Davina McCall sparks controversy over happy marriage advice

The Rape of Lucretia

Candie wrote: »

If her husband is so tenuously committed to her that mismatched underwear might send him elsewhere, she's better off without him.

Two side to that story. If the best she has going for her is matching underwear, then he's better off without her.

silverfeather

The Rape of Lucretia wrote: »

Two side to that story. If the best she has going for her is matching underwear, then he's better off without her.

Two sides same coin...same point.

hatrickpatrick

Cold War Kid wrote: »

I'd prefer "If your sex life is not in a good place, don't just sweep it under the carpet - confront it" rather than "Keep your partner sexually satisfied", as the latter isn't really easy if a person is having trouble like waning libido. The way she says to have sex even if exhausted - yeah, feeling obliged to have sex - sexy stuff!

To be fair, I've gone down on girlfriends sometimes when I wasn't in the mood at all because I liked seeing them happy (and generally got into the mood just from doing it, in the end), sometimes it's ok to do something like that purely as something nice to do for someone else. That's just my opinion though, and I'd be lying if I claimed I didn't have a bit of an... eating addiction, if you will :pac:

Now having said that, obviously there's a line between wanting not to do it, and just not being particularly excited about it but obliging because you're an absolute legend like myself

Dangerous Man

I can't stand her but she's right. Women need to up their game. Put in some bloody effort.

ThinkProgress

silverfeather wrote: »

She had a VERY dysfunctional upbringing and overcame drug addiction. It's entirely possible that she is. If her husband read that and was content for her to feel that way in the relationship then I really think he is not good for her. I know guys like that they are not good for people. It's hard to see when you are IN IT.

Being submissive is not a crime against other females or female values. Some people don't give a damn how others think they should behave. They just do what feels natural to THEM.

For some women, being slightly submissive feels more natural I guess! She seems happy.

dark crystal wrote: »

But sometimes sex is a chore.

Feeling obligated to have sex whenever your partner feels like it for fear they may cheat is a horrible, unhealthy way to conduct a relationship. If it gets to the stage where it becomes an issue, then talk about it, but having unrealistic expectations or cheating is never the answer.

The reality of life doesn't always line up perfect with what we want. If someone feels unsatisfied or under appreciated, and they think they can do better elsewhere - it's human nature to want the best you can have in life.

But for some reason, relationships are not held to that same standard. Some people think you should stay with a person and be loyal when maybe only one half is getting the things they need.

We are encouraged to deny our natural instincts too often by people who don't really know what they're talking about.

I think davina actually is quite realistic. I think she gets it. And others have their heads in the sand.

Cold War Kid

hatrickpatrick wrote: »

To be fair, I've gone down on girlfriends sometimes when I wasn't in the mood at all because I liked seeing them happy (and generally got into the mood just from doing it, in the end), sometimes it's ok to do something like that purely as something nice to do for someone else. That's just my opinion though, and I'd be lying if I claimed I didn't have a bit of an... eating addiction, if you will :pac:

Now having said that, obviously there's a line between wanting not to do it, and just not being particularly excited about it but obliging because you're an absolute legend like myself

Ah yeah, there's still some bit of a "want" there.

One eyed Jack

hatrickpatrick wrote: »

To be fair, I've gone down on girlfriends sometimes when I wasn't in the mood at all because I liked seeing them happy (and generally got into the mood just from doing it, in the end), sometimes it's ok to do something like that purely as something nice to do for someone else. That's just my opinion though, and I'd be lying if I claimed I didn't have a bit of an... eating addiction, if you will :pac:

Now having said that, obviously there's a line between wanting not to do it, and just not being particularly excited about it but obliging because you're an absolute legend like myself

Spoiler tags Patrick, spoiler tags! Way too much info there :pac:

hatrickpatrick

Cold War Kid wrote: »

Ah yeah, there's still some bit of a "want" there.

Sometimes there really wasn't, other than just enjoying knowing she was having fun. My sex drive is fairly peculiar

I have depressive episodes from time to time though, sometimes you can neither get it up nor actually feel much enjoyment if you do - but in those situations (this is just my opinion) I'd tend to think along the "I'm a bit messed up right now but she shouldn't have to have no fun at all just because I'm not feeling it". Sex itself requires a lot of energy, just getting someone else off far less so if you know what you're doing

One eyed Jack wrote: »

Spoiler tags Patrick, spoiler tags! Way too much info there :pac:

If you think about it, the :pac: smiley is particularly appropriate to this discussion

Cold War Kid

Dangerous Man wrote: »

I can't stand her but she's right. Women need to up their game. Put in some bloody effort.

Seems to be either "Put in some bloody effort" or "Women wear too much make-up and stupidly high shoes, and wonderbras which gives a fake impression of how they really are".

ThinkProgress

hatrickpatrick wrote: »

Sometimes there really wasn't, other than just enjoying knowing she was having fun. My sex drive is fairly peculiar

I have depressive episodes from time to time though, sometimes you can neither get it up nor actually feel much enjoyment if you do - but in those situations (this is just my opinion) I'd tend to think along the "I'm a bit messed up right now but she shouldn't have to have no fun at all just because I'm not feeling it". Sex itself requires a lot of energy, just getting someone else off far less so if you know what you're doing

Mother theresa with a d*ck!

It would be more noble if you sorted your issues out rather than patting yourself on the back for soldiering through.

The article mostly described her keeping healthy, fit, feeling good etc. I don't think she was promoting having undesired sex on a constant basis!

Occasionally would be ok. But as a rule, I would think it's a bad sign in a relationship.

Carlos Orange

the evasion_kid wrote: »

there actually in meltdown on twitter.....over a statue of a man talking to a woman at the moment :pac:

That was easier to find than I expected.

Eugene Norman

ThinkProgress wrote: »

Being submissive is not a crime against other females or female values. Some people don't give a damn how others think they should behave. They just do what feels natural to THEM.

For some women, being slightly submissive feels more natural I guess! She seems happy.




The reality of life doesn't always line up perfect with what we want. If someone feels unsatisfied or under appreciated, and they think they can do better elsewhere - it's human nature to want the best you can have in life.

But for some reason, relationships are not held to that same standard. Some people think you should stay with a person and be loyal when maybe only one half is getting the things they need.

We are encouraged to deny our natural instincts too often by people who don't really know what they're talking about.

I think davina actually is quite realistic. I think she gets it. And others have their heads in the sand.

Seriously doubt she's submissive.

We are all talking about the same Davina? Davina McColl of big bruv? Right? Not Davina the shy Cork librarian.

ThinkProgress

Eugene Norman wrote: »

Seriously doubt she's submissive.

We are all talking about the same Davina? Davina McColl of big bruv? Right? Not Davina the shy Cork librarian.

lol. dunno man. How would we really know?

Being loud doesn't mean you're not submissive.

She also mentioned being romantic too. Did you peg her as the romantic type either?

Dangerous Man

Cold War Kid wrote: »

Seems to be either "Put in some bloody effort" or "Women wear too much make-up and stupidly high shoes, and wonderbras which gives a fake impression of how they really are".

Not so much that - more like if you're going on a date show up on time. If you're in a relationship and your man comes home have dinner ready and have a drink ready for him.

Keep the place and yourself clean. Surprise your boyfriend with gifts. Get to the gym and put the pies down. Just because you're married doesn't mean you can be a slob.

Stuff like that.

Tony Beetroot

Davina reminds me of a mk1 escort.

Dangerous Man

Tony Beetroot wrote: »

Davina reminds me of a mk1 escort.

Go on then... why's that?

Tony Beetroot

Dangerous Man wrote: »

Go on then... why's that?

no one expects the spanish inquisition

Menas

psinno wrote: »

Clearly someone with one failed marriage knows nothing about some of the reasons marriages fail. Clearly.

Some may well do yes, but clearly given her statement she is not someone I would turn to for marriage advice.

kylith

Pluperfect wrote: »

On once a once off basis if you aren't in the mood of course you shouldn't have sex. But if it is an ongoing trend then you need to either try an increase your libido, break up or allow your partner to have sex with other people.

That's a bit simplistic. Sure, some people just aren't that pushed about sex but sometimes it's a symptom of problems in the relationship. Saying 'increase your libido or accept that your partner will sleep around' isn't much help if the reason your libido has waned is because your partner is an ass and you feel unloved or undervalued in the relationship, or because you have an undiagnosed medical issue. Or remember that bloke we had here a while ago 'My OH is pregnant, it's ok for me to sleep around, yeah?' Complications with childbirth can put sex off the table for months and the last thing you need with the pain and exhaustion is the worry that your partner can't deal with not having sex for a while and will cheat on you or leave.

If your sex life with your partner isn't as fulfilling as it was or as you'd like it to be then you need to start by asking why, not by jumping to the decision that it's break-up/cheating time.

Cee-Jay-Cee

The Backwards Man wrote: »

Her career has spiralled rapidly downwards since she was on Ray Cokes' MTV show. Hit the zenith way too early.

Absolute rubbish. Her career spiralled upwards after MTV and it's only in the last year or two it's seems to have gone a little quiet but shes made her money by now and still have the Million Pound Drop show which get big big ratings.

Chloris

Tony Beetroot wrote:

Davina reminds me of a mk1 escort.

One day she'll be wandering around M&S and they'll start piping in the wrong song and... BAM. Davina McCaull is gone. Davina the Sex Kitten has returned, to do what she's been trained to do. Strip and appease men, universally.

I really hope you're right, Tony.

One eyed Jack

Chloris wrote: »

One day she'll be wandering around M&S and they'll start piping in the wrong song and... BAM. Davina McCaull is gone. Davina the Sex Kitten has returned, to do what she's been trained to do. Strip and appease men, universally.

I really hope you're right, Tony.

I hope you're right, Chloris

ThinkProgress

kylith wrote: »

That's a bit simplistic. Sure, some people just aren't that pushed about sex but sometimes it's a symptom of problems in the relationship. Saying 'increase your libido or accept that your partner will sleep around' isn't much help if the reason your libido has waned is because your partner is an ass and you feel unloved or undervalued in the relationship, or because you have an undiagnosed medical issue. Or remember that bloke we had here a while ago 'My OH is pregnant, it's ok for me to sleep around, yeah?' Complications with childbirth can put sex off the table for months and the last thing you need with the pain and exhaustion is the worry that your partner can't deal with not having sex for a while and will cheat on you or leave.

If your sex life with your partner isn't as fulfilling as it was or as you'd like it to be then you need to start by asking why, not by jumping to the decision that it's break-up/cheating time.

I agree it's a two way street and too many couples have poor communication when things go wrong.

But a lot of people get far too comfortable in marriage/long term relationships. In many ways the "problems" that occur are actually just symptoms of a larger malaise.

And because of the poor communication, many things go unaddressed for years before someone actually ends up cheating.

The stresses of life affect everybody differently too. I have sympathy for females in this respect, because having kids must really change you as a person.

But I think davina was just alluding to the fact that you have to work very hard to avoid slipping into those traps in a relationship. It's very easy to just let things slide when you think your OH is very understanding.

But there is a limit to people's "understanding", if you end up waking up beside a completely different person to the one you thought you married.

Kalman

dark crystal wrote: »

TV presenter Davina McCall has given an interview to The Telegraph about marriage. In it, she states “You must keep your husband satisfied in the bedroom department, even if you’re absolutely exhausted. Otherwise he will go somewhere else.”
She also goes on about wearing matching underwear (her husband can't stand plain underwear apparantly) and keeping vigilant about her figure by not eating white food.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/celebritynews/11640553/Davina-McCall-You-must-keep-your-husband-satisfied-in-the-bedroom.html

Putting aside the slightly archaic 1950's slant to her views, she's not giving her husband, or men in general, much credit is she? Nowhere does she state what men should be doing to keep their wives happy lest they seek comfort elsewhere, instead she paints them as fickle creatures who will stray if their wives are not up for it 24/7 and don't parade around in Agent Provocateur undies every night.

Social media has gone into overdrive about her comments, on which she's backtracked slightly, but it's still rubbed many women up the wrong way. Does she have a point, or has she managed to insult both genders at once with her views?

If all is not well between the sheets>>>then yes, he may well seek his pleasure elsewhere.
At 47 years of age, she could be forgiven for saying: "not to-night darling."
The matching underwear thing, well what can one say? I would seek advice on that if I were him.

gaius c

dark crystal wrote: »

TV presenter Davina McCall has given an interview to The Telegraph about marriage. In it, she states “You must keep your husband satisfied in the bedroom department, even if you’re absolutely exhausted. Otherwise he will go somewhere else.”
She also goes on about wearing matching underwear (her husband can't stand plain underwear apparantly) and keeping vigilant about her figure by not eating white food.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/celebritynews/11640553/Davina-McCall-You-must-keep-your-husband-satisfied-in-the-bedroom.html

Putting aside the slightly archaic 1950's slant to her views, she's not giving her husband, or men in general, much credit is she? Nowhere does she state what men should be doing to keep their wives happy lest they seek comfort elsewhere, instead she paints them as fickle creatures who will stray if their wives are not up for it 24/7 and don't parade around in Agent Provocateur undies every night.

Social media has gone into overdrive about her comments, on which she's backtracked slightly, but it's still rubbed many women up the wrong way. Does she have a point, or has she managed to insult both genders at once with her views?

She does have a point and it goes both ways.

Get down on your knees for half an hour a week or your partner will find somebody else who will.

osarusan

gaius c wrote: »

Get down on your knees for half an hour a week or your partner will find somebody else who will.

You're a machine!!

Kalman

gaius c wrote: »

She does have a point and it goes both ways.

Get down on your knees for half an hour a week or your partner will find somebody else who will.

On your knees>>>Wow!!

gaius c

osarusan wrote: »

You're a machine!!

Knee pads under the Xmas tree. Drop your partner that subtle hint!

Greentopia

dark crystal wrote: »

But sometimes sex is a chore.

People will go through periods of stress, illness, depression, exhaustion, anxiety....any number of things. You can't always be attuned to your partner's sexual needs. Of course sex is an important part of a relationship, but it's not the be all and end all. There are times when it's the last thing on my mind and times when it's the last thing on my partner's mind. I'm not going to acquiesce to his advances if I'm not in the mood any more than I'd expect him to acquiesce to mine when he's had a shit day.

Never had sex where it's been a chore and I've been in a few long term relationships. If I'm stressed I'd still want sex-helps relax you anyway and I'd still want that connection with my partner. Same with anxiety. Illness and exhaustion would be the only two things that would make me turn it down. I don't generally get ill or exhausted luckily. If I was I'd just tell my partner and I'd expect him to do the same for me.

For me perhaps sex is not the be all and end all but it is EXTREMELY important. If that's not working then there's a serious problem. Sex should never be a chore IMO. What's the point of doing it if it is? I have a high sex drive though so there is that...

dark crystal wrote: »

Feeling obligated to have sex whenever your partner feels like it for fear they may cheat is a horrible, unhealthy way to conduct a relationship. If it gets to the stage where it becomes an issue, then talk about it, but having unrealistic expectations or cheating is never the answer.

Agreed. But I don't have a problem with a partner "cheating" on me- i.e. sleeping with other women, so long as he stays emotionally faithful and bonded to me.

coffee_cake

That's the advice the brainwashed 19 kids lady was giving recently as well