Fb relationship status - when do you change it?

CaraMay

Op after a few dates it's ok to say it over the phone. No point stressing yourself unnecessarily

batmanrobin

beks101 wrote: »

Hands down the biggest mistake I made when I was single and dating was listening but not really hearing when a guy told me he wanted something casual/not serious/"not looking for a relationship".

The few times I heard it and chose to ignore it, or naively thought, "ah shur, let's just wait and see" or "the chemistry is too good, he'll come around"...were the single sources of the worst headfcuk and heartbreak I had throughout my 20s.

Because guess what? They never came around. They meant what they said. They were enjoying meeting different women or were still hung up on their exes or liked me, sort of, but not enough.

Oh god, yes!! So much headfu*kery from not listening!

OP, I've been there recently myself (I'm not far off your age). Chose not to listen to his words or his actions and I wound up with the upset and he wound up back with his ex.

You just have to be kind to yourself and learn to walk away - even if you really like the person. Hard as that may be!

mid30slady

So I text him yesterday.

Told him how nice he was but I know I want more. He said he really likes me but it's probably too soon for him.

It would have been so much easier for me if he said he didn't like me.

CaraMay

mid30slady wrote: »

So I text him yesterday.

Told him how nice he was but I know I want more. He said he really likes me but it's probably too soon for him.

It would have been so much easier for me if he said he didn't like me.

Look it's a great bonus that he was honest. It's too soon and he can't give you what you want. It's no ones fault

beks101

mid30slady wrote: »

So I text him yesterday.

Told him how nice he was but I know I want more. He said he really likes me but it's probably too soon for him.

It would have been so much easier for me if he said he didn't like me.

Would it though? The result is the same either way. You would've been a rebound.

It's so hard to be ruthless about these things when feelings are involved but if someone isn't on the same page as you for whatever reason, you simply have to move on. And this allows you to do that instead of wasting more time on him.

Well done for being direct with him, I know it's not easy. Keep truckin' xx

mid30slady

Thanks. No, not easy when feelings are involved beks101.

I deleted and blocked his no. Didn't want to but know I had to.

Times like this make me think there's no point trying to meet a guy....just never seems to work out for me!

njs030

mid30slady wrote: »

Thanks. No, not easy when feelings are involved beks101.

I deleted and blocked his no. Didn't want to but know I had to.

Times like this make me think there's no point trying to meet a guy....just never seems to work out for me!

Something similar happened to me once, I walked away and 6 months later when his head was cleared he contacted me again and we were together for quite a while.
Walking away shows him you value yourself and who knows, maybe he'll come back when he's ready for a proper relationship!

Well done Op

mid30slady

Thanks notjustsweet. It's lovely to hear you had a positive outcome from that.

I think I'm just going to forget about guys for a bit. Seems easier at the moment!

beks101

mid30slady wrote: »

Times like this make me think there's no point trying to meet a guy....just never seems to work out for me!

Trust me missus, I felt like this for a long time. It doesn't work until suddenly one day it works, and then you realize that it should never have felt like 'work' in the first place. All you have to meet is one. Hang in there

SarahMollie

beks101 wrote: »

Trust me missus, I felt like this for a long time. It doesn't work until suddenly one day it works, and then you realize that it should never have felt like 'work' in the first place. All you have to meet is one. Hang in there

This is so true.

I met my current BF of 2.5 years just a month after finishing what was in hindsight a pretty pointless relationship. We've been living together for 18months and are making future plans.

I'd been seeing a guy for a year and it was honestly like trying to push water up a hill. We were too different, spent a lot of time arguing because I think we were both trying to force something that just wasn't there, because on paper we were a good match. It was as if we both thought that because we'd invested a year, that we had to keep going. It was just beyond a waste of time. Honestly, I was relieved when it was finally over, but I couldnt see the wood for the trees before that point.

There are no rules as to when it will happen for any of us. Just keep an open mind, and as a woman in your 30s, don't be afraid to ask for what you want and put your cards on the table.

Believe it or not, you've actually had a really good outcome here. He was honest and you've avoided major hurt, and are able to move on straight away.

mid30slady

Thanks for the advice all.