he's going to ask

Teyla Emmagan · 10-08-2015 01:18PM

What if he changes his mind in the meantime OP, won't you be in for a nasty surprise NYE.

Tell him you know!

NicoleW85 · 10-08-2015 01:18PM

Having worked in hotel reservations before and "assisting" fiancÃ႒Â©s-to-be with their plans, I'm horrified the hotel has slipped up here! I also highly doubt there's "crossed wires" here because there's absolutely no reason a hotel will need to confirm a booking 4 months before UNLESS they've overbooked and are offering alternative dates. Iam genuinely torn as to what to suggest you do about telling him- I can see the benefits of both sides of the argument! Whatever you decide, good luck

Barely There · 10-08-2015 01:19PM

imitation wrote: »

Telling him and asking to pick the ring is the most cold business like approach I have heard to such an important event. I wouldnt be suprised if it set everything back by a year or two.

What a bizarre post.

EvaG123 · 10-08-2015 01:28PM

Thanks for the replies everyone, loads to think about.

I don't think I have the wrong end of the stick a) because we're not supposed to be staying in a hotel on the trip - OH has family in the city we're going to and we're staying with them, b) he has booked a night in a hotel that's a big feature of one of my favourite films and c) the person leaving the message said that in relation to his booking for X room on X date, they were happy to confirm that they'd spoken to their hospitality manager and could assist with his proposal.

Bit of a silly thing for them to do but our voicemail message is actually just him saying to leave a message for him because we never changed it since I moved in so they probably didn't think they were doing anything wrong.

He's away for a few days at the moment so I've a bit of time to figure out what to do. I idea of proposing to him really appeals to me but he has gone to such effort for this that it would feel awful to ruin it!

Milly33 · 10-08-2015 01:45PM

Oh this is such a tough one... You must be weak OP...

I don't know, I think if it was me I would say it to him to be honest...Just thinking of him, if ye have a trip planned imagine how nervous he is going to be feeling every day knowing this is coming up. Also if he gets a ring he will be weary carrying it around, worrying about it..

You could always tell him how you found out and then get back to the hotel and fairly lively tell them they should not have left a message like that and that they spilt the beans as such. Then you could say maybe he can still keep the day a surprise or the dates he will propose but that you do know... Maybe ye will have some much more fun travelling together as an engaged couple too telling all the family etc..

Tefral · 10-08-2015 01:46PM

EvaG123 wrote: »

Thanks for the replies everyone, loads to think about.

I don't think I have the wrong end of the stick a) because we're not supposed to be staying in a hotel on the trip - OH has family in the city we're going to and we're staying with them, b) he has booked a night in a hotel that's a big feature of one of my favourite films and c) the person leaving the message said that in relation to his booking for X room on X date, they were happy to confirm that they'd spoken to their hospitality manager and could assist with his proposal.

Bit of a silly thing for them to do but our voicemail message is actually just him saying to leave a message for him because we never changed it since I moved in so they probably didn't think they were doing anything wrong.

He's away for a few days at the moment so I've a bit of time to figure out what to do. I idea of proposing to him really appeals to me but he has gone to such effort for this that it would feel awful to ruin it!

I dunno OP while it could be an actual proposal for Marriage, it could be a simple thing as booking a special dinner that required some work on behalf of the hotel and they were merely replying to say that they could work with the proposal

Milly33 · 10-08-2015 01:48PM

i was thinking that too... Is it America ye are going to by any chance

h2005 · 10-08-2015 01:49PM

Surely he'll click you know when the voicemail has already been played?

EvaG123 · 10-08-2015 02:20PM

cronin_j wrote: »

I dunno OP while it could be an actual proposal for Marriage, it could be a simple thing as booking a special dinner that required some work on behalf of the hotel and they were merely replying to say that they could work with the proposal

That could be it but OH isn't really the romantic and thoughtful type so he's up to something. Maybe it's for his other missus ;p!

PinkLemonade · 10-08-2015 02:23PM

imitation wrote: »

Its not scheming, its just going along with it, hes going to a lot of effort that will just be dumped when hes told. He has no suprise now, so he'll either feel a fool anyway or have to wait until some undetermined time to try for another suprise. Half the posts here are "tell him and ask to pick your own ring" which is a killer combo as far as I can see, ruin the suprise and assume he wants to propose now, with 0 romance about it. Hes got feelings too, may as well take them into account

What I said was scheming is concealing the fact she knows about the proposal but at the same time sneakily try arrange the ring she wants, that's pretty much the definition of scheming.

Seve OB · 10-08-2015 02:24PM

Ring the hotel back yourself and give them a bollocking. If nothing else, there might be a free upgrade in there for yis

Organise something else for that night, then tell him you have NYE sorted and tell him we are going to do this that and the other.

Beat him to it. Do something sneaky and propose yourself next week//month

imitation · 10-08-2015 02:27PM

Ari Wooden Slyness wrote: »

Id let him know you know then you can pick the ring together.

ComfortKid wrote: »

Let him know you found out. Poor fella.

millie_moo wrote: »

Def let him know! And update us Ã°ÂŸÂ˜ÂŠ

Barely There wrote: »

What a bizarre post.

Sorry it was a quickly put together mobile phone job, not the best post I have ever made.

My point is though, the op should not follow the advice quoted above, at least not directly.

Look at it from his point of view, hes carefully planning a big romantic suprise abroad on new years at some venue that as far as he knows, she knows nothing about. So then all of a sudden he is sat down on some wet Tuesday evening after work and told she knows all about it. So there is all the wasted effort, the embarassment and main reason for all the work is now out in the open. His hand is forced 4 months early and he kinda has either propose or spend months in a strange akward limbo where they both know whats happening. Then lets suppose the op starts talking about the type of ring she wants just as that bombshell is dropped, hows that going to go down ? "Yeah sorry about the whole romantic gesture thing I just nuked, but lets talk about the ring, I want to pick my own one" doesnt it seem a bit self absorbed ?

If op is going to tell him, it needs to be done so tactfully, if it was me, I could live with the white lie for others benefit, and forget I heard the answering machine.

endacl · 10-08-2015 02:31PM

Phone the hotel. Tell the muppets that they ballsed up a perfectly lovely surprise, and that you expect to have a perfectly lovely surprise of at least equal value awaiting you on your arrival.

Flippyfloppy · 10-08-2015 02:34PM

I would tell him there's a message on his answering machine....but not solely to pick a ring. In case it's an actual marriage proposal they're talking about the poor fella is going along like a fool putting so much work into something that you know about. That would break my heart!

Sunny Dayz · 10-08-2015 02:46PM

OP - you are going to have to tell him what you heard on the voicemail. You can't keep something like that to yourself for 4 months and not tell anyone. You would be fit to burst, you would have to tell someone. Also in the 4 months you can't help but imagine what the proposal will be like, how will he do it etc etc . You will end up with it built up in your head, the proposal won't happen the way you imagined and you will feel a tad disappointed, you won't be able to help it.
It's not very fair to let him plan this, let him carry on for months planning and organising and then you knowing about it all along.
If the proposal was only a few weeks away I would say nothing. But a few months away, you would have to tell him.

averagejoe123 · 10-08-2015 03:24PM

No Idea why people are blaming the hotel here.

1- Your OH gave them the house number rather than his mobile
2- Your answering machine only has your OHs name on it. No way for them not to know anyone else had access to it.
3- If they are calling from abroad it would be very difficult to know if a number was a landline or mobile number as of the +353 /0

Ringing the hotel and giving out to them as suggested above will get you nowhere and only complicate the situation further.

EvaG123 · 10-08-2015 03:27PM

averagejoe123 wrote: »

No Idea why people are blaming the hotel here.

1- Your OH gave them the house number rather than his mobile
2- Your answering machine only has your OHs name on it. No way for them not to know anyone else had access to it.
3- If they are calling from abroad it would be very difficult to know if a number was a landline or mobile number as of the +353 /0

Ringing the hotel and giving out to them as suggested above will get you nowhere and only complicate the situation further.

Yes this is why I am reluctant to say too much bad about them too. I'm surprised at him giving the house phone number but other than that I can see how it happened. I don't want anything extra off them or to give out to them for an honest mistake.

What I am thinking though since some people are suggesting that its not a proposal is that I could ring them to confirm that it is?

EvaG123 · 10-08-2015 03:38PM

PinkLemonade wrote: »

What I said was scheming is concealing the fact she knows about the proposal but at the same time sneakily try arrange the ring she wants, that's pretty much the definition of scheming.

I don't want a particular ring. I'm not trying to scheme to get some really expensive ring. What I actually would like him to know is that I don't need or want him to waste lots of money on something when I'll love an inexpensive one just as much and that there are some styles I'm not mad about. That's all. He has booked an expensive hotel on an already expensive trip and apparently we're going to have a wedding to pay for (I hope!) so the last thing I would be doing is trying to swindle him into getting me some big expensive ring. He's my bf not my bank account, I've my own money if I take a notion to wanting something.

Del2005 · 10-08-2015 03:39PM

EvaG123 wrote: »

Yes this is why I am reluctant to say too much bad about them too. I'm surprised at him giving the house phone number but other than that I can see how it happened. I don't want anything extra off them or to give out to them for an honest mistake.

What I am thinking though since some people are suggesting that its not a proposal is that I could ring them to confirm that it is?

When he comes home and checks the voicemail he'll know you already heard the message, he may already know if you have online voicemail.

10-08-2015 03:43PM

I'd be very surprised if he gave the house phone number for something so secret. That just seems like a very strange thing to do. It's also possible he told the hotel that it was a proposal just to get a free upgrade and it's backfired.

Tread carefully. You could end up both being seriously disappointed/embarrassed here.

MagicMarker · 10-08-2015 03:45PM

I think you're jumping to conclusions here op.

dieseldog · 10-08-2015 03:54PM

Deleted User wrote: »

I'd be very surprised if he gave the house phone number for something so secret. That just seems like a very strange thing to do. It's also possible he told the hotel that it was a proposal just to get a free upgrade and it's backfired.

Tread carefully. You could end up both being seriously disappointed/embarrassed here.

This is a really good point.

I planned to propose in Lake Garda and booked 10 days there. I ended up proposing in Killarney 4 months prior to the Lake Garda trip and we still went.

On the other hand, if you are correct, if my gf had have told me before I popped the question that she thought I was going to propose, I would have been SICK. The amount of effort I put in (I visited 10 jewellery shops) and investigating ways to propose and arranging things etc, if I did all that and she knew about it, I would have died.

If she didn't like the ring, I would have been happy to change it after all my effort, as long as she liked it.

I probably wouldn't have proposed for another year if she had found out. If she had any suspicions, I would have rathered that she keep them to herself.

Us men don't get much say at the best of times, but we'll bloody well pick the engagement date if we want to.

hardCopy · 10-08-2015 03:58PM

December is a long time away.

Even if it's exactly as you think he may lose his nerve or postpone between now and then.

Maybe he just wants to have an option lined up should he choose to propose.

There's a difference between him planning something and him actually dropping to one knee.

PinkLemonade · 10-08-2015 04:12PM

EvaG123 wrote: »

I don't want a particular ring. I'm not trying to scheme to get some really expensive ring. What I actually would like him to know is that I don't need or want him to waste lots of money on something when I'll love an inexpensive one just as much and that there are some styles I'm not mad about. That's all. He has booked an expensive hotel on an already expensive trip and apparently we're going to have a wedding to pay for (I hope!) so the last thing I would be doing is trying to swindle him into getting me some big expensive ring. He's my bf not my bank account, I've my own money if I take a notion to wanting something.

Well then be up front and tell him

Tiddlypeeps · 10-08-2015 04:17PM

dieseldog wrote: »

I probably wouldn't have proposed for another year if she had found out.

I can understand wanting it to be a suprised, but if for some reason the surprise is ruined it seems bizarrely petty to just scrap the whole thing for a long period of time. I might be picking it up wrong but that seems childish in the extreme. How would you even word that to your OH, "oh you found out, well in that case I don't want it anymore".

dieseldog · 10-08-2015 04:30PM

Tiddlypeeps wrote: »

I can understand wanting it to be a suprised, but if for some reason the surprise is ruined it seems bizarrely petty to just scrap the whole thing for a long period of time. I might be picking it up wrong but that seems childish in the extreme. How would you even word that to your OH, "oh you found out, well in that case I don't want it anymore".

I might have exaggerated a year, maybe 6 months. I would still want it to be a surprise and if she found out we wouldn't be able to go for a walk without her thinking I was going to bend the knee.

IceWolf7 · 10-08-2015 04:30PM

averagejoe123 wrote: »

I would tell him that there is a message on the answering machine for him. This way he will know what you heard and give him the opportunity to organise something that is a genuine surprise.

I definitely agree with this, you really should tell him and that would be a calm, subtle way of letting on. As another previous poster pointed out, he'll find out at some point along the line that you knew and he'll feel like an idiot then. You (usually) only get engaged once in your life and neither of you will want to look back on it with a dark cloud over it. That's how I'd feel anyway.

Tarzana2 · 10-08-2015 04:32PM

Tiddlypeeps wrote: »

I can understand wanting it to be a suprised, but if for some reason the surprise is ruined it seems bizarrely petty to just scrap the whole thing for a long period of time. I might be picking it up wrong but that seems childish in the extreme. How would you even word that to your OH, "oh you found out, well in that case I don't want it anymore".

Yeah, very odd. It wouldn't be her fault if she found out so why hold it against her?

10-08-2015 04:35PM

Even if it was an engagement proposal - which I'm not convinced it is, 'we can work with your proposal' could be business-speak - what would you do other than tell him?
If you "go along" with it on the day it'll be starting things off on a big lie... and if you don't pull it off he'll be angry and humiliated I'd say ...

I would just tell him you heard the voicemail, ask what that's about, and go from there
You could be jumping the gun for sure

It could be something related to the wedding you're going to and he got put in charge of organising it??
You don't know
Definitely say you heard it and ask

baby and crumble · 10-08-2015 04:44PM

If it were me trying to organise a proposal, I'd prefer to be told "there's a voicemail on the machine for you, sorry I already heard it" and let me check it. He'll know you know, and then you can leave it in his hands. If he ignores it, knowing you know, then follow his lead. It'l be hard, but just leave it. Maybe say something like "I'll say yes, and don't be spending piles of money on a ring!" and leave it at that. Some guys have no problem letting their fiancée pick out a ring, some would refuse point blank, it's one of the few things a guy in particular gets control over in the whole wedding process- very quickly family and friends land in with opinions etc and that's it.

he's going to ask

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