My first novel - now on Amazon

Kalimah

I knew when I wrote Houston it didn't look right!

9or10

Hi Alfa Beta - finished the kindle sample last night - then a wifi glitch meant I couldn't buy the rest - Grrrrrrr 1st world problems.

Just bought it now.

Pawwed Rig

Finished the book yesterday. It is definitely a page turner and kept my interest to the end. Very good story and very well written. Congrats on it

Missus is reading it at the moment.

alfa beta

Thanks all - getting some great feedback here (as well as some constructive points that have allowed me to make changes) and I'm really delighted people are enjoying the story and the writing.

I wonder if I could ask a favour. It would be great if anyone who's read the book here could pop a (glowing 5-star!!!) review up on the amazon site they bought it on (either .com or .co.uk)

Unfortunately at the moment I've got lots of good verbal feedback, but only one review on amazon.co.uk and two on .com. I could do with some more reviews/ratings to encourage potential purchases. Otherwise it's simply not going to sell. (There are services you can pay for to do reviews - Kirkus, Netgalley etc, but they're very expensive and I don't have the resources so if anyone has a few minutes to pop something up on amazon that would be amazing.) Thank you

Livvie

Are you on Twitter? I will do a post on there for you if so.

alfa beta

Livvie wrote: »

Are you on Twitter? I will do a post on there for you if so.

Only just started using it ... not sure what to make of it ... I'm a die hard face booker!!

I'm @jonathankaye000

and the link to the amazon store for my book is https://www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=jonathan+kaye

Thanks Livvie

Yellow pack crisps

How inspiring. I am going to buy it and do a review when i have read it. But a big congratulations on finishing it as a friend of mine says the art is in the finishing. The cover is deadly BTW.

lawred2

Well I've just started chapter one and it flows nicely.

Main protagonist is a right creep.

Reminds me a little of Christian Bale's character in American Psycho.

echo beach

Got it finished and really enjoyed every word. I've stuck up a review for you and will be telling all my friends. This is so much better than just about everything on the bestseller lists.
Have you thought of getting some copies printed, say from a print on demand service where you can order a small number. A few physical copies in shops or to take around when taking to writers groups or book clubs might help to kick-start interest in the way an e-book can't.

Kalimah

I just put up a 5 star review on Amazon. Can't remember if it was .com or .co.uk! I'd second Echo Beach's suggestion re getting some copies printed. Remember how The Martian started life as a self published book and look how that went!

I had meant to do this ages ago Alfa Beta! Fingers crossed for a massive best seller in 2017! We'll all want invites to the launch!

endacl

Bought there. Will queue it up.

Well done.

npgallag

When can I get a paperback...I feel the need to flick through pages..:)

alfa beta

npgallag wrote: »

When can I get a paperback...I feel the need to flick through pages..:)

There's an option now on KDP (Kindle Direct Publishing) to produce a paperback. Previously this was only possible though Createspace, another amazon company. So I'll have a look at that over Christmas and see it it would be worth my while.

I just want to make sure any final typos are spotted before going down the paper route. E-books are great that way. If you spot something, you simply fix it and re-upload.

I'll pop a message up here on boards if I make a paperback available.

Thanks for all the messages everyone. Without Boards I don't think I'd have had any sales at all. :-)

pickarooney

Just started reading this. Like it so far.
There are a few minor tense issues that could be looked at, mostly perfect and pluperfect.

"He always thought he'd be a good actor"
Should be "He'd always thought..."

He thought her quite ugly
He didn't mention that

Both should have 'had' as you're describing something that happened previously to the time of the story which is already in the past tense.

A better view [of] her ass.

As best as he could

alfa beta

pickarooney wrote: »

Just started reading this. Like it so far.
There are a few minor tense issues that could be looked at, mostly perfect and pluperfect.

"He always thought he'd be a good actor"
Should be "He'd always thought..."

He thought her quite ugly
He didn't mention that

Both should have 'had' as you're describing something that happened previously to the time of the story which is already in the past tense.

Thanks Pickarooney - Past perfect is a funny old beast. I actually tend to edit out a lot of 'hads' coz they can make flashbacks clumsy. If you set up a passage in Past Perfect (or pluperfect) I find it can get really cumbersome to keep using that format throughout - often smoother to revert to Past Simple (but then make sure to make the end of the flashback obvious) - actually this link explains what I'm rambling on about much better
http://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/4344/should-a-flashback-be-in-past-tense-or-past-perfect

Thanks for the other typo spots - appreciate that.

pickarooney

Couple more typo things.

'Curb' for 'kerb'. You don't use American terms or spelling elsewhere.

Missing 'a' in 'couple of seconds' somewhere.
'An empty and a somewhat' two articles for the same noun.

'Left cruise control do' instead of 'let'. May be idiomatic rather than a typo, but is likely to confuse.

The bit where he bangs the knocker and it's 'almost startling' which isn't a very clear description. The noise is described as loud but Ryan, the only person there, doesn't notice it. The non intrusive narrator shouldn't be able to hear what his character doesn't. It's a nice description otherwise, just rather jarring.

Edit: I'm thoroughly enjoying it by the way. Got caught not listening to customers twice as I was engrossed in it.

Mr E

pickarooney wrote: »

Edit: I'm thoroughly enjoying it by the way. Got caught not listening to customers twice as I was engrossed in it.

I agree - I'm about half way through and I'm hooked. One of the best stories I've read this year (no joke). Hope it takes off for the OP!

alfa beta

Great proofread Pickarooney - serious eagle eyes - very helpful - make sure to forward your invoice when your done!!!

Thanks Mr E - really glad you're liking it

pickarooney

I scribbled a few notes but they don't all make sense reading them back!

leave her sleep

Let her sleep or leave her to sleep

gave away

No idea what this was. It's somewhere between the previous and next bits in the early chapters, maybe you can find whatever it is I meant

one stupid mistake ruin

Again, not sure but I think there was a verb missing

plenty people

Missing 'of' twice

hurtled the tops off

I didn't understand this phrase. Hurtle is not a transitve verb as fast as I know, but it could be a meaning I'm not familiar with

The use of Ryan's last name doesn't sit well with me for some reason. Everyone else has their first name and when you describe the wife and son using their first names and then immediately him as Ryan something seems off. It feels like calling him Ryan is presenting him as some sort of action man, or lessens the reader's sympathy with him. I can't explain it and am possibly alone in thinking it.

alfa beta

Keep em coming Pickarooney!! Extremely helpful.

I imagine the 'gave away' should be changed to 'gave way' - I found a good few of those when proofreading so probably missed that one.

Happy with 'hurtled' - one of the meanings is: break by hitting or throwing violently (as per my trusted thesaurus.com).

My habit tends to be: male characters - use surnames (in narrative) . Female characters and children: use first names. I like that. And if it was good enough for Isaac Asimov it's good enough for me!!

alfa beta

Thanks again - hey any chance you pm me other stuff you spot - I'd prefer to avoid spoilers in a public forum etc.

Cheers, JK

pickarooney

Just finished it now. Fantastic stuff. I didn't realise I'd run my battery down to nothing I was that engrossed in it. I didn't mean to read it on the phone at all, just clicked on it to see the first page...

I left a review from inside the Kindle app but I don't know where it ended up. If you can't see it on any of the sites, I'll repost it on .Co.uk from a PC.

alfa beta

Amazing proofread Pickarooney - thank you sooooo much

slavetothegrind

just bought it there now, congratulations on a great achievement!

I'll post a review once finished!

alfa beta

pickarooney wrote: »

I left a review from inside the Kindle app but I don't know where it ended up. If you can't see it on any of the sites, I'll repost it on .Co.uk from a PC.

Hi Pickarooney - I don't think that review appeared anywhere so if you have a chance to repost it on the .co.uk site that would be great. Thanks :-)

pickarooney

It showed up on the French site after a few days. Bizarre that the reviews don't appear on all versions of the site. Reposted it on co.uk.

Just checked my own book and it's the same. My one review is only on the US site.

slavetothegrind

pickarooney wrote: »

Just checked my own book and it's the same. My one review is only on the US site.

missed this?

You should put a link in your sig! ( if allowed)

BorneTobyWilde

How do you get a book published.
What are steps
I know a girl who has a few published

alfa beta

pickarooney wrote: »

Just checked my own book and it's the same. My one review is only on the US site.

What's the book? - I'd like to have a read of it.

pickarooney

BorneTobyWilde wrote: »

How do you get a book published.
What are steps
I know a girl who has a few published

Ask that girl?