he's going to ask

EvaG123 · 09-08-2015 09:55PM #1

Hi folks,

So quite by accident I've found out that my bf is planning to propose this new year's. (No snooping, I swear, the hotel left him a voicemail that gave the game away on our landline - so silly!) We are heading out of the country for a holiday at that time and obviously I can't wait now that I know what's happening!! Two questions though. 1) Should I admit that I know and not try to keep it in for four months or do I be nice and act surprised?? 2) If I am keeping my mouth shut, I wonder how can I indicate to him that I would love to help pick out the ring? It's not that I want him to spend an arm or a leg on it or anything, I will be happy with something totally simple, and in reality if it's my engagement ring I'm going to wear it even it's rainbow coloured with a fake diamond the size of a golf ball, but the thing is on several occasions when he has bought me jewellery before his mam has tried to be helpful and indicate that she knows what I like. I'm polite enough to wear them but she doesn't know what I like at all and picks out things that don't suit me and aren't my taste. I don't mean to look a gift ring in the mouth but I'd love to have something that suits me. Any advice appreciated.

wdmfapq4zs83hv · 09-08-2015 10:00PM

EvaG123 wrote: »

Hi folks,

So quite by accident I've found out that my bf is planning to propose this new year's. (No snooping, I swear, the hotel left him a voicemail that gave the game away on our landline - so silly!) We are heading out of the country for a holiday at that time and obviously I can't wait now that I know what's happening!! Two questions though. 1) Should I admit that I know and not try to keep it in for four months or do I be nice and act surprised?? 2) If I am keeping my mouth shut, I wonder how can I indicate to him that I would love to help pick out the ring? It's not that I want him to spend an arm or a leg on it or anything, I will be happy with something totally simple, and in reality if it's my engagement ring I'm going to wear it even it's rainbow coloured with a fake diamond the size of a golf ball, but the thing is on several occasions when he has bought me jewellery before his mam has tried to be helpful and indicate that she knows what I like. I'm polite enough to wear them but she doesn't know what I like at all and picks out things that don't suit me and aren't my taste. I don't mean to look a gift ring in the mouth but I'd love to have something that suits me. Any advice appreciated.

Id let him know you know then you can pick the ring together.

Kettleson · 09-08-2015 10:32PM

Please invite me to the wedding.

ComfortKid · 09-08-2015 11:34PM

Let him know you found out. Poor fella.

millie_moo · 09-08-2015 11:53PM

Def let him know! And update us Ã°ÂŸÂ˜ÂŠ

Gatica · 10-08-2015 08:06AM

Am I the only one then that thinks you should leave it and "forget about it"? He's obviously thought this through and the hotel has ruined it. You have suspicions, but is it really for definite?
Maybe enjoy the excitement, the proposal, and his excitement too...

amdublin · 10-08-2015 08:35AM

I wouldn't tell him that I knew. But I would (somehow) drop into conversation that when he plans on proposing a) you bar eloping forward to it and b) you'd like to choose the ring together so maybe he'd use a fake ring to propose.

Or ask a friend to give him that heads up?

daheff · 10-08-2015 08:55AM

maybe hes organising it for his other girlfriend???

Or maybe hes helping out a buddy who is planning to ask his girlfriend.

In relation to your MIL picking out jewlery for you that you dont like. Better to tell him her taste is not your taste. Last thing you want is the poor fella paying thousands on what he thinks is a lovely ring and you absolutely hated.

What you could do is to tell him about a workmate who got engaged and was given a placeholder so that she could pick her own ring. Tell him you thought that was a really sweet thoughtful thing to do. Might give him the right hint

SusanC10 · 10-08-2015 09:06AM

Just my 2c but I think that you shouldn't tell him that you know.

I also agree with daheff and bring it up in conversation that you would like to choose the ring together. The example of a co-worker is a good one.

Typer Monkey · 10-08-2015 09:08AM

I don't think I'd have the heart to tell him his lovely surprise had been ruined by the stupid hotel 😡 I think I'd just go along with it and act surprised. It'll still be a lovely experience.

I would drop hints about using a token ring to propose. Like the previous poster suggested maybe tell a story about a workmate being proposed to and then picking out their own ring and how you thought that was great. My husband proposed with no ring and then we picked one out together while in New York a month later on a pre-planned break (I actually suspected he was going to propose in New York but he surprised me on New Year's Eve).

willow tree · 10-08-2015 09:10AM

What were the hotel thinking, clearly they weren't thinking at all, I'd be so upset! Anyway will he not know you heard the message? What kind of person are you? Can you stay calm & forget about it & never let on you knew? If so forget about it & say nothing. Have ye ever discussed getting engaged? If so youcould say you'd prefer to pick your own ring. Or say about the work colleague

willow tree · 10-08-2015 09:15AM

On a another note its best to be honest, even about gifts not being right. Try tell him tactfully that you & his mother have very different taste.I always tell friends I'd prefer them to exchange for what they want. I'd hate someone to be polite & wear something they don't like.

AoifeCork · 10-08-2015 10:10AM

New Years Eve-wow that's a long time to save for a ring for you! So I'd be giving the heads up now....! Any chance of getting a brochure from the local jewellers (say it came as junk mail!!!) and casually pointing at random bits saying "wow I'd love that/not gone on that" etc etc just as a hint? Do NOT tell him you know. He's clearly planning this so far ahead and wants it to be perfect, what a keeper.

I think subconsciously all men would love a bit of hint as to what their fiancée would like-such a daunting task!
Just be subtle... And make sure you get yer self a new gúna for NYE

Addle · 10-08-2015 10:10AM

How can you be yourself or enjoy yourself waiting for something like that?
Tell him you know.

Polo_Mint · 10-08-2015 10:19AM

Theres a scene in a Movie "Bruce Almighty" that this thread reminds me of.

Tell him you know otherwise what you expect might not be what you get.

10-08-2015 10:44AM

Definitely tell him you know. I'd be majorly pissed off to find out a hotel had ruined it, but I'd be even more annoyed if i went through with it all, and then found out afterwards that you knew all along (and he will find out sooner or later.. most likely during a row down the line :P ).

Both of the above scenarios (the hotel ruining it vs you knowing and saying nothing) are bad, but I'd rather be annoyed at the hotel for saying it than at you for not saying anything.

That's just me though.

tradhead · 10-08-2015 10:48AM

Polo_Mint wrote: »

Theres a scene in a Movie "Bruce Almighty" that this threas reminds me of.

Tell him you know otherwise what you expect might not be what you get.

This actually reminded me of the Mr Bean Christmas special... where she is convinced he is going to propose but is less than impressed with her Christmas present :pac:

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_Y32nBaee2kw/SzQli72exdI/AAAAAAAAAt4/RhpMVW1PhnM/s400/Irma%5B1%5D.jpg

OP, you should randomly suggest watching this, and start the engagement ring conversation from there! Giggling to myself here at my desk, I love Mr Bean :P

polydactyl · 10-08-2015 10:57AM

I definitely would not tell him at all! He might have gone to so much effort and this will ruin it. I knwo two poeple who had similar circumstances, both ruined by family members who wanted to tell them so did

In one instance the girl told her boyf. He was gutted and cancelled his plans and then waited another 9m to propose. At which stage she was losing the plot and lead to loads of arguments including about her stupid family member who spoiled it etc etc. The second girl said nothing and to this day still pretends she hadnt a clue about it and her husband still loves tell the story on how he managed to surprise her.

As for picking the ring definitely just say that "you know when the time comes, I would love to help pick the ring" and throw in a story as suggested above. We had a fab day picking my engagement ring getting drunk on free Champagne on Grafton St. Wonderful memories. My father in law also warned my husband " what ever you do don't pick the ring, she has to wear and look at it for the rest of her life not you. She deserves what she wants

" A great man

imitation · 10-08-2015 11:08AM

Telling him and asking to pick the ring is the most cold business like approach I have heard to such an important event. I wouldnt be suprised if it set everything back by a year or two. Your obviously commited, surely you can trust the person you want to marry to let you pick the ring if its something you have hinted at.

Its a huge event for the guy too, why ruin the romance by making him script it all.

Tefral · 10-08-2015 11:12AM

OP, why don't you propose to him instead? You know its gonna happen so you know he wants to so id go and ask him instead. Still a great story to tell the Grandkids.

PolarRoscoe · 10-08-2015 11:21AM

Black Swan wrote:

Once again we have surpassed 10,000 posts in one IW thread, must close one, and open yet another. The Irish Water keeps on flowing. Enjoy!

I would definitely let him know. You found out by accident so you are in the clear. It would be obvious or tough to fake not knowing when he pops the question

coolabula · 10-08-2015 11:24AM

EvaG123 wrote: »

Hi folks,

So quite by accident I've found out that my bf is planning to propose this new year's. (No snooping, I swear, the hotel left him a voicemail that gave the game away on our landline - so silly!) We are heading out of the country for a holiday at that time and obviously I can't wait now that I know what's happening!! Two questions though. 1) Should I admit that I know and not try to keep it in for four months or do I be nice and act surprised?? 2) If I am keeping my mouth shut, I wonder how can I indicate to him that I would love to help pick out the ring? It's not that I want him to spend an arm or a leg on it or anything, I will be happy with something totally simple, and in reality if it's my engagement ring I'm going to wear it even it's rainbow coloured with a fake diamond the size of a golf ball, but the thing is on several occasions when he has bought me jewellery before his mam has tried to be helpful and indicate that she knows what I like. I'm polite enough to wear them but she doesn't know what I like at all and picks out things that don't suit me and aren't my taste. I don't mean to look a gift ring in the mouth but I'd love to have something that suits me. Any advice appreciated.

If your planning on saying yes to the proposal then tell him. You are going to marry the guy, be honest with him, and if you don't like his mothers taste in jewellery tell him that too, marriage is hard enough without silly little secrets getting in the way. Besides If I was him I would be fuming with the hotel for leaving a voicemail and ruining the surprise, let him have a chance to change his plans if he wants to, I certainly wouldn't give them my business after that!!

polydactyl · 10-08-2015 11:29AM

imitation wrote: »

Telling him and asking to pick the ring is the most cold business like approach I have heard to such an important event. I wouldnt be suprised if it set everything back by a year or two. Your obviously commited, surely you can trust the person you want to marry to let you pick the ring if its something you have hinted at.

Its a huge event for the guy too, why ruin the romance by making him script it all.

I don't think mentioning to him that she would like to pick the ring is at all cold! Most guys (not all) pick one of two kinds of ring. A diamond solitaire or a ring with three diamonds in a row. That would not have been my style at all and while I would not have mentioned it if he had picked it I would not have loved the physicality of it as much as I love the ring I have. If she has to wear it I see nothing wrong in having an input..... but I also wouldn't tell him

two wheels good · 10-08-2015 11:30AM

cronin_j wrote: »

OP, why don't you propose to him instead? You know its gonna happen so you know he wants to so id go and ask him instead. Still a great story to tell the Grandkids.

Yes! Just what I was thinking.

The alternative scenario:
- You're planning to fake it on the night.
- How is he likely to feel when the story comes out -and it will - and anytime the story is told at family gathering in the years to follow? Probably a bit of a plonker and pondering how you misled him and discussed it with family/friends/strangers online.

PinkLemonade · 10-08-2015 12:05PM

imitation wrote: »

Telling him and asking to pick the ring is the most cold business like approach I have heard to such an important event. I wouldnt be suprised if it set everything back by a year or two. Your obviously commited, surely you can trust the person you want to marry to let you pick the ring if its something you have hinted at.

Its a huge event for the guy too, why ruin the romance by making him script it all.

You think it's more romantic that she lies to him and manipulates the ring situation? That kind of scheming would put me right off if I was him.

IMO own up to the truth and then bring up her ring preferences at a later date, or pretend she doesn't know anything and wait and see.

10-08-2015 12:11PM

Maybe I missed it but perhaps he's already picked the ring?

Wright · 10-08-2015 12:12PM

EvaG123 wrote: »

Hi folks,

So quite by accident I've found out that my bf is planning to propose this new year's. (No snooping, I swear, the hotel left him a voicemail that gave the game away on our landline - so silly!) We are heading out of the country for a holiday at that time and obviously I can't wait now that I know what's happening!! Two questions though. 1) Should I admit that I know and not try to keep it in for four months or do I be nice and act surprised?? 2) If I am keeping my mouth shut, I wonder how can I indicate to him that I would love to help pick out the ring? It's not that I want him to spend an arm or a leg on it or anything, I will be happy with something totally simple, and in reality if it's my engagement ring I'm going to wear it even it's rainbow coloured with a fake diamond the size of a golf ball, but the thing is on several occasions when he has bought me jewellery before his mam has tried to be helpful and indicate that she knows what I like. I'm polite enough to wear them but she doesn't know what I like at all and picks out things that don't suit me and aren't my taste. I don't mean to look a gift ring in the mouth but I'd love to have something that suits me. Any advice appreciated.

No sense in sitting on that for four months, you'll burst woman. Just tell him. Congrats!

PinkLemonade · 10-08-2015 12:12PM

riffmongous wrote: »

Maybe I missed it but perhaps he's already picked the ring?

Good point, could even be a family ring....

skallywag · 10-08-2015 12:20PM

OP, are you sure you may not have gotten the wrong end of the stick?

I ask because it strikes me as odd that your boyfriend would have given them your landline number i.e. he would surely have seen the risk of something like this happening then? Fair enough that the hotel may request it, but surely when giving it he would have told them in no uncertain terms not to be calling it until he has proposed, etc.

I also find it odd that any reputable hotel would drop such a clanger in any case, i.e. if contacted by one person then they would surely confirm that a proposal has actually taken place before leaving such a message?

In any case, as soon as he gets the message himself isn't he surely going to cop on to the fact that you have very likely heard it?

Jeez OP, imagine the case the you have gotten the wrong end of the stick somehow and he doesn't actually propose then?!

averagejoe123 · 10-08-2015 01:07PM

What exacally did the hotel message say? I always play the engagement card when booking rooms to try and get free upgrades etc. Very slight chance there has been wires crossed!

I would tell him that there is a message on the answering machine for him. This way he will know what you heard and give him the opportunity to organise something that is a genuine surprise.

In relation to the ring I would leave him at it. The vast majority of places will allow you to exchange it if needs be.

imitation · 10-08-2015 01:16PM

PinkLemonade wrote: »

You think it's more romantic that she lies to him and manipulates the ring situation? That kind of scheming would put me right off if I was him.

IMO own up to the truth and then bring up her ring preferences at a later date, or pretend she doesn't know anything and wait and see.

Its not scheming, its just going along with it, hes going to a lot of effort that will just be dumped when hes told. He has no suprise now, so he'll either feel a fool anyway or have to wait until some undetermined time to try for another suprise. Half the posts here are "tell him and ask to pick your own ring" which is a killer combo as far as I can see, ruin the suprise and assume he wants to propose now, with 0 romance about it. Hes got feelings too, may as well take them into account

he's going to ask

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