Embarrassing mix-ups and misunderstandings

LexieOnRale wrote: »

In college, there was 7 of us in my class. 6 of us were pretty close, and 1 was quite isolated. She didn't wash, she didn't change her clothes and when I say she smelled, I mean it was outrageous.

So this lunch we are all sitting in the theory room, 4 of us chatting and the smelly girl sitting a few chairs away reading. One of the other girls was spraying deodorant and I made a joke. I meant to say "deodorant doesn't work unless you wash yourself, would you ever go home and take a shower Emer!" But instead I said the smelly girls name instead.

Oh god, I was hoping the ground would open up and swallow me. Clearly she heard. The other girls just staring right at me, mouths open. Mortified even thinking about it now

Don't be! I'd have no problem calling out someone with hygiene issues. Nothing more disgusting to be around.

Wear glasses so my eyesight isn't the best at long distances but don't always wear them. Anyway was walking down the street one day and thought I saw my friend and his girlfriend walking towards me on the opposite side of the street. Was a bit annoyed when he didn't salute me so I was thinking he wanted to spend time with the girlfriend so I said I'd try and spoil his plans.

Decided to circle round behind them and say hi to so I crossed the street and jogged towards them. When I got to them, I jumped up in between them using their shoulders to prop me up with my hands and said "ha ha, where are you f**kers off to".

Turns out it wasn't my friend...or his girlfriend. Turned completely bright red and just ran off!

The day the gas man came to check the electricity meter.

And a few days later the electricity man showed up to check the gas.

Oh the embarrassment.

This is the third time there's been a perfect thread for this story! Originally in: http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showt...php?p=86024390



Right. Well.

Some years ago I bought a flute made by a maker in Bray, Desi Seery. Lovely fella, if a bit rough around the edges. He makes traditional wooden flutes. He also makes them from a plastic-like material called Delrin. Looks, feels and acts like wood, but much harder wearing etc... Mine was one of those. Anyway, 'this one time' () i was chatting to him, and I asked about maintenance. His advice was to run a bit of liquid paraffin through it every week or so, just to keep the bore smooth, fill any imperfections etc. So that's what I decided to do.

So, on the way home I popped into our local chemist for a bottle o' the shtuff. Now, as it happens, I am an idiot. I never thought of pouring the excess back into the bottle when I was finished, and so the following week I was back to the chemist again. For another half litre bottle of liquid paraffin. And again the following week. And the week after that. You see a pattern emerging, I trust...?

Now, in the chemist worked a young Australian girl. Young. Pretty. Very friendly. Kinda knew her to say hello to after all this liquid paraffin purchasing. About three months of liquid paraffin purchasing. Anyway, this one time I was in and the shop was quite busy. She gestured me aside for a quick word and said in a concerned tone, and I quote "I've noticed you've been buying liquid paraffin for some time now, and that it doesn't seem to be working for your 'condition'. There are other, more effective remedies available, if you'd like me to talk you through them?" I obviously looked quite confused at this point. Because I was. She picked up on this. "For your ..... constipation" she almost whispered. I took a split second to think about this. I honestly had no idea that liquid paraffin was traditionally used as a laxative. Used as a laxative by my granny's generation though! Obviously not wanting this pretty young aussie to think a had been battling unsuccessfully with chronic constipation for the previous three months, I loudly blurted out, just at one of those moments you get when a busy shop suddenly falls silent, "Nicole, I'm not constipated. I use it to oil my flute!!".

Shop erupts. Nicole turns the deepest shade of red I've ever seen, and I only realise when I'm back home oiling my flute, how that must have sounded.

My funny flute story.

These stories are cringe for some but as an outsider they're bloody hilarious.

Hello! Gave my sister a lift to the supermarket and wandered around while she shopped. I knew she was getting kitchen roll so helpfully got same. Found her in the magazine aisle hunched over the trolley reading and dumped the rolls in her trolley. At the same time grabbed a Daily Mail which I knew she was getting too and threw it as well while saying "I don't know why you read that shyte".... Turns out it wasn't my sister...

A few years ago when I first met my ex girlfriends parents, I went down to mayo with her, I was driving a golf car. We went in,had tea, grand, so after a little while it was just me and her dad in the sittinroom and he was up on his feet just looking out the window at my Car in his driveway and I was looking at the TV and he said to me
"Do you like the golf Paul"? And I replied " ah not really i am more into the soccer and boxing"
Fact!!
It only dawned on me a while later and its kind of funny now to think of it!

In a pizza hut in bangkok. Thai guy with his son was at a table beside us, separated by a low wall. So as we're waiting for the next pizza to come out for the all you can eat offer, Thai guy makes conversation. He says "Is this your first time here?". My mate says "In pizza hut?". Thai guy says "no, in Thailand". Anyway, all of us laughed for about 5 minutes uniting eastern and western cultures, sort of like the end of Rocky 4

In the local spar one moring with my brother and there's these guys from Walker crisps interviewing people. Cue me being in front of this huge camera with a bright light shining at me and some muppet shoving a microphone in my face asking me 2 questions which I'll never forget.
The first one was: "What famous football players have been in Walker crisp ads?"... hadn't a clue, stood there like a deer in the headlights until the interviewer told me the answers...
Then the second one: "What is your favourite flavour of Walker crisps?"
Me: "ehh, normal tayto ones..."

There were no more questions after that..

Still haven't lived that one down...

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

Reminds me of something that happened when I was a kid.

My then-seventeen-year-old brother used play rugby, so he got real big. The rest of us boys were all skinnymalinks. We got into the habit of slapping him on the arse and yelling "fat arse!", then running away.

However it started, it just started.

Well it is a warm evening the Autumn of '99, and we are all in the audience at some amateur dramatic performance in the little village church. I scrunch into a tiny pew with my sisters. My big brother arrives late; he stands in the aisle beside our pew, chatting-up a girl. Well, I figure he cannot fairly punch me in The Lord's House while he's philandering a woman, so I lean out for his arse, wallop it hard, and I bawl, "fat arse!"

Needless to say it isn't my brother. Some absolute hulk of an adolescent turns around, looks down at me as if he's about to sock me in the jaw. I still count myself lucky to have gotten away with it, despite the whole church assuming I was mentally 'touched'.

I burst out laughing at this:p