Embarrassing mix-ups and misunderstandings

16-04-2015 11:28PM #1

I had my hair cut today. It looks lovely, thanks for asking.

Before the barber cut my hair, he cloaked me in the usual black barbery gown. But this gown was different. In the middle section, there was sewn a transparent plastic window, making visible the crotch of my trousers.

At first I was confused, then it dawned on me—is this an anti-secret-**** device??

Looking down the line of clients, everyone else seemed to be wearing a regular black gown. So I didn't know whether to feel hurt or vexed, having seemingly been chosen for special suspicion.
I tilted my head slightly,regarded my barber in the mirror and said, "do you often have men, you know, touch themselves?". He is a Turk, and his English isn't very good, so I made a **** gesture, smiled broadly, and looked inquisitive.

A look of scorn and disgust assailed his youthful face.

There was a wall of confused tension between us as, and with some wariness, he began to chop grudgingly at my hair. He must suddenly have realized what I had asked, because a couple of minutes into the haircut, he said (quite earnestly), "it's so you can use your phone in your lap... when you get your haircut".

Well, I tried to laugh, but recoiled in my seat, cursed my filthy mind, mumbled something quite incoherent, and wished suddenly that the ground might open and take me from that moment.

The moral of the story is, never make **** gestures in public, no matter what the circumstances. Also, have common sense.

So AH, make me feel less foolish. Tell me of your embarrassing misunderstandings.

harry Bailey esq · 16-04-2015 11:31PM

haha.. nice one pilgrim

artanevilla · 16-04-2015 11:33PM

That's actually a pretty clever idea. The phone thing, not the ****.

Merrion · 16-04-2015 11:34PM

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

So AH, make me feel less foolish. Tell me of your embarrassing misunderstandings.

Sorry - nothing even close. Legend.

Banjo String · 16-04-2015 11:38PM

First ever long haul flight, it was with Cathay pacific, Heathrow - Hong Kong - Perth.

Anyways, an air hostess gave me a little bag, it contained a bar of soap, face mask, some wipes, and a cylindrical shaped yoke.

Grand says I to myself, this is obviously for the ladies (thought it was a travel vibrator). Sniggered to myself and put it in my inside pocket for some lols when I met the mates.

Later caught on it was a travel toothbrush with some built in airline toothpaste

(i was 19, and had only flown to Spain with my folks beforehand btw)

RayM · 16-04-2015 11:40PM

Years ago, when my younger brother was around 10, I had to bring him to the dentist. When I was sitting in the waiting room, I heard howls of laughter coming from the treatment room. It went on for around five minutes. When my brother was finished, I asked him what had happened...

Apparently the chair had got stuck, and the dentist muttered at it under his breath "ah come on, get up you bastard!" My brother heard him, and thought he was talking to him, so he apologised and immediately sat up.

fleet_admiral · 16-04-2015 11:42PM

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

I had my hair cut today. It looks lovely, thanks for asking.

Couldnt give a shite tbh

...__... · 16-04-2015 11:42PM

I was in a hospital some years ago having had my arm ripped open at the wrist. Triage nurse had bandaged it up and said go have your last smoke for a while you will be in surgery before you know it. so my right arm is bandaged up and blood all over it a few days before I had burned (quite badly) my left arm and had a bandage over that no issues with that until some high horse woman came screaming at me...
Why are you being seen to before my husband all you have is a sprained wrist he hurt his leg...
I was in shock at this point and all I did was hold my two arms up she seen the bandages around my wrists and the blood and her face dropped

was several moments later I realised she thought I had slit my wrists que me going and ripping the bandage off the burn so that mistake wont happen again.

smash · 16-04-2015 11:44PM

Worst I did was standing in a shop reading someone and as I put it down I grabbed my gilfriends arse beside me and said "let's go", but it wasn't her. I was lucky to not get a smack off the girl... Or my girlfriend.

Dave_The_Sheep · 16-04-2015 11:47PM

Getting into the wrong car as a child, expecting it to be your parents picking you up.

Mortified.

osarusan · 16-04-2015 11:51PM

Called up Revenue a few days ago. I am importing a car into Dublin port and wanted to know if it would be possible for me to go through the paperwork and make a case for VRT exemption myself (private import) rather than use a customs clearance agent.

i think my exact words were 'I'd like to save a few quid by doing it myself rather than using an agent, and I was hoping you could give me some information that would help me with this.'

All sounds good so far, except I hadn't called revenue, but actually called a customs clearance agency, who were rather nonplussed to say the least, and not quite sure how to deal with somebody who was looking for advice from them on how to avoid paying them for their services.

jungleman · 16-04-2015 11:53PM

Used to work in a music shop years ago. A guy came in with his wife and two very young kids (about 9 and 10) and was interested on getting his son started on the banjo. I picked up two different banjos to show him - a five string and a four string. My manager came over at that point and greeted the dad, they obviously knew each other.

I proceeded with my pitch.

What I meant to say was "would you prefer him to get started on a five string or a four string?

What I actually said was "would you prefer him to get started on a five string or a foreskin?

retro:electro · 16-04-2015 11:56PM

My sisters friend worked in a taxi office years ago and a Nigerian family came in looking for a taxi. She said "ya grand there's a black people carrier outside". They just stared at her and the mother said "excuse me?". Realising the misunderstanding she tried correcting herself like "no no not a people carrier just for black people, I mean a people carrier that is black!!!"
Haha I still laugh at that one when I think of it

Copa Mundial · 16-04-2015 11:58PM

At the local nightclub you pay at the entrance and get handed out a ticket, similar to those handed out at a raffle. You then give the ticket to the bouncer as you walk past him into the club.

The first time I was in (17 and loaded with cider) the lady at the desk handed me the ticket, I asked if there was a raffle going on.

Sadly, there was no raffle.

Banjo String · 17-04-2015 12:02AM

jungleman wrote: »

Used to work in a music shop years ago. A guy came in with his wife and two very young kids (about 9 and 10) and was interested on getting his son started on the banjo. I picked up two different banjos to show him - a five string and a four string. My manager came over at that point and greeted the dad, they obviously knew each other.

I proceeded with my pitch.

What I meant to say was "would you prefer him to get started on a five string or a four string?

What I actually said was "would you prefer him to get started on a five string or a foreskin?

None of this is true. :eek:

unfortunately · 17-04-2015 12:03AM

Once in college we were doing a group lab report that was a pain in the hole and we eventually got it finished and it was saved to a usb drive. As my female lab partner inserted it into the computer I said "Print that bitch" - (referring to the lab report as a bitch). My partner went a bit quiet but said nothing and carried on. After a few seconds I wondered why she went so quiet until I realised that it sounded like "Print that, bitch". As if I called her a bitch. I immediately brought it up and apologised. After that I always wondered how many other things I said or phrased badly or was misheard that others though I said.

As well, that was the few times I have ever used the word bitch, as I don't really like it.

porsche959 · 17-04-2015 12:07AM

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

So AH, make me feel less foolish. Tell me of your embarrassing misunderstandings.

Years ago I got chatting to a blind guy on the bus, we were talking about various RTE personalities, he moved onto weather forecasters, he mentioned a certain female weather forecaster and said she was his favourite, and I blurted out "yeah and good looking too!"

:o:o

AndonHandon · 17-04-2015 12:08AM

Mistakenly advised a client on the UCITS Regs when I meant the AIFMD. Totes Morton.

AndonHandon · 17-04-2015 12:08AM

unfortunately wrote: »

Once in college we were doing a group lab report that was a pain in the hole and we eventually got it finished and it was saved to a usb drive. As my female lab partner inserted it into the computer I said "Print that bitch" - (referring to the lab report as a bitch). My partner went a bit quiet but said nothing and carried on. After a few seconds I wondered why she went so quiet until I realised that it sounded like "Print that, bitch". As if I called her a bitch. I immediately brought it up and apologised. After that I always wondered how many other things I said or phrased badly or was misheard that others though I said.

As well, that was the few times I have ever used the word bitch, as I don't really like it.

Apt username!

strobe · 17-04-2015 12:10AM

Dave_The_Sheep wrote: »

Getting into the wrong car as a child, expecting it to be your parents picking you up.

Mortified.

Similar, but greasier. 16 years old, selling 9 bars of hash (as you do). Arranged to meet my friend's girlfriend's father in the local petrol station forecourt. He was supposed to pick me up, I'd give him two and he'd drop me where I was going. "Blue Corolla, yeah ok." No idea about cars. But can't admit that. Blue car. No problem. Hop into one. Three middle aged lads in there, obviously from kerry, big kerry heads on them, "Jer is it?" pull one of the bars out. Clearly all garda. Burst out laughing. "Fvck off out of our car you fvcking moron, fvcking now! What hill do you think this is? Spancil fvcking hill?!". Don't get the reference. Still don't. Spancil hill? 2 other nine bars in the Dunnes bag in my hand. 2 years probably? Almost burst into tears. They let me slink away. Sound lads, I guess, or just mortified for me and didn't want to have to deal with the contact embarrassment.

17-04-2015 12:12AM

Once prepared a document for a woman and realised that I had omitted to explain the rights of her spouse to her, which when she considered them could result in having to tear it up and start again.

So asked about her husband and she said she was widowed. Which meant the document didn't have to be revised. So without thinking I said "oh thank God..."

porsche959 · 17-04-2015 12:13AM

strobe wrote: »

Similar, but greasier. 16 years old, selling 9 bars of hash (as you do). Arranged to meet my friend's girlfriend's father in the local petrol station forecourt. He was supposed to pick me up, I'd give him two and he'd drop me where I was going. "Blue Corolla, yeah ok." No idea about cars. But can't admit that. Blue car. No problem. Hop into one. Three middle aged lads in there, obviously from kerry, big kerry heads on them, "Jer is it?" pull one of the bars out. Clearly all garda. Burst out laughing. "Fvck off out of our car you fvcking moron, fvcking now! What hill do you think this is? Spancil fvcking hill?!". Don't get the reference. Still don't. Spancil hill? 2 other nine bars in the Dunnes bag in my hand. 2 years probably? Almost burst into tears. They let me slink away. Sound lads, I guess, or just mortified for me and didn't want to have to deal with the contact embarrassment.

That's like something out of Hardy Bucks.

castletownman · 17-04-2015 12:13AM

I also had a misunderstanding when getting my hair cut a couple of years ago.

Like the OP, the woman cutting my hair was foreign and I sort of drifted off into a bit of a daydream as neither of us were in the mood for small-talk. Anyway when she had finished cutting my hair and had taken out the mirror thing so I could see the back of my head, she randomly blurts out: "Do you like the French?" I was like "wha'?" And she repeated the question: "Do you like the French?" I was taken aback somewhat by the answer and reply "ah yeah they are alright I suppose".There was an awkward silence when I realised she had no interest in my opinion of our Gallic neighbours.

Turns out, bearing in mind that English is her second language, she was asking me was I happy with my fringe.

Oh how embarrassing

bb1234567 · 17-04-2015 12:26AM

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

I had my hair cut today. It looks lovely, thanks for asking.

Before the barber cut my hair, he cloaked me in the usual black barbery gown. But this gown was different. In the middle section, there was sewn a transparent plastic window, making visible the crotch of my trousers.

At first I was confused, then it dawned on me—is this an anti-secret-**** device??

Looking down the line of clients, everyone else seemed to be wearing a regular black gown. So I didn't know whether to feel hurt or vexed, having seemingly been chosen for special suspicion.
I tilted my head slightly,regarded my barber in the mirror and said, "do you often have men, you know, touch themselves?". He is a Turk, and his English isn't very good, so I made a **** gesture, smiled broadly, and looked inquisitive.

A look of scorn and disgust assailed his youthful face.

There was a wall of confused tension between us as, and with some wariness, he began to chop grudgingly at my hair. He must suddenly have realized what I had asked, because a couple of minutes into the haircut, he said (quite earnestly), "it's so you can use your phone in your lap... when you get your haircut".

Well, I tried to laugh, but recoiled in my seat, cursed my filthy mind, mumbled something quite incoherent, and wished suddenly that the ground might open and take me from that moment.

The moral of the story is, never make **** gestures in public, no matter what the circumstances. Also, have common sense.

So AH, make me feel less foolish. Tell me of your embarrassing misunderstandings.

I actually started blushing while reading that

PandaPoo · 17-04-2015 12:27AM

I'm imagining the OP as Larry David now! Thanks for the laugh

jungleman · 17-04-2015 12:47AM

Banjo String wrote: »

None of this is true. :eek:

I'm afraid it is. I still cringe when I think about it. I'm sorry, Banjo String

Arsemageddon · 17-04-2015 12:53AM

Years ago I had a bad accident whereby I was pumping blood and I had to go to casualty. Got a load of stitches, all well and good so far.

Doctor asked when was the last time you got a tetanus shot? Many, many years ago says me. You'll have to get a shot so says he, go in there and see the nurse.

So I went into the nurse and she said with her back turned to me 'Mr. Arsemageddon you'll have to get this shot in the side of your buttocks so get yourself ready while I prepare the needle.'

I wasn't sure what she meant so I dropped my trousers and my undies while cupping my bits (for the sake of modesty and decency) and stood there waiting like Mr. Bean.

Nursie turned around, needle in had and gave me the filthiest look imaginable and said 'Mr Arsemageddon you just needed to pull up the side of your underpants'.

The only other time a human has turned this bright red is after they fell into a volacano.

Totes morto as the kids say nowadays.

MadDog76 · 17-04-2015 01:01AM

A couple years ago I pulled a muscle in my back but did the usual man thing of "ignore it and it'll go away" ....... it didn't go away so I went to my GP ....... he examined me, prescribed some pain killers and recommended massage therapy.

Anyway found myself in town a couple days later walking by a Chinese massage place, thought "this'll do!", so in I went.
Five minutes later I found myself naked (except for a towel) lying on my belly on a massage bed with this young sexy petite Chinese girl giving me a full body massage ........ well nature took it's course ........ then she says "turn over" ......... I was like "****!!!" but what could I do? I turned over, she looks down and says "Oh ........ you need relief?" to which I said "Em ....... yes!!"

She says "Ok, I'll be back in 5 minutes" ......... I'm lying there excited, big smile on my face ....... can't believe my luck!!

What seems like forever goes by ........ but then in she walks, looks straight at my erection with a confused look on her face and says "Oh ......... you haven't finished yet? I'll give you another 5 minutes ........"

duffman13 · 17-04-2015 01:05AM

MadDog76 wrote: »

A couple years ago I pulled a muscle in my back but did the usual man thing of "ignore it and it'll go away" ....... it didn't go away so I went to my GP ....... he examined me, prescribed some pain killers and recommended massage therapy.

Anyway found myself in town a couple days later walking by a Chinese massage place, thought "this'll do!", so in I went.
Five minutes later I found myself naked (except for a towel) lying on my belly on a massage bed with this young sexy petite Chinese girl giving me a full body massage ........ well nature took it's course ........ then she says "turn over" ......... I was like "****!!!" but what could I do? I turned over, she looks down and says "Oh ........ you need relief?" to which I said "Em ....... yes!!"
She says "Ok, I'll be back in 5 minutes" ......... I'm lying there excited, big smile on my face ....... can't believe my luck!!

What seems like forever goes by ........ but then in she walks, looks straight at my erection with a confused look on her face and says "Oh ......... you haven't finished yet? I'll give you another 5 minutes ........"

I first heard that joke about 20 years ago. I honestly reckon it's been about 11 mins since I last heard it

MadDog76 · 17-04-2015 01:06AM

duffman13 wrote: »

I first heard that joke about 20 years ago. I honestly reckon it's been about 11 mins since I last heard it

Lucky you! :P

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 17-04-2015 01:12AM

In college, there was 7 of us in my class. 6 of us were pretty close, and 1 was quite isolated. She didn't wash, she didn't change her clothes and when I say she smelled, I mean it was outrageous.

So this lunch we are all sitting in the theory room, 4 of us chatting and the smelly girl sitting a few chairs away reading. One of the other girls was spraying deodorant and I made a joke. I meant to say "deodorant doesn't work unless you wash yourself, would you ever go home and take a shower Emer!" But instead I said the smelly girls name instead.

Oh god, I was hoping the ground would open up and swallow me. Clearly she heard. The other girls just staring right at me, mouths open. Mortified even thinking about it now

Embarrassing mix-ups and misunderstandings

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