What's worse, dumping someone or being dumped?

Mr.Plough

Recently dumped my girlfriend. Great girl who loved me to bits but after two years I just didn't feel the same way anymore. The longer it went on there was a sense of impending doom brewing. Now I constantly go through periods of second guessing my decision worrying I've made a huge mistake etc. Comes in waves but when I sit back and think clearly about it I know it was the right thing to do. But these 'waves' occur frequently and can be pretty debilitating.

When your dumped, I find after the initial shock you can get on with it quicker and with no regrets. Dumpees also have more of a support system as they're the victim, whereas the dumper is assumed to be fine with it because they made the decision.


Any opinions from people who have been both dumpers and dumpees?


Being dumped on is worse than both obviously.

bodice ripper

Being someone who mediates a dumping.

Thespoofer

Being dumped.

Shelga

Being dumped of course! Always, always, being dumped.

Timberrrrrrrr

Being dumped on

Ah Amsterdam, what a weekend that was.

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

Dumping someone you know loves you.

el tel

"It's not you, it's me..."

Much handier being dumped I should think.

Doing the dumping takes a lot of mental preparation. Having said that, the more people you dump, the easier it gets.

It's also my h easier for either party if they're already banging someone else.

Cold War Kid

Being dumped, but it's often for the best - and the dumper is doing no wrong by wanting to end a situation that is no longer a happy one for them. It's not a walk in the park dumping someone either. And it's the best thing to do - not doing so and stringing the person along is cowardly.
But overall... being dumped is the worse of the two.

LadyAthame

Trying to figure out whether to dump your one night stand or get her to dump you eh?:rolleyes:

Ruu

I like playing with dumper trucks.

Fr_Dougal

"It's not me, it's you"

Zen65

Are we talking about lovers, or bodies?

LadyAthame

Zen65 wrote: »

Are we talking about lovers, or bodies?

Lovers bodies!:)

ygolometsipe

when you have to dump and it wont come out!

The Enabler

Mr.Plough wrote: »

When your dumped, I find after the initial shock you can get on with it quicker and with no regrets. Dumpees also have more of a support system as they're the victim, whereas the dumper is assumed to be fine with it because they made the decision.

.

Agree with this completely. When you're the one who has been dumped you can't wonder if you made the wrong decision. Plus unless the person you're dumping is absolutely horrible you feel absolutely terrible. Especially if they're great and mad about you as in the case of the OP

ardmacha

a middle eastern person said
"For with the judgement you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. "

while a Corkman said
"It is not those who can inflict the most, but those that can suffer the most who will prevail"

myshirt

Who even dumps someone these days? Can you not just say the relationship broke down?

I think the man always comes out worse. Women have a great support network of friends, and it is also more natural for the kids to stay with her, sometimes even moving town. Men are too caught up in being men that it can hit hard. I think it is not surprising that more men commit suicide than women. Social welfare system and housing support system naturally supports the woman, not the man.

Then you have the whole 'the best way to get over a man is to get under another', and women just not being able to see a man happy, using the kids as weapons etc. Seen a significant enough population of them in my time. Hate family law.

myshirt

myshirt wrote: »

Who even dumps someone these days? Can you not just say the relationship broke down?

I think the man always comes out worse. Women have a great support network of friends, and it is also more natural for the kids to stay with her, sometimes even moving town. Men are too caught up in being men that it can hit hard. I think it is not surprising that more men commit suicide than women. Social welfare system and housing support system naturally supports the woman, not the man.

Then you have the whole 'the best way to get over a man is to get under another', and women just not being able to see a man happy, using the kids as weapons etc.

So many negative generalisations. So, so, many.

And the bolded bit is just disgusting.

Junkyard Tom

myshirt wrote: »

I think the man always comes out worse.

Gender war bull**** in

3...

2..

1.

Pat Mustard

Dumping somebody feels like a car crash in slow motion. In an word; appalling.

Being dumped is nothing next to that. You can walk away, call up your buddies and go drinking for a week. Much better.

MonkeyTennis

Ill take being dumped by my fat ambitionless girlfriends with bravery and wish them well.

When I meet them on the street with my current Czech uber goddess.. Ill be the better man. And they shall know the GOD OF PITY


I'm fine

myshirt

Candie wrote: »

So many negative generalisations. So, so, many.

And the bolded bit is just disgusting.

I don't mean all women of course... come on.. all I can speak of is my personal experience.. and I have seen a certain, but not insignificant, population of this type of woman. It impacts.

Massimo Cassagrande

Generally speaking, ploughing is much more fun than dumping. I always preferred ploughing girlfriends more than dumping them. Much earthier.

Cold War Kid

Saying it's worse to dump someone than be dumped... I dunno... seems something kinda selfish about it. Boo hoo, have to suffer a guilty conscience.

It does depend on each individual situation I guess.

Massimo Cassagrande

Cold War Kid wrote: »

Saying it's worse to dump someone than be dumped... I dunno... seems something kinda selfish about it. Boo hoo, have to suffer a guilty conscience.

It does depend on each individual situation I guess.

Sociopath...

The Enabler

Cold War Kid wrote: »

Saying it's worse to dump someone than be dumped... I dunno... seems something kinda selfish about it. Boo hoo, have to suffer a guilty conscience.

It does depend on each individual situation I guess.

Well it's never nice hurting someone

Cold War Kid

myshirt wrote: »

the whole 'the best way to get over a man is to get under another'

Didn't think that was gender-specific? "The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else" was my understanding of it.
And it's crap advice sometimes - break-ups can cause people, male and female, to feel so devastated that they barely have the energy to get out of bed, let alone go bed-hopping.

Notorious97

I think it depends on the situation and people involved.

Obviously it's easy to feel good about dumping someone who treats you like crap, but it's hard to break up with someone who you know is totally committed to the relationship. I think in the long run you are doing that person a huge favour if you end it as they can move on and be happy, if you don't feel the same as they do.

I will never understand the people who know someone is very much into them and developing feelings, and they treat them with zero respect and drop them, pick them up, drop them, pick them up again whenever it suits them. I have seen one or two friends behave in this way and it just makes me wonder what on earth is going on in their heads knowing they are ruining girls who really didn't deserve it.

I think the OP done the right thing, I'm sure it wasn't easy but in the long run she will thank you and you will also move on and be happy, don't be feeling to bad.

Cold War Kid

The Enabler wrote: »

Well it's never nice hurting someone

Well obviously. I acknowledged that in my first post to this thread - breaking up with someone is awful, but claiming having to dump someone is worse than being dumped because you can confide in your friends etc if dumped... unfortunately it's not as simple as that. People (male and female) can be in bits for months and months after the other person ends the relationship, and even though it's for the best, it still hurts like hell trying to get your head around it.

The Enabler

Cold War Kid wrote: »

Well obviously. I acknowledged that in my first post to this thread - breaking up with someone is awful, but claiming having to dump someone is worse than being dumped because you can confide in your friends etc if dumped... unfortunately it's not as simple as that. People (male and female) can be in bits for months and months after the other person ends the relationship, and even though it's for the best, it still hurts like hell trying to get your head around it.

Being dumped is horrible, one of the worst things. But the dumper doesn't (always) get away scot-free. Situation dependent, obviously

Cold War Kid

The Enabler wrote: »

Being dumped is horrible, one of the worst things. But the dumper doesn't (always) get away scot-free. Situation dependent, obviously

I know the dumper doesn't get away scot-free always (rarely I'd say). It's a very difficult situation to be in a lot of the time. Yes, I agree it's situation dependent.

SpaceSasqwatch

Both are tough.

Bottom line its no point lying to yourself so if you have to dump you have to dump.

Being dumped is sh1te too...especially if you find out later said dumper has being fukking other people.Then its just a case of not getting mad but getting even.

Junkyard Tom

The best thing to do is trick the person you're dumping into thinking it's their decision!

:pac:

the evasion_kid

I don't really know which is worse,I do know I wouldn't want to be with someone who was having doubts over the relationship in fact in the past I've been rather blase about being dumped Much to the dumpers surprise,it was just a "fair enough" "see ya later" type thing.

C.D.

Being dumped.. though while it can be messy, having sex with someone who dumped you is incredible.

Being dumped removes any power you may want to have over the situation. Doing the dumping puts all the control in your own hands. Always easier to handle!

waulie_palnuts

Dump em, **** em, flee.

SeantheMan

ardmacha wrote: »

while a Corkman said
"It is not those who can inflict the most, but those that can suffer the most who will prevail"

Sounds a lot like Rocky.......it's not how hard you hit, but how hard you can get hit...and keep moving forward.


On the topic of Dumping vs Being dumped...it's not as black and white as some people are making it out to be.

In some cases if you were dumped, it might not be too bad, maybe the relationship had gone a bit stagnant and boring...so you are a bit apathetic really about the ending. As mentioned by others, this can be solved with a few pints and weekends with the lads.
But on the other hand you could be madly in love with someone, and then they dump you and break your heart because they don't feel the same way, or circumstances arise....this is obviously a lot worse.

With regards to dumping, you could dump someone and not be too worried about it...if you knew they had a strong character, and weren't really 'invested' in the relationship.
Whereas dumping someone who is head over heels in love with you, and you know this will crush them and break their heart......is an awful thing to have to do.

So being dumped when in love is worse than dumping someone who you know will bounce back soon.
Dumping someone you know will be crushed is worse than being dumped by someone you know you'll get over.

up for anything

That's a silly question. Yes, it's not nice dumping someone but once you have the relief swamps you and you feel free and unburdened until you see him hiding in the bushes outside your house with duct tape, black bin bags and a spade.

Being dumped when you are still in love with person rejecting you is the worst feeling in the world. Wondering how your world can turn upside down in a few seconds and how you are going to cope with the actual shattering of your heart, the pain in your chest which stops you from breathing to deeply which is good because you can't. The panic when you realise that you have to live the rest of your life without them. The continual going over and over and over events and wondering if you said such and such or done this or that could things have been different. The trying to stop yourself from sending texts/making phone calls/seeing them and begging, pleading, reasoning with them to come back to you. After many sleepless nights the realisation that this is it and that there is nothing you can do to change their mind. Then the hour after hour getting cold sitting in the bushes outside their house with duct tape, black bin bags and a spade.

I know which I'd prefer.

blade1

Dumping with a burst pile is the worst dumping!

galljga1

ardmacha wrote: »

a middle eastern person said
"For with the judgement you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. "

while a Corkman said
"It is not those who can inflict the most, but those that can suffer the most who will prevail"

Arthur Daley:
"Do unto others as they would do unto you...if you gave them the chance".

galljga1

Peppermintoil wrote: »

Going to dump my wife soon, not looking forward to it. We are good friends and get on great but the sex life just isn't good enough.

Just leave the laptop open on this page, job done.

anncoates

Being dumped by somebody you were about to dump.

poeticjustice

anncoates wrote: »

Being dumped by somebody you were about to dump.

Seriously?? That's actually the best scenario in my opinion.

...after conscious uncoupling of course, which is just so hot right now

galljga1

poeticjustice wrote: »

Seriously?? That's actually the best scenario in my opinion.

...after conscious uncoupling of course, which is just so hot right now

Yeah, I would go along with that apart from the time I was breaking up with someone who talked me out of it only to dump me a week later. She just did not want to be dumped. I laughed and she was not happy. Still not happy.

ShowMeTheCash

Being dumped because she found out you where cousins

galljga1

ShowMeTheCash wrote: »

Being dumped because she found out you where cousins

Being dumped by your sister.

ShowMeTheCash

galljga1 wrote: »

Being dumped by your sister.

Being dumped by your sister who is also your cousin!

conorhal

Dumped.


I always liked the honesty of Jessie's take on the matter of getting dumped in 'Before Sunrise':

You know what's the worst thing about somebody breaking up with you? It's when you remember how little you thought about the people you broke up with and you realize that is how little they're thinking of you. You know, you'd like to think you're both in all this pain but they're just like "Hey, I'm glad you're gone"

galljga1

ShowMeTheCash wrote: »

Being dumped by your sister who is also your cousin!

That you Chardonnay?

ShowMeTheCash

galljga1 wrote: »

That you Chardonnay?

No it's your brother/cousin Cletus! And stay away from Chardonnay!