How were you disciplined as a kid?

MilesMorales1

How were you disciplined as a child? What years did you grow up in, etc?

I was born in the early 90s, I regularly got the belt, fists, being locked outside over night by my dad, etc. Still support physical punishment to a certain extent though.

Kimbot

The punishment always reflected the crime, many a wooden spoon or sweeping brush was broken in our house haha

Brian from Bray

That sounds a bit over the top Op. I'm certainly glad I didn't have a dad like yours.

Captain Flaps

Was a 'child' from '88 to '00 (birth to 12yo). Was never 'hit' per se but when I was younger I had to hold my hand out for a slap if I'd been bold, it was effectively a high five so was more of a symbolic gesture than a painful punishment. General punishment consisted of a verbal bollicking and occasionally being sent to my room or having playstation rights rescinded but both my brother and I were reasonably well behaved so a stern word was usually enough.

I think something like that is fine but I can't understand people who defend lamping a kid to actually cause pain, and I would intervene if I saw a parent violently disciplining a child in public.

In my own world view your Dad physically and emotionally abused you but everyone's interpretation of events is different.

frostyjacks

Corporeal punishment, but only if I deserved it. Did me no harm, if more kids were introduced to the business end of a leather belt the country would be a much better place.

The_Morrigan

Child of the 80's here.
Neither of my parents ever resorted to physical discipline - the threat of the wooden spoon was enough, or that look only a mother can make - I always felt the worst when my father told me he was disappointed in my behaviour.

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

I was born in the mid 40s. My mother did most of the disciplining but it was mild. Dad would threaten us with being put in the shed at night if we were messing in bed at night but never did so. I suppose we got the odd slap on the back of the knees from mother when we were kids but nothing much.
Dad was famous for "Now, now lads" and my aunts used to say "I hear he's beating them with a feather again". A gentle man.

Brian from Bray

The_Morrigan wrote: »

Child of the 80's here.
Neither of my parents ever resorted to physical discipline - the threat of the wooden spoon was enough, or that look only a mother can make - I always felt the worst when my father told me he was disappointed in my behaviour.

That's nearly worse than any beating tbh when they say that.

Drexel

Smacked on the back of the legs with a skinny bendy stick from outside. Was like a whip!

Lucena

OP, you wouldn't hit an adult, would you?

So why is hitting a child ok?

The_Morrigan

Brian from Bray wrote: »

That's nearly worse than any beating tbh when they say that.

Yup - it killed me (metaphorically of course)

Brian from Bray

Finnegan Drab Geek wrote: »

I was born in the mid 40s. My mother did most of the disciplining but it was mild. Dad would threaten us with being put in the shed at night if we were messing in bed at night but never did so. I suppose we got the odd slap on the back of the knees from mother when we were kids but nothing much.
Dad was famous for "Now, now lads" and my aunts used to say "I hear he's beating them with a feather again". A gentle man.

That's a good one :pac:

Captain Flaps

frostyjacks wrote: »

if more kids were introduced to the business end of a leather belt the country would be a much better place.

I disagree, I've seen plenty of little sh*ts get a proper slap and all that happens is they grow up into big sh*ts who do the same to their kids. Tough Love parenting doesn't need to resort to violence, it's like everything else in life... If you have to resort to attacking your opponent, you've lost the argument.

MilesMorales1

Lucena wrote: »

OP, you wouldn't hit an adult, would you?

So why is hitting a child ok?

I think a slap on the arse or a tap with the wooden spoon doesn't hurt. Kids don't respond to the same reasoning as adults, and kids these days get away with stuff I wouldn't have dared to even try, cos they know they can't be disciplined efficiently.

Mesrine65

Born in '65 to a working class, inner city Dublin family.

My father was the disciplinarian for the my brother & I, my mother disciplined my sister.

Da was a boxing champion in the 50's & had 2 pairs of old leather boxing gloves hanging on a nail in the shed.

Discipline for misdeeds was a bout of fisticuffs in the back garden.

I was 15 years old when I first put him on his back...he took off the gloves, I shít myself & he told me to get into the kitchen.

He slowly, without words made a cup of tea, lit a smoke & sat down at the kitchen table facing me & said, "from now on we talk, I can teach you no more."

For years I thought the fúcker was just beating on me...I learnt a lot from him, I loved my da!

Kimbot

MilesMorales1 wrote: »

I think a slap on the arse or a tap with the wooden spoon doesn't hurt. Kids don't respond to the same reasoning as adults, and kids these days get away with stuff I wouldn't have dared to even try, cos they know they can't be disciplined efficiently.

Have to agree there, about 15 years ago when I hit the 18+ mark the things I seen 15 year olds do because the Guards couldnt arrest them and they knew it was shocking.

sjb25

Got a few belts for myself did me no harm in fairness made me think twice before I did it again more so than sitting me down and explaining what I did wrong bulsh1t that people seem to do these days anyway

kylith

The Wooden Spoon.

shamrock55

80's child, the threat of a hiding or wooden spoon was enough, but you need to know what both felt like first, also my dad chasing me up the stairs with him shouting and banging each step as he went behind me always frightened me but that was always just a scare tactic but it worked id stay quiet as a mouse in my room then:D

SillyBeans

I was an awesome little kid, didn't ever really need to be disciplined often. If I did, it was just an "I expected better from you" that did the job. I never have and never will support slapping/smacking/hurting a child, or anyone. It seems to me to be pure laziness. I've turned out perfectly well without being physically disciplined.

Sunnyisland

Born in the 60,s
Mother was the boss in the house,
Wooden spoon,belt,shoes,put to bed very early,

I remember my mother threw a shoe at my sister, my sister ducked, shoe went through window and my sister got punished more for ducking.

Love my parents both,they did what they could and to there best of there ability for us as a family.

zl1whqvjs75cdy

Mesrine65 wrote: »

Born in '65 to a working class, inner city Dublin family.

My father was the disciplinarian for the my brother & I, my mother disciplined my sister.

Da was a boxing champion in the 50's & had 2 pairs of old leather boxing gloves hanging on a nail in the shed.

Discipline for misdeeds was a bout of fisticuffs in the back garden.

I was 15 years old when I first put him on his back...he took off the gloves, I shít myself & he told me to get into the kitchen.

He slowly, without words made a cup of tea, lit a smoke & sat down at the kitchen table facing me & said, "from now on we talk, I can teach you no more."

For years I thought the fúcker was just beating on me...I learnt a lot from him, I loved my da!

So when he knew you were strong enough to kick the ****e out of him he stopped hitting you? Seems fair.

Lucena

sjb25 wrote: »

Got a few belts for myself did me no harm in fairness made me think twice before I did it again more so than sitting me down and explaining what I did wrong bulsh1t that people seem to do these days anyway

By the same reasoning I could kick you in the balls now, and that'd be ok because you won't feel it in twenty years time?

Iseedeadpixels

Pretty much like the OP but never got locked out, stopped when I was a teen when I went to the Garda, my Mother told myself and my father to ignore each other and if I was in trouble it would be up to her, worked a treat but years of not speaking to my Father was the only downside.

sjb25

Lucena wrote: »

By the same reasoning I could kick you in the balls now, and that'd be ok because you won't feel it in twenty years time?

I'd rather if you didn't

See it works

By the way I don't hit mine but it did me no harm really like

Miaireland

The_Morrigan wrote: »

Child of the 80's here.
Neither of my parents ever resorted to physical discipline - the threat of the wooden spoon was enough, or that look only a mother can make - I always felt the worst when my father told me he was disappointed in my behaviour.

You and I must have the same parents. I was going to type almost the exact same post.

Polo_Cluvie

Clip around the ear from a tough kilkenny woman. If the ole lad was called into the fray we were in big trouble ha ha. Didn't do us any harm but in saying I've never hit my own kids. Born early 70s

MilesMorales1

MilesMorales1 wrote: »

I was born in the early 90s, I regularly got the belt, fists, being locked outside over night by my dad, etc. Still support physical punishment to a certain extent though.

Jesus.

Christ.

That's fairly shocking. A belt and fists? In the 90s? Being locked out?

I'm afraid your Dad needs a bit of a talking to.

Was born in the 70s. Was given out to a few times. The usual threat was that if I continued to arse around in school I would be sent to boarding school...but knew it was idle cos I was pretty much doted on.

Darkglasses

Never had any hitting or slapping at my house, seems mad to me.

Just the usual pepper spray and rubber bullets.

Sunnyisland

Lucena wrote: »

By the same reasoning I could kick you in the balls now, and that'd be ok because you won't feel it in twenty years time?

I don't think that's the same reasoning at all, I think it's fair to say that most people speaking here are on about a few slaps of a wooden spoon, or shoe or belt or maybe a clip around the ear, getting a kick in the balls is taking it a bit extreme don't you think ? And anything other than above would be abuse of a child,I don't think me or my siblings were abused as children by our parents.

MarkAnthony

I was smacked and frequently trotted out the line never did me any harm. The someone said (here I think). It made you think smacking was acceptable, bit of an epiphany for me.

That said the odd tap in frustration after repeated warnings is nothing to get one's knickers in a twist over. That said as a semi-regular resort I think it reflects badly on parenting skills.

MilesMorales1

Deleted User wrote: »

Jesus.

Christ.

That's fairly shocking. A belt and fists? In the 90s? Being locked out?

I'm afraid your Dad needs a bit of a talking to.

Was born in the 70s. Was given out to a few times. The usual threat was that if I continued to arse around in school I would be sent to boarding school...but knew it was idle cos I was pretty much doted on.

He got it after he hospitalised me for the third time, no need to worry.

I mean what he did was clearly abuse, but I still stand by what I said about physical punishment.

5starpool

Drexel wrote: »

Smacked on the back of the legs with a skinny bendy stick from outside. Was like a whip!

The sally rod. We used to get skelps of that too although it was mostly the threat of it that made us stop whatever we were at. We never got hit hard with it though.

I remember going on a campaign of hiding the stick so that each time my mother would have to go out and get a new one that I'd promptly hide again. It was funny when she found my hiding place that had about 20 of them in it at that point. Well, it was funny until I realised I'd given her a new arsenal of weapons.

Never did me any harm, etc. A long time ago now though since I was last threatened with the rod.

KERSPLAT!

Born in '86, usually just the threat of the wooden spoon, I don't remember it ever actually been used. Probably a few slaps on the leg or backside. I don't think it did me any harm but who knows!?

My lad is only 9 months but I know now that I won't be using those discipline methods myself in future, there are plenty of other ways to discipline a child.

REXER

Cattle prod, chainsaw and microwave oven (until I outgrew it). But it never did me any harm at all!

Just kidding.

MilesMorales1

MilesMorales1 wrote: »

He got it after he hospitalised me for the third time, no need to worry.

:eek:

Jesus. I'm so sorry for you. I can't imagine anything worse than an abusive parent. To hospitalise one's own child? If you have forgiven him good for you, it's probably better than carrying it around, you have a bigger heart than me.

brevity

Wooden Spoon as well. I feel like it should be on the Irish flag like the Ak47 is on Mozambique's flag.

AudreyHepburn

Mid 80s child here....I can only recall one or two incidents of being slapped on the bum, and not severe slaps either just a light tape.

My parents never resorted to physical discipline, they would just get cross and take away a toy/book/ the tv etc.

OP with all due respect what you describe isn't discipline imo, it's abuse. There is never any call to raise a hand to child.

R.D. aka MR.D

5starpool wrote: »

The sally rod. We used to get skelps of that too although it was mostly the threat of it that made us stop whatever we were at. We never got hit hard with it though.

I remember going on a campaign of hiding the stick so that each time my mother would have to go out and get a new one that I'd promptly hide again. It was funny when she found my hiding place that had about 20 of them in it at that point. Well, it was funny until I realised I'd given her a new arsenal of weapons.
.

Oh my god, I never knew other kids did this. My Mammy had a sally rod and we used to take turns breaking it because it would take her a week or so to go out and cut another one.

My Granny used to hit us with a wet dish cloth but not very often.

My mammy was terrible though. Definitely abuse. She would hit us for no reason. For example if you were out playing and fell and cut your knee, you'd be hit until the skin on your back was raw. Stubbed your toe? Same thing. Daddy promised to take you somewhere but he was too busy drinking at the pub? Start crying? She would say: I'll give you something to cry about.

It messed me up pretty bad. If I get hurt now, for example cut myself on a sharp kitchen knife recently and was pumping blood, hurt like hell. I couldn't cry. It's like a weird numbness comes over me when I'm in physical pain. OH tried to help me and I recoiled from him because I expect to be hit when I get hurt accidentally.

I don't think an odd slap does any harm but people like my mother take it too far. If you asked her now, she would still say that she didn't do anything wrong.

booooring!

Sweet chin music or stunner was my punishment.

onasis

My father was a very cross man who used to beat us, my mother included.

One day he beat me because a neighbours teenage daughter got pregnant and he was warning me that it was not to happen to me.

He's dead now and I'm in my 50's but I still bear the emotion scars.

kfallon

Cold War Kid wrote: »

I don't take issue with a light slap on the arse from the time to time btw.

I bet you don't.....

:pac:

arayess

i was battered left right and center. fists, a stick not sure about a belt
usually poor man was driven to it by my mothers freak out.

He punched me when i was 17 and I calmly told him I'd kill him if he did that again. and he didn't. happy days for all

this was 80's to early 90s.


we get on grand now.
I think men go through an odd phase in the 30's/40s pre mid life crisis . nobody talks about it though. A changing of your life that isn't always a good thing.
some of your mates are living the dream while you are waking up to the fact you are broke and will be for a decade , your kids are annoying you and your wife isn't as sound as you thought a few years ago. in fact she is a harpy .
no divorce etc... pressure cooker in your head.
no wonder they drink.

Boom_Bap

I never got my parent angry enough for discipline.

They were just 'disappointed' when I was a git. That's probably the worst of them all.

_Whimsical_

MilesMorales1 wrote: »

He got it after he hospitalised me for the third time, no need to worry.

I mean what he did was clearly abuse, but I still stand by what I said about physical punishment.

Jesus, that's dreadful to have experienced that, I'm very sorry it was ever infliicted upon you.
Just because you have survived very difficult experiences though doesn't mean that you should have had to. You would most likely have turned out as you are had your parents employed nonviolent tactics like talking to you about your actions, consistently pointing out right from wrong, denying you privileges as punishment. We only have the lens of our own experience to view these things, you might not realise how well other ways can work.

I can see how sometimes a slap can be necessary, eg my friends child ,age three, races out his gate into the road whenever it's left open. He doesn't understand threats of getting run over, he doesn't understand that later tonight he won't get to watch tv if he misbehaves at 3pm. He has seemed to understand that someone getting very angry and shouting and giving him a slap on the hand is something to be avoided though and he has stopped. I can sympathise with a small tap and firm words when you're protecting a child from killing themselves but not hitting as means of general discipline.

PARlance

One of my best memories as a kid was my mother, wooden spoon in hand, chasing my youngest brother (about 7 or 8 at the time) around the kitchen table for about 10 minutes. He was being cheered on by his 3 elder brothers and every change of direction we gave him an Olé. His face was a picture, no fear in the slightest just a cheeky grin of a guy in control of the situation,

As the Motherdor grew tired, her anger had been wiped out by the grin and he got nothing more than a big hug. The bugger would charm his way out of anything to this day.

But ya, 80's kid and still clench my bottox when I make a mistake. Can't see myself or my wife using the same measures but can't say it did me much harm either. Kids are very young so the bridge is yet to be "crossed".

I don't want well reasoned brats but I don't want to use force either.

Maximus Alexander

My mam used to beat the sh!t out of us.

My dad never raised a hand in anger and would just look you in the eye and tell you he was disappointed in you.

The latter was much more effective.

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

arayess wrote: »

I think men go through an odd phase in the 30's/40s pre mid life crisis . nobody talks about it though. A changing of your life that isn't always a good thing.
some of your mates are living the dream while you are waking up to the fact you are broke and will be for a decade , your kids are annoying you and your wife isn't as sound as you thought a few years ago. in fact she is a harpy .
no divorce etc... pressure cooker in your head.
no wonder they drink.

I call rubbish on that. If it's in you to beat somebody then it's in you. Mid life crisis is a cop out in my opinion. Most of us go through that phase in our late 30s when mortgage, family etc puts us under financial strain. We have mostly at that stage got friends who seem to be living better than us and our kids are at that "difficult phase". We don't generally deal with it by lashing out with physical violence.
Of course it may happen some but it is certainly no way near the norm.

SillyBeans

_Whimsical_ wrote: »

I can see how sometimes a slap can be necessary, eg my friends child ,age three, races out his gate into the road whenever it's left open.

Make sure the gate stays closed then

Cold War Kid

arayess wrote: »

i was battered left right and center. fists, a stick not sure about a belt
usually poor man was driven to it by my mothers freak out.

He punched me when i was 17 and I calmly told him I'd kill him if he did that again. and he didn't. happy days for all

this was 80's to early 90s.


we get on grand now.
I think men go through an odd phase in the 30's/40s pre mid life crisis . nobody talks about it though. A changing of your life that isn't always a good thing.
some of your mates are living the dream while you are waking up to the fact you are broke and will be for a decade , your kids are annoying you and your wife isn't as sound as you thought a few years ago. in fact she is a harpy .
no divorce etc... pressure cooker in your head.
no wonder they drink.

Christ, the man batters him around the place and it's the women's fault.

Jesus.

That "odd" phase is really not odd at all and is otherwise known as "life", which people constantly talk about. These difficult realisations that married life/family life isn't a bed of roses, are not only experienced by men either btw - e.g. the harpy wife having to deal with her heavily drinking, violent husband in the scenario you describe.

The vast vast majority of men don't resort to heavy drinking and violence when they are going through this phase, because they take responsibility for themselves.

_Whimsical_

SillyBeans wrote: »

Make sure the gate stays closed then

Yup but he's a dynamo! Answer the door to the postman and he's out the door and out the gate really fast, the guy who delivers the paper leaves the gate open and then they leave the house to get in the car later and he's gone again! Obviously they leave the gate closed though but he's pretty hyper so needs to be watched every minute, he's just awfully fast!