Embarrassing mix-ups and misunderstandings

I had my hair cut today. It looks lovely, thanks for asking.

Before the barber cut my hair, he cloaked me in the usual black barbery gown. But this gown was different. In the middle section, there was sewn a transparent plastic window, making visible the crotch of my trousers.

At first I was confused, then it dawned on me—is this an anti-secret-**** device??

Looking down the line of clients, everyone else seemed to be wearing a regular black gown. So I didn't know whether to feel hurt or vexed, having seemingly been chosen for special suspicion.
I tilted my head slightly,regarded my barber in the mirror and said, "do you often have men, you know, touch themselves?". He is a Turk, and his English isn't very good, so I made a **** gesture, smiled broadly, and looked inquisitive.

A look of scorn and disgust assailed his youthful face.

There was a wall of confused tension between us as, and with some wariness, he began to chop grudgingly at my hair. He must suddenly have realized what I had asked, because a couple of minutes into the haircut, he said (quite earnestly), "it's so you can use your phone in your lap... when you get your haircut".

Well, I tried to laugh, but recoiled in my seat, cursed my filthy mind, mumbled something quite incoherent, and wished suddenly that the ground might open and take me from that moment.

The moral of the story is, never make **** gestures in public, no matter what the circumstances. Also, have common sense.

So AH, make me feel less foolish. Tell me of your embarrassing misunderstandings.

harry Bailey esq

haha.. nice one pilgrim

artanevilla

That's actually a pretty clever idea. The phone thing, not the ****.

Merrion

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

So AH, make me feel less foolish. Tell me of your embarrassing misunderstandings.

Sorry - nothing even close. Legend.

Banjo String

First ever long haul flight, it was with Cathay pacific, Heathrow - Hong Kong - Perth.

Anyways, an air hostess gave me a little bag, it contained a bar of soap, face mask, some wipes, and a cylindrical shaped yoke.


Grand says I to myself, this is obviously for the ladies (thought it was a travel vibrator). Sniggered to myself and put it in my inside pocket for some lols when I met the mates.

Later caught on it was a travel toothbrush with some built in airline toothpaste

(i was 19, and had only flown to Spain with my folks beforehand btw)

RayM

Years ago, when my younger brother was around 10, I had to bring him to the dentist. When I was sitting in the waiting room, I heard howls of laughter coming from the treatment room. It went on for around five minutes. When my brother was finished, I asked him what had happened...

Apparently the chair had got stuck, and the dentist muttered at it under his breath "ah come on, get up you bastard!" My brother heard him, and thought he was talking to him, so he apologised and immediately sat up.

fleet_admiral

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

I had my hair cut today. It looks lovely, thanks for asking.

Couldnt give a shite tbh

...__...

I was in a hospital some years ago having had my arm ripped open at the wrist. Triage nurse had bandaged it up and said go have your last smoke for a while you will be in surgery before you know it. so my right arm is bandaged up and blood all over it a few days before I had burned (quite badly) my left arm and had a bandage over that no issues with that until some high horse woman came screaming at me...
Why are you being seen to before my husband all you have is a sprained wrist he hurt his leg...
I was in shock at this point and all I did was hold my two arms up she seen the bandages around my wrists and the blood and her face dropped was several moments later I realised she thought I had slit my wrists que me going and ripping the bandage off the burn so that mistake wont happen again.

smash

Worst I did was standing in a shop reading someone and as I put it down I grabbed my gilfriends arse beside me and said "let's go", but it wasn't her. I was lucky to not get a smack off the girl... Or my girlfriend.

Dave_The_Sheep

Getting into the wrong car as a child, expecting it to be your parents picking you up.

Mortified.

osarusan

Called up Revenue a few days ago. I am importing a car into Dublin port and wanted to know if it would be possible for me to go through the paperwork and make a case for VRT exemption myself (private import) rather than use a customs clearance agent.

i think my exact words were 'I'd like to save a few quid by doing it myself rather than using an agent, and I was hoping you could give me some information that would help me with this.'

All sounds good so far, except I hadn't called revenue, but actually called a customs clearance agency, who were rather nonplussed to say the least, and not quite sure how to deal with somebody who was looking for advice from them on how to avoid paying them for their services.

jungleman

Used to work in a music shop years ago. A guy came in with his wife and two very young kids (about 9 and 10) and was interested on getting his son started on the banjo. I picked up two different banjos to show him - a five string and a four string. My manager came over at that point and greeted the dad, they obviously knew each other.

I proceeded with my pitch.

What I meant to say was "would you prefer him to get started on a five string or a four string?

What I actually said was "would you prefer him to get started on a five string or a foreskin?

retro:electro

My sisters friend worked in a taxi office years ago and a Nigerian family came in looking for a taxi. She said "ya grand there's a black people carrier outside". They just stared at her and the mother said "excuse me?". Realising the misunderstanding she tried correcting herself like "no no not a people carrier just for black people, I mean a people carrier that is black!!!"
Haha I still laugh at that one when I think of it

Copa Mundial

At the local nightclub you pay at the entrance and get handed out a ticket, similar to those handed out at a raffle. You then give the ticket to the bouncer as you walk past him into the club.

The first time I was in (17 and loaded with cider) the lady at the desk handed me the ticket, I asked if there was a raffle going on.

Sadly, there was no raffle.

Banjo String

jungleman wrote: »

Used to work in a music shop years ago. A guy came in with his wife and two very young kids (about 9 and 10) and was interested on getting his son started on the banjo. I picked up two different banjos to show him - a five string and a four string. My manager came over at that point and greeted the dad, they obviously knew each other.

I proceeded with my pitch.

What I meant to say was "would you prefer him to get started on a five string or a four string?

What I actually said was "would you prefer him to get started on a five string or a foreskin?

None of this is true. :eek:

unfortunately

Once in college we were doing a group lab report that was a pain in the hole and we eventually got it finished and it was saved to a usb drive. As my female lab partner inserted it into the computer I said "Print that bitch" - (referring to the lab report as a bitch). My partner went a bit quiet but said nothing and carried on. After a few seconds I wondered why she went so quiet until I realised that it sounded like "Print that, bitch". As if I called her a bitch. I immediately brought it up and apologised. After that I always wondered how many other things I said or phrased badly or was misheard that others though I said.

As well, that was the few times I have ever used the word bitch, as I don't really like it.

porsche959

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

So AH, make me feel less foolish. Tell me of your embarrassing misunderstandings.

Years ago I got chatting to a blind guy on the bus, we were talking about various RTE personalities, he moved onto weather forecasters, he mentioned a certain female weather forecaster and said she was his favourite, and I blurted out "yeah and good looking too!" :o:o

AndonHandon

Mistakenly advised a client on the UCITS Regs when I meant the AIFMD. Totes Morton.

AndonHandon

unfortunately wrote: »

Once in college we were doing a group lab report that was a pain in the hole and we eventually got it finished and it was saved to a usb drive. As my female lab partner inserted it into the computer I said "Print that bitch" - (referring to the lab report as a bitch). My partner went a bit quiet but said nothing and carried on. After a few seconds I wondered why she went so quiet until I realised that it sounded like "Print that, bitch". As if I called her a bitch. I immediately brought it up and apologised. After that I always wondered how many other things I said or phrased badly or was misheard that others though I said.

As well, that was the few times I have ever used the word bitch, as I don't really like it.

Apt username!

strobe

Dave_The_Sheep wrote: »

Getting into the wrong car as a child, expecting it to be your parents picking you up.

Mortified.

Similar, but greasier. 16 years old, selling 9 bars of hash (as you do). Arranged to meet my friend's girlfriend's father in the local petrol station forecourt. He was supposed to pick me up, I'd give him two and he'd drop me where I was going. "Blue Corolla, yeah ok." No idea about cars. But can't admit that. Blue car. No problem. Hop into one. Three middle aged lads in there, obviously from kerry, big kerry heads on them, "Jer is it?" pull one of the bars out. Clearly all garda. Burst out laughing. "Fvck off out of our car you fvcking moron, fvcking now! What hill do you think this is? Spancil fvcking hill?!". Don't get the reference. Still don't. Spancil hill? 2 other nine bars in the Dunnes bag in my hand. 2 years probably? Almost burst into tears. They let me slink away. Sound lads, I guess, or just mortified for me and didn't want to have to deal with the contact embarrassment.

Once prepared a document for a woman and realised that I had omitted to explain the rights of her spouse to her, which when she considered them could result in having to tear it up and start again.

So asked about her husband and she said she was widowed. Which meant the document didn't have to be revised. So without thinking I said "oh thank God..."

porsche959

strobe wrote: »

Similar, but greasier. 16 years old, selling 9 bars of hash (as you do). Arranged to meet my friend's girlfriend's father in the local petrol station forecourt. He was supposed to pick me up, I'd give him two and he'd drop me where I was going. "Blue Corolla, yeah ok." No idea about cars. But can't admit that. Blue car. No problem. Hop into one. Three middle aged lads in there, obviously from kerry, big kerry heads on them, "Jer is it?" pull one of the bars out. Clearly all garda. Burst out laughing. "Fvck off out of our car you fvcking moron, fvcking now! What hill do you think this is? Spancil fvcking hill?!". Don't get the reference. Still don't. Spancil hill? 2 other nine bars in the Dunnes bag in my hand. 2 years probably? Almost burst into tears. They let me slink away. Sound lads, I guess, or just mortified for me and didn't want to have to deal with the contact embarrassment.

That's like something out of Hardy Bucks.

castletownman

I also had a misunderstanding when getting my hair cut a couple of years ago.

Like the OP, the woman cutting my hair was foreign and I sort of drifted off into a bit of a daydream as neither of us were in the mood for small-talk. Anyway when she had finished cutting my hair and had taken out the mirror thing so I could see the back of my head, she randomly blurts out: "Do you like the French?" I was like "wha'?" And she repeated the question: "Do you like the French?" I was taken aback somewhat by the answer and reply "ah yeah they are alright I suppose".There was an awkward silence when I realised she had no interest in my opinion of our Gallic neighbours.

Turns out, bearing in mind that English is her second language, she was asking me was I happy with my fringe.

Oh how embarrassing

bb1234567

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

I had my hair cut today. It looks lovely, thanks for asking.

Before the barber cut my hair, he cloaked me in the usual black barbery gown. But this gown was different. In the middle section, there was sewn a transparent plastic window, making visible the crotch of my trousers.

At first I was confused, then it dawned on me—is this an anti-secret-**** device??

Looking down the line of clients, everyone else seemed to be wearing a regular black gown. So I didn't know whether to feel hurt or vexed, having seemingly been chosen for special suspicion.
I tilted my head slightly,regarded my barber in the mirror and said, "do you often have men, you know, touch themselves?". He is a Turk, and his English isn't very good, so I made a **** gesture, smiled broadly, and looked inquisitive.

A look of scorn and disgust assailed his youthful face.

There was a wall of confused tension between us as, and with some wariness, he began to chop grudgingly at my hair. He must suddenly have realized what I had asked, because a couple of minutes into the haircut, he said (quite earnestly), "it's so you can use your phone in your lap... when you get your haircut".

Well, I tried to laugh, but recoiled in my seat, cursed my filthy mind, mumbled something quite incoherent, and wished suddenly that the ground might open and take me from that moment.

The moral of the story is, never make **** gestures in public, no matter what the circumstances. Also, have common sense.

So AH, make me feel less foolish. Tell me of your embarrassing misunderstandings.

I actually started blushing while reading that

PandaPoo

I'm imagining the OP as Larry David now! Thanks for the laugh

jungleman

Banjo String wrote: »

None of this is true. :eek:

I'm afraid it is. I still cringe when I think about it. I'm sorry, Banjo String

Arsemageddon

Years ago I had a bad accident whereby I was pumping blood and I had to go to casualty. Got a load of stitches, all well and good so far.

Doctor asked when was the last time you got a tetanus shot? Many, many years ago says me. You'll have to get a shot so says he, go in there and see the nurse.

So I went into the nurse and she said with her back turned to me 'Mr. Arsemageddon you'll have to get this shot in the side of your buttocks so get yourself ready while I prepare the needle.'

I wasn't sure what she meant so I dropped my trousers and my undies while cupping my bits (for the sake of modesty and decency) and stood there waiting like Mr. Bean.

Nursie turned around, needle in had and gave me the filthiest look imaginable and said 'Mr Arsemageddon you just needed to pull up the side of your underpants'.

The only other time a human has turned this bright red is after they fell into a volacano.

Totes morto as the kids say nowadays.

MadDog76

A couple years ago I pulled a muscle in my back but did the usual man thing of "ignore it and it'll go away" ....... it didn't go away so I went to my GP ....... he examined me, prescribed some pain killers and recommended massage therapy.

Anyway found myself in town a couple days later walking by a Chinese massage place, thought "this'll do!", so in I went.
Five minutes later I found myself naked (except for a towel) lying on my belly on a massage bed with this young sexy petite Chinese girl giving me a full body massage ........ well nature took it's course ........ then she says "turn over" ......... I was like "****!!!" but what could I do? I turned over, she looks down and says "Oh ........ you need relief?" to which I said "Em ....... yes!!"
She says "Ok, I'll be back in 5 minutes" ......... I'm lying there excited, big smile on my face ....... can't believe my luck!!

What seems like forever goes by ........ but then in she walks, looks straight at my erection with a confused look on her face and says "Oh ......... you haven't finished yet? I'll give you another 5 minutes ........"

duffman13

MadDog76 wrote: »

A couple years ago I pulled a muscle in my back but did the usual man thing of "ignore it and it'll go away" ....... it didn't go away so I went to my GP ....... he examined me, prescribed some pain killers and recommended massage therapy.

Anyway found myself in town a couple days later walking by a Chinese massage place, thought "this'll do!", so in I went.
Five minutes later I found myself naked (except for a towel) lying on my belly on a massage bed with this young sexy petite Chinese girl giving me a full body massage ........ well nature took it's course ........ then she says "turn over" ......... I was like "****!!!" but what could I do? I turned over, she looks down and says "Oh ........ you need relief?" to which I said "Em ....... yes!!"
She says "Ok, I'll be back in 5 minutes" ......... I'm lying there excited, big smile on my face ....... can't believe my luck!!

What seems like forever goes by ........ but then in she walks, looks straight at my erection with a confused look on her face and says "Oh ......... you haven't finished yet? I'll give you another 5 minutes ........"

I first heard that joke about 20 years ago. I honestly reckon it's been about 11 mins since I last heard it

MadDog76

duffman13 wrote: »

I first heard that joke about 20 years ago. I honestly reckon it's been about 11 mins since I last heard it

Lucky you! :P

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

In college, there was 7 of us in my class. 6 of us were pretty close, and 1 was quite isolated. She didn't wash, she didn't change her clothes and when I say she smelled, I mean it was outrageous.

So this lunch we are all sitting in the theory room, 4 of us chatting and the smelly girl sitting a few chairs away reading. One of the other girls was spraying deodorant and I made a joke. I meant to say "deodorant doesn't work unless you wash yourself, would you ever go home and take a shower Emer!" But instead I said the smelly girls name instead.

Oh god, I was hoping the ground would open up and swallow me. Clearly she heard. The other girls just staring right at me, mouths open. Mortified even thinking about it now

pauliebdub

Confusing one Nigerian lady with a different Nigerian lady at work.

pauliebdub

LexieOnRale wrote: »

In college, there was 7 of us in my class. 6 of us were pretty close, and 1 was quite isolated. She didn't wash, she didn't change her clothes and when I say she smelled, I mean it was outrageous.

So this lunch we are all sitting in the theory room, 4 of us chatting and the smelly girl sitting a few chairs away reading. One of the other girls was spraying deodorant and I made a joke. I meant to say "deodorant doesn't work unless you wash yourself, would you ever go home and take a shower Emer!" But instead I said the smelly girls name instead.

Oh god, I was hoping the ground would open up and swallow me. Clearly she heard. The other girls just staring right at me, mouths open. Mortified even thinking about it now

Don't be! I'd have no problem calling out someone with hygiene issues. Nothing more disgusting to be around.

retro:electro

My dad told me that when electricity first came to his parents house my granny was so confused by it and my grandad caught her standing on a chair trying to blow out the light bulb before bed!

RichFTW

Wear glasses so my eyesight isn't the best at long distances but don't always wear them. Anyway was walking down the street one day and thought I saw my friend and his girlfriend walking towards me on the opposite side of the street. Was a bit annoyed when he didn't salute me so I was thinking he wanted to spend time with the girlfriend so I said I'd try and spoil his plans.

Decided to circle round behind them and say hi to so I crossed the street and jogged towards them. When I got to them, I jumped up in between them using their shoulders to prop me up with my hands and said "ha ha, where are you f**kers off to".

Turns out it wasn't my friend...or his girlfriend. Turned completely bright red and just ran off!

vandriver

My Dad dropped into a bar for a drink and said to the barman,"Jayz,Mick that a great tan you have,when were you on holidays?"
To which Mick replied,"I wasnt ,I've got jaundice"

kneemos

The day the gas man came to check the electricity meter.

And a few days later the electricity man showed up to check the gas.

Oh the embarrassment.

bb1234567

pauliebdub wrote: »

Don't be! I'd have no problem calling out someone with hygiene issues. Nothing more disgusting to be around.

Maybe in private. Its extremely rude to call out a person for being smelly in a room full of people, if what the other poster did was an intentional act I would think they're a horrible person.( I know it wasn't intentional Im just saying..)

endacl

This is the third time there's been a perfect thread for this story! Originally in: http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showt...php?p=86024390



Right. Well.

Some years ago I bought a flute made by a maker in Bray, Desi Seery. Lovely fella, if a bit rough around the edges. He makes traditional wooden flutes. He also makes them from a plastic-like material called Delrin. Looks, feels and acts like wood, but much harder wearing etc... Mine was one of those. Anyway, 'this one time' () i was chatting to him, and I asked about maintenance. His advice was to run a bit of liquid paraffin through it every week or so, just to keep the bore smooth, fill any imperfections etc. So that's what I decided to do.

So, on the way home I popped into our local chemist for a bottle o' the shtuff. Now, as it happens, I am an idiot. I never thought of pouring the excess back into the bottle when I was finished, and so the following week I was back to the chemist again. For another half litre bottle of liquid paraffin. And again the following week. And the week after that. You see a pattern emerging, I trust...?

Now, in the chemist worked a young Australian girl. Young. Pretty. Very friendly. Kinda knew her to say hello to after all this liquid paraffin purchasing. About three months of liquid paraffin purchasing. Anyway, this one time I was in and the shop was quite busy. She gestured me aside for a quick word and said in a concerned tone, and I quote "I've noticed you've been buying liquid paraffin for some time now, and that it doesn't seem to be working for your 'condition'. There are other, more effective remedies available, if you'd like me to talk you through them?" I obviously looked quite confused at this point. Because I was. She picked up on this. "For your ..... constipation" she almost whispered. I took a split second to think about this. I honestly had no idea that liquid paraffin was traditionally used as a laxative. Used as a laxative by my granny's generation though! Obviously not wanting this pretty young aussie to think a had been battling unsuccessfully with chronic constipation for the previous three months, I loudly blurted out, just at one of those moments you get when a busy shop suddenly falls silent, "Nicole, I'm not constipated. I use it to oil my flute!!".

Shop erupts. Nicole turns the deepest shade of red I've ever seen, and I only realise when I'm back home oiling my flute, how that must have sounded.

My funny flute story.

Salvation Tambourine

This happened to a friend of mine a couple of days ago who works in a call centre. I was able to listen to the call and it was fantastic. Someone had spoken to the woman's husband already that day and she was annoyed at him for not telling her what was going on...

Woman: And they contacted him did they?
Friend: Yeah
W: He’s dead…
F: Sorry???
W: He never told me they contact him
F: He’s dead??? (Really upset sounding) What’s going on?
W: No I mean he never told me! :P
F: I was like “What!?”, what sort of lies have I just told here!?
W: Typical him!
F: You scared the hell out of me.

Caliden

These stories are cringe for some but as an outsider they're bloody hilarious.

Echoes675

Dave_The_Sheep wrote: »

Getting into the wrong car as a child, expecting it to be your parents picking you up.

Mortified.

I can't believe this happened to some one else!! It happened to me when I was about 6, came out of the shops and hopped into a red car thinking it was my granda's. No way. The look of puzzlement on that woman's face!!!:eek:
I took off like lightning!

NachoBusiness

I loved that episode of Three's Company where there was some kind of mix up or misunderstanding.

stargazer 68

Mate of mine who was very proud of her garden and her Clematis plant went into the garden centre and asked the guy if he had anything she could put on her clitoris!!

Saralee4

I remember my now husband, took me on a date and out some place to eat years ago when we were first getting together. I was always an eat at home kind of person and didn't really go out for meals that much when we were younger.

I ordered some Salt n Chilli chicken wings as a starter and the waiter provided the bowl of water with lemon slices with the wings. The chicken wings were so salty, I didn't like them at all and I was wondering why they gave me the bowl of water so I assumed that you dip the chicken wings in the water to dilute the salt.

My husband let me eat a few of the wings this way until he told me that the bowl of water was actually for washing your hands.

razorblunt

Suffered an injury in a game of rugby years ago, felt like a pulled muscle in my chest. Got through the game and as the day went on it got worse and worse to the extent I couldn't fully stand/sit up straight with my shoulder pinned back.
Anyway took myself off to the A&E as I was slightly worried and thankfully it was quiet enough.

Get called in by the nurse and the Doc is taking a look, she sounded foreign but I couldn't place her accent, perfect English but just at that l
level where she was still using a strange turn of phrase. She checked out my chest and then said something along the lines of "I'll now just need to check the backside", I was in autopilot mode at this stage so I stood up, dropped the pants and was met with her and the nurse shouting "no, no, no, no, pull your pants up I meant your back your back". Within about 30 seconds every nurse, doctor and patient seemed to poke their head in to find out what was going on. Now I'm not shy when it comes to dropping the troos but WTF was I thinking ... for a chest complaint.

Even the receptionist had heard about and gave me a wink when leaving.



I was fine, strained pectoral by the way.

Doctor DooM

I once managed a shop on Mary St. I saw a man struggling to get the door (it was one of those ones that spring back), and he only had one arm.

I immediately trot down to help him, open the door, and say:

"Do you need a hand?"

I will never, ever forget that...

Samsgirl

In one place where I worked we were sending invoices to the Department of Pubic Expenditure for about a year.

Dorethy

Hello! Gave my sister a lift to the supermarket and wandered around while she shopped. I knew she was getting kitchen roll so helpfully got same. Found her in the magazine aisle hunched over the trolley reading and dumped the rolls in her trolley. At the same time grabbed a Daily Mail which I knew she was getting too and threw it as well while saying "I don't know why you read that shyte".... Turns out it wasn't my sister...

chanelfreak

I was grocery shopping with himself, running the gauntlet of mad trolley wielders, mums with buggies, random kids, etc etc - the usual Saturday. Anyway, himself was manning the trolley and I was flitting in and out of the aisles grabbing whatever we needed to speed things up.

(Oh GOD I am mortified just thinking about this)

Went into the tampon/sanitary towel section, grabbed what I needed, hurried out to himself and dumped the lot in the trolley saying 'no funny business this weekend buddy, I just got my period and its like the Somme down there'

.......

It was NOT my trolley, nor my husband but a poor unfortunate teenage lad. I really and truly almost passed out with the sheer mortification, humbly retrieved my stuff and beat a VERY hasty retreat.

Dear God, the shame - even now I want the ground to open up and swallow me just thinking about it!

poeticmakaveli

A few years ago when I first met my ex girlfriends parents, I went down to mayo with her, I was driving a golf car. We went in,had tea, grand, so after a little while it was just me and her dad in the sittinroom and he was up on his feet just looking out the window at my Car in his driveway and I was looking at the TV and he said to me
"Do you like the golf Paul"? And I replied " ah not really i am more into the soccer and boxing"
Fact!!
It only dawned on me a while later and its kind of funny now to think of it!