brutal honesty

Robsweezie

Buzzfeed have a few videos on YouTube about honesty titled if...were honest. It's about cutting out the bull**** in everyday situations like job interviews where you may pretend to be a super passionate about the role when it's really just a means to an end.

There's a particularly good one about being invited to a party you don't want to go to, and just telling them straight out that you won't be going because you simply don't want to, rather than excuses, just pure honesty.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=bdwQntqI-ts


I find this openness refreshing and I wish I was as direct as that.

How honest are you in your approach to situations you find yourself in? Do you believe in lying/ bull****ting for an easier life?

ThinkProgress

It really depends on the individual you're talking to.... people who know me very well, I have no issues being very blunt with. Most find it amusing because I do it in a semi-serious tongue in cheek style.

People who are d!ckfaces, and I strongly dislike them, again zero issue...

But there are some people that it just feels wrong not to sugar-coat some things for their benefit. Like young children and very old people... (I just don't have the heart to do it to them - plus my sarcasm would likely go right over their heads... so would be a bit pointless anyway lol)

But yeah, generally I love being incredibly blunt and insensitive wherever humanly possible!

The Moldy Gowl

If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best.

doulikeit

Kids are great at it, completely unintentional of course one of my kids just started school and refers to her little class mates of African origin as "the brown people". At Halloween kids came to the door trick or treating with their dad who was dressed as a zombie a rather large man when I closed the door I was asked "are zombies allowed to be fat". Also informed my mother that when she smiled there was cracks all over her face. The world through a kids eyes what.

efb

No need to be cnutish to people either.

Realt Dearg Sec

Gowlasauras Rex wrote: »

If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best.

The mating call of the arseache

efb

Gowlasauras Rex wrote: »

If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best.

Insert Minions meme here

arayess

efb wrote: »

No need to be cnutish to people either.

true , I've met many people who've told me "I call it as I see it" or "You know me, I tell it as it is"
Rarely has one of those people not being using that mantra to excuse their cuntishness or rudeness.

Whitewinged

I don't believe lying for an easy life but I would use tactile honesty rather than hurt someone. Usually like in the clip you gave if I didn't want to go to a party, there would be a reason. I would say that I'm too tired or not in the mood to go to a party.

For interviews, well everyone talks a load of crap in interviews. You and the interviewer both know it. The test is to see if you are the best bullshtter and can give the bull****tee the "right" answers so I don't see it as lying really.

stoneill

Most people have empathy to others and don't want to hurt their feelings, that why they tell little white lies.
If you feel that you need to be open and direct in simple social life regardless of the consequences then you are probably a borderline psychopath.

Hemerodrome

We need instructional videos on how to be honest now? Ffs.

Hemerodrome

Whitewinged wrote: »

I would use tactile honesty.

Aw, how touching.

Roselm

Whitewinged wrote: »

I don't believe lying for an easy life but I would use tactile honesty rather than hurt someone.

Tactile honesty might get messy very quickly!

The Moldy Gowl

efb wrote: »

No need to be cnutish to people either.

Meet you around the back of the soccer forum m8

Niemoj

Gowlasauras Rex wrote: »

If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best.

"If you can't handle my worst, you ain't gittin' my best!"

-Nicki Minaj

Whitewinged

Roselm wrote: »

Tactile honesty might get messy very quickly!

Sometimes there is no need to be brutally honest with someone so you try to give them honesty that is a bit more sensitive to them rather than blurting it out straight. That's what I mean by tactile.

Samaris

Whitewinged wrote: »

Sometimes there is no need to be brutally honest with someone so you try to give them honesty that is a bit more sensitive to them rather than blurting it out straight. That's what I mean by tactile.

I think you mean tactful :P

I don't like hurting peoples feelings, and I will try to be polite and actually give a damn about the feelings of the person I'm talking to. I can be blunt, but I won't phrase things in a hurtful way if possible. I hate-hate-hate "if you can't handle me at my worst..."/"I'm just honest"/"I'm a straight-talker", because all of them are code for "I'm too lazy to think of someone else's feelings, mine are the only important ones and I've never been taught the basics of human interaction". It's a disgustingly selfish approach to other people in the world.

Oh, I also don't like "you can only take offence, not give it". No, you can bloody well give offence too, and to anyone that disagrees, I suggest you walk up to the nearest black person and call them a n**** and then try to argue that one can only take offence!

The basics of manners is a code of social interaction - "rules" that everyone knows to make those around them comfortable. Now, when someone uses the "rules" to make someone else feel bad - like turning up one's nose at a social faux pas - then they're being ignorant and mannerless, but that's a different story. Some of them got way too overly elaborate and became a way to exclude others, but at base, they are to include everyone at a given social interaction.

Whitewinged

Samaris wrote: »

I think you mean tactful :P
n.

haha yep that's what I meant.

Tactile honesty? Not sure if it's even a thing. I guess it could be if you pat someone on the back and sarcastically say "well done" if they did something wrong.

CruelCoin

Robsweezie wrote: »

How honest are you in your approach to situations you find yourself in? Do you believe in lying/ bull****ting for an easier life?

No.

Being dutch, i like to think i'm honest in what i say/do. What do you gain by lying? Are you somehow doing someone a service by telling them a lie?

You're being ruder if you don't answer the question asked and if you attempt to sugar coat it.

Samaris

CruelCoin wrote: »

No.

Being dutch, i like to think i'm honest in what i say/do. What do you gain by lying? Are you somehow doing someone a service by telling them a lie?

You're being ruder if you don't answer the question asked and if you attempt to sugar coat it.

Now, that is actually a really interesting point - I have a hobby where a large group of people from different countries regularly interact and the differences in culture can actually cause a surprising amount of difficulty at times. An English friend and a Dutch friend had a bit of difficulty with that, because the English person felt the Dutch person was being rather inclined to hurt their feelings (it's gotta be said, the English person was in themselves rather sensitive anyway), whereas the Dutch person was bemused at it because he didn't realise his bluntness was considered too blunt, and felt the English person was inclined to talk around a subject, which he found confusing. It took them a while to adjust to the other's way of thinking and figure out what was the appropriate way to deal with them in a way the other, culturally, wouldn't find upsetting. That might sound like a one-off except that there was a second pair of Dutch/English that has the same issues. OK, it's still only a two-off, but really, I'm giving anecdotes here, not a scientific evaluation.


Prior to that, there was a smaller group of ..lemme think now...three Scandowegians and four Americans (and me). In general (and I'm generalising from a very small group), the Scandinavians tended to find the Americans -very- open and touchy-feely, whereas they were more reserved. The Americans tended to take offence every so often at what they percieved as bluntness/rudeness from the Scandinavian directness and lack of emotional wrapping on their words. It was very interesting in some ways (although it could lead to some right explosions at times).

the evasion_kid

Gowlasauras Rex wrote: »

If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best.

Why do I always think of veruca salt when I see that quote....she was a bad egg

captbarnacles

ThinkProgress wrote: »

It really depends on the individual you're talking to.... people who know me very well, I have no issues being very blunt with. Most find it amusing because I do it in a semi-serious tongue in cheek style.

People who are d!ckfaces, and I strongly dislike them, again zero issue...

But there are some people that it just feels wrong not to sugar-coat some things for their benefit. Like young children and very old people... (I just don't have the heart to do it to them - plus my sarcasm would likely go right over their heads... so would be a bit pointless anyway lol)

But yeah, generally I love being incredibly blunt and insensitive wherever humanly possible!

Ah yes, I'm not an obnoxious cnut I just behave like one.

brevity

I find that people who think everyone should be honest with each other, often have difficulty dealing with a few home truths themselves.

Kev W

brevity wrote: »

I find that people who think everyone should be honest with each other, often have difficulty dealing with a few home truths themselves.

You've reminded me of this excellent short comic strip.

https://fudgethatsugar.wordpress.com/2011/02/25/100-honesty/

I'm pretty straight, my friends know my as someone who will tell them the truth if they ask a question, I don't feed people bullsh*t and I tell it how it is. However, I do this without being a c*nt. I would never mean to hurt someone's feelings and would feel extremely bad about it if I did.

It's possible to be honest, and not be a prick about it.

Samaris

Kev W wrote: »

You've reminded me of this excellent short comic strip.

https://fudgethatsugar.wordpress.com/2011/02/25/100-honesty/

I love it, it perfectly encapsulates the -everything-.

One eyed Jack

Thread reminds me of this -

I cannot stand this idea of "brutal honesty", because so many people take it to mean "I'm a cnut, and here's my excuse". It doesn't require that I be brutally honest with that person to tell them they're just a cnut.

There's nothing to feel bad about being honest or being assertive, or being straight up with people, but that whole concept of "brutal", no, that's just being a cnut for the sake of making oneself feel superior to others. They'll be the same people then that claim they have no friends because they're "socially awkward", a nice way of avoiding having to admit they're just an a-hole.

efb

People dont -"tell it like it is" they tell it "how they see it"

Hammer89

This is a sh*t thread.

CruelCoin

Hammer89 wrote: »

This is a sh*t thread.

Thanks for contributing

SEPT 23 1989

Anytime my 4 year old sees somebody in a wheelchair he immediately goes over to them and asks "what happened?"

biko

Interviewer at the job: "What's your biggest flaw?"
Me: "Honesty.."
Interviewer: "I don't think honesty is a flaw?"
Me: "I don't give a **** about what you think.."

Hammer89

CruelCoin wrote: »

Thanks for contributing

I thought we were being honest, ya big bollox.

Little CuChulainn

Buzzfeed? The hypocrisy on that site is unreal. Make a video where you are brutally honest with ugly girls and one where you are brutally honest with ugly guys. They will launch a war against the former and feature the latter on their front page.

One eyed Jack

Little CuChulainn wrote: »

Buzzfeed? The hypocrisy on that site is unreal. Make a video where you are brutally honest with ugly girls and one where you are brutally honest with ugly guys. They will launch a war against the former and feature the latter on their front page.

I only watched the video in the OP after I'd posted.

What a load of contrived shyte! If I were hosting a party and I invited someone, and they said they said they didn't want to go, there's no way I'd spend the next five minutes giving them the opportunity to act the wanker.

That's not even brutal honesty, it's just "notice me, notice me" narcissism. Nobody is actually that important when we're all adults that we would actually waste time asking someone "Why not? But why not? Etc", that's what children do, so it's no surprise that it came from BullFeed :rolleyes:

bucketybuck

Billions of people on the planet, all having to interact with others just to keep the whole idea of society moving.

Thats why we all need a little social grease. Little white lies here and there aren't some betrayal of our inner values, there are just the grease that allows us all to live our lives with the minimum of fuss.

Being brutally honest isn't fighting the good fight or doing whats right, its just being a dick.

loves_to_walk

brutal honesty is not something you tend to encounter all that often in this country

take a trip to the netherlands or scotland and you will need a thick skin pretty quickly

CruelCoin

loves_to_walk wrote: »

brutal honesty is not something you tend to encounter all that often in this country

take a trip to the netherlands or scotland and you will need a thick skin pretty quickly

There's nothing thick skinned about it. It's more to do with not being an ostrich and not having paper-thin skin.

I love my trips back to the motherland, Its a complete breath of fresh air, away from people who say nothing but niceties while meaning something complete different. Its nice to to have to decipher the true meaning of a comment.

bucketybuck

There is a world of difference between brutal honesty and two faced dishonesty. Looks like this thread is going to only focus on the two extremes.

DarkyHughes

Irish Republicans were right about everything.

smash

Does my ass look big in this?
...

Your ass looks big in everything!

Mesrine65

I've always been bluntly honest...

A career in the diplomatic services would not be a good choice for me

beks101

TBH more often than not these "brutal honesty" brigaders are more bitter and hateful towards people in a general sense and lacking in your run-of-the-mill human empathy to the point that they take pride in insulting and shocking others. Instead of actually being committed to telling the truth in social situations as they claim.

I'd equate these little white lies with having a basic grasp of human interaction, good social skills and most of the time, just being a bloody practical human being.

"Not going, don't want to" is never going to stop there. It then becomes "but why?" "but I invited you?" "but X is going to be there?" "but you're doing nothing else?" until you've dug yourself a glorified hole of assholery and isolated yourself from the social group.

When a nice, graceful "you know I'd really love to, but after the week I've had I'm fit for nothing but a few soaps and an early night" costs nothing, goes a lot further and doesn't earn you a sh1tty reputation.

CruelCoin

beks101 wrote: »

"Not going, don't want to" is never going to stop there. It then becomes "but why?" "but I invited you?" "but X is going to be there?" "but you're doing nothing else?" until you've dug yourself a glorified hole of assholery and isolated yourself from the social group.

Its true, blunt honesty isn't for everyone, and as a result i don't have a massive group of friends.
But those i do have would roll through coals for me, as i would do for them.
Its actually quite good as its a self reinforcing quality over quantity.

CruelCoin

CruelCoin wrote: »

Its true, blunt honesty isn't for everyone, and as a result i don't have a massive group of friends.
But those i do have would roll through coals for me, as i would do for them.
Its actually quite good as its a self reinforcing quality over quantity.

Being tactful with your friends doesn't make them bad friends. It just makes you tactful. I don't feel the need to test my friends by disregarding their feelings by being 'blunt', or as I call it 'brusque'.

beks101

CruelCoin wrote: »

Its true, blunt honesty isn't for everyone, and as a result i don't have a massive group of friends.
But those i do have would roll through coals for me, as i would do for them.
Its actually quite good as its a self reinforcing quality over quantity.

You can also have quality over quantity by surrounding yourself with friends who give a damn about other people's feelings and being a pleasant human being in a general sense.

Steve F

ThinkProgress wrote: »

It really depends on the individual you're talking to.... people who know me very well, I have no issues being very blunt with. Most find it amusing because I do it in a semi-serious tongue in cheek style.

People who are d!ckfaces, and I strongly dislike them, again zero issue...

But there are some people that it just feels wrong not to sugar-coat some things for their benefit. Like young children and very old people... (I just don't have the heart to do it to them - plus my sarcasm would likely go right over their heads... so would be a bit pointless anyway lol)

But yeah, generally I love being incredibly blunt and insensitive wherever humanly possible!

I'm just living for the day that someone can invent a "sarcasm font" I can then use it as my default one

DEFTLEFTHAND

Lol just thinking to myself here the kind of upset I'd cause if I let my real feelings be known to family and friends. I'm sure I'd be fairly shook if I heard theirs too.

One eyed Jack

CruelCoin wrote: »

Its true, blunt honesty isn't for everyone, and as a result i don't have a massive group of friends.
But those i do have would roll through coals for me, as i would do for them.
Its actually quite good as its a self reinforcing quality over quantity.

I think there's a world of a difference though between blunt honesty, and brutal honesty. Being blunt with people isn't intended to be offensive, it is what it is, but brutal honesty is just unnecessary.

We all have friends who would roll through coals for us in fairness, but being brutally honest is just looking to kick people up the hole while they're walking barefoot through coals.

And I don't have to choose between quality or quantity either when I can have both, and depending upon their own personalities, they're likely to appreciate either me being blunt with them, or being a bit more tactful.

People are all different, nothing really to do with anyone's birth country. It's simply being a matter of being aware of other people rather than thinking only of yourself all the time.

Samaris

One eyed Jack wrote: »

People are all different, nothing really to do with anyone's birth country. It's simply being a matter of being aware of other people rather than thinking only of yourself all the time.

Oh true, and I didn't mean to imply that all English are X or Dutch are Y, but there are slightly different standards to which people hold themselves to dependent on their region, background, customs and the like. I'm not saying one is better than the other - the Irish propensity for talking around a subject until they've circled it thirteen times drives me cracked at times - but they are there.

Figbiscuithead

CruelCoin wrote: »

No.

Being dutch, i like to think i'm honest in what i say/do. What do you gain by lying? Are you somehow doing someone a service by telling them a lie?

You're being ruder if you don't answer the question asked and if you attempt to sugar coat it.

Keeping your mouth zipped is not lying, though. I simply don't feel the need to say what's on my mind all the time. I met a Dutch girl travelling who gave me an example of your culture: she arrived home from a few months in Asia and had put on a few pounds and one of the first things her family said to her when they greeted her at the airport was, "You've put on weight". Indeed they didn't lie and told her the absolute truth but I don't get why they had to say anything at all She wasn't overweight, she'd just come back from travelling and they hadn't seen her in months. It's similar in other European countries and fair play to them if they can stick it but it ain't for me.