he's going to ask

EvaG123

Hi folks,

So quite by accident I've found out that my bf is planning to propose this new year's. (No snooping, I swear, the hotel left him a voicemail that gave the game away on our landline - so silly!) We are heading out of the country for a holiday at that time and obviously I can't wait now that I know what's happening!! Two questions though. 1) Should I admit that I know and not try to keep it in for four months or do I be nice and act surprised?? 2) If I am keeping my mouth shut, I wonder how can I indicate to him that I would love to help pick out the ring? It's not that I want him to spend an arm or a leg on it or anything, I will be happy with something totally simple, and in reality if it's my engagement ring I'm going to wear it even it's rainbow coloured with a fake diamond the size of a golf ball, but the thing is on several occasions when he has bought me jewellery before his mam has tried to be helpful and indicate that she knows what I like. I'm polite enough to wear them but she doesn't know what I like at all and picks out things that don't suit me and aren't my taste. I don't mean to look a gift ring in the mouth but I'd love to have something that suits me. Any advice appreciated.

wdmfapq4zs83hv

EvaG123 wrote: »

Hi folks,

So quite by accident I've found out that my bf is planning to propose this new year's. (No snooping, I swear, the hotel left him a voicemail that gave the game away on our landline - so silly!) We are heading out of the country for a holiday at that time and obviously I can't wait now that I know what's happening!! Two questions though. 1) Should I admit that I know and not try to keep it in for four months or do I be nice and act surprised?? 2) If I am keeping my mouth shut, I wonder how can I indicate to him that I would love to help pick out the ring? It's not that I want him to spend an arm or a leg on it or anything, I will be happy with something totally simple, and in reality if it's my engagement ring I'm going to wear it even it's rainbow coloured with a fake diamond the size of a golf ball, but the thing is on several occasions when he has bought me jewellery before his mam has tried to be helpful and indicate that she knows what I like. I'm polite enough to wear them but she doesn't know what I like at all and picks out things that don't suit me and aren't my taste. I don't mean to look a gift ring in the mouth but I'd love to have something that suits me. Any advice appreciated.

Id let him know you know then you can pick the ring together.

Kettleson

Please invite me to the wedding.

ComfortKid

Let him know you found out. Poor fella.

millie_moo

Def let him know! And update us 😊

Gatica

Am I the only one then that thinks you should leave it and "forget about it"? He's obviously thought this through and the hotel has ruined it. You have suspicions, but is it really for definite?
Maybe enjoy the excitement, the proposal, and his excitement too...

amdublin

I wouldn't tell him that I knew. But I would (somehow) drop into conversation that when he plans on proposing a) you bar eloping forward to it and b) you'd like to choose the ring together so maybe he'd use a fake ring to propose.

Or ask a friend to give him that heads up?

daheff

maybe hes organising it for his other girlfriend???

Or maybe hes helping out a buddy who is planning to ask his girlfriend.



In relation to your MIL picking out jewlery for you that you dont like. Better to tell him her taste is not your taste. Last thing you want is the poor fella paying thousands on what he thinks is a lovely ring and you absolutely hated.

What you could do is to tell him about a workmate who got engaged and was given a placeholder so that she could pick her own ring. Tell him you thought that was a really sweet thoughtful thing to do. Might give him the right hint

SusanC10

Just my 2c but I think that you shouldn't tell him that you know.

I also agree with daheff and bring it up in conversation that you would like to choose the ring together. The example of a co-worker is a good one.

Typer Monkey

I don't think I'd have the heart to tell him his lovely surprise had been ruined by the stupid hotel 😡 I think I'd just go along with it and act surprised. It'll still be a lovely experience.

I would drop hints about using a token ring to propose. Like the previous poster suggested maybe tell a story about a workmate being proposed to and then picking out their own ring and how you thought that was great. My husband proposed with no ring and then we picked one out together while in New York a month later on a pre-planned break (I actually suspected he was going to propose in New York but he surprised me on New Year's Eve).

willow tree

What were the hotel thinking, clearly they weren't thinking at all, I'd be so upset! Anyway will he not know you heard the message? What kind of person are you? Can you stay calm & forget about it & never let on you knew? If so forget about it & say nothing. Have ye ever discussed getting engaged? If so youcould say you'd prefer to pick your own ring. Or say about the work colleague

willow tree

On a another note its best to be honest, even about gifts not being right. Try tell him tactfully that you & his mother have very different taste.I always tell friends I'd prefer them to exchange for what they want. I'd hate someone to be polite & wear something they don't like.

AoifeCork

New Years Eve-wow that's a long time to save for a ring for you! So I'd be giving the heads up now....! Any chance of getting a brochure from the local jewellers (say it came as junk mail!!!) and casually pointing at random bits saying "wow I'd love that/not gone on that" etc etc just as a hint? Do NOT tell him you know. He's clearly planning this so far ahead and wants it to be perfect, what a keeper.

I think subconsciously all men would love a bit of hint as to what their fiancée would like-such a daunting task!
Just be subtle... And make sure you get yer self a new gúna for NYE

Addle

How can you be yourself or enjoy yourself waiting for something like that?
Tell him you know.

Polo_Mint

Theres a scene in a Movie "Bruce Almighty" that this thread reminds me of.

Tell him you know otherwise what you expect might not be what you get.

Definitely tell him you know. I'd be majorly pissed off to find out a hotel had ruined it, but I'd be even more annoyed if i went through with it all, and then found out afterwards that you knew all along (and he will find out sooner or later.. most likely during a row down the line :P ).

Both of the above scenarios (the hotel ruining it vs you knowing and saying nothing) are bad, but I'd rather be annoyed at the hotel for saying it than at you for not saying anything.


That's just me though.

tradhead

Polo_Mint wrote: »

Theres a scene in a Movie "Bruce Almighty" that this threas reminds me of.

Tell him you know otherwise what you expect might not be what you get.

This actually reminded me of the Mr Bean Christmas special... where she is convinced he is going to propose but is less than impressed with her Christmas present :pac:

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_Y32nBaee2kw/SzQli72exdI/AAAAAAAAAt4/RhpMVW1PhnM/s400/Irma%5B1%5D.jpg

OP, you should randomly suggest watching this, and start the engagement ring conversation from there! Giggling to myself here at my desk, I love Mr Bean :P

polydactyl

I definitely would not tell him at all! He might have gone to so much effort and this will ruin it. I knwo two poeple who had similar circumstances, both ruined by family members who wanted to tell them so did

In one instance the girl told her boyf. He was gutted and cancelled his plans and then waited another 9m to propose. At which stage she was losing the plot and lead to loads of arguments including about her stupid family member who spoiled it etc etc. The second girl said nothing and to this day still pretends she hadnt a clue about it and her husband still loves tell the story on how he managed to surprise her.

As for picking the ring definitely just say that "you know when the time comes, I would love to help pick the ring" and throw in a story as suggested above. We had a fab day picking my engagement ring getting drunk on free Champagne on Grafton St. Wonderful memories. My father in law also warned my husband " what ever you do don't pick the ring, she has to wear and look at it for the rest of her life not you. She deserves what she wants " A great man

imitation

Telling him and asking to pick the ring is the most cold business like approach I have heard to such an important event. I wouldnt be suprised if it set everything back by a year or two. Your obviously commited, surely you can trust the person you want to marry to let you pick the ring if its something you have hinted at.

Its a huge event for the guy too, why ruin the romance by making him script it all.

Tefral

OP, why don't you propose to him instead? You know its gonna happen so you know he wants to so id go and ask him instead. Still a great story to tell the Grandkids.

PolarRoscoe

Black Swan wrote:

Once again we have surpassed 10,000 posts in one IW thread, must close one, and open yet another. The Irish Water keeps on flowing. Enjoy!

I would definitely let him know. You found out by accident so you are in the clear. It would be obvious or tough to fake not knowing when he pops the question

coolabula

EvaG123 wrote: »

Hi folks,

So quite by accident I've found out that my bf is planning to propose this new year's. (No snooping, I swear, the hotel left him a voicemail that gave the game away on our landline - so silly!) We are heading out of the country for a holiday at that time and obviously I can't wait now that I know what's happening!! Two questions though. 1) Should I admit that I know and not try to keep it in for four months or do I be nice and act surprised?? 2) If I am keeping my mouth shut, I wonder how can I indicate to him that I would love to help pick out the ring? It's not that I want him to spend an arm or a leg on it or anything, I will be happy with something totally simple, and in reality if it's my engagement ring I'm going to wear it even it's rainbow coloured with a fake diamond the size of a golf ball, but the thing is on several occasions when he has bought me jewellery before his mam has tried to be helpful and indicate that she knows what I like. I'm polite enough to wear them but she doesn't know what I like at all and picks out things that don't suit me and aren't my taste. I don't mean to look a gift ring in the mouth but I'd love to have something that suits me. Any advice appreciated.

If your planning on saying yes to the proposal then tell him. You are going to marry the guy, be honest with him, and if you don't like his mothers taste in jewellery tell him that too, marriage is hard enough without silly little secrets getting in the way. Besides If I was him I would be fuming with the hotel for leaving a voicemail and ruining the surprise, let him have a chance to change his plans if he wants to, I certainly wouldn't give them my business after that!!

polydactyl

imitation wrote: »

Telling him and asking to pick the ring is the most cold business like approach I have heard to such an important event. I wouldnt be suprised if it set everything back by a year or two. Your obviously commited, surely you can trust the person you want to marry to let you pick the ring if its something you have hinted at.

Its a huge event for the guy too, why ruin the romance by making him script it all.

I don't think mentioning to him that she would like to pick the ring is at all cold! Most guys (not all) pick one of two kinds of ring. A diamond solitaire or a ring with three diamonds in a row. That would not have been my style at all and while I would not have mentioned it if he had picked it I would not have loved the physicality of it as much as I love the ring I have. If she has to wear it I see nothing wrong in having an input..... but I also wouldn't tell him

two wheels good

cronin_j wrote: »

OP, why don't you propose to him instead? You know its gonna happen so you know he wants to so id go and ask him instead. Still a great story to tell the Grandkids.

Yes! Just what I was thinking.

The alternative scenario:
- You're planning to fake it on the night.
- How is he likely to feel when the story comes out -and it will - and anytime the story is told at family gathering in the years to follow? Probably a bit of a plonker and pondering how you misled him and discussed it with family/friends/strangers online.

PinkLemonade

imitation wrote: »

Telling him and asking to pick the ring is the most cold business like approach I have heard to such an important event. I wouldnt be suprised if it set everything back by a year or two. Your obviously commited, surely you can trust the person you want to marry to let you pick the ring if its something you have hinted at.

Its a huge event for the guy too, why ruin the romance by making him script it all.

You think it's more romantic that she lies to him and manipulates the ring situation? That kind of scheming would put me right off if I was him.

IMO own up to the truth and then bring up her ring preferences at a later date, or pretend she doesn't know anything and wait and see.

riffmongous

Maybe I missed it but perhaps he's already picked the ring?

Wright

EvaG123 wrote: »

Hi folks,

So quite by accident I've found out that my bf is planning to propose this new year's. (No snooping, I swear, the hotel left him a voicemail that gave the game away on our landline - so silly!) We are heading out of the country for a holiday at that time and obviously I can't wait now that I know what's happening!! Two questions though. 1) Should I admit that I know and not try to keep it in for four months or do I be nice and act surprised?? 2) If I am keeping my mouth shut, I wonder how can I indicate to him that I would love to help pick out the ring? It's not that I want him to spend an arm or a leg on it or anything, I will be happy with something totally simple, and in reality if it's my engagement ring I'm going to wear it even it's rainbow coloured with a fake diamond the size of a golf ball, but the thing is on several occasions when he has bought me jewellery before his mam has tried to be helpful and indicate that she knows what I like. I'm polite enough to wear them but she doesn't know what I like at all and picks out things that don't suit me and aren't my taste. I don't mean to look a gift ring in the mouth but I'd love to have something that suits me. Any advice appreciated.

No sense in sitting on that for four months, you'll burst woman. Just tell him. Congrats!

PinkLemonade

riffmongous wrote: »

Maybe I missed it but perhaps he's already picked the ring?

Good point, could even be a family ring....

skallywag

OP, are you sure you may not have gotten the wrong end of the stick?

I ask because it strikes me as odd that your boyfriend would have given them your landline number i.e. he would surely have seen the risk of something like this happening then? Fair enough that the hotel may request it, but surely when giving it he would have told them in no uncertain terms not to be calling it until he has proposed, etc.

I also find it odd that any reputable hotel would drop such a clanger in any case, i.e. if contacted by one person then they would surely confirm that a proposal has actually taken place before leaving such a message?

In any case, as soon as he gets the message himself isn't he surely going to cop on to the fact that you have very likely heard it?

Jeez OP, imagine the case the you have gotten the wrong end of the stick somehow and he doesn't actually propose then?!

averagejoe123

What exacally did the hotel message say? I always play the engagement card when booking rooms to try and get free upgrades etc. Very slight chance there has been wires crossed!

I would tell him that there is a message on the answering machine for him. This way he will know what you heard and give him the opportunity to organise something that is a genuine surprise.

In relation to the ring I would leave him at it. The vast majority of places will allow you to exchange it if needs be.

imitation

PinkLemonade wrote: »

You think it's more romantic that she lies to him and manipulates the ring situation? That kind of scheming would put me right off if I was him.

IMO own up to the truth and then bring up her ring preferences at a later date, or pretend she doesn't know anything and wait and see.

Its not scheming, its just going along with it, hes going to a lot of effort that will just be dumped when hes told. He has no suprise now, so he'll either feel a fool anyway or have to wait until some undetermined time to try for another suprise. Half the posts here are "tell him and ask to pick your own ring" which is a killer combo as far as I can see, ruin the suprise and assume he wants to propose now, with 0 romance about it. Hes got feelings too, may as well take them into account

Teyla Emmagan

What if he changes his mind in the meantime OP, won't you be in for a nasty surprise NYE.

Tell him you know!

NicoleW85

Having worked in hotel reservations before and "assisting" fiancÃ႒©s-to-be with their plans, I'm horrified the hotel has slipped up here! I also highly doubt there's "crossed wires" here because there's absolutely no reason a hotel will need to confirm a booking 4 months before UNLESS they've overbooked and are offering alternative dates. Iam genuinely torn as to what to suggest you do about telling him- I can see the benefits of both sides of the argument! Whatever you decide, good luck

Barely There

imitation wrote: »

Telling him and asking to pick the ring is the most cold business like approach I have heard to such an important event. I wouldnt be suprised if it set everything back by a year or two.

What a bizarre post.

EvaG123

Thanks for the replies everyone, loads to think about.

I don't think I have the wrong end of the stick a) because we're not supposed to be staying in a hotel on the trip - OH has family in the city we're going to and we're staying with them, b) he has booked a night in a hotel that's a big feature of one of my favourite films and c) the person leaving the message said that in relation to his booking for X room on X date, they were happy to confirm that they'd spoken to their hospitality manager and could assist with his proposal.

Bit of a silly thing for them to do but our voicemail message is actually just him saying to leave a message for him because we never changed it since I moved in so they probably didn't think they were doing anything wrong.

He's away for a few days at the moment so I've a bit of time to figure out what to do. I idea of proposing to him really appeals to me but he has gone to such effort for this that it would feel awful to ruin it!

Milly33

Oh this is such a tough one... You must be weak OP...

I don't know, I think if it was me I would say it to him to be honest...Just thinking of him, if ye have a trip planned imagine how nervous he is going to be feeling every day knowing this is coming up. Also if he gets a ring he will be weary carrying it around, worrying about it..

You could always tell him how you found out and then get back to the hotel and fairly lively tell them they should not have left a message like that and that they spilt the beans as such. Then you could say maybe he can still keep the day a surprise or the dates he will propose but that you do know... Maybe ye will have some much more fun travelling together as an engaged couple too telling all the family etc..

Tefral

EvaG123 wrote: »

Thanks for the replies everyone, loads to think about.

I don't think I have the wrong end of the stick a) because we're not supposed to be staying in a hotel on the trip - OH has family in the city we're going to and we're staying with them, b) he has booked a night in a hotel that's a big feature of one of my favourite films and c) the person leaving the message said that in relation to his booking for X room on X date, they were happy to confirm that they'd spoken to their hospitality manager and could assist with his proposal.

Bit of a silly thing for them to do but our voicemail message is actually just him saying to leave a message for him because we never changed it since I moved in so they probably didn't think they were doing anything wrong.

He's away for a few days at the moment so I've a bit of time to figure out what to do. I idea of proposing to him really appeals to me but he has gone to such effort for this that it would feel awful to ruin it!

I dunno OP while it could be an actual proposal for Marriage, it could be a simple thing as booking a special dinner that required some work on behalf of the hotel and they were merely replying to say that they could work with the proposal

Milly33

i was thinking that too... Is it America ye are going to by any chance

h2005

Surely he'll click you know when the voicemail has already been played?

EvaG123

cronin_j wrote: »

I dunno OP while it could be an actual proposal for Marriage, it could be a simple thing as booking a special dinner that required some work on behalf of the hotel and they were merely replying to say that they could work with the proposal

That could be it but OH isn't really the romantic and thoughtful type so he's up to something. Maybe it's for his other missus ;p!

PinkLemonade

imitation wrote: »

Its not scheming, its just going along with it, hes going to a lot of effort that will just be dumped when hes told. He has no suprise now, so he'll either feel a fool anyway or have to wait until some undetermined time to try for another suprise. Half the posts here are "tell him and ask to pick your own ring" which is a killer combo as far as I can see, ruin the suprise and assume he wants to propose now, with 0 romance about it. Hes got feelings too, may as well take them into account

What I said was scheming is concealing the fact she knows about the proposal but at the same time sneakily try arrange the ring she wants, that's pretty much the definition of scheming.

Seve OB

Ring the hotel back yourself and give them a bollocking. If nothing else, there might be a free upgrade in there for yis

Organise something else for that night, then tell him you have NYE sorted and tell him we are going to do this that and the other.

Beat him to it. Do something sneaky and propose yourself next week//month

imitation

Ari Wooden Slyness wrote: »

Id let him know you know then you can pick the ring together.

ComfortKid wrote: »

Let him know you found out. Poor fella.

millie_moo wrote: »

Def let him know! And update us 😊

Barely There wrote: »

What a bizarre post.

Sorry it was a quickly put together mobile phone job, not the best post I have ever made.

My point is though, the op should not follow the advice quoted above, at least not directly.

Look at it from his point of view, hes carefully planning a big romantic suprise abroad on new years at some venue that as far as he knows, she knows nothing about. So then all of a sudden he is sat down on some wet Tuesday evening after work and told she knows all about it. So there is all the wasted effort, the embarassment and main reason for all the work is now out in the open. His hand is forced 4 months early and he kinda has either propose or spend months in a strange akward limbo where they both know whats happening. Then lets suppose the op starts talking about the type of ring she wants just as that bombshell is dropped, hows that going to go down ? "Yeah sorry about the whole romantic gesture thing I just nuked, but lets talk about the ring, I want to pick my own one" doesnt it seem a bit self absorbed ?

If op is going to tell him, it needs to be done so tactfully, if it was me, I could live with the white lie for others benefit, and forget I heard the answering machine.

endacl

Phone the hotel. Tell the muppets that they ballsed up a perfectly lovely surprise, and that you expect to have a perfectly lovely surprise of at least equal value awaiting you on your arrival.

Flippyfloppy

I would tell him there's a message on his answering machine....but not solely to pick a ring. In case it's an actual marriage proposal they're talking about the poor fella is going along like a fool putting so much work into something that you know about. That would break my heart!

Sunny Dayz

OP - you are going to have to tell him what you heard on the voicemail. You can't keep something like that to yourself for 4 months and not tell anyone. You would be fit to burst, you would have to tell someone. Also in the 4 months you can't help but imagine what the proposal will be like, how will he do it etc etc . You will end up with it built up in your head, the proposal won't happen the way you imagined and you will feel a tad disappointed, you won't be able to help it.
It's not very fair to let him plan this, let him carry on for months planning and organising and then you knowing about it all along.
If the proposal was only a few weeks away I would say nothing. But a few months away, you would have to tell him.

averagejoe123

No Idea why people are blaming the hotel here.

1- Your OH gave them the house number rather than his mobile
2- Your answering machine only has your OHs name on it. No way for them not to know anyone else had access to it.
3- If they are calling from abroad it would be very difficult to know if a number was a landline or mobile number as of the +353 /0

Ringing the hotel and giving out to them as suggested above will get you nowhere and only complicate the situation further.

EvaG123

averagejoe123 wrote: »

No Idea why people are blaming the hotel here.

1- Your OH gave them the house number rather than his mobile
2- Your answering machine only has your OHs name on it. No way for them not to know anyone else had access to it.
3- If they are calling from abroad it would be very difficult to know if a number was a landline or mobile number as of the +353 /0

Ringing the hotel and giving out to them as suggested above will get you nowhere and only complicate the situation further.

Yes this is why I am reluctant to say too much bad about them too. I'm surprised at him giving the house phone number but other than that I can see how it happened. I don't want anything extra off them or to give out to them for an honest mistake.

What I am thinking though since some people are suggesting that its not a proposal is that I could ring them to confirm that it is?

EvaG123

PinkLemonade wrote: »

What I said was scheming is concealing the fact she knows about the proposal but at the same time sneakily try arrange the ring she wants, that's pretty much the definition of scheming.

I don't want a particular ring. I'm not trying to scheme to get some really expensive ring. What I actually would like him to know is that I don't need or want him to waste lots of money on something when I'll love an inexpensive one just as much and that there are some styles I'm not mad about. That's all. He has booked an expensive hotel on an already expensive trip and apparently we're going to have a wedding to pay for (I hope!) so the last thing I would be doing is trying to swindle him into getting me some big expensive ring. He's my bf not my bank account, I've my own money if I take a notion to wanting something.

Del2005

EvaG123 wrote: »

Yes this is why I am reluctant to say too much bad about them too. I'm surprised at him giving the house phone number but other than that I can see how it happened. I don't want anything extra off them or to give out to them for an honest mistake.

What I am thinking though since some people are suggesting that its not a proposal is that I could ring them to confirm that it is?

When he comes home and checks the voicemail he'll know you already heard the message, he may already know if you have online voicemail.

I'd be very surprised if he gave the house phone number for something so secret. That just seems like a very strange thing to do. It's also possible he told the hotel that it was a proposal just to get a free upgrade and it's backfired.

Tread carefully. You could end up both being seriously disappointed/embarrassed here.