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Ever shat yourself?

24

Comments

  • #32
    razorblunt
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,300 ✭✭✭✭razorblunt


    Alas, food poisoning caught me too. I was driving home and knew I wouldn't make it, passed work and ducked in. It was 11pm on a Saturday night. It was the fumbling for the bathroom light that ultimately caught me. Luckily managed to get to my locker and find spare shorts.
    I was only a mile away from home, had to stop the car another 6 times on the way back, thankfully all coming through the mezzanine area rather than the basement.

    When I was training for a half marathon too I used to get cramps around the 10 mile mark, a lot of the time I'd run it off but one time I knew from the first mile something was up. Managed to battle through to mile 6, had a decision there and then to turn left and hit the public jacks a mile down the road in the park or run the mile home. Fastest mile I've ever done, absolutely flew up the road, elbows tucked in at the sides.


    It's 1-1 on cacking score.


    Waiting for the wedding story to be posted, now THAT is a post and a half.


  • #33
    FortySeven
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,295 ✭✭✭FortySeven


    Once about 15 years ago. Was standing in my living room talking to a friend of mine. I was standing about a meter from him. No warning, no fart, no pressure build up, not a sniff of needing to go.

    It just started flowing, it took me a few seconds to realise what was happening and I dashed for the stairs. It kept coming all the way to the bathroom and didn't stop for quite some time. It was everywhere and I have never been so embarrassed. It came and went for the next few days and it turned out my friend had the same issue a few days later. Turned out that someone I'd had staying the week before had brought something from Ecuador where they had been doing charity work. Awful it was. I was afraid to go anywhere for a while.


  • #34
    The Backwards Man
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,299 ✭✭✭✭The Backwards Man


    This is the first time I've ever used the 'rate thread' feature on the desktop site.


  • #35
    bodhrandude
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 13,321 ✭✭✭✭bodhrandude


    Robsweezie wrote: »
    Brown.Wedding.

    I can remember a post somewhere about a very sh1tty wedding where logs were produced all over the place.

    If you want to get into it, you got to get out of it. (Hawkwind 1982)



  • #36
    Cienciano
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,208 ✭✭✭✭Cienciano


    Sometimes I click on a thread and after reading a few posts, I wonder why the hell I ever clicked on it. What could I possibly gain from clicking. This is one of those times


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  • #37
    bodhrandude
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 13,321 ✭✭✭✭bodhrandude


    Ah heres the post I was talking about. http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=90747832&postcount=17

    If you want to get into it, you got to get out of it. (Hawkwind 1982)



  • #38
    Eircom_Sucks
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,193 ✭✭✭Eircom_Sucks


    im in bits laughing here ha ha

    ever sit on the toilet seat and push your piss out only to find its gone between the seat and toilet and saturated ur cacks and jeans ?


  • #39
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 24,867 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=73700591&postcount=22

    /thread


  • #40
    TerrorFirmer
    Closed Accounts Posts: 29,930 ✭✭✭✭TerrorFirmer


    Found the post I was talking about, from 2011.

    Thread here - well worth a read, some excellent material in there.
    Duggy747 wrote:
    On one night out I went for a piss at the urinals when next thing this ferocious smell hit me, I mean, it was horrific. It was like all the oxygen was sucked out of the club, replacing it with this rancid odour you'd probably associate with a dead body found in the trunk of a car on a hot summer's day!

    Anywho, I finish up strangling the worm and turn around to the bouncer who's pissing himself laughing at a cubicle. I asked him what he was laughing at, he kicks open the door and the next thing I saw put me straight off my drink.

    Good...........grief...............the previous user of the cubicle must've been flipping and spinning all over the place, shooting bodily fluids from every hole in his body. It was a sight to behold!! There was nothing but shìt and vomit running down the walls, big brown handprints smeared everywhere, the toilet bowl on the outside covered in vomit, the inside of the bowl overflowing with stained toilet paper.............sitting there like snow on a mountain peak. To top it off, on the ground there was a pair of boxers covered in a thick layer of brown goo and a puddle of, presumably, piss.

    Rancid fùcker!! The black guy I knew in the toilets who does the fragrances and all that was told to clean it up but when he saw it he roared out: "AH AM KNOT CLEANING TAT UP!!!!"

    Poor guy.


  • #41
    suicide_circus
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 19,801 ✭✭✭✭suicide_circus


    Yep, had to launch my jocks out the window of the jacks.


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  • #42
    retro:electro
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,039 ✭✭✭✭retro:electro


    Eircom_Sucks wrote: »
    im in bits laughing here ha ha

    ever sit on the toilet seat and push your piss out only to find its gone between the seat and toilet and saturated ur cacks and jeans ?

    Dead


  • #43
    Stig Inge
    Closed Accounts Posts: 260 ✭✭Stig Inge


    Not since the Celtic Tiger departed


  • #44
    cowboyBuilder
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,419 ✭✭✭cowboyBuilder


    Back in college in a nightclub one night, I went to the jacks and was having a piss, and got more then I bargained for when I farted ...
    I walked home.


  • #45
    PandaPoo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,978 ✭✭✭PandaPoo


    bodhrandude wrote: »
    I can remember a post somewhere about a very sh1tty wedding where logs were produced all over the place.

    Its my 2 year anniversary next week. Oh the memories.... :o


  • #46
    OldMrBrennan83
    Closed Accounts Posts: 26,611 ✭✭✭✭OldMrBrennan83


    This post has been deleted.


  • #47
    MilesMorales1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,431 ✭✭✭MilesMorales1


    Sure needing a piss that bad isn't as awful as a ****e. If push comes to shove you need a piss you can nip round the back of somewhere or down an alley or whatever, no bother, you can't do that with a ****e.


  • #48
    Alf Stewart.
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,789 ✭✭✭Alf Stewart.


    Not since I was three.


  • #49
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 4,896 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    B.A._Baracus wrote: »
    It's a disgusting topic people will rarely talk about for obvious reasons :pac:
    But let's be honest everyone has at least once in their adult life. Be it from undercooked food and not being near a toilet or hey... this is Ireland we are talking about. Throw alcohol in the process and a lot of people most certainely have! :pac:

    +1, considering this country's love affair with the demon drink. Came within seconds of the unpleasant experience about a month ago after a considerable number of hours of C2H5OH intake..


  • #50
    Cupcake_Crisis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 21,448 ✭✭✭✭Cupcake_Crisis


    When I was about 3 or 4 my mam took me on one of those "child friendly" ghost trains. Think it was in Kerry....maybe Bray. Anyway, I was a delicate little flower and shat myself from the fright about 30 seconds into the bloody thing.

    Morto. It's still mentioned from time to time.


  • #51
    blueser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,893 ✭✭✭✭blueser


    cowboyBuilder wrote: »
    Back in college in a nightclub one night, I went to the jacks and was having a piss, and got more then I bargained for when I farted ...
    I walked home.
    Ah; the old follow through. We've all been there. Thinking you're going to release one of those silent but deadly farts, when you suddenly get the warm, slushy feeling.


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  • #52
    spurious
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Education Moderators, Paid Member Posts: 27,498 CMod ✭✭✭✭spurious


    The effects of food poisoning, somewhere near Ashbourne on a Bus Eireann bus from Donegal. It wasn't pretty. Ended up going into the Garda station - they were very kind. I was mortified.


  • #53
    micar
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,920 ✭✭✭micar


    PandaPoo wrote: »
    I went for a jog once and shat myself. It might have happened twice actually. So that's why I don't run anymore.

    When I go for a long run in the morning, I always wait till a do a poo before hand. Was caught out once in the phoenix Park. Had to squat down in quite place to relieve myself. Had nothing to wipe myself.


  • #54
    micar
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,920 ✭✭✭micar


    Was walking down grafton St after a night out.

    Walk past this girl and guy. Everyone was looking at them.

    Turned around. The girl was wearing a long white dress and had shat herself. It had spread all over her arse!!!


  • #55
    mad muffin
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,034 ✭✭✭mad muffin


    I'm the shat-man… deedadadadeeda… doobeedoobeedoobeedoo


  • #56
    micar
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,920 ✭✭✭micar


    syngindub wrote: »
    Didn't Lineker sh*t himself in Italia 90 ?

    Yep, there is footage of him sitting or squatting on the pitch wiping his hands on the pitch.


  • #57
    retro:electro
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,039 ✭✭✭✭retro:electro


    Did Sonia sh1t herself while running or run off track because she was about to sh1t herself?


  • #58
    dresden8
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,291 ✭✭✭dresden8


    anna080 wrote: »
    Did Sonia sh1t herself while running or run off track because she was about to sh1t herself?

    Where's Paula Radcliffe when you need her.

    Taking a poo, that's where....

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1488162/Well-Paula-thats-one-way-to-stop-them-talking-about-Athens.html

    Happens quite a lot to long distance runners apparently.


  • #59
    wilhelm roentgen
    Closed Accounts Posts: 256 ✭✭wilhelm roentgen


    A friend of mine crapped himself at a party (not too horrifically, there was minimal seepage) at Uxbridge rugby club in the UK in the 1980's, he went into the gents toilets and took off his soiled jocks and stashed them behind the U bend of the toilet, and cleaned himself up before rejoining the party for more ale.

    Years later he returned to Uxbridge RC as his kids were playing in a match there, and out of curiosity he went back into the gents toilets and low and behold his soiled jocks were still there behind the U bend in trap number 3! :eek:


  • #60
    micar
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,920 ✭✭✭micar


    anna080 wrote: »
    Did Sonia sh1t herself while running or run off track because she was about to sh1t herself?

    Paula Radcliffe either went for a wee or a poo during a marathon in front of everyone


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  • #61
    JupiterKid
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 14,954 ✭✭✭✭JupiterKid


    Yes, a few times when I had the runs. Not pleasant but always found a way to extricate myself from any embarrassment and clean myself up.

    I'd say it happens most people at some stage or the other.


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