Ever shat yourself?

Chronicler

I have twice.

Once in my car and once in the privacy of my own home. Both times involved farts that brought a bit more to the party than I had originally envisaged.

While there's obviously not a good time to **** yourself, I feel that I got away quite lightly both times as there was nobody else to witness my shame.

Although these were very rare occurrences I sometime worry about what I'd do if it happened in work at an important meeting or at perhaps at some social function.

So AH, have you any amusing anecdotes that involve soiling yourself?

davo2001

Chronicler wrote: »

I have twice.

Once in my car and once in the privacy of my own home. Both times involved farts that brought a bit more to the party than I had originally envisaged

Fool me once..................

retro:electro

Good old boards eh

Robsweezie

Brown.Wedding.

Timberrrrrrrr

Why would you even tell.people this?

Needy much? :rolleyes:

whiskeyman

Flutt lives!

Joshua J

I spent a good few years doing nothing but.

uck51js9zml2yt

What's a "shat" ?

Must be some culchie term I've never heard of;

harney

Chase Disgusting Skyscraper wrote: »

What's a "shat" ?

Must be some culchie term I've never heard of;

Google is your friend. Probably best not to do an image search.

B.A._Baracus

It's a disgusting topic people will rarely talk about for obvious reasons :pac:
But let's be honest everyone has at least once in their adult life. Be it from undercooked food and not being near a toilet or hey... this is Ireland we are talking about. Throw alcohol in the process and a lot of people most certainely have! :pac:

PandaPoo

I went for a jog once and shat myself. It might have happened twice actually. So that's why I don't run anymore.

B.A._Baracus

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

It's a disgusting topic people will rarely talk about for obvious reasons :pac:
But let's be honest everyone has at least once in their adult life. Be it from undercooked food and not being near a toilet or hey... this is Ireland we are talking about. Throw alcohol in the process and a lot of people most certainely have! :pac:

No, everyone has not. Not even close.

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

Candie wrote: »

No, everyone has not. Not even close.

What about whilst wearing a nappy?

Chronicler

Candie wrote: »

Not even close.

A moist fart?

endacl

Feck. I thought the 'do you shave your arse' thread was about as peurile as threads could go.

OP. If your old enough to drive, your far too old to be posting this rubbish. Also, too old to be crapping yourself, but that's for another discussion. With a professional.

valoren

Like having a golf ball in the back of your pants.

Duggy747

Luckily, no.

Though I have seen some pure horror in public jacks from people I've presumed exploded, leaving only their boxers behind.

degrassinoel

I have, although having crohn's disease helped

Working in factory, was on the way to the toilet when it happened too, so yeah, worst possible place, middle of summer, sweltering heat, dose of the scutters, cleaned up as much as i could in the toilets, told the supervisor i had "an accident" he didnt understand and i had to explain in the same level of detail as i am here

the guy didnt like me anyway, but fair dues to him, he arranged a cab home.. needless to say i sat on my newspaper on the way.

It's an awful, rotten thing to happen, but like they say..
Shít Happens.

duchalla

Its called a shart. It starts out as a fart, you follow through and it become a sh!t....

TaosHum

PandaPoo wrote: »

I went for a jog once and shat myself. It might have happened twice actually. So that's why I don't run anymore.

Apt username :pac:

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy wrote: »

What about whilst wearing a nappy?

I only wear nappies occasionally these days, special events and scary movies and suchlike. :P

Rothko

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy wrote: »

What about whilst wearing a nappy?

As an adult?

hairyprincess

Twice. Once because of food poisoning, I didn't know which end to put on the toilet. I was staying at a friends house to make matters worse but they were gone to work and I was on my own. Thankfully I had spare underwear with me.

The second time was caused by anxiety, I was running late for work because of traffic. Was at work for about 5 minutes when it happened. I had to stay for 2 hours until I could go home and get cleaned up. There was only one other person there though thankfully so it wasn't too awful. Still, not something I ever want to repeat.

I really don't think it's as common as one poster suggested. We don't all suffer from ibs or the like.

syngindub

Didn't Lineker sh*t himself in Italia 90 ?

Eircom_Sucks

syngindub wrote: »

Didn't Lineker sh*t himself in Italia 90 ?

he certainly did

MilesMorales1

Oh yeah. Bloody awful. Last summer I wasn't feeling great, but I went out for a stroll in the evening just to get out the house, really wasn't feeling good at all, felt a fart coming on and farted, turned out to be a chronic ****. Lucky it was so late I hardly saw anyone and I don't think anyone clocked it.

Eircom_Sucks

stuck in traffic on the way home once in bits trying to hold it in , thought about pulling over and jumping into the foothold of passenger seat and ****ting in a bag , luckily the need subsided , got home and darted up the stairs and i was unloading while lowering my ass to toilet seat , lucky as hell

on way home from pub one halloween night pissed , just came on me and had to go behind iceland , nothing to clean myself so the walk home was horrible lol

Eircom_Sucks

Eircom_Sucks wrote: »

on way home from pub one halloween night pissed , just came on me and had to go behind iceland , nothing to clean myself so the walk home was horrible lol

Were you not wearing socks?

beach_walker

Got caught bad there a few years ago. Walked it home from the pub, not before having a kebab. As I entered the apartment building, I felt the urge and knew it was gonna be a close call so hurried up. Got to the front door but too much fumbling with the keys and well... I didn't make it

Eircom_Sucks wrote: »

on way home from pub one halloween night pissed , just came on me and had to go behind iceland , nothing to clean myself so the walk home was horrible lol

Happened to me once (behind a Mace mind you), pro-tip: use your sock.

TerrorFirmer

Duggy747 wrote: »

Luckily, no.

Though I have seen some pure horror in public jacks from people I've presumed exploded, leaving only their boxers behind.

Didn't you post that classic 'cubicle smeared in what looked like a 360 degree projectile poo' story? Will never forget that one. Still chuckle even thinking about it now.

beach_walker

I reckon p!ssing yourself is much more common tbh. What do ye think?

razorblunt

Alas, food poisoning caught me too. I was driving home and knew I wouldn't make it, passed work and ducked in. It was 11pm on a Saturday night. It was the fumbling for the bathroom light that ultimately caught me. Luckily managed to get to my locker and find spare shorts.
I was only a mile away from home, had to stop the car another 6 times on the way back, thankfully all coming through the mezzanine area rather than the basement.

When I was training for a half marathon too I used to get cramps around the 10 mile mark, a lot of the time I'd run it off but one time I knew from the first mile something was up. Managed to battle through to mile 6, had a decision there and then to turn left and hit the public jacks a mile down the road in the park or run the mile home. Fastest mile I've ever done, absolutely flew up the road, elbows tucked in at the sides.


It's 1-1 on cacking score.


Waiting for the wedding story to be posted, now THAT is a post and a half.

FortySeven

Once about 15 years ago. Was standing in my living room talking to a friend of mine. I was standing about a meter from him. No warning, no fart, no pressure build up, not a sniff of needing to go.

It just started flowing, it took me a few seconds to realise what was happening and I dashed for the stairs. It kept coming all the way to the bathroom and didn't stop for quite some time. It was everywhere and I have never been so embarrassed. It came and went for the next few days and it turned out my friend had the same issue a few days later. Turned out that someone I'd had staying the week before had brought something from Ecuador where they had been doing charity work. Awful it was. I was afraid to go anywhere for a while.

The Backwards Man

This is the first time I've ever used the 'rate thread' feature on the desktop site.

bodhrandude

Robsweezie wrote: »

Brown.Wedding.

I can remember a post somewhere about a very sh1tty wedding where logs were produced all over the place.

Cienciano

Sometimes I click on a thread and after reading a few posts, I wonder why the hell I ever clicked on it. What could I possibly gain from clicking. This is one of those times

bodhrandude

Ah heres the post I was talking about. http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=90747832&postcount=17

Eircom_Sucks

im in bits laughing here ha ha

ever sit on the toilet seat and push your piss out only to find its gone between the seat and toilet and saturated ur cacks and jeans ?

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=73700591&postcount=22

/thread

TerrorFirmer

Found the post I was talking about, from 2011.

Thread here - well worth a read, some excellent material in there.

Duggy747 wrote:

On one night out I went for a piss at the urinals when next thing this ferocious smell hit me, I mean, it was horrific. It was like all the oxygen was sucked out of the club, replacing it with this rancid odour you'd probably associate with a dead body found in the trunk of a car on a hot summer's day!

Anywho, I finish up strangling the worm and turn around to the bouncer who's pissing himself laughing at a cubicle. I asked him what he was laughing at, he kicks open the door and the next thing I saw put me straight off my drink.

Good...........grief...............the previous user of the cubicle must've been flipping and spinning all over the place, shooting bodily fluids from every hole in his body. It was a sight to behold!! There was nothing but shìt and vomit running down the walls, big brown handprints smeared everywhere, the toilet bowl on the outside covered in vomit, the inside of the bowl overflowing with stained toilet paper.............sitting there like snow on a mountain peak. To top it off, on the ground there was a pair of boxers covered in a thick layer of brown goo and a puddle of, presumably, piss.

Rancid fùcker!! The black guy I knew in the toilets who does the fragrances and all that was told to clean it up but when he saw it he roared out: "AH AM KNOT CLEANING TAT UP!!!!"

Poor guy.

suicide_circus

Yep, had to launch my jocks out the window of the jacks.

retro:electro

Eircom_Sucks wrote: »

im in bits laughing here ha ha

ever sit on the toilet seat and push your piss out only to find its gone between the seat and toilet and saturated ur cacks and jeans ?

Dead

Stig Inge

Not since the Celtic Tiger departed

cowboyBuilder

Back in college in a nightclub one night, I went to the jacks and was having a piss, and got more then I bargained for when I farted ...
I walked home.

PandaPoo

bodhrandude wrote: »

I can remember a post somewhere about a very sh1tty wedding where logs were produced all over the place.

Its my 2 year anniversary next week. Oh the memories....

OldMrBrennan83

This post has been deleted.

MilesMorales1

Sure needing a piss that bad isn't as awful as a ****e. If push comes to shove you need a piss you can nip round the back of somewhere or down an alley or whatever, no bother, you can't do that with a ****e.

Alf Stewart.

Not since I was three.

B.A._Baracus

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

It's a disgusting topic people will rarely talk about for obvious reasons :pac:
But let's be honest everyone has at least once in their adult life. Be it from undercooked food and not being near a toilet or hey... this is Ireland we are talking about. Throw alcohol in the process and a lot of people most certainely have! :pac:

+1, considering this country's love affair with the demon drink. Came within seconds of the unpleasant experience about a month ago after a considerable number of hours of C2H5OH intake..

Cupcake_Crisis

When I was about 3 or 4 my mam took me on one of those "child friendly" ghost trains. Think it was in Kerry....maybe Bray. Anyway, I was a delicate little flower and shat myself from the fright about 30 seconds into the bloody thing.

Morto. It's still mentioned from time to time.

blueser

cowboyBuilder wrote: »

Back in college in a nightclub one night, I went to the jacks and was having a piss, and got more then I bargained for when I farted ...
I walked home.

Ah; the old follow through. We've all been there. Thinking you're going to release one of those silent but deadly farts, when you suddenly get the warm, slushy feeling.