How do you get over being unattractive/plain-looking?

cloud493 · 15-07-2015 11:00AM

Dan_Solo wrote: »

Booze: makes you feel great and makes other people think you are great.
Win win. (except for the alleged problems with alcoholism)

I don't drink, and don't socialise anyway

edit - no I'm asking how do other people cope being so ugly. I'm pretty ok being ugly and what not. Can't change what your born with. Well you can but probably shouldn't.

Boring username · 15-07-2015 11:03AM

There's a lot an 'average' person can do to make the best of themselves. Keeping fit, buying well fitting clothes, avoid smoking, and generally take some pride in your appearance. Look after your teeth too, it pays to get that chipped tooth fixed, and some home bleaching kits such as the pearl drops one goes a long way to making that smile more attractive. Find colours and styles that work for you. Hide your flaws and highlight your best side.

And for the love of God ladies, don't wear fake tan or get those stupid fake eyebrows.

15-07-2015 11:03AM

I wish Eden Hazard was still around these parts.

Captain Chaos · 15-07-2015 11:05AM

Look at all the experiments done on dating sites profiles. Basically below average looking guys are wasting their time. Looks are the first thing other people see, no one has the time to hang around and see how witty, confident or intelligent someone is.

I'm exactly like the OP more or less. Could have almost posted it myself word for word, I'm 30 in a few months and there are no photos of me beyond my 18th birthday that my parents took of me. I have found the best way is just forget about it and get on with life and just accept it like you said OP. When I finish work on Friday afternoon I don't go out again till Monday morning for work. Just totally gave up with life in general outside of work over the past year and it's much easier.

purplecow1977 · 15-07-2015 11:11AM

Captain Chaos you are not living your life.

You are existing.

Big difference. We are only here once!!!

TerrorFirmer · 15-07-2015 11:11AM

Being physically unattractive is much harder for women than men. We all frequently see men who drew the short straw in the genetic lottery with attractive women - the reverse is rarely seen by comparison.

So do whatever you can - get in shape, work on your confidence, and you won't have an issue unless you are literally a hunchback.

As a wise man once said...

redmicky · 15-07-2015 11:12AM

work hard make lots of money

Wanderer78 · 15-07-2015 11:13AM

im so amazing looking, gods even based on me! i obviously dont suffer from these said issues op

4zn76tysfajdxp · 15-07-2015 11:16AM

Captain Chaos wrote: »

I'm exactly like the OP more or less. Could have almost posted it myself word for word, I'm 30 in a few months and there are no photos of me beyond my 18th birthday that my parents took of me. I have found the best way is just forget about it and get on with life and just accept it like you said OP. When I finish work on Friday afternoon I don't go out again till Monday morning for work. Just totally gave up with life in general outside of work over the past year and it's much easier.

Ah come on, man. I'm sure you're not that bad.

purplecow1977 · 15-07-2015 11:19AM

I'm also concerned with the view point that everyone IS so shallow that 'uglies' are forced to live as hermits & barely socialise!

Personally I would see that behaviour as a deeper rooted problem - less to do with the looks & more to do with the person's self-worth, or lack thereof. They're fooling themselves otherwise.

Edited to add: Also, don't good looking people rely on 'ugly' people to make themselves feel better & get more attention on a night out? It's also the reason they have at least 1 fat friend in their group*

* I jest I jest, although have heard people joke about these things before.

redmicky · 15-07-2015 11:23AM

purplecow1977 wrote: »

Also, don't good looking people rely on 'ugly' people to make themselves feel better & get more attention on a night out? It's also the reason they have at least 1 fat friend in their group

Where there is a Fox the hounds won't be far away.

purplecow1977 · 15-07-2015 11:24AM

redmicky wrote: »

Where there is a Fox the hounds won't be far away.

I'm the fat friend in the group.

**cries**

Samaris · 15-07-2015 11:25AM

“A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.” - Roald Dahl.

Mind you, he was a nutter in quite a few ways, but still.

I'm no oil painting myself; I was the girl that guys only tried to get with to get near her attractive friends. **** 'em, I found a good, kind partner who also thinks I'm beautiful. Even if I reckon he needs his eyes checking.

I can't see you. Maybe you do have one eye at the back of your head and the other staring up your own nostril or maybe all your teeth have fallen out bar a fang at the front. But it will do you no good to dwell on it and to think that everyone's secretly laughing at you. It's an easy pattern to get into, but it will end up as depression and isolation and self-loathing. If worst comes to it, fang them.

People are more inclined to see you as you see yourself. As cheesy as it is, you ARE an amazing, unique human being that has struggled to get where they are, just like everyone else ("Everyone say it; We are all individuals"/cough, sorry) You have every damn right to go where you please, make friends with who you will. If people reject you based on looks, then screw them, they aren't worth knowing. I promise you, there are decent people out there and not everyone is focussed on outer beauty.

I suggest you think of something you're good at or enjoy - writing, reading, art, and have a poke about and see if there are classes that you can join. Don't think in terms of finding love, love isn't hunted, it just happens. But having something to talk about with others, a shared interest, will help find people worth knowing.

Also, and this is a hard lesson that it took me many years to learn'; it's actually pretty self-centered to think that everyone's always thinking about you, including in terms of how you look. It's also not very fair on others to prejudge them in the way that you feel they are prejudging you.

OK, long wall of text now done

But feel free to PM me if you want to chat (any of you that have talked about this isolation). I don't bite!

redmicky · 15-07-2015 11:29AM

just be fun to be around.
Are you going to hang out with the good looking dull as dish water friends or the the plain looking fun to be with friends?

Ave Sodalis · 15-07-2015 11:31AM

Samaris wrote: »

“A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.” - Roald Dahl.

I really like this quote

PandaPoo · 15-07-2015 11:33AM

When I first met my husband, I remember thinking I wasn't attracted to him. He's a bit plain and not my type.

About an hour after meeting him I didn't want to be away from him, he was funny, smart and the more I looked at him the more I liked. I didn't notice how one of his eyes had a smudge of brown in it straight away, or that he has a really great smile and little freckles across his nose.

Trust me, if you have a great personality then a girl that likes you will notice loads of things about you that you might not.

Mr_Spaceman · 15-07-2015 11:33AM

Saipanne wrote: »

Confidence is the most attractive quality of all.

Indeed.

On the other hand, if you don't have it, you're fcuked.

Turtyturd · 15-07-2015 11:34AM

Watch Jeremy Kyle OP, some of the ugliest ****ers on two legs are often on there with women fighting over them, that's gotta lift the spirits.

pickarooney · 15-07-2015 11:36AM

Most of these replies are bollocks, to be honest. Very few people want to be with someone who is physically unattractive, no matter what their personality is like. It's highly unlikely that people are going to spend enough time on someone they are not physically attractive to realise that they have a good sense of humour and warm personality (and most often these people won't have this as they'll be social cripples, which is a vicious circle). Even then, how many people in the history of humanity have actually changed their mind about someone's attractiveness once they've got over the initial repulsion?

You just deal with it OP, like you would if you'd lost a leg and the dream of being a sprinter went up in smoke.

Milly33 · 15-07-2015 11:39AM

Oh don't feel like that OP... People are so strange so we are. I think we base beauty and attractiveness on the wrong things and a lot of the time we do not realise what we have until someone points it out..

Himself tells me tis the one thing as such he doesn't like in me, that I have no confidence in myself I always see the ugly side as mentioned the double chin, the crappy hair the this the that, but sometimes you just have to say **** it. This is what I have you can like it or lump but make the most of it..

That Dayl saying it very true.... You can have the most beautiful person sitting in front of you but you may not know, because people today base beauty on looks not what is within.. And it is true it means sweet f all unless you want it...

Now it still doesn't stop me having a hissie fit going out, saying im too fat and blah blah or it doesn't stop me crying every now and again but it happens

cloud493 · 15-07-2015 11:39AM

pickarooney wrote: »

Most of these replies are bollocks, to be honest. Very few people want to be with someone who is physically unattractive, no matter what their personality is like. It's highly unlikely that people are going to spend enough time on someone they are not physically attractive to realise that they have a good sense of humour and warm personality (and most often these people won't have this as they'll be social cripples, which is a vicious circle). Even then, how many people in the history of humanity have actually changed their mind about someone's attractiveness once they've got over the initial repulsion?

You just deal with it OP, like you would if you'd lost a leg and the dream of being a sprinter went up in smoke.

Oh I know. I was just mild curious to see how other people get on with it.

I mean if this was a hollywood movie, maybe the good looking girl would see the charm or intelligence or what have you. But it isn't, and they don't, and I'm ok with that.

stephenl15 · 15-07-2015 11:40AM

pickarooney wrote: »

Most of these replies are bollocks, to be honest. Very few people want to be with someone who is physically unattractive, no matter what their personality is like. It's highly unlikely that people are going to spend enough time on someone they are not physically attractive to realise that they have a good sense of humour and warm personality (and most often these people won't have this as they'll be social cripples, which is a vicious circle). Even then, how many people in the history of humanity have actually changed their mind about someone's attractiveness once they've got over the initial repulsion?

You just deal with it OP, like you would if you'd lost a leg and the dream of being a sprinter went up in smoke.

I agree. I would maybe suggest to put a lot of effort over the course of a year or two to going to the gym, eating reasonably healthy and dressing well. That can go a long long way to improving your confidence and self worth and how you are perceived by the opposite sex

Samaris · 15-07-2015 11:41AM

pickarooney wrote: »

Most of these replies are bollocks, to be honest. Very few people want to be with someone who is physically unattractive, no matter what their personality is like. It's highly unlikely that people are going to spend enough time on someone they are not physically attractive to realise that they have a good sense of humour and warm personality (and most often these people won't have this as they'll be social cripples, which is a vicious circle). Even then, how many people in the history of humanity have actually changed their mind about someone's attractiveness once they've got over the initial repulsion?

You just deal with it OP, like you would if you'd lost a leg and the dream of being a sprinter went up in smoke.

Fortunately, they're only bollocks to some. There are likely a lot of people that do think that way, but there are also many that don't. I have plenty of friends that aren't particularly physically attractive as well as a number who are.

And there's a case up above that mentions just that, about finding attractive points in someone they felt was plain once they realised that the person was good to be around.

redmicky · 15-07-2015 11:41AM

"So, what first attracted you to the millionaire Paul Daniels?"
Make lots of money, no matter how ugly you are the women will be all over you.

dont bother · 15-07-2015 11:42AM

eh.....

plastic surgery/botox/fillers and gym.

sorted.

who cares about personality. not many people do.

QuinDixie · 15-07-2015 11:42AM

pickarooney wrote: »

Most of these replies are bollocks, to be honest. Very few people want to be with someone who is physically unattractive, no matter what their personality is like. It's highly unlikely that people are going to spend enough time on someone they are not physically attractive to realise that they have a good sense of humour and warm personality (and most often these people won't have this as they'll be social cripples, which is a vicious circle). Even then, how many people in the history of humanity have actually changed their mind about someone's attractiveness once they've got over the initial repulsion?

You just deal with it OP, like you would if you'd lost a leg and the dream of being a sprinter went up in smoke.

You have to be pleasing on the eye first before the humour and personality have any chance.
The only thing that trumps a physical attractiveness is money.

Milly33 · 15-07-2015 11:42AM

Well yes you could of course do all these things.. Which is very true and it will make you feel better yourself anyway doing this stuff.

But don't be too harsh on yourself either.. You could even do a test go out there get some skinny jeans, stick them on, get your hair done like they say it should be... And bet once one person thinks your cool youll be flying it but keeping up with the typical is harder than it looks and id say rather painfull

anncoates · 15-07-2015 11:51AM

The factors other than looks that constitute attractiveness are so multifold - like confidence, intelligence, personality and just basic subjective attraction - and are the things that stay intact as looks start fading.

I had/have two friends that would have been regarded as extremely good looking in the day and they never seemed to 'get' a markedly higher amount of women in proportion to their physical attractiveness.

While it's pointless to deny that some people will always be adjudged to be more attractive than others, the belief that you won't meet anybody on the basis of it is counterproductive and destructive.

the evasion_kid · 15-07-2015 11:59AM

blue note wrote: »

I think that most guys are regarded as ugly or plain looking to be honest. I was discussing looks with a female friend of mine the other day and she was making the point that women are typically less shallow, because you'll very rarely see a good looking guy with an unattractive girl whereas you'll often see unattractive guys with good looking girls.

I agreed to a point, but asked which of my male friends are good looking (she'd know most of them). Out of a sample of about 20 or 30 guys a couple "weren't bad" or were "alright" looking. These were near the end of the list when she realised that she was answering no to every single one. Then with her friends or girls in general I'd find lots of them attractive. And I think that's true for most guys that they are far more likely to regard girls as attractive.

Now there are other factors - make up and clothes on girls do make a difference. And I think girls are just better looking anyway to be honest. But I think the opposite of "girls are less shallow" is probably true - girls are completely unrealistic in what's good looking and not.

So OP, I wouldn't worry about it if you're unattractive / plain-looking. We all are to women. But you're beautiful to me

A lot of women ain't all that without make up,fake tan,nails ,hair etc quite drab infact,really take a nosedive in their thirties too.

dont bother · 15-07-2015 12:00PM

OP - the real solution to your problem is SURGERY on the face, bit of a bulk up of the body in the gym (as you said you think you're lanky)...

the rest will fall into place.

usually you'd even get away with having a horrible ugly face if the body is good.

that's why most muscular gym-going men have disgusting faces - they work on the body to give themselves SOME chance.

How do you get over being unattractive/plain-looking?

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