brutal honesty

Robsweezie · 10-11-2015 03:03AM #1

Buzzfeed have a few videos on YouTube about honesty titled if...were honest. It's about cutting out the bull**** in everyday situations like job interviews where you may pretend to be a super passionate about the role when it's really just a means to an end.

There's a particularly good one about being invited to a party you don't want to go to, and just telling them straight out that you won't be going because you simply don't want to, rather than excuses, just pure honesty.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=bdwQntqI-ts

I find this openness refreshing and I wish I was as direct as that.

How honest are you in your approach to situations you find yourself in? Do you believe in lying/ bull****ting for an easier life?

ThinkProgress · 10-11-2015 03:41AM

It really depends on the individual you're talking to.... people who know me very well, I have no issues being very blunt with. Most find it amusing because I do it in a semi-serious tongue in cheek style.

People who are d!ckfaces, and I strongly dislike them, again zero issue...

But there are some people that it just feels wrong not to sugar-coat some things for their benefit. Like young children and very old people... (I just don't have the heart to do it to them - plus my sarcasm would likely go right over their heads... so would be a bit pointless anyway lol)

But yeah, generally I love being incredibly blunt and insensitive wherever humanly possible!

The Moldy Gowl · 10-11-2015 04:23AM

If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best.

doulikeit · 10-11-2015 06:36AM

Kids are great at it, completely unintentional of course one of my kids just started school and refers to her little class mates of African origin as "the brown people". At Halloween kids came to the door trick or treating with their dad who was dressed as a zombie a rather large man when I closed the door I was asked "are zombies allowed to be fat". Also informed my mother that when she smiled there was cracks all over her face. The world through a kids eyes what.

efb · 10-11-2015 06:41AM

No need to be cnutish to people either.

Realt Dearg Sec · 10-11-2015 06:51AM

Gowlasauras Rex wrote: »

If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best.

The mating call of the arseache

efb · 10-11-2015 06:55AM

Gowlasauras Rex wrote: »

If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best.

Insert Minions meme here

arayess · 10-11-2015 07:24AM

efb wrote: »

No need to be cnutish to people either.

true , I've met many people who've told me "I call it as I see it" or "You know me, I tell it as it is"
Rarely has one of those people not being using that mantra to excuse their cuntishness or rudeness.

Whitewinged · 10-11-2015 08:52AM

I don't believe lying for an easy life but I would use tactile honesty rather than hurt someone. Usually like in the clip you gave if I didn't want to go to a party, there would be a reason. I would say that I'm too tired or not in the mood to go to a party.

For interviews, well everyone talks a load of crap in interviews. You and the interviewer both know it. The test is to see if you are the best bullshtter and can give the bull****tee the "right" answers so I don't see it as lying really.

stoneill · 10-11-2015 09:02AM

Most people have empathy to others and don't want to hurt their feelings, that why they tell little white lies.
If you feel that you need to be open and direct in simple social life regardless of the consequences then you are probably a borderline psychopath.

Hemerodrome · 10-11-2015 09:07AM

We need instructional videos on how to be honest now? Ffs.

Hemerodrome · 10-11-2015 09:10AM

Whitewinged wrote: »

I would use tactile honesty.

Aw, how touching.

Roselm · 10-11-2015 09:11AM

Whitewinged wrote: »

I don't believe lying for an easy life but I would use tactile honesty rather than hurt someone.

Tactile honesty might get messy very quickly!

The Moldy Gowl · 10-11-2015 09:12AM

efb wrote: »

No need to be cnutish to people either.

Meet you around the back of the soccer forum m8

Niemoj · 10-11-2015 09:13AM

Gowlasauras Rex wrote: »

If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best.

"If you can't handle my worst, you ain't gittin' my best!"

-Nicki Minaj

Whitewinged · 10-11-2015 09:48AM

Roselm wrote: »

Tactile honesty might get messy very quickly!

Sometimes there is no need to be brutally honest with someone so you try to give them honesty that is a bit more sensitive to them rather than blurting it out straight. That's what I mean by tactile.

Samaris · 10-11-2015 10:58AM

Whitewinged wrote: »

Sometimes there is no need to be brutally honest with someone so you try to give them honesty that is a bit more sensitive to them rather than blurting it out straight. That's what I mean by tactile.

I think you mean tactful :P

I don't like hurting peoples feelings, and I will try to be polite and actually give a damn about the feelings of the person I'm talking to. I can be blunt, but I won't phrase things in a hurtful way if possible. I hate-hate-hate "if you can't handle me at my worst..."/"I'm just honest"/"I'm a straight-talker", because all of them are code for "I'm too lazy to think of someone else's feelings, mine are the only important ones and I've never been taught the basics of human interaction". It's a disgustingly selfish approach to other people in the world.

Oh, I also don't like "you can only take offence, not give it". No, you can bloody well give offence too, and to anyone that disagrees, I suggest you walk up to the nearest black person and call them a n**** and then try to argue that one can only take offence!

The basics of manners is a code of social interaction - "rules" that everyone knows to make those around them comfortable. Now, when someone uses the "rules" to make someone else feel bad - like turning up one's nose at a social faux pas - then they're being ignorant and mannerless, but that's a different story. Some of them got way too overly elaborate and became a way to exclude others, but at base, they are to include everyone at a given social interaction.

Whitewinged · 10-11-2015 11:16AM

Samaris wrote: »

I think you mean tactful :P
n.

haha yep that's what I meant.

Tactile honesty? Not sure if it's even a thing. I guess it could be if you pat someone on the back and sarcastically say "well done" if they did something wrong.

CruelCoin · 10-11-2015 11:22AM

Robsweezie wrote: »

How honest are you in your approach to situations you find yourself in? Do you believe in lying/ bull****ting for an easier life?

No.

Being dutch, i like to think i'm honest in what i say/do. What do you gain by lying? Are you somehow doing someone a service by telling them a lie?

You're being ruder if you don't answer the question asked and if you attempt to sugar coat it.

Samaris · 10-11-2015 11:31AM

CruelCoin wrote: »

No.

Being dutch, i like to think i'm honest in what i say/do. What do you gain by lying? Are you somehow doing someone a service by telling them a lie?

You're being ruder if you don't answer the question asked and if you attempt to sugar coat it.

Now, that is actually a really interesting point - I have a hobby where a large group of people from different countries regularly interact and the differences in culture can actually cause a surprising amount of difficulty at times. An English friend and a Dutch friend had a bit of difficulty with that, because the English person felt the Dutch person was being rather inclined to hurt their feelings (it's gotta be said, the English person was in themselves rather sensitive anyway), whereas the Dutch person was bemused at it because he didn't realise his bluntness was considered too blunt, and felt the English person was inclined to talk around a subject, which he found confusing. It took them a while to adjust to the other's way of thinking and figure out what was the appropriate way to deal with them in a way the other, culturally, wouldn't find upsetting. That might sound like a one-off except that there was a second pair of Dutch/English that has the same issues. OK, it's still only a two-off, but really, I'm giving anecdotes here, not a scientific evaluation.

Prior to that, there was a smaller group of ..lemme think now...three Scandowegians and four Americans (and me). In general (and I'm generalising from a very small group), the Scandinavians tended to find the Americans -very- open and touchy-feely, whereas they were more reserved. The Americans tended to take offence every so often at what they percieved as bluntness/rudeness from the Scandinavian directness and lack of emotional wrapping on their words. It was very interesting in some ways (although it could lead to some right explosions at times).

the evasion_kid · 10-11-2015 11:40AM

Gowlasauras Rex wrote: »

If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best.

Why do I always think of veruca salt when I see that quote....she was a bad egg

captbarnacles · 10-11-2015 11:43AM

ThinkProgress wrote: »

It really depends on the individual you're talking to.... people who know me very well, I have no issues being very blunt with. Most find it amusing because I do it in a semi-serious tongue in cheek style.

People who are d!ckfaces, and I strongly dislike them, again zero issue...

But there are some people that it just feels wrong not to sugar-coat some things for their benefit. Like young children and very old people... (I just don't have the heart to do it to them - plus my sarcasm would likely go right over their heads... so would be a bit pointless anyway lol)

But yeah, generally I love being incredibly blunt and insensitive wherever humanly possible!

Ah yes, I'm not an obnoxious cnut I just behave like one.

brevity · 10-11-2015 11:43AM

I find that people who think everyone should be honest with each other, often have difficulty dealing with a few home truths themselves.

Kev W · 10-11-2015 11:48AM

brevity wrote: »

I find that people who think everyone should be honest with each other, often have difficulty dealing with a few home truths themselves.

You've reminded me of this excellent short comic strip.

https://fudgethatsugar.wordpress.com/2011/02/25/100-honesty/

10-11-2015 11:52AM

I'm pretty straight, my friends know my as someone who will tell them the truth if they ask a question, I don't feed people bullsh*t and I tell it how it is. However, I do this without being a c*nt. I would never mean to hurt someone's feelings and would feel extremely bad about it if I did.

It's possible to be honest, and not be a prick about it.

Samaris · 10-11-2015 11:54AM

Kev W wrote: »

You've reminded me of this excellent short comic strip.

https://fudgethatsugar.wordpress.com/2011/02/25/100-honesty/

I love it, it perfectly encapsulates the -everything-.

One eyed Jack · 10-11-2015 12:10PM

Thread reminds me of this -

I cannot stand this idea of "brutal honesty", because so many people take it to mean "I'm a cnut, and here's my excuse". It doesn't require that I be brutally honest with that person to tell them they're just a cnut.

There's nothing to feel bad about being honest or being assertive, or being straight up with people, but that whole concept of "brutal", no, that's just being a cnut for the sake of making oneself feel superior to others. They'll be the same people then that claim they have no friends because they're "socially awkward", a nice way of avoiding having to admit they're just an a-hole.

efb · 10-11-2015 12:12PM

People dont -"tell it like it is" they tell it "how they see it"

Hammer89 · 10-11-2015 12:14PM

This is a sh*t thread.

CruelCoin · 10-11-2015 02:19PM

Hammer89 wrote: »

This is a sh*t thread.

Thanks for contributing

SEPT 23 1989 · 10-11-2015 02:23PM

Anytime my 4 year old sees somebody in a wheelchair he immediately goes over to them and asks "what happened?"

brutal honesty

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