Cancelling on friends

Elliott S

Unless you had good reasons to cancel, he's right to be miffed. The fact that he had kids goes more towards explaining his annoyance. It's more difficult to organise outings for all my friends with kids and they really look forward to them when they are organised.

I always try to honour my commitments to friends. Flaky friends are the worst. They display a lack of regard for their supposed friends, IMO.

Your "I didn't worry" comment betrays a lack of respect for this friend.

Elliott S

Ouch, poor OP. The results are in!

osarusan

I stole this accordion from a blind monkey. But you, OP! You disgust even me!

Vojera

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

Haven't heard from him since and haven't been in touch.

You haven't bothered getting in touch with him either. Why should he make the first move when he thinks you'll just cancel on him again?

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

The same guy rarely socialises, he lives in the suburbs with a child and wife, and by his own admission does very little on the weekends apart from playing tennis. I find it difficult to believe I interfered with any plans at all.

This makes it sound like you look down on his lifestyle, to be honest. You don't know what plans he had, even if it was stuff around the house, or what plans his wife may have had which meant finding a babysitter, etc.

Just accept that it's ****ty to cancel twice so close together unless you've a genuine reason, apologise sincerely and make the effort of going to see him.

suicide_circus

I never cancel on a friend. I just don't show up and switch off my phone.

sammyjo90

I'm your mate in this situation in my life at the moment. Except I told my friend how it felt being cancelled on and she turned it around that I was the bad guy and said I was severely over reacting.
Like everyone else said, your friend is probably just really disappointed and you don't understand why he is because he hasn't told you.
Send him a text and say sorry for cancelling and suggest something to re-arrange it

AppleBottle

It could have been that it had been the second time in a month and he was a little annoyed by it.


I'm not really one to cancel plans unless something major has come up. Last time I think I cancelled plans was due to a toothache and having to go to the dentist for a filing. My friends were going for a Chinese...Man, I really wanted that salt and chilli shredded chicken :P

If I was to cancel plans I would aim to give as much notice as I can. In the case above, it was a couple of hours because I had to see if I could get an appointment with the dentist. But I would very rarely be the one to cancel plans.

I had a friend cancel on me last week, I had ran for an earlier train home. Just about to hop on and let her know I made the earlier train and I get a text from her cancelling. This was an hour before we were due to meet. I was more annoyed that I didn't know what I was going to have for dinner

Snugglebunnies

I must be an awful friend! I often have to cancel plans because I'm a single parent and my only babysitting option is rather flaky. I feel bad now

Snugglebunnies

Snugglebunnies wrote: »

I must be an awful friend! I often have to cancel plans because I'm a single parent and my only babysitting option is rather flaky. I feel bad now

I don't think anyone minds if someone has to cancel through no fault of their own like that, especially if you take the time to call and apologise and explain rather than text. It's a lot to do with how it's handled rather than the cancelling alone.

Real friends understand the issues involved in situations like yours.

dreoilin

I'm a serial canceller, mainly because I make plans when I'm in a good mood and then the anxiety hits and I can't go through with it.

Katgurl

I feel really sorry for your friend.

He doesn't get out much and was probably looking forward to it. It's obvious to me you look down your nose at him with your remarks about his lack of plans so I'm sure he has a suspicion himself. You haven't said what your reasons were so I can assume your house didn't burn down or anything.

I get rid of friends who take me for granted. I'm lucky though becuase I have a pretty good network and am busy most of the time. If your mate is short on people he's probably prepared to put up with a bit more ****.

I think you should apologise and try to make it up to him.

Thoie

Snugglebunnies wrote: »

I must be an awful friend! I often have to cancel plans because I'm a single parent and my only babysitting option is rather flaky. I feel bad now

dreoilin wrote: »

I'm a serial canceller, mainly because I make plans when I'm in a good mood and then the anxiety hits and I can't go through with it.

Both of these are perfectly reasonable excuses, particularly if you make plans with the caveat "if the bloody babysitter shows up" or "if I can manage on the day". Obviously, the more notice, the better, particularly if you're meeting someone one on one.

The OP may have had good reasons to cancel that he doesn't want to share in public, which is fair enough, but his tone was extremely dismissive of his friend.

via4

Wel I can tell you now if he does very little socialising and not much on the weekends he would have been really excited to get to meet up with a friend and get a chance to do something finally so you have to understand his annoyance

evolving_doors

I think the OP has cancelled on this thread too...

We've all been suckered:pac::pac::pac:

Elliott S

Gebgbegb wrote: »

I think the OP has cancelled on this thread too...

We've all been suckered:pac::pac::pac:

Yes, why do I picture him sitting back and laughing at us?

Steve

Elliott S wrote: »

Yes, why do I picture him sitting back and laughing at us?

Laughing WITH us...

just like we are laughing WITH the OP...

Zxclnic

OP, you're a thundering disgrace. I fervently hope that the measured comments and contributions on this thread have disabused you of any notion that you're even a half-decent person. I would strongly suggest that you hang your head in shame and look deeply into your soul........... for only God himself can save you now.

Zxclnic

Zxclnic wrote: »

OP, you're a thundering disgrace. I fervently hope that the measured comments and contributions on this thread have disabused you of any notion that you're even a half-decent person. I would strongly suggest that you hang your head in shame and look deeply into your soul........... for only God himself can save you now.

:pac:

Steve

Zxclnic wrote: »

I would strongly suggest that you hang your head in shame and look deeply into your soul........... for only God himself can save you now.

God has no say here, maybe you meant to say Mod?

:pac:

Wigglepuppy

Snugglebunnies wrote: »

I must be an awful friend! I often have to cancel plans because I'm a single parent and my only babysitting option is rather flaky. I feel bad now

Why do you feel bad? That is a completely different scenario and easy to recognise.

Cork Lass

OP, you sound like a right dick and your unwillingness to respond to any comment on here shows that. Would never want you as a friend.

Letree

The flaky tyrant has done a runner on his own thread too. He sounds like a nightmare.

Dave0301

Cork Lass wrote: »

OP, you sound like a right dick and your unwillingness to respond to any comment on here shows that. Would never want you as a friend.

Don't hold back, tell us how you really feel

Cork Lass

Dave0301 wrote: »

Don't hold back, tell us how you really feel

Had a general anesthetic today so feeling very honest...it's very refreshing

kfallon

Cork Lass wrote: »

OP, you sound like a right dick and your unwillingness to respond to any comment on here shows that. Would never want you as a friend.

Letree wrote: »

The flaky tyrant has done a runner on his own thread too. He sounds like a nightmare.

He's trying to cancel the thread as we speak.....

jeez relax, I went to the pub! Why all the hate?! I had my reasons to cancel (same reason twice, genuine & unavoidable family (farm) commitments )

I was actually more interested in getting your opinions of where you draw the line on cancellations, and was of the opinion mine was a reasonable standard, perhaps I was mistaken!

So tell us of your flaky cancellations, it's unfair to lay into me like you've jever done this

To the person who said they only changed plan once in their lives, I don't believe you

To the person who said WhatsApp chats are rude, I direct you to a calendar, it's 2016 luv

DrGreenthumb

snowflake returns

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

jeez relax, I went to the pub! Why all the hate?! I had my reasons to cancel (same reason twice, genuine & unavoidable family (farm) commitments )

I was actually more interested in getting your opinions of where you draw the line on cancellations, and was of the opinion mine was a reasonable standard, perhaps I was mistaken!

So tell us of your flaky cancellations, it's unfair to lay into me like you've jever done this

To the person who said they only changed plan once in their lives, I don't believe you

To the person who said WhatsApp chats are rude, I direct you to a calendar, it's 2016 luv

What, we can be rude now that it's 2016?

Or if interest, did you invite your 'friend' down the pub with you?

andekwarhola

People are being a little OTT and judgmental (fancy that) . Maybe it was two genuine cancelations. Grown up people sometimes do have obligations that get in the way of socializing.

That said, op sounds like he's not too bothered about - even slightly scornful of - the friend but if he does care, he should really make a special effort to see them soon.

Elliott S

The reasons for the cancellations should have been given in the OP. It's not surprising that people thought they weren't good reasons as it would make sense to mention them if they were.

It still comes across that the OP is a bit dismissive of their friend, for whatever reason.

As for flaky cancellation, I'd say everyone has done it at some point, but people don't generally look for back-up that it was OK.