What's worse, dumping someone or being dumped?

Mr.Plough · 22-04-2015 10:00PM #1

Recently dumped my girlfriend. Great girl who loved me to bits but after two years I just didn't feel the same way anymore. The longer it went on there was a sense of impending doom brewing. Now I constantly go through periods of second guessing my decision worrying I've made a huge mistake etc. Comes in waves but when I sit back and think clearly about it I know it was the right thing to do. But these 'waves' occur frequently and can be pretty debilitating.

When your dumped, I find after the initial shock you can get on with it quicker and with no regrets. Dumpees also have more of a support system as they're the victim, whereas the dumper is assumed to be fine with it because they made the decision.

Any opinions from people who have been both dumpers and dumpees?

Being dumped on is worse than both obviously.

bodice ripper · 22-04-2015 10:02PM

Being someone who mediates a dumping.

Thespoofer · 22-04-2015 10:02PM

Being dumped.

Shelga · 22-04-2015 10:03PM

Being dumped of course! Always, always, being dumped.

Timberrrrrrrr · 22-04-2015 10:04PM

Being dumped on

Ah Amsterdam, what a weekend that was.

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy · 22-04-2015 10:05PM

Dumping someone you know loves you.

el tel · 22-04-2015 10:06PM

"It's not you, it's me..."

Much handier being dumped I should think.

Doing the dumping takes a lot of mental preparation. Having said that, the more people you dump, the easier it gets.

It's also my h easier for either party if they're already banging someone else.

Cold War Kid · 22-04-2015 10:08PM

Being dumped, but it's often for the best - and the dumper is doing no wrong by wanting to end a situation that is no longer a happy one for them. It's not a walk in the park dumping someone either. And it's the best thing to do - not doing so and stringing the person along is cowardly.
But overall... being dumped is the worse of the two.

LadyAthame · 22-04-2015 10:10PM

Trying to figure out whether to dump your one night stand or get her to dump you eh?:rolleyes:

Ruu · 22-04-2015 10:15PM

I like playing with dumper trucks.

Fr_Dougal · 22-04-2015 10:20PM

"It's not me, it's you"

Zen65 · 22-04-2015 10:23PM

Are we talking about lovers, or bodies?

LadyAthame · 22-04-2015 10:24PM

Zen65 wrote: »

Are we talking about lovers, or bodies?

Lovers bodies!:)

ygolometsipe · 22-04-2015 10:51PM

when you have to dump and it wont come out!

The Enabler · 22-04-2015 11:18PM

Mr.Plough wrote: »

When your dumped, I find after the initial shock you can get on with it quicker and with no regrets. Dumpees also have more of a support system as they're the victim, whereas the dumper is assumed to be fine with it because they made the decision.

.

Agree with this completely. When you're the one who has been dumped you can't wonder if you made the wrong decision. Plus unless the person you're dumping is absolutely horrible you feel absolutely terrible. Especially if they're great and mad about you as in the case of the OP

ardmacha · 22-04-2015 11:24PM

a middle eastern person said
"For with the judgement you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. "

while a Corkman said
"It is not those who can inflict the most, but those that can suffer the most who will prevail"

myshirt · 22-04-2015 11:39PM

Who even dumps someone these days? Can you not just say the relationship broke down?

I think the man always comes out worse. Women have a great support network of friends, and it is also more natural for the kids to stay with her, sometimes even moving town. Men are too caught up in being men that it can hit hard. I think it is not surprising that more men commit suicide than women. Social welfare system and housing support system naturally supports the woman, not the man.

Then you have the whole 'the best way to get over a man is to get under another', and women just not being able to see a man happy, using the kids as weapons etc. Seen a significant enough population of them in my time. Hate family law.

22-04-2015 11:41PM

myshirt wrote: »

Who even dumps someone these days? Can you not just say the relationship broke down?

I think the man always comes out worse. Women have a great support network of friends, and it is also more natural for the kids to stay with her, sometimes even moving town. Men are too caught up in being men that it can hit hard. I think it is not surprising that more men commit suicide than women. Social welfare system and housing support system naturally supports the woman, not the man.

Then you have the whole 'the best way to get over a man is to get under another', and women just not being able to see a man happy, using the kids as weapons etc.

So many negative generalisations. So, so, many.

And the bolded bit is just disgusting.

Junkyard Tom · 22-04-2015 11:44PM

myshirt wrote: »

I think the man always comes out worse.

Gender war bull**** in

3...

2..

1.

Pat Mustard · 22-04-2015 11:45PM

Dumping somebody feels like a car crash in slow motion. In an word; appalling.

Being dumped is nothing next to that. You can walk away, call up your buddies and go drinking for a week. Much better.

MonkeyTennis · 22-04-2015 11:49PM

Ill take being dumped by my fat ambitionless girlfriends with bravery and wish them well.

When I meet them on the street with my current Czech uber goddess.. Ill be the better man. And they shall know the GOD OF PITY

I'm fine

myshirt · 22-04-2015 11:50PM

Candie wrote: »

So many negative generalisations. So, so, many.

And the bolded bit is just disgusting.

I don't mean all women of course... come on.. all I can speak of is my personal experience.. and I have seen a certain, but not insignificant, population of this type of woman. It impacts.

Massimo Cassagrande · 22-04-2015 11:52PM

Generally speaking, ploughing is much more fun than dumping. I always preferred ploughing girlfriends more than dumping them. Much earthier.

Cold War Kid · 22-04-2015 11:53PM

Saying it's worse to dump someone than be dumped... I dunno... seems something kinda selfish about it. Boo hoo, have to suffer a guilty conscience.

It does depend on each individual situation I guess.

Massimo Cassagrande · 22-04-2015 11:55PM

Cold War Kid wrote: »

Saying it's worse to dump someone than be dumped... I dunno... seems something kinda selfish about it. Boo hoo, have to suffer a guilty conscience.

It does depend on each individual situation I guess.

Sociopath...

The Enabler · 22-04-2015 11:56PM

Cold War Kid wrote: »

Saying it's worse to dump someone than be dumped... I dunno... seems something kinda selfish about it. Boo hoo, have to suffer a guilty conscience.

It does depend on each individual situation I guess.

Well it's never nice hurting someone

Cold War Kid · 22-04-2015 11:56PM

myshirt wrote: »

the whole 'the best way to get over a man is to get under another'

Didn't think that was gender-specific? "The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else" was my understanding of it.
And it's crap advice sometimes - break-ups can cause people, male and female, to feel so devastated that they barely have the energy to get out of bed, let alone go bed-hopping.

Notorious97 · 22-04-2015 11:58PM

I think it depends on the situation and people involved.

Obviously it's easy to feel good about dumping someone who treats you like crap, but it's hard to break up with someone who you know is totally committed to the relationship. I think in the long run you are doing that person a huge favour if you end it as they can move on and be happy, if you don't feel the same as they do.

I will never understand the people who know someone is very much into them and developing feelings, and they treat them with zero respect and drop them, pick them up, drop them, pick them up again whenever it suits them. I have seen one or two friends behave in this way and it just makes me wonder what on earth is going on in their heads knowing they are ruining girls who really didn't deserve it.

I think the OP done the right thing, I'm sure it wasn't easy but in the long run she will thank you and you will also move on and be happy, don't be feeling to bad.

Cold War Kid · 22-04-2015 11:59PM

The Enabler wrote: »

Well it's never nice hurting someone

Well obviously. I acknowledged that in my first post to this thread - breaking up with someone is awful, but claiming having to dump someone is worse than being dumped because you can confide in your friends etc if dumped... unfortunately it's not as simple as that. People (male and female) can be in bits for months and months after the other person ends the relationship, and even though it's for the best, it still hurts like hell trying to get your head around it.

The Enabler · 23-04-2015 12:01AM

Cold War Kid wrote: »

Well obviously. I acknowledged that in my first post to this thread - breaking up with someone is awful, but claiming having to dump someone is worse than being dumped because you can confide in your friends etc if dumped... unfortunately it's not as simple as that. People (male and female) can be in bits for months and months after the other person ends the relationship, and even though it's for the best, it still hurts like hell trying to get your head around it.

Being dumped is horrible, one of the worst things. But the dumper doesn't (always) get away scot-free. Situation dependent, obviously

Cold War Kid · 23-04-2015 12:05AM

The Enabler wrote: »

Being dumped is horrible, one of the worst things. But the dumper doesn't (always) get away scot-free. Situation dependent, obviously

I know the dumper doesn't get away scot-free always (rarely I'd say). It's a very difficult situation to be in a lot of the time. Yes, I agree it's situation dependent.

What's worse, dumping someone or being dumped?

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