It's the year 566BC

Mint Aero

You've landed back in time naked and empty handed. We'll done. Describe me how you would woo cavewomen or men into the sack with your modern day knowledge.

I'd draw 2 squares on a rock face and then do the joiny liney trick to make it into a 3d box or cube as it's known. Mind blown I bet.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

My knowledge of knowing that cavemen lived a lot further back than 566BC...

One eyed Jack

Mint Aero wrote: »

You've landed back in time naked and empty handed. We'll done. Describe me how you would woo cavewomen or men into the sack with your modern day knowledge.

I'd draw 2 squares on a rock face and then do the joiny liney trick to make it into a 3d box or cube as it's known. Mind blown I bet.

If you arrived empty handed, how did you draw on the rocks?

I'd start a fire, lay out a mammoth rug, and crack open a couple of coconuts, sorted

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Id bring my milkshake to the yard and the boys be like ....

me_irl

Princess Consuela Bananahammock wrote: »

My knowledge of knowing that cavemen lived a lot further back than 566BC...

Heh, deadly.

One eyed Jack

One eyed Jack wrote: »

If you arrived empty handed, how did you draw on the rocks?

I'd start a fire, lay out a mammoth rug, and crack open a couple of coconuts, sorted

Mammoths were extinct by 1800 BCE.

Sh1tbag OToole

Chop down a few trees, try to build some sort of primitive version of a lathe

maudgonner

Most of the guys I attract seem to be cavemen, so I reckon I'd just keep doing what I'm doing now

Sh1tbag OToole

maudgonner wrote: »

Most of the guys I attract seem to be cavemen, so I reckon I'd just keep doing what I'm doing now

Heyyy do you want to join me for a bowl of elk stew? Only clubbed him to death this morning

stoplooklisten

Sh1tbag OToole wrote: »

Chop down a few trees, try to build some sort of primitive version of a lathe

with what axe?

I'd explain how helicopters work, with a demonstration! :D

biko

For perspective - in 566BC Newgrange was already 2600 years old.

Egyptian civilization is 5,000 yrs old OP. What you're talking about is probably more likely to be in the range of 20,000 yrs ago.

If I landed on earth that long ago I'd be very busy 'inventing' tools and agricultural methods and using all the knowledge I've gained from watching Bear Grylls make parachutes out of fig leaves and suchlike.

maudgonner

Sh1tbag OToole wrote: »

Heyyy do you want to join me for a bowl of elk stew? Only clubbed him to death this morning

That actually sounds like what would appear on a Michelin star restaurant menu, if you garnished it with some class of wild herb doohickey and a smear of foam.

Pick me up at 8. Literally pick me up, you're meant to be a caveman like.

biko

Around 500BC the Romans had running water and the Greeks had already invented philosophy.
In Ireland the Iron Age started.

But you go chasing cave women OP... :rolleyes:

RayM

I'd go around singing Beatles songs and pretend I wrote them myself. Just like Gary Sparrow in the '90s time-travelling sitcom Goodnight Sweetheart.

riffmongous

Mint Aero wrote: »

I'd draw 2 squares ..

Whoa, whoa. Slow down, egghead!

maudgonner

RayM wrote: »

I'd go around singing Beatles songs and pretend I wrote them myself. Just like Gary Sparrow in the '90s time-travelling sitcom Goodnight Sweetheart.

Good luck explaining to them what a yellow submarine is.

stoplooklisten

What year did Jonah live in the whale?

Manach

What about the dinosaurs then - how does the OP deal with them?
If there is one thing I learned from Hollywood, them sauropods and cavemen co-existed.

biko

I heard dinos are like 6000 years old and planted by god.

I'd make saddles for the dinosaurs and domesticate them, they can pull rudimentary ploughs and stuff.

Stinicker

I'd be advising that as soon as any lad called Mohammed or Jesus comes along to quickly ignore them. I'd start my own cult like of Religion.

Capt'n Midnight

Princess Consuela Bananahammock wrote: »

My knowledge of knowing that cavemen lived a lot further back than 566BC...

They survived for a lot longer in Cavan

Capt'n Midnight

Time Machine Cheat Sheet

http://imgur.com/gallery/IhPDcoa


Start off with Health.

Learning about metals is also handy, the big hint here is to make charcoal.
Throw some sand in the mix to get glass, now you can get glasses and microscopes and telescopes.

Once you get copper you can start with electricity

Since by 566BC people had domesticated animals, crop rotation and the horse harness and plough would have been big leaps forward.

Arabic numerals and our modern maths would be handy too.

Junkyard Tom

Candie wrote: »

Mammoths were extinct by 1800 BCE.

I grew up before the internet age when common knowledge was that Mammoths were extinct tens-of-thousands of years ago (which they essentially were as a viable population) and was saddened to learn that a small flock of them survived on little natural sanctuary for thousands years after their species collapsed.

It's terribly poignant learning that Woolly Mammoths were still running, and jumping, around the place after the Pyramids were built having grown up thinking they were extinct in the distant stone-age.

mzungu

Maybe have a ol flutter on the Panathenaic Games.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Manach wrote: »

What about the dinosaurs then - how does the OP deal with them?
.

Probably voted for them.

recylingbin

Princess Consuela Bananahammock wrote: »

My knowledge of knowing that cavemen lived a lot further back than 566BC...

Best reply I've seen in aaaages.

Capt'n Midnight

Candie wrote: »

Mammoths were extinct by 1800 BCE.

Mammoth smammoth, just stick a fur coat on an elephant and no one will know the difference. And besides we'll clone them soon (I hope)

For something better try giant slots, they lasted longer, just as big and had bad ass claws - imagine a five ton grizzly bear standing up.

Also Meiolania a giant turtle,
Megalania was a goanna, but it was the size of a saltie.
Quinkana was a croc. A long legged land croc.

And don't get me started on the Moa's or Roc's or Steller's Sea Cows which survived long past 566BC

The Randy Riverbeast

Humans were a bit more advanced back then than you think. I would probably claim im the Messiah and warn them of the false prophets Jesus and Muhammad.

stoplooklisten wrote: »

with what axe?

I'd explain how helicopters work, with a demonstration!

You punch the trees to get wood, make wooden axes to cut trees faster and a wooden pick to start gathering stone. Then make stone tools and start looking for iron. All these years of survival games will finally become useful.

That'd be a cool evening course to do.. How to introduce as many modern concepts as possible if you get landed back in time.

Ya'd learn a lot.

Nodin

Mint Aero wrote: »

You've landed back in time naked and empty handed. We'll done. Describe me how you would woo cavewomen or men into the sack with your modern day knowledge.

I'd draw 2 squares on a rock face and then do the joiny liney trick to make it into a 3d box or cube as it's known. Mind blown I bet.

Ye'd have to adjust to the smell offof them first.

pickarooney

Candie wrote: »

Egyptian civilization is 5,000 yrs old OP. What you're talking about is probably more likely to be in the range of 20,000 yrs ago.

If I landed on earth that long ago I'd be very busy 'inventing' tools and agricultural methods and using all the knowledge I've gained from watching Bear Grylls make parachutes out of fig leaves and suchlike.

So basically faff about for half an hour an then drink you own urine?

Nodin

pickarooney wrote: »

So basically faff about for half an hour an then drink you own urine?

....don't forget the slide down the side of a hill. Vital stuff.

stoplooklisten

New Discovery Pushes Back Date Of Human Existence In Ireland By 2,500 Years

Radiocarbon dating of a butchered brown bear bone, which has been stored in a cardboard box at the National Museum of Ireland for almost 100 years, has established that humans were on the island of Ireland some 12,500 years ago – 2,500 earlier than previously believed.


https://itsligo.ie/2016/03/20/archaeologyhumanexistence20032016/



We're older than we thought!

AnonoBoy

Most of my energy is spent trying to explain Snapchat to the savages.

But enough about my trip to Longford at the weekend.

What's this thread about?

LDN_Irish

pickarooney wrote: »

So basically faff about for half an hour an then drink you own urine?

Nodin wrote: »

....don't forget the slide down the side of a hill. Vital stuff.

Yiz amateurs. Completely forgot to light a fire! Gotta keep the spirit up!

Light a fire to keep your spirit up and drink your own piss. They are the fundamental Bear Ghryll rules.

stoplooklisten

LDN_Irish wrote: »

Yiz amateurs. Completely forgot to light a fire! Gotta keep the spirit up!

Light a fire to keep your spirit up and drink your own piss. They are the fundamental Bear Ghryll rules.

If you're still cold, a cow makes a good tent. Just slit in open and climb inside!

maudgonner

stoplooklisten wrote: »

If you're still cold, a cow makes a good tent. Just slit in open and climb inside!

And once filming is done, go back to the country house you're staying in for the night - so that you can legitimately claim you 'don't stay in hotels when filming the shows'.

Ruu

Tell them many tales about reality television from your time then create your own version of X-Factor.

SEPT 23 1989

I reckon i could construct a glider of some sort if i had the right tools and enough sex

RobertKK

I'd build a boat and sail around the world and be forever famous for having discovered places like the Americas, Australia, New Zealand and Antarctica.
All which would be named after me in some way...so people in schools would be learning about me until life no longer exists on this planet.

ScumLord

Hardened steel would be an easy way to win everyone over. It's pretty simple to make once you know how, they even made steel back in the day although it was very hit and miss and they didn't really understand the process. I could have them making perfect steel every time in a fraction of the time they're taking to do it.

Next would be the wing. It can be applied to their boats but also to their water infrastructure. No more building massive aqueducts that need gravity to do the work. Heres a propeller pump station that can do the same thing. Guess they're need a steam power plant to run it to.

These things would be fairly easy for the likes of the Greeks or Egyptians to apply to their daily lives.

Hygiene would have to take a step up or I'd probably die from all the diseases running rampant in their cities.

Turtyturd

Become christ, a couple of magic tricks, a few writer friends to spread the message, and a crucifixion...boom your timeline is all f*cked up.

maudgonner

Turtyturd wrote: »

Become christ, a couple of magic tricks, a few writer friends to spread the message, and a crucifixion...boom your timeline is all f*cked up.

- Become Christ - I like it, like where you're going with this!
- a couple of magic tricks - yup, bamboozle them into thinking you're special, got it.
- a few writer friends to spread the message - propaganda, always a good idea.
- and a crucifixion - WOAH, hold on there nelly, this has taken a turn in a bad direction :eek:

allibastor

I imagine we would be fecked, At this stage they had fairly good building techniques, fairly good farming techniques and good military techniques.

Maybe the building of napalm and some form of projectile weapon to keep my safe, they the building of internal plumbing in my house?

I mean they could build castles and such and large vilas back then, and had a lot of features we still use today.

Maybe for warfare invent the compound bow, the only advance in warfare in over 1000 years.

Billy86

First thing I'd do would be go watch Johnny Giles playing in his prime.

ScumLord

allibastor wrote: »

I imagine we would be fecked, At this stage they had fairly good building techniques, fairly good farming techniques and good military techniques.

I don't know how fantastic their military techniques would have been by modern standards. They were big set pieces and the Romans had their flaws exploited a number of times by the Germans. Battles between Greeks were borderline sports days and wouldn't pass as a battle by modern standards. There was a lot of bravado in war back then, it wasn't just about winning but winning with pride, so you'd have small poorly armed, unprofessional armies facing up against professional armies because pride wouldn't allow them to catch the other side off guard and have an unfair fight.

Maybe the building of napalm and some form of projectile weapon to keep my safe, they the building of internal plumbing in my house?

Have you ever plumbed a house or tried to make napalm? You'd be surprised how much we don't know about the modern world.

I mean they could build castles and such and large vilas back then, and had a lot of features we still use today.

Castles were dank mold ridden and cold strongholds, most people didn't live in them. I'd say many houses normal people built would have been nicer places to live. Just didn't have the security of a castle.

Maybe for warfare invent the compound bow, the only advance in warfare in over 1000 years.

Or, those gun things seemed to have worked out. Morocco has natural supplies of saltpeter, Urine is another source. Sulphur and carbon. Boom, gunpowder.

RonanP77

I could do feck all to be honest, just because I know something exists now doesn't mean I know how to make/build it. I'd be able to come up with some wonderful ideas but that's it.

riffmongous

I'd presume most people would very quickly just end up murdered or as a slave

whatawaster81

I'd immediately start a religion starting on the premise that the world is not flat.