Have you ever urinated somewhere you shouldn't have?

some random drunk

Well have you? Possibly while drunk? What were the consequences? Did you get in trouble?

* A lad I used to work with was a messy drunk. Told me once how he was thrown out of a certain establishment in Dublin city centre for pissing into a plant pot. As he was being thrown out he suddenly remembered he'd been thrown out the previous week for doing the exact same thing.

* A girl I know was on a hen party in Liverpool. Apparently the queue for the toilets was too long, so she squatted down and went in a corner near the dance floor. Didn't go down too well with the bouncers.

* As a teenager, I was coming back from a late night at a friend's 18th. Walking along the road to my house I can't hold it in any longer. I dash into a dark garden belonging to a house that can't be seen from the road. All's well until mid flow a security light comes on and lights up the whole place. I panic and stumble backwards over a tree stump as my jeans slip to my ankles. Suddenly there's a face at the window looking at me lying on their lawn with my lad in my hand. I got up and ran. Was passing the house a few days later and they were having big electric security gates installed...

So good folks of After Hours, I'm sure you have some similar stories to share, so let's hear them

blueser

In my pants.

some random drunk

blueser wrote: »

In my pants.

As a child or as an adult?

Armchair Andy

Onto an electric fence wire over 30 years ago. The nether regions still tingle at the thought of that pain!!

Kovu

Apt username OP

CyclopsDeluxe

Who hasn't?

I used to go through a phase where I was quite proud of managing big puddles on the road just to watch people avoiding them.

Turtyturd

The toilet seat.

davo10

Out one night when I was a student, an aquaintance of one of my friends joined us, he was a complete tit and insulted the girlfriend of one of my friends, when he went to the loo I pissed in his pint.

Senna

In a hollow just behind a tee box at golf, mid stream 4 lady golfers just appeared in front of me, just yards away. Tried to turn around quickly and peed all over myself.

pablo128

Twas a bitterly cold April night, back in '83. So cold in fact, that I, as an 8 yr old in a house with no central heating, didn't particularly look forward to the walk to the bathroom. Then, the realisation dawned on me. We would be moving to a brand new house the very next day.

So I hopped out of bed and had a piss in behind a chest of drawers in the bedroom!:D

FortySeven

Woke up once when I was young with no recollection of the extremely drunken night before, was late for work so got dressed in a hurry and threw my tie in my pocket. Went to put it on when I got to work and noticed it was wet. Figured I had spilled my drink on it. Spent the whole day serving food to people in the restaurant with a nagging idea that there was a reek of piss following me around. When I got home after my shift I noticed my locker was soaked and the carpet around it was wet. It stank of piss and my tie had been on it. I must have thought it was a toilet in my drunkeness the night before.

I bought a new tie.

Once took a piss up a tree, literally. I'd had 7 tabs of acid and a few bottles of md20 20. Thought I was standing but was actually lying on my back. I got laughed at for weeks for that one.

jamesbere

In the corner of a nightclub dancefloor, I was polluted drunk and for some god knows reason taught the dancefloor was a urinal. I was subsequently thrown out and rightly so. I didn't hear the end of that ever again

Saipanne

Yes...

Lights On

In a girls mouth after she had finished me off, I didn't even know I was doing it until she started screaming at me. The drink is an awful thing

jamesbere

Lights On wrote: »

In a girls mouth after she had finished me off, I didn't even know I was doing it until she started screaming at me. The drink is an awful thing

Haha that's brilliant, she got some land

KungPao

It's always a hairy moment when you're piddling away in a lane or behind a bush...thinking you are clever and no one can see you...til you see a big river of piss streaming between your legs out onto a footpath. Cover blown. Bonus points for when it's zero degrees and the piss is steaming like a volcanic lake in Iceland.

Or you find a nice quiet spot, get going, and suddenly hear voices getting closer and closer.

But hey, sometimes you just have to go - like all the other animals.

some random drunk

Saipanne wrote: »

Yes...

oh please tell

In a plastic jug in the back of a car. My dad was driving the family to a ferry crossing in Portsmouth during a bank holiday weekend, and he didn't allow for traffic and we were gridlocked for about three hours in several lanes of traffic. I held on as long as I could. I still remember the relief. I was only about four.

Ah, the old fashioned glamour of family holidays in the early 90's.

MilesMorales1

Just the other day, I got off the luas. Needed to piss so bad, it was consuming, I knew either I'd take a piss in the next 5 minutes or piss myself (I'd needed to go for like an hour but I'd held on) and there was no toilet anywhere near this luas stop, so I pissed into some bushes by the side of the road

Turtyturd

I'd also say half of Dublin have pissed in the lane way that runs between Abbey St. and Eden Quay.

questionmark?

A young lad I was, in Limerick on a lads night out in some place blind drunk and the toilet was clearly at the end of a maze that could not be cracked. Ended up somewhere up stairs in this establishment that potentially was the staff quarters, I remember the red carpet well. I couldn't even find my way out of this place I wandered into and said **** it QM? Piss you need, Piss you must so started lashing away. Just as I was zipping up a lady of the night walked out the door that I had chosen to piss against ruining her carpet. She had a look of shock on her face, I asked her the way out. I left known two things, the red carpet was a darker shade almost a wine colour, the second only go to places that don't have the toilets at the end of a ****ing maze.

Candie

Candie wrote: »

In a plastic jug in the back of a car. My dad was driving the family to a ferry crossing in Portsmouth during a bank holiday weekend, and he didn't allow for traffic and we were gridlocked for about three hours in several lanes of traffic. I held on as long as I could. I still remember the relief. I was only about four.

Ah, the old fashioned glamour of family holidays in the early 90's.

Where did you get a jug from?!!

Wacker The Attacker

Yes. Bed.

Deleted User

Deleted User wrote: »

Where did you get a jug from?!!

Where the jug came from and most - importantly- where the jug went, are lost in the mists of time.

I still remember the mixture of humiliation and relief!

Wacker The Attacker

Turtyturd wrote: »

I'd also say half of Dublin have pissed in the lane way that runs between Abbey St. and Eden Quay.

Pissing is only the start of what goes on up that lane.

Lights On

jamesbere wrote: »

Haha that's brilliant, she got some land

I got the bigger land when I got a slap in the face after it :pac:

jamesbere

Lights On wrote: »

I got the bigger land when I got a slap in the face after it :pac:

Did you see her again

AmboMan

Got caught short before, took my croc off filled it and poured it out the bus window!

DopeTech

jamesbere wrote: »

Did you see her again

If he did she's a keeper!

Medusa22

I don't think I've peed anywhere particularly strange. When I used to go underage drinking in a field or bushes as a teenager I'd have to have a wander off every once in a while for a wee, and sometimes I'd squat down to pee and I'd be so drunk I'd end up peeing all over my jeans, it was 50/50 whether this would happen so I eventually refused to piss outside and always insisted on finding a toilet somewhere.

Medusa22

Just found this...be careful OP, you might get drenched...

http://www.independent.ie/world-news/europe/the-walls-pee-back-german-train-station-tackles-people-who-urinate-in-public-34240381.html

MilesMorales1

Sure mine can't be the only family that brought a bucket along with us on especially long car trips/walks in case anyone needed to go?

some random drunk

MilesMorales1 wrote: »

Sure mine can't be the only family that brought a bucket along with us on especially long car trips/walks in case anyone needed to go?

Very fancy. We had an empty 2 litre coke bottle.

Buona Fortuna

some random drunk wrote: »

Very fancy. We had an empty 2 litre coke bottle.

Very narrow neck :eek:

MilesMorales1

Buona Fortuna wrote: »

Very narrow neck :eek:

Its what do you with the bottle not how big it is

some random drunk

Buona Fortuna wrote: »

Very narrow neck :eek:

Yes, especially for my sister :pac:

fatherted1969

davo10 wrote: »

Out one night when I was a student, an aquaintance of one of my friends joined us, he was a complete tit and insulted the girlfriend of one of my friends, when he went to the loo I pissed in his pint.

I'd be having my doubts whether he was a bigger tit than yourself op. What a scummy thing to do

Hotblack Desiato

I think most people (well, every non-teetotal male anyway) can answer the OPee's question in the affirmative.

Taking a dump where one shouldn't is another story though.

I was caught badly short once in the middle of Snowdonia National Park and had to take a dump in the bushes, thought there was nobody for miles around, had barely finished zipping up when a couple appeared, I think they were hoping for at least as much privacy as I was, if you know what I mean

Another time was on a motorbike trip (the one above was on one, as well) in the Pyrenees, was up in the high mountains in the middle of nowhere and had to go. No bushes, no plants, no cover at this altitude, just featureless mounds of gravel. Walked (carefully) a suitable distance away from the road and curled one out and kicked some gravel over it and off I went, much relieved...

Then (yeah, another motorbike trip) there was the time I was feeling a bit crook sitting down outside a motorway service area near Paris, thought I'd risk a fart... luckily I'd packed some spare pants at the top of my bag, and a Swiss army knife.

Sir montygom

About 1985 on bus to knock ..... Knock is around 400 mile journey from everywhere ....bus driver wouldn't stop so I had to make it out window ... Window on bus used to open about 3 inches out from bottom... Plenty room for 10year old Micky ...

Eugene Norman

Not me but....

Went on a stag and was shacked up in a hotel room with a guy known to black out. Nice lad when sober. Got a bit mad when drunk (typical of people who black out I think).

Anyway I got back earlier than he did about 2AM( not sure where he went) and clambered into bed. Woke up an hour later as this lad comes in. I'm a bit groggy. He's stumbling about. I say nothing.

Calm as you like he comes over to the bottom edge of my bed and pisses on the floor there, splashes all over my duvet and the open bag with my clothing to the right of the bed. Pisses like a horse. I'm too shocked to say anything and it's too late when I do. Everything I wear the next day reeks of piss.

FortySeven

Hotblack Desiato wrote: »

I think most people (well, every non-teetotal male anyway) can answer the OPee's question in the affirmative.

Taking a dump where one shouldn't is another story though.

I was caught badly short once in the middle of Snowdonia National Park and had to take a dump in the bushes, thought there was nobody for miles around, had barely finished zipping up when a couple appeared, I think they were hoping for at least as much privacy as I was, if you know what I mean

Another time was on a motorbike trip (the one above was on one, as well) in the Pyrenees, was up in the high mountains in the middle of nowhere and had to go. No bushes, no plants, no cover at this altitude, just featureless mounds of gravel. Walked (carefully) a suitable distance away from the road and curled one out and kicked some gravel over it and off I went, much relieved...

Then (yeah, another motorbike trip) there was the time I was feeling a bit crook sitting down outside a motorway service area near Paris, thought I'd risk a fart... luckily I'd packed some spare pants at the top of my bag, and a Swiss army knife.

I was hoping someone else might have asked but my intrigue has been piqued between the fits of laughter.

What on earth did you need the swiss army knife for. Please, pl;ease, don't say scraping or I will urinate somewhere I shouldn't have....:D

Annasopra

In the sink

some random drunk

Joeytheparrot wrote: »

In the sink

Anything wrong with the toilet or ya just fancied a bit of a change?

Hotblack Desiato

FortySeven wrote: »

What on earth did you need the swiss army knife for. Please, pl;ease, don't say scraping or I will urinate somewhere I shouldn't have....:D

Obviously you've never been there. Especially not in the confines of a motorway services cubicle, while wearing bike leathers :pac:

It was for cutting the befouled undercrackers off, there are things you'd rather not slide down your leg.

Thanks for quoting that in full though, even if I delete my account and every post ever made, it'll still be there :pac:

Annasopra

some random drunk wrote: »

Anything wrong with the toilet or ya just fancied a bit of a change?

Cant remember why I did it really. It was years ago.

Hotblack Desiato

Joeytheparrot wrote: »

In the sink

I call it the downstairs toilet. We don't officially have a downstairs toilet.

ThinkProgress

Car sunroof.... moving car...

*slinks away in shame*

some random drunk

ThinkProgress wrote: »

Car sunroof.... moving car...

*slinks away in shame*

That must have been fairly difficult, especially if you're female

gerrybbadd

In between the bars on the tennis club gate in my hometown. Not my finest moment, especially since the tennis club is right next door to the Garda Barracks

B.A._Baracus

I think anyone who has ever drank in Dublin city centre has taken a piss up a lane way at some point.

YungKeo

I was with my parents in a big furniture store when I was younger, I felt the need to pee so I ran off looking for the bathroom.
I ended finding a toilet, I did the business only to turn around and realise it was a model toilet in the middle of the shop with a big group of auld wans staring at me in disgust