Things you should know before getting married...

jbtarmac121

You'll get done in court if it goes balls up.

JuliusCaesar

Actually, an interesting topic.

So does anyone know what the small print is in the marriage contract? What are you actually signing up for?






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Grandeeod

JuliusCaesar wrote: »

Actually, an interesting topic.

So does anyone know what the small print is in the marriage contract? What are you actually signing up for?






.

A friend once told me that Marriage should be a 5 year contract that simply ends after the term or you renew if you are both happy with it. A lot of sense in that, but I guess it would put a lot of legal eagles out of pocket.

Letree

Tell him that if he gets married and has children and she gets sick of the marriage and kicks him out. He will be paying for the mortgage, the children and her if she decides not to work for a very long time. The courts will view him as having very little value other than to pay for things.

Nucular Arms

Grandeeod wrote: »

A friend once told me that Marriage should be a 5 year contract that simply ends after the term or you renew if you are both happy with it. A lot of sense in that, but I guess it would put a lot of legal eagles out of pocket.

I suppose god would be pissed too..

But then again, he's jerk who gives cancer to children so screw him anyway!

PARlance

Grandeeod wrote: »

A friend once told me that Marriage should be a 5 year contract that simply ends after the term or you renew if you are both happy with it. A lot of sense in that, but I guess it would put a lot of legal eagles out of pocket.

A lot of sense....
And maybe the kids would start "upping their game" around contract renewals... Better start behaving or Mammy & Daddy might part ways.

But it would be hard on the legal eagles.

mad m

Make sure to put toilet seat down and always always change jacks roll! Life will be so much easier.

Birneybau

PARlance wrote: »

Destined for doom! Confused.
Did they think you were going to split up or stay together?

Because it all happened so quickly...And they had never lived together before legally entangling their lives.

PARlance

Birneybau wrote: »

Because it all happened so quickly...And they had never lived together before legally entangling their lives.

I should have inserted a or

But on a serious note, I don't think it's the marriage per se that causes all the legal hassles. Isn't it all the other things that go with it... But not exclusive to it. Kids & Debt basically.
I bought a house with the missus before getting married. That was a far greater commitment in my eyes.

Joe prim

Grandeeod wrote: »

In more innocent times, a very very naieve young man was about to get married and he asked his father for some advice. The father decided to be funny. Son, be very careful of that girl. I've heard the women in her family have a very unusual problem with their vaginas. What is it said the son? Well they contain teeth.

A few weeks later the Bride arrived home from honeymoon and visited her mother. The poor girl was devastated. Mum, he never touched me on our honeymoon. I'm still a virgin. The mother asked why and her daughter told her that her new husband was convinced she had teeth in her vagina. That's stupid carry on altogether the mother said. When he comes home from work tonight, make sure there's a big steak on the table for him and then after that bring him to bed and show him the time of his life. I can't the daughter says. I'm having my period. Don't be silly says the mother. Just tell him you got your teeth out.

Ehhh...I don't get it....was the steak a virgin, or. oh yeah...he could'nt eat the steak cos he had no teeth? or was her mother a virgin with no teeth?....no.....I still don't get it.

Nucular Arms

The steak has nothing to do with it.

The implication being that her "front bottom" during her period would resemble a mouth with all of it's teeth pulled out, thus ensuring the husband it wouldn't be an issue anymore.

Generic Dreadhead

It's still pretty f**king grim tbh, as jokes go

Grandeeod

Joe prim wrote: »

Ehhh...I don't get it....was the steak a virgin, or. oh yeah...he could'nt eat the steak cos he had no teeth? or was her mother a virgin with no teeth?....no.....I still don't get it.

I'll draw you a diagram later.

MarkAnthony

A man on his honeymoon, having never slept with his now wife before grabs her a bit too roughly and makes his advances a bit too strongly. Ejected on to the balcony wearing nothing but his jocks he's surprised to see another man in a similar predicament.

"I bet you put your foot in it" He jokes.

"No but a bloody could have!" comes the reply.

PandaPoo

emeldc wrote: »

So how long are you back from honeymoon?

One year, and we're disgustingly happy

Our friends who were married last year after being together ten years are getting a divorce already, sad. It's not about the time together, it's about how compatible you are.

wandatowell

Fr_Dougal wrote: »

If their relationship isn't working out, tell them to have a baby. Babies solve everything.

Failing that, get a dog.

PARlance

PandaPoo wrote: »

One year, and we're disgustingly happy

Our friends who were married last year after being together ten years are getting a divorce already, sad. It's not about the time together, it's about how compatible you are.

Not to put (too much of) a downer on things but there's a good chance that they were disgustingly happy after a year or two of their relationship!?

It's not really about being compatible in my eyes. It helps if you are but life throws things at you that compatibility alone won't solve.

PandaPoo

PARlance wrote: »

Not to put (too much of) a downer on things but there's a good chance that they were disgustingly happy after a year or two of their relationship!?

It's not really about being compatible in my eyes. It helps if you are but life throws things at you that compatibility alone won't solve.

I'm under no illusions, but we have as good a chance as anyone else

For Forks Sake

Spaghetticode wrote: »

Between 30-50 percent of women and 50-80 percent of men cheat on their spouse according to swedes researchers.

Spaghetticode wrote: »

Chances are your wife doesn't actually find you sexual attractive, you are a good little boy who will do what he's told. Meanwhile there is a significant chance your wife will ride men on the side that she does find attractive.

I'm no detective, but I'm detecting a trend in these posts....

Aha..caught with your pants down were we? Or maybe caught someone else with their pants down in the vicinity of your wife?

Spaghetticode wrote: »

My wife and I usually sleep in different bedrooms.

jester77

Should probably give them a link to the Relationship Issues

MarkAnthony

Spaghetticode wrote: »

Between 30-50 percent of women and 50-80 percent of men cheat on their spouse according to swedes researchers.

I'd put more stock in that if their primary field wasn't root vegetables.

Joe prim

Nucular Arms wrote: »

The steak has nothing to do with it.

The implication being that her "front bottom" during her period would resemble a mouth with all of it's teeth pulled out, thus ensuring the husband it wouldn't be an issue anymore.

But what about the steak? I still don't get it...is it about vampires, and the steak is spelled wrong or something? And are there really teeth in a lady's "front bottom"? I'm confused.And unamused.

Capt'n Midnight

The bride asked the groom to add 15 and six. When he replied 17, she called off the marriage.

Grandeeod

Joe prim wrote: »

But what about the steak? I still don't get it...is it about vampires, and the steak is spelled wrong or something? And are there really teeth in a lady's "front bottom"? I'm confused.And unamused.

I think you are trying to hard at something....but I can't quite get what.

Joe prim

Grandeeod wrote: »

I think you are trying to hard at something....but I can't quite get what.

I very beg your pardon?

Joe prim

MarkAnthony wrote: »

A man on his honeymoon, having never slept with his now wife before grabs her a bit too roughly and makes his advances a bit too strongly. Ejected on to the balcony wearing nothing but his jocks he's surprised to see another man in a similar predicament.

"I bet you put your foot in it" He jokes.

"No but a bloody could have!" comes the reply.

Again, I'm somewhat confused; was the (second ) man on the balcony of this couple's hotel room an intruder, a stalker or a peeping tom? What was he doing on their balcony, and what did his mysterious remark "a could have" mean? Are we to take it that he had been there for some time, having already made advances to the lady in the hotel room, and, if so, WTF, as this was a honeymoon couple, who were presumably inseparable.In any event, I don't get this one either.

Son Of A Vidic

Georgie.Girl wrote: »

Any advice for my friend?

Tell them don't do it, but if they foolishly must. Tell them not to waste thousands of euros on pathetic showboating. Better to spend it on themselves, their honeymoon and their needs after the wedding day ect.

stateofflux

“Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.”
― Groucho Marx

jas376

A work colleague of mine says that before she got married she wishes that she had been advised to have her children early. She is now approaching sixty years of age and financially she is unable to retire because both of her children are still in secondary school. So there you have it: have your children early if you want to retire early.

Kevin McCloud

jas376 wrote: »

A work colleague of mine says that before she got married she wishes that she had been advised to have her children early. She is now approaching sixty years of age and financially she is unable to retire because both of her children are still in secondary school. So there you have it: have your children early if you want to retire early.

Did she not plan it out at all, she knew she would be in this financial predicament. She made her own bed.