How do you get over being unattractive/plain-looking?

cloud493

If it applies to you of course, since I'm sure theres some beautiful looking creatures on boards, how do you cope with being ugly? Cos I'm an ugly ass bastard, and it can be tough sometimes. I'm ugly, plain, lanky, etc.

My own general strategy is to be a hermit much as possible. Don't let anyone ever take a picture of me, try not to look at people as much as possible, don't make eye contact, avoid social contact as much as possible, and don't be out of my house for any longer than necessary, no attempts to force my ugly ass face on anyone. It got easier when I realised I was so disgusting no woman would ever want me either.


How about you guys?

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Just learn to be happy with what you've got I suppose. You're never going to be the hottest most beautiful person, there's always going to be someone better and beauty is subjective too, so someone I might think is the bees knees, someone else might think they were a wrote off looking yoke.

You can't change being ugly so just suck it up and learn to like it!

Mesrine65

Kindness, charisma & sense of humour goes a long way.

Knasher

I go into the cosmetics isle in the supermarket and fill all the beauty products with butter. I think it is best to try and drag everyone else down to my level.

Menas

Judging people solely on looks is very shallow. You are best off not been friends with those type people.
I am no oil painting, but think I make up for it with other attractive traits.
To be honest, if I was deadly handsome I would not want to live life depending on my looks. Too shallow for me.

chanelfreak

I rate things like intelligence, wit and humour over looks. I mean pretty things are nice for a while, but no point in going out with someone who is only a face and nothing more.

4zn76tysfajdxp

cloud493 wrote: »

My own general strategy is to be a hermit much as possible. Don't let anyone ever take a picture of me, try not to look at people as much as possible, don't make eye contact, avoid social contact as much as possible, and don't be out of my house for any longer than necessary, no attempts to force my ugly ass face on anyone.

All this stuff doubles your unattractiveness, though. Make the most of what little you have and you probably won't look like a total ghoul.

biko

Balaclava or burka.

By stopping being plain and unattractive and get hot.

Sam Kade

Mesrine65 wrote: »

Kindness, charisma & sense of humour goes a long way.

Indeed, you could be the ugliest b@stard under the sun and once you can charm people they immediately look past your ugliness. If you are ugly and not a charmer you're fcuked though

blue note

I think that most guys are regarded as ugly or plain looking to be honest. I was discussing looks with a female friend of mine the other day and she was making the point that women are typically less shallow, because you'll very rarely see a good looking guy with an unattractive girl whereas you'll often see unattractive guys with good looking girls.

I agreed to a point, but asked which of my male friends are good looking (she'd know most of them). Out of a sample of about 20 or 30 guys a couple "weren't bad" or were "alright" looking. These were near the end of the list when she realised that she was answering no to every single one. Then with her friends or girls in general I'd find lots of them attractive. And I think that's true for most guys that they are far more likely to regard girls as attractive.

Now there are other factors - make up and clothes on girls do make a difference. And I think girls are just better looking anyway to be honest. But I think the opposite of "girls are less shallow" is probably true - girls are completely unrealistic in what's good looking and not.

So OP, I wouldn't worry about it if you're unattractive / plain-looking. We all are to women. But you're beautiful to me

Lux23

This thread makes me sad. I must see a few hundred people every day and I reckon I have only thought to myself once or twice that a person was 'ugly'. And that makes me a bit of a scumbag.

Tar.Aldarion

Personality is something that can and should be worked on by everybody, Looks shouldn't matter, realistically all they are is symmetry, so what. Much more interested in the person than the looks.

Wibbs

cloud493 wrote: »

It got easier when I realised I was so disgusting no woman would ever want me either.

ehh… Wut? I'd be getting away from that thinking pronto.

chanelfreak wrote: »

I rate things like intelligence, wit and humour over looks. I mean pretty things are nice for a while, but no point in going out with someone who is only a face and nothing more.

It isn't exactly an either or scenario. You can have good looking and intelligent, witty and humorous in the same person. Or not as the case may be.

Saipanne

Confidence is the most attractive quality of all.

cloud493

Theres only so much you can when you work with limited material though, ya know.

Sam Kade

blue note wrote: »

I think that most guys are regarded as ugly or plain looking to be honest. I was discussing looks with a female friend of mine the other day and she was making the point that women are typically less shallow, because you'll very rarely see a good looking guy with an unattractive girl whereas you'll often see unattractive guys with good looking girls.

I agreed to a point, but asked which of my male friends are good looking (she'd know most of them). Out of a sample of about 20 or 30 guys a couple "weren't bad" or were "alright" looking. These were near the end of the list when she realised that she was answering no to every single one. Then with her friends or girls in general I'd find lots of them attractive. And I think that's true for most guys that they are far more likely to regard girls as attractive.

Now there are other factors - make up and clothes on girls do make a difference. And I think girls are just better looking anyway to be honest. But I think the opposite of "girls are less shallow" is probably true - girls are completely unrealistic in what's good looking and not.

So OP, I wouldn't worry about it if you're unattractive / plain-looking. We all are to women. But you're beautiful to me

But men don't shovel on half an inch of makeup

Diamond Doll

I think we can be very cruel to ourselves and judge ourselves a lot more harshly than we would judge others.

I have a friend who (until recently) was around a size 22/24, and one of the prettiest girls I knew, with a gorgeous smile, lovely eyes, the most fabulous hair, a beautiful personality, and a contagious laugh. I never once judged her on her weight, yet I beat myself up when I've a bit of extra weight on.

I know plenty of people who wouldn't be considered good-looking and for whom it's never affected their relationships, job prospects, etc. And why should it?

People who are naturally good-looking may sometimes get more initial opportunities, but if they don't have the personality to match, others will soon see right through them.

Of course, the ideal would be to be gorgeous-looking and with a fabulous personality to match. Unfortunately however, ye can't all be like me! :pac:

chanelfreak

Wibbs wrote: »

ehh… Wut? I'd be getting away from that thinking pronto.

It isn't exactly an either or scenario. You can have good looking and intelligent, witty and humorous in the same person. Or not as the case may be.

Oh you

indioblack

cloud493 wrote: »

If it applies to you of course, since I'm sure theres some beautiful looking creatures on boards, how do you cope with being ugly? Cos I'm an ugly ass bastard, and it can be tough sometimes. I'm ugly, plain, lanky, etc.

My own general strategy is to be a hermit much as possible. Don't let anyone ever take a picture of me, try not to look at people as much as possible, don't make eye contact, avoid social contact as much as possible, and don't be out of my house for any longer than necessary, no attempts to force my ugly ass face on anyone. It got easier when I realised I was so disgusting no woman would ever want me either.


How about you guys?

I'd rather be ugly on the outside than on the inside.

riffmongous

No need to be so hard on yourself OP, there's an easy solution.. money and lot's of it.

alchemist33

Some of the sexiest people I know are plain or overweight. Attitude is the difference.

wp_rathead

Sorry to hear you feel the need to "live like a hermit" because how you think the world perceives you OP..

You think your "plain looking"? Fukcem, be plain looking - don't let it you dictating your life though

Tyrion Lannister: "Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you."

valoren

Focus on what you can change.

Change your clothes to more fashionable, fitted clothes?
Get physically fit. Improve your endurance and strength?
Make sure you have a set regime for grooming. Nice hair cut, nails cut, teeth clean etc.

When you feel good about yourself, that confidence and happiness radiates from you.

purplecow1977

Your self loathing, self hating comments and general lack of self confidence is far more of a turn off than any physical feature.

The good news is is that you can change that by liking and even loving yourself a bit more. I mean, if you don't like yourself or think much of yourself, how do you expect anyone else to??

valoren

This little piggy wrote: »

I think we can be very cruel to ourselves and judge ourselves a lot more harshly than we would judge others.

I have a friend who (until recently) was around a size 22/24, and one of the prettiest girls I knew, with a gorgeous smile, lovely eyes, the most fabulous hair, a beautiful personality, and a contagious laugh. I never once judged her on her weight, yet I beat myself up when I've a bit of extra weight on.

I know plenty of people who wouldn't be considered good-looking and for whom it's never affected their relationships, job prospects, etc. And why should it?

People who are naturally good-looking may sometimes get more initial opportunities, but if they don't have the personality to match, others will soon see right through them.

Of course, the ideal would be to be gorgeous-looking and with a fabulous personality to match. Unfortunately however, ye can't all be like me! :pac:

+1

Your looks will get you the interview. Your personality will land you the job.

cloud493

purplecow1977 wrote: »

Your self loathing, self hating comments and general lack of self confidence is far more of a turn off than any physical feature.

The good news is is that you can change that by liking and even loving yourself a bit more. I mean, if you don't like yourself or think much of yourself, how do you expect anyone else to??

I don't expect them to :pac:

purplecow1977

Blue note just an observation on your observation, I heard before that one of the reasons that you'll see good looking girls with less good looking guys is so that there is less competition and attention from other women who may lust after your partner!!

A good looking girl with a good looking guy may feel constantly on her toes, to prevent him from straying or getting his head turned!

Dan_Solo

Booze: makes you feel great and makes other people think you are great.
Win win. (except for the alleged problems with alcoholism)

4zn76tysfajdxp

alchemist33 wrote: »

Some of the sexiest people I know are plain or overweight. Attitude is the difference.

Some of the least sexy people I know are plain overweight, however.

purplecow1977

I can't quote as I am on my phone, but okay. You don't expect people to like or love you, are you happy enough being you then? I thought you were looking for advice on how to improve your quality of life, hence why people have been making various suggestions? Was that not the case?

cloud493

Dan_Solo wrote: »

Booze: makes you feel great and makes other people think you are great.
Win win. (except for the alleged problems with alcoholism)

I don't drink, and don't socialise anyway

edit - no I'm asking how do other people cope being so ugly. I'm pretty ok being ugly and what not. Can't change what your born with. Well you can but probably shouldn't.

Boring username

There's a lot an 'average' person can do to make the best of themselves. Keeping fit, buying well fitting clothes, avoid smoking, and generally take some pride in your appearance. Look after your teeth too, it pays to get that chipped tooth fixed, and some home bleaching kits such as the pearl drops one goes a long way to making that smile more attractive. Find colours and styles that work for you. Hide your flaws and highlight your best side.


And for the love of God ladies, don't wear fake tan or get those stupid fake eyebrows.

Omackeral

I wish Eden Hazard was still around these parts.

Captain Chaos

Look at all the experiments done on dating sites profiles. Basically below average looking guys are wasting their time. Looks are the first thing other people see, no one has the time to hang around and see how witty, confident or intelligent someone is.

I'm exactly like the OP more or less. Could have almost posted it myself word for word, I'm 30 in a few months and there are no photos of me beyond my 18th birthday that my parents took of me. I have found the best way is just forget about it and get on with life and just accept it like you said OP. When I finish work on Friday afternoon I don't go out again till Monday morning for work. Just totally gave up with life in general outside of work over the past year and it's much easier.

purplecow1977

Captain Chaos you are not living your life.

You are existing.

Big difference. We are only here once!!!

TerrorFirmer

Being physically unattractive is much harder for women than men. We all frequently see men who drew the short straw in the genetic lottery with attractive women - the reverse is rarely seen by comparison.

So do whatever you can - get in shape, work on your confidence, and you won't have an issue unless you are literally a hunchback.

As a wise man once said...

redmicky

work hard make lots of money

Wanderer78

im so amazing looking, gods even based on me! i obviously dont suffer from these said issues op

4zn76tysfajdxp

Captain Chaos wrote: »

I'm exactly like the OP more or less. Could have almost posted it myself word for word, I'm 30 in a few months and there are no photos of me beyond my 18th birthday that my parents took of me. I have found the best way is just forget about it and get on with life and just accept it like you said OP. When I finish work on Friday afternoon I don't go out again till Monday morning for work. Just totally gave up with life in general outside of work over the past year and it's much easier.

Ah come on, man. I'm sure you're not that bad.

purplecow1977

I'm also concerned with the view point that everyone IS so shallow that 'uglies' are forced to live as hermits & barely socialise!

Personally I would see that behaviour as a deeper rooted problem - less to do with the looks & more to do with the person's self-worth, or lack thereof. They're fooling themselves otherwise.

Edited to add: Also, don't good looking people rely on 'ugly' people to make themselves feel better & get more attention on a night out? It's also the reason they have at least 1 fat friend in their group*

* I jest I jest, although have heard people joke about these things before.

redmicky

purplecow1977 wrote: »

Also, don't good looking people rely on 'ugly' people to make themselves feel better & get more attention on a night out? It's also the reason they have at least 1 fat friend in their group

Where there is a Fox the hounds won't be far away.

purplecow1977

redmicky wrote: »

Where there is a Fox the hounds won't be far away.

I'm the fat friend in the group.

**cries**

Samaris

“A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.” - Roald Dahl.

Mind you, he was a nutter in quite a few ways, but still.

I'm no oil painting myself; I was the girl that guys only tried to get with to get near her attractive friends. **** 'em, I found a good, kind partner who also thinks I'm beautiful. Even if I reckon he needs his eyes checking.

I can't see you. Maybe you do have one eye at the back of your head and the other staring up your own nostril or maybe all your teeth have fallen out bar a fang at the front. But it will do you no good to dwell on it and to think that everyone's secretly laughing at you. It's an easy pattern to get into, but it will end up as depression and isolation and self-loathing. If worst comes to it, fang them.

People are more inclined to see you as you see yourself. As cheesy as it is, you ARE an amazing, unique human being that has struggled to get where they are, just like everyone else ("Everyone say it; We are all individuals"/cough, sorry) You have every damn right to go where you please, make friends with who you will. If people reject you based on looks, then screw them, they aren't worth knowing. I promise you, there are decent people out there and not everyone is focussed on outer beauty.

I suggest you think of something you're good at or enjoy - writing, reading, art, and have a poke about and see if there are classes that you can join. Don't think in terms of finding love, love isn't hunted, it just happens. But having something to talk about with others, a shared interest, will help find people worth knowing.

Also, and this is a hard lesson that it took me many years to learn'; it's actually pretty self-centered to think that everyone's always thinking about you, including in terms of how you look. It's also not very fair on others to prejudge them in the way that you feel they are prejudging you.


OK, long wall of text now done But feel free to PM me if you want to chat (any of you that have talked about this isolation). I don't bite!

redmicky

just be fun to be around.
Are you going to hang out with the good looking dull as dish water friends or the the plain looking fun to be with friends?

Ave Sodalis

Samaris wrote: »

“A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.” - Roald Dahl.

I really like this quote

PandaPoo

When I first met my husband, I remember thinking I wasn't attracted to him. He's a bit plain and not my type.

About an hour after meeting him I didn't want to be away from him, he was funny, smart and the more I looked at him the more I liked. I didn't notice how one of his eyes had a smudge of brown in it straight away, or that he has a really great smile and little freckles across his nose.

Trust me, if you have a great personality then a girl that likes you will notice loads of things about you that you might not.

Mr_Spaceman

Saipanne wrote: »

Confidence is the most attractive quality of all.

Indeed.

On the other hand, if you don't have it, you're fcuked.

Turtyturd

Watch Jeremy Kyle OP, some of the ugliest ****ers on two legs are often on there with women fighting over them, that's gotta lift the spirits.

pickarooney

Most of these replies are bollocks, to be honest. Very few people want to be with someone who is physically unattractive, no matter what their personality is like. It's highly unlikely that people are going to spend enough time on someone they are not physically attractive to realise that they have a good sense of humour and warm personality (and most often these people won't have this as they'll be social cripples, which is a vicious circle). Even then, how many people in the history of humanity have actually changed their mind about someone's attractiveness once they've got over the initial repulsion?

You just deal with it OP, like you would if you'd lost a leg and the dream of being a sprinter went up in smoke.

Milly33

Oh don't feel like that OP... People are so strange so we are. I think we base beauty and attractiveness on the wrong things and a lot of the time we do not realise what we have until someone points it out..

Himself tells me tis the one thing as such he doesn't like in me, that I have no confidence in myself I always see the ugly side as mentioned the double chin, the crappy hair the this the that, but sometimes you just have to say **** it. This is what I have you can like it or lump but make the most of it..

That Dayl saying it very true.... You can have the most beautiful person sitting in front of you but you may not know, because people today base beauty on looks not what is within.. And it is true it means sweet f all unless you want it...

Now it still doesn't stop me having a hissie fit going out, saying im too fat and blah blah or it doesn't stop me crying every now and again but it happens