would try to arrange dates

    TBF I found it all a bit intense and shallow but that's generally how I found everything about HK:o


  • #135
    silverharp
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,853 ✭✭✭✭silverharp


    midnight city wrote: »
    I'm not on tinder or any other online dating sites but surely if all the women really were waiting for the top 20% of men it would be a very long wait for most of them. The top 20% of men are going to be interested in the top 20% of women.

    I believe it doesn't work that way, the alleged position apparently is that at least in large US cities is that there is a bit of an 80/20 rule going on here ie 20% of the guys are getting 80% of the sex that is on offer, I half jokingly say Tinder is where civilisation goes to die because its where all the normal conventions go out the window. So it makes younger average guys grumpy as they feel dating is an uphill chore and are seeing a relative drought but also more women end up in their 30's feeling cynical or chewed up and essentially out of the market as they missed the game of musical chairs that was going on around them.
    If its even only half true in the US it sounds grim and not so hot if its even only a quarter or an eighth true here. I'd assume Irish girls are more reasonable in real life and ditto if your an average guy that wont jump out on an online profile stick to the real world

    A belief in gender identity involves a level of faith as there is nothing tangible to prove its existence which, as something divorced from the physical body, is similar to the idea of a soul. - Colette Colfer



  • #136
    MeatTwoVeg
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 861 ✭✭✭MeatTwoVeg


    This 80/20 thing sounds like a load of sh1te. I suspect it's a theory dreamed up by unsuccessful guys to explain their dating failures.
    Most women would hook up with most guys.
    Most guys would hook up with most women.
    Assuming you're not spectacularly ugly or out of shape, you have a reasonable chance to pick up people of the opposite sex if you make some effort.


  • #137
    Surreptitious
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,130 ✭✭✭Surreptitious


    blacklilly wrote: »
    As I said I'm speaking from personal experience. Of course I'm still hopeful of meeting one of the good ones. However in the time I've been single I've met very few. Maybe that says more about me then it does the men I've dated or maybe I've just been unlucky, who knows.

    You've also misquoted me, what I said was that it "seems most of the good ones are taken"

    I agree with you about the current dating climate or else it could just be me.


  • #138
    ligerdub
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,585 ✭✭✭ligerdub


    I think you need to consider the culture of the setting.

    People are about 100% more of arsehole in a nightclub compared to normal life, and about 3000% more of a horndog on dating sites than in a normal setting.

    The same decent guy or girl you're looking for and may end up meeting is likely to be different to what their best version is, i.e. their normal self.

    Nightclubs are a terrible place to meet women, a lot of them are on the defensive and are there to reject men, which is fair enough, it's natural to be cautious with total strangers. Of almost all of the friends I know most of them met their other half's through friends or work.


  • #139
    The Talking Bread
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,037 ✭✭✭✭The Talking Bread


    MeatTwoVeg wrote: »
    This 80/20 thing sounds like a load of sh1te. I suspect it's a theory dreamed up by unsuccessful guys to explain their dating failures.
    Most women would hook up with most guys.
    Most guys would hook up with most women.
    Assuming you're not spectacularly ugly or out of shape, you have a reasonable chance to pick up people of the opposite sex if you make some effort.

    Nonsense! I think we have evolved from the neanderthal age of sexual appetite!
    You could make a fair argument about the "ten to two" factor on a night out for some but to suggest "most" people would "hook up" with most of the opposite sex is suggesting most people have no reasonable standards or even respect for themselves!

    It is a forbidden cliche but personality and confidence of a prospective partner are growing much more important than ever in this day of age with internet dating.
    People have much more choice dating wise with the likes of POF and Tinder so obviously attraction is significant but other factors then need to be considered. It is much easier to be extrovert and not really yourself if you meet someone out in a pub whereas your personality is exposed a lot more through internet dating (providing you actually quit the window shopping and small talk stage and actually meet up!) It's impossible to read into someones personality until you sit down face to face..


  • #140
    Conor Bourke
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 17,426 ✭✭✭✭Conor Bourke


    MeatTwoVeg wrote: »
    Assuming you're not spectacularly ugly or out of shape, you have a reasonable chance to pick up people of the opposite sex if you make some effort.

    In my experience of tinder, that's a big part of the problem: most guys I match with make little or no effort to converse. Regardless of who sends the opening message, I've a pain in my face with the amount of guys on there who don't seem to grasp the basic mechanics of conversation. They don't come across as bad guys, and it's not limited to the good-looking lads who don't feel the need to try, it's endemic almost across the board!

    I send a guy a message containing a question, they reply with the answer and nothing more. Trying to get them to chat is like pulling teeth and those I've pointed this out to either reply with something inane like "lol", they get defensive or they stop replying/unmatch. If i stop replying, i might get another message the next day just saying "hey".. I don't get it!

    I'm in my 30's matching with guys no younger than 30, how do these men not understand the basics of conversation?! And how do they hope to inspire someone to want to meet them if they wont engage in even a little bit of chat?

    I'm sure ive passed over quite a number of very eligible guys on tinder because i found the attempts at conversation were so dull, I couldn't bring myself to suggest meeting. I don't want to get into a serial penpal thing with someone on tinder, I'm not looking for chats to pass the time all day but ffs I need to get a sense for someone if I'm going to meet them.


  • #141
    silverharp
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,853 ✭✭✭✭silverharp


    MeatTwoVeg wrote: »
    This 80/20 thing sounds like a load of sh1te. I suspect it's a theory dreamed up by unsuccessful guys to explain their dating failures.
    Most women would hook up with most guys.
    Most guys would hook up with most women.
    Assuming you're not spectacularly ugly or out of shape, you have a reasonable chance to pick up people of the opposite sex if you make some effort.

    there is hardly going to be very reliable data. I did see some reference about a study done on one of these sites and that the male choices were more "reasonable" than the female ones. The whole thing varies by age so it might be more a younger issue, I knew some guys that didn't date a lot in college but they were studying good career courses like Engineering , Architecture and the like , a couple of years out of college doing very well for themselves and they had met someone and were married a few years later. Given that there are more girls than boys are going to college these days even that problem mightn't be so bad :pac:

    A belief in gender identity involves a level of faith as there is nothing tangible to prove its existence which, as something divorced from the physical body, is similar to the idea of a soul. - Colette Colfer



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  • #142
    SarahMollie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,841 ✭✭✭SarahMollie


    Online dating always gets a raw deal here, but I just wanted to pop up and say that a girl I know (sister of a friend) got engaged yesterday to her BF of 2 years who she met on Tinder.

    That brings to a total of 3 engagements out of 5 current long term relationships of people I know personally who met online. It can't be all bad!


  • #143
    Kal El
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 613 ✭✭✭Kal El


    MeatTwoVeg wrote: »
    This 80/20 thing sounds like a load of sh1te. I suspect it's a theory dreamed up by unsuccessful guys to explain their dating failures.
    Most women would hook up with most guys.
    Most guys would hook up with most women.
    Assuming you're not spectacularly ugly or out of shape, you have a reasonable chance to pick up people of the opposite sex if you make some effort.

    I agree with this 100%, Im definitely not in the top 20% and when using it I was easily getting girls in the top 20%. This was in Amercian cities and Dublin. Ive never used it outside of cities though as I dont want to meet people that might know me :pac:
    Only thing Id recommend is like girls you are attracted to, I know guys who like every girl and for me it makes no sense. Like 100 girls you are attracted to if you get 5 to like you back thats 5 youre attracted to. Do it for the day and you can have 20 attractive girls. After a week it could be 100. Now of that 100 you could easily be meeting 10 of them if you choose.
    I think where most people go wrong is the mass liking


  • #144
    MeatTwoVeg
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 861 ✭✭✭MeatTwoVeg


    The Talking Bread wrote: »
    but to suggest "most" people would "hook up" with most of the opposite sex is suggesting most people have no reasonable standards or even respect for themselves!

    It's kinda weird that that's what you'd take from that statement.


  • #145
    Kal El
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 613 ✭✭✭Kal El


    Cornelius Crow wrote: »
    In my experience of tinder, that's a big part of the problem: most guys I match with make little or no effort to converse. Regardless of who sends the opening message, I've a pain in my face with the amount of guys on there who don't seem to grasp the basic mechanics of conversation. They don't come across as bad guys, and it's not limited to the good-looking lads who don't feel the need to try, it's endemic almost across the board!

    I send a guy a message containing a question, they reply with the answer and nothing more. Trying to get them to chat is like pulling teeth and those I've pointed this out to either reply with something inane like "lol", they get defensive or they stop replying/unmatch. If i stop replying, i might get another message the next day just saying "hey".. I don't get it!

    I'm in my 30's matching with guys no younger than 30, how do these men not understand the basics of conversation?! And how do they hope to inspire someone to want to meet them if they wont engage in even a little bit of chat?

    I'm sure ive passed over quite a number of very eligible guys on tinder because i found the attempts at conversation were so dull, I couldn't bring myself to suggest meeting. I don't want to get into a serial penpal thing with someone on tinder, I'm not looking for chats to pass the time all day but ffs I need to get a sense for someone if I'm going to meet them.
    I covered this in a message, but a big part of that problem is men mass match. Like will match every girl then only after then get a like back they actually look at there profiles. They could easily have looked at your account and decided they dont like you taste in music or something


  • #146
    The Talking Bread
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,037 ✭✭✭✭The Talking Bread


    MeatTwoVeg wrote: »
    It's kinda weird that that's what you'd take from that statement.

    ?? Why? I quoted that part. The rest I more or less agreed with. What did you mean by it!


  • #147
    Surreptitious
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,130 ✭✭✭Surreptitious


    I'm going to download Tinder for a few days and report back on the findings. I never used it before really so we'll see the interest. I'm kinda involved with someone so I'm not too bothered, just an experiment.


  • #148
    MeatTwoVeg
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 861 ✭✭✭MeatTwoVeg


    The Talking Bread wrote: »
    ?? Why? I quoted that part. The rest I more or less agreed with. What did you mean by it!

    That most people have a reasonably broad range of attraction.


  • #149
    blacklilly
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,687 ✭✭✭blacklilly


    Surreptitious wrote: »
    I'm going to download Tinder for a few days and report back on the findings. I never used it before really so we'll see the interest. I'm kinda involved with someone so I'm not too bothered, just an experiment.

    Em if you're kinda involved with someone, it isn't exactly a great idea. Unless you tell them you're doing it as an experiment.


  • #150
    Conor Bourke
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 17,426 ✭✭✭✭Conor Bourke


    Kal El wrote: »
    I covered this in a message, but a big part of that problem is men mass match. Like will match every girl then only after then get a like back they actually look at there profiles. They could easily have looked at your account and decided they dont like you taste in music or something

    I know what youre talking about but i don't think it bears any relation to the fact that myexperience would suggest there's a generation of men who don't grasp how to make conversation or why ot would be of importance.

    I couldn't give a fiddlers if a guy is doing the "mass swipe" thing, or we do converse and it becomes obvious that we're not suited so subsequently unmatches me.

    When a guy sends a message saying hi or whatever, and doesn't demonstrate any capacity to chat back and forth after that, it makes me wonder whether they are either lacking in basic social skills or so egocentric to think that they've made sufficient effort. If making basic conversation constitutes "hard work" from a guy's point of view then perhaps it's time for me to walk away from tinder.


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  • #151
    Surreptitious
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,130 ✭✭✭Surreptitious


    blacklilly wrote: »
    Em if you're kinda involved with someone, it isn't exactly a great idea. Unless you tell them you're doing it as an experiment.
    It's casual.


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