Can anyone out there give me some advice about a long distance relationship?

RiskiiDingo

Hey guys. I was looking for a bit of advice about a long distance relationship.

Can any of you out there share your experiences about the subject with me? Especially advice if you are IN a long distance relationship and how you are making it work.

I've been with my girlfriend now for 6 months. Shes been here to see me and I've been to France to see her too and things are unbelievable when we're together. Lately though I'm struggling to find a good work-visit balance (I left my job to visit her in France for 2 months over the summer and I'm looking for a new job). Can anyone out there tell me what works and what doesn't.

Any advice on this topic will be greatly appreciated and will be of GREAT value to me

PirateShampoo

Don't quite a job when you've got plane tickets to pay for.

The Backwards Man

You need to get a horse.

To take to France

RiskiiDingo

Well I quit the job for a number of reasons but 2 months on the Spanish boarder certainly helped. You see its a bit of a catch 22 because shes in college and she doesn't have a crazy amount of time to spend in airports. If I get a job I won't have time to visit her but if I don't I'll have no money to visit her. I'm considering going part time?

Richmond Ultra

Has she come visit you? As it sounds very much one way according to what you wrote above.

The Backwards Man

Does anyone have a crazy amount of time to spend in airports? I like people watching in Gatwick South as much as the next man, but I wouldn't go out of my way to do it

RiskiiDingo

"Has she come visit you? As it sounds very much one way according to what you wrote above. "

Yes. When she was on summer break she was over twice. There's no slacking in her department at all now I must say...

RiskiiDingo

The Backwards Man wrote: »

Does anyone have a crazy amount of time to spend in airports? I like people watching in Gatwick South as much as the next man, but I wouldn't go out of my way to do it

I think its worth it for me to do this as things stand. She's a good girl; not many of those around!

Mr. FoggPatches

Invent a teleportation device. But don't let a fly in there. I know that sounds trivial and unimportant, but, believe me, it is paramount.

Surreptitious

RiskiiDingo wrote: »

"Has she come visit you? As it sounds very much one way according to what you wrote above. "

Yes. When she was on summer break she was over twice. There's no slacking in her department at all now I must say...

Give good head does she? You know women can do that in Ireland too.



I'm not offering btw.

Badly Drunk Boy

Since you don't have a job, have you considered getting one in France?

RiskiiDingo

Badly Drunk Boy wrote: »

Since you don't have a job, have you considered getting one in France?

Its defiantly something I would consider. Not move in directly to her house but get a job somewhere in the region. Only thing is that I can't speak French very well :c

Surreptitious

RiskiiDingo wrote: »

Its defiantly something I would consider. Not move in directly to her house but get a job somewhere in the region. Only thing is that I can't speak French very well :c

Hey calm down! No need to get het up.

Your Face

In my experience, long-distance relationships dont work.

RiskiiDingo

Your Face wrote: »

In my experience, long-distance relationships dont work.

No in this day in age I refuse to believe that. Its only 32 quid for a return ticket plus 60 for bus tickets. Its not too bad. Its more of a time management thing....

Your Face

RiskiiDingo wrote: »

No in this day in age I refuse to believe that. Its only 32 quid for a return ticket plus 60 for bus tickets. Its not too bad. Its more of a time management thing....

Its more the time apart you should be thinking about.

RiskiiDingo

Your Face wrote: »

Its more the time apart you should be thinking about.

In what way?

0lordy

RiskiiDingo wrote:

In what way?

Absence makes the heart wander

RiskiiDingo

0lordy wrote: »

Absence makes the heart wander

I'm not worried about that. I mean I wouldn't be in a situation like this if I did worry about such things. But I know what you mean...

Maximus Alexander

A friend of mine had a long distance relationship with a French girl. It was too hard, so he moved over there to be with her. He stayed for 3 years and in that time was never able to find a job. They were living in a studio apartment and she was working all the time while he spent all his time trying to learn French and find work. In the end, living on top of one another on a small income and him nosediving into depression led to him leaving her and coming home. Didn't seem like fun times at all.

Although I went to visit them for a few days and she had an itinerary and showed us all the sights, and took us to some wonderful restaurants. So it worked out well for me.

Tigger

Your Face wrote: »

In my experience, long-distance relationships dont work.

My mate was in a long distance relationship Spain-Ireland for years
They got married and have two kids so in my experience they do
However both were in their 30s
I used to love seducing girls when I was in college that had boyfriends back home cos you didn't have to go out with them after .
This was 20 years ago before tinder
You people don't know you are born

RiskiiDingo

Maximus Alexander wrote: »

A friend of mine had a long distance relationship with a French girl. It was too hard, so he moved over there to be with her. He stayed for 3 years and in that time was never able to find a job. They were living in a studio apartment and she was working all the time while he spent all his time trying to learn French and find work. In the end, living on top of one another on a small income and him nosediving into depression led to him leaving her and coming home. Didn't seem like fun times at all.

Although I went to visit them for a few days and she had an itinerary and showed us all the sights, and took us to some wonderful restaurants. So it worked out well for me.

Yes I absolutly see this happening to me if I don't play my cards right. But I Ddefinatly don't want to do NOTHING at all if you get me. Thanks for sharing!

johnayo

RiskiiDingo wrote: »

Its defiantly something I would consider. Not move in directly to her house but get a job somewhere in the region. Only thing is that I can't speak French very well :c

Does she speak English, I'm hoping not. That would be interesting.:D

RiskiiDingo

Tigger wrote: »

My mate was in a long distance relationship Spain-Ireland for years
They got married and have two kids so in my experience they do
However both were in their 30s
I used to love seducing girls when I was in college that had boyfriends back home cos you didn't have to go out with them after .
This was 20 years ago before tinder
You people don't know you are born

That's good to hear. Yes I'm really hoping to be one of the success stories!

Thanks for sharing!

RiskiiDingo

johnayo wrote: »

Does she speak English, I'm hoping not. That would be interesting.:D

Oh yeah she's fully fluent thank god haha

corner of hells

Have you about joining the FRench Foreign Legion ?
You might be based near her or in Africa .

RiskiiDingo

corner of hells wrote: »

Have you about joining the FRench Foreign Legion ?
You might be based near her or in Africa .

I wouldn't say they'd have much use of a skinny music type unfortunately

Tigger

Thing I'll say is just go with it, this is your life and it becomes your memories
This will either be the story of how ye stayed together despite distance or it will be the story of how your heart was broken by a French girl
But it will be your story
What's that quote ?
The mass of men live lives of quiet desperation

Yeah be the guy with the interesting story

Shint0

Long distance relationships = lots of phone and Skype 'chats'.

Rob32

If you need to ask, youre clearly not certain on the situation imho

y0ssar1an22

long distance relationship eh? How long are you?

MRnotlob606

I was in a long distance relationship, after work we would do run 400 metre sprints at the local race track until the tramp bet me.

Stan27

I did the whole ldr with a French girl for a year and a half. Worked very well until relationship naturally fell apart.
If it's ment to be , it's ment to be.

Hard work but worth it if it goes well.
I'd never regret it.

Wibbs

At six months you're both in the yay, excitement! phase. Well inside the honeymoon phase. This phase tends to be stretched out more with long distance/"foreign" relationships(up to three years as a general guideline, more like 18 months if you're living on top of each other). The novelty helps there. It's all more "cuter". That will end and it's how you both navigate it that will mean success or failure.

At some point you're going to have to decide which of you is going to move to be with the other. Or you break up. That point is reached at different times for different couples, but that would be the trajectory in the vast majority of such couplings.

Widdershins

If you were looking for discouragement, you've come to the right place, OP. I know a happily married couple of over 10 years who lived further apart and one of them already had children when they met. And an ex husband.

Wibbs

Widdershins wrote: »

If you were looking for discouragement, you've come to the right place, OP. I know a happily married couple of over 10 years who lived further apart and one of them already had children when they met. And an ex husband.

Yep, because generally speaking older people will make more compromises. Or at least different compromises. They'll make more effort as they have fewer choices as a general rule. A divorced woman with kids would have far fewer choices than the same woman minus that baggage. The OP and his girlfriend appear to be of college age(she's a student and he can take months off from his job) and that's a different ballgame entirely.

Wibbs

Stan27 wrote: »

I did the whole ldr with a French girl for a year and a half. Worked very well until relationship naturally fell apart.
If it's ment to be , it's ment to be.

Hard work but worth it if it goes well.
I'd never regret it.

I suspect this is how the OP's narrative will play out. A cherished memory of young "exotic" love with a French girl, that she and it gets better in the memory and the telling in the years to come. And that's cool too.

fryup

waste of time in the long run, unless one of you decides to move over

and what about when you're in the mood for jiggy jiggy its not like you can pop over to her place for some fun is it??????

Widdershins

Wibbs wrote: »

Yep, because generally speaking older people will make more compromises. Or at least different compromises. They'll make more effort as they have fewer choices as a general rule. A divorced woman with kids would have far fewer choices than the same woman minus that baggage. The OP and his girlfriend appear to be of college age(she's a student and he can take months off from his job) and that's a different ballgame entirely.

That does make sense but to be honest to look at either of them, you wouldn't think they'd be short of choices, in terms of partners. And the hassle involved in travelling 10,000 miles away from your children/work is significant. So I don't see why younger people couldn't overcome obstacles if they have more flexibility. The will is clearly there on the OP's part at least.

RiskiiDingo

Shint0 wrote: »

Long distance relationships = lots of phone and Skype 'chats'.

Yes we've been making good use of those things. Not like being there in person but it really makes things more solid communication wise.

RiskiiDingo

Rob32 wrote: »

If you need to ask, youre clearly not certain on the situation imho

No I no what the outcome will be but I just want to know if anyone out there has any advice how I can do things better than I am now.

RiskiiDingo

Stan27 wrote: »

I did the whole ldr with a French girl for a year and a half. Worked very well until relationship naturally fell apart.
If it's ment to be , it's ment to be.

Hard work but worth it if it goes well.
I'd never regret it.

Thanks for sharing!

BrokenArrows

RiskiiDingo wrote: »

No in this day in age I refuse to believe that. Its only 32 quid for a return ticket plus 60 for bus tickets. Its not too bad. Its more of a time management thing....

You could easily go for a weekend twice or more a month.
Finish work on friday and go straight to the airport and fly back sunday night or early monday morning.

RiskiiDingo

Wibbs wrote: »

At six months you're both in the yay, excitement! phase. Well inside the honeymoon phase. This phase tends to be stretched out more with long distance/"foreign" relationships(up to three years as a general guideline, more like 18 months if you're living on top of each other). The novelty helps there. It's all more "cuter". That will end and it's how you both navigate it that will mean success or failure.

At some point you're going to have to decide which of you is going to move to be with the other. Or you break up. That point is reached at different times for different couples, but that would be the trajectory in the vast majority of such couplings.

Ah yes. This is good advice and we already know when the time to move in with each other will be. Its going to be about 1 year and 9 months from now. Its complicated to explain why but that's the soonest possible time we can do it. I'm also hoping to spend about 3 months over in France next year.

darkpagandeath

RiskiiDingo

fryup wrote: »

waste of time in the long run, unless one of you decides to move over

and what about when you're in the mood for jiggy jiggy its not like you can pop over to her place for some fun is it??????

No we've agreed we will move close to each other one day. (In about 1 year and 9 months to be exact)

RiskiiDingo

BrokenArrows wrote: »

You could easily go for a weekend twice or more a month.
Finish work on friday and go straight to the airport and fly back sunday night or early monday morning.

Yeah that's how I'm hoping things will play out but its damn hard. On top of that I'm an armature musician and I love playing music. Having a hard time managing everything.

babaracus

RiskiiDingo wrote: »

Well I quit the job for a number of reasons but 2 months on the Spanish boarder certainly helped.

Whatever you do, do not mention this to her. Quite the taste for the continental lady you old dog.

Cee-Jay-Cee

RiskiiDingo wrote: »

Its defiantly something I would consider. Not move in directly to her house but get a job somewhere in the region. Only thing is that I can't speak French very well :c

Yer alright, the French can't speak it very well either. I was in France a few years back and couldn't understand a word anyone was saying (me being an inter-cert grade C in lower level type French speaker )

mcgiggles

A girl I worked with when I was in Canada decided to go to Paris for the summer, worked in a cafe, met a guy, fell in love. She decided to move there permanently. Fast forward a few years later, they are now married and living the "happily ever after". If you have no ties to a job in Ireland whats the harm in trying?The french will come. Its easier to learn a language when you want to than when you have to

Deise Vu

I have a brother who was in the exact same situation. He used to work like a dog earning overtime in order to spend Xmas and his Summer hols with her. In the end it came down to one or other making the jump (which is self evident). Neither wanted to be the one taking the risk and they split up remaining "friends".

To be honest I don't think the brother ever got over it. How can any girl stack up against a situation where he was on permanent holiday with stacks of cash versus the mundane day to day life?

Be grateful for the experience but run a mile. You might not be so much in love with the girl as in love with the whole carefree experience when you are out there. Sorry but it's just not practical and a relationship based only on love and bubbles is destined for the rocks.