Now Ye're Talking - To a Transgender Woman

Dav

I'd like you all to meet, if you haven't already, deirdre_dub.

Deirdre is a 45 year old male-to-female transgender woman, who has been in transition for 5 years. In 2014 she won an equality case against AIB over the bank's refusal to change the name on her account. She has been involved in transgender activism, which saw her address the Labour party conference in 2012, and she organised a protest outside RTE in 2014 over the transphobic show "The Centre". She has co-hosted two LGBT radio shows, and has written occasionally in the LGBT media. She is currently studying TV presentation and production.

GLaDOS

First, thank you for for doing the AMA, really looking forward to what insights you can give us.

You've obviously put yourself somewhat in the public eye to stand up for your rights, and transgender rights in general (and I say fair play to you). Did you worry this could make you a target for abuse?

Have you seen anyone do a complete u-turn as to their opinion on transgender folk? i.e. go from hating/denying it's real to acceptance?

Did you transition privately or through the HSE? What are attitudes like in with hospital staff towards transgender people?

What do you think of the media's portrayal of transgender people?

Sorry, load of questions just came at once

MrWalsh

Cool!

When did you first know that you were transgender?

Im close in age to you, and I only heard about or understood what transgender was when I was in my late teens/early twenties. Im am still confused about some aspects today. For instance, I watched a documentary recently about a UK man who had a Thai girlfriend - but although she was extremely feminine and seemed to identify as a woman, she still had her male equipment and from what I could tell she had no intention of having it removed. Im not even sure if that falls into the transgender definition!

Another thing that I have wondered about is this:
If you were a straight man before you became a woman, are you now a lesbian woman - does the label of your sexuality change with gender? How are sexuality and gender related - if at all?

deirdre_dub

ScienceNerd wrote: »

First, thank you for for doing the AMA, really looking forward to what insights you can give us.

Thank you - I'm looking forward to seeing the kinds of questions I get asked!

You've obviously put yourself somewhat in the public eye to stand up for your rights, and transgender rights in general (and I say fair play to you). Did you worry this could make you a target for abuse?

Yes.

The good news from my point of view is that I "pass" quite well (i.e. my natural features, plus estrogen, make me look quite feminine). And the other good news is that I had previous experience which taught me that having your picture in the papers or your face on the TV doesn't mean that you suddenly get stopped in the street.

I was on Vincent Browne People's debate last year, where I got to say a few words about marriage equality. Out of that, only one person who didn't know me said anything to me about it (a clerk in the post office!).

But I guess I've decided that transition has given me a new lease on life. If it ends up costing me my life (the extreme worst-case scenario) through standing up for myself, then I still had a few years that I would not have had if I didn't stand up for myself.

Have you seen anyone do a complete u-turn as to their opinion on transgender folk? i.e. go from hating/denying it's real to acceptance?

I've read stories on reddit and the like. But in my personal life I can't say I have.

With the exception of the transphobic minority, I think people in general *want to* accept me and treat me like everyone else. But they don't "get it" - they don't understand why I'd do something so radical like transition - and that's scary for them.

Did you transition privately or through the HSE?

A mixture.

Medical transition (and there are more than one "type" of transition - there is also e.g. legal transition, and the big one is social transition) is a life-long thing. I will be taking estrogen tablets for the rest of my life. I may yet be getting breast augmentation (I'm on the fence about it).

What are attitudes like in with hospital staff towards transgender people?

Varied, but I think it's gotten a lot better since I started transition. The first GP I went to didn't even know what "transgender" meant. Having said that, the HSE's trans-specific healthcare is dreadful in terms of how they treat us (though it's good in the sense that you can get everything except for free (though you have to pay for hormones like any other medicine) if you try hard enough and shout hard enough and have the patience of a galaxy of saints).

What do you think of the media's portrayal of transgender people?

The best portrayals are usually at least a bit disrespectful on some level. The average portrayal is dreadful, horrific, disgusting, despicable, and causes untold suffering and death in the transgender community.

It's one of the reasons why I'm glad I've discovered a talent for doing media stuff.

In my case, media portrayals of transgender people is undoubtedly one of the reasons why I ended up suffering gender dysphoria for as long as I did. Whenever the idea came into my mind that I might be transgender, I said to myself "but I'm not like those transgender people you see in the media!". :mad:

Sorry, load of questions just came at once

Thank you for them!

deirdre_dub

MrWalsh wrote: »

When did you first know that you were transgender?

It depends on what standard of "knowing" you are talking about.

My first experience of typical transgender behaviour that I can remember was when I was 9. I was looking at a yearbook, and I fell in love with a jumper-dress (something I now wouldn't be seen dead in! ). I was dreadfully conflicted about my feelings, as I knew it was something I "shouldn't" be doing or wanting to do.

My first time actually cross-dressing was not long after I left home. Again I was dreadfully conflicted about it. I then did what I now know to be typical transgender behaviour - I would spend maybe a few weeks cross-dressing in private, then get disgusted with the whole thing, and throw out all my clothes, only to buy a new set again some months later! (It's called "purging").

So that conflict continued until I was 39, when eventually I decided "enough is enough - I'm going to have to find a healthier way of expressing what is clearly an intrinsic part of me - I'm transvestite". So, I went socialising on the transgender scene in Dublin, and I quickly (and to my shock and horror) discovered I had more in common with those who were transitioning than those who were transvestites and cross-dressers.

It took me another 6 months of extreme soul-searching, and great fear, to go "I'm transgender, and I need to transition".

Im close in age to you, and I only heard about or understood what transgender was when I was in my late teens/early twenties. Im am still confused about some aspects today. For instance, I watched a documentary recently about a UK man who had a Thai girlfriend - but although she was extremely feminine and seemed to identify as a woman, she still had her male equipment and from what I could tell she had no intention of having it removed. Im not even sure if that falls into the transgender definition!

There isn't one way of being transgender. The definition of transgender that I use is "someone whose gender expression and/or gender identity is different to the sex assigned to them at birth". Under that definition, that woman most certainly is transgender.

Here's the thing. When I popped out of my mother, there was a penis between my legs. But I was still born a transgender girl. The key idea that the transgender community is trying to get across is "your gender identity is *not* determined by what's between your legs".

Another thing that I have wondered about is this:
If you were a straight man before you became a woman, are you now a lesbian woman - does the label of your sexuality change with gender? How are sexuality and gender related - if at all?

First of all - I did not "become a woman". I was born a transgender girl. I've always been a transgender female. What I've done of late is just to express it.

Also, gender identity and sexuality are completely separate and independent things. Your gender identity is who you are, and your sexuality is who you sleep with. I would guess that about a third of transgender people are straight, about a third are homosexual, and about a third are bi/pan/queer/...

But yes it's an interesting question in terms of labels. In general, transgender people use the label for sexuality which is appropriate for our gender identity. So a transgender woman (like myself) would be in a lesbian relationship with a woman.

GLaDOS

Thank you for your answers

deirdre_dub wrote: »

The best portrayals are usually at least a bit disrespectful on some level. The average portrayal is dreadful, horrific, disgusting, despicable, and causes untold suffering and death in the transgender community.

It's one of the reasons why I'm glad I've discovered a talent for doing media stuff.

In my case, media portrayals of transgender people is undoubtedly one of the reasons why I ended up suffering gender dysphoria for as long as I did. Whenever the idea came into my mind that I might be transgender, I said to myself "but I'm not like those transgender people you see in the media!". :mad:

Just as a follow up to this, I don't know if you are aware of the relatively well know (and very long running) webcomic Questionable Content. It has a trans character who is part of the main cast and is probably the most respectful portrayal of a trans person I have seen.

Obviously web comics and popular media like tv, film etc are a world apart though.

deirdre_dub

ScienceNerd wrote: »

Just as a follow up to this, I don't know if you are aware of the relatively well know (and very long running) webcomic Questionable Content. It has a trans character who is part of the main cast and is probably the most respectful portrayal of a trans person I have seen.

Obviously web comics and popular media like tv, film etc are a world apart though.

Yes - when the media actually engages with transgender people, the results are usually quite respectful. But that's very very rare at the moment.

Having said that, the media has a particular fascination with people who are just starting transition. Starting transition is an extremely heady time, and it's very hard to have a proper conversation about being transgender when transition has taken over your life and when you are going through a second puberty. I have a transgender "mother" who has said to me that I'm only just about reaching the cusp of becoming a trans "adult" myself, and I believe her. Apparently it takes about 5 - 7 years to really settle down.

megaten

Have you ever read wandering son?

Orim

Hey deirdre, thanks for doing this.

I read recently, on here in fact, that Ireland was a relatively decent place for transgender people. Would you say this is true? Is it a more recent acceptance? Is there anywhere you think would've been a better place to transition.

Also I was reading an article recently about a person going through a female to male transition. The general gist of the article is that it is less accepted than male to female. Is there any truth to this, in your experience?

deirdre_dub

megaten wrote: »

Have you ever read wandering son?

Nope.

But there is an interesting phenomenon in the transgender community. A ridiculous number of transgender women work in I.T. (like myself), and a ridiculous number of us are nerds - and comic books are one of the big nerdiness we seem to have. So good respectful proper transgender portrayals are creeping into the comic world.

Greenmachine

Where does your sexuality come in all of this. I have met various transgender people, and cross-dressers from working on 2nd hand clothing stores, for example, an individual may be born male, but identify as a lesbian woman.
Do you think the physical transformation is fully necessary, for people to recognize, your gender identity, particularly when it come to intimate personal relationships.
Have you suffered any personal abuse, was this worse than your own struggle with your identity before you spend time in the lgbt community.

spurious

Have you seen the TV series 'Transparent'?

Something a character says echoes something you said earlier, when people asked him when he started dressing up as a woman and he replied all his life he had been dressing up as a man.
It's a very good series. If you haven't seen it, you should.

deirdre_dub

Orim wrote: »

I read recently, on here in fact, that Ireland was a relatively decent place for transgender people. Would you say this is true?

Overall I'd say Ireland is in the top third in Europe. And Europe is one of the better continents on which to be transgender.

Is it a more recent acceptance?

My sense is that Irish people have always had a soft spot for people that you might describe as "kooky". But there has definitely been a marked improvement in the past 5 years that I've been in transition.

Is there anywhere you think would've been a better place to transition.

Thailand. Spain. Canada. California. London. And believe it or not - Iran has had legal gender recognition for some time (and we still don't have it here!). Having said that, I don't think Iran and I would work for other reasons...

Also I was reading an article recently about a person going through a female to male transition. The general gist of the article is that it is less accepted than male to female. Is there any truth to this, in your experience?

Both "directions" experience discrimination, hatred, lack of acceptance, discrimination etc.

There are significant differences in the MtF and FtM experiences in general. One major difference is that testosterone makes your voice break, but estrogen doesn't un-break it, which leaves MtF people like me having to either work on our voice or just go out into the world with a big booming male voice. FtM people just have to spend a little time on testosterone and their voice breaks.

Also, there is far more social focus on the MtF experience than on the FtM experience. That's a double-edged sword, with plusses and minuses for both.

Overall - I've never gotten into a "pissing contest" with any of my FtM friends to see which of us have suffered the most, and I don't care to. It's not easy to transition regardless of the direction.

deirdre_dub

Greenmachine wrote: »

Where does your sexuality come in all of this. I have met various transgender people, and cross-dressers from working on 2nd hand clothing stores, for example, an individual may be born male, but identify as a lesbian woman.

Well, I was born a transgender girl. As for my sexuality - when I mistakenly believed I was male, I saw myself as straight. However, when I discovered that I am actually transgender female, I suddenly "understood" gender (it had been a mystery to me up to then), and I found that, in fact, I have a sexual attraction to men. I now understand that I'm bisexual, and I've slept with both men and women since starting transition.

But sexuality and gender identity are two completely separate independent things. Gender identity is who you are, and sexuality is who you sleep with.

Do you think the physical transformation is fully necessary, for people to recognize, your gender identity, particularly when it come to intimate personal relationships.

Transition is about one intimate relationship and one intimate relationship only - namely my relationship with me.

In my case, I started transition because I believed that the answer to your first question (other people recognising my gender identity) was "yes". But I quickly found that there was another reason for me to transition. I find that I feel so much better - particularly in terms of how my head/brain feels - on estrogen than on testosterone. I believe there is a physical and physiological component to me being transgender - I have a body which, in spite of (probably) having the Y chromosome, still needs estrogen to function properly.

That's my experience. Others have different experiences.

Your second question was about the need for transition in terms of intimate relationships with other people. It's hard for anyone to have an intimate relationship with other people when your relationship with yourself is broken, and that is why transition is about the relationship you have with yourself. Other people come later.

Have you suffered any personal abuse, was this worse than your own struggle with your identity before you spend time in the lgbt community.

I most certainly have suffered personal abuse.

Last year, I had a bottle thrown at me in broad daylight by some kids who were hiding behind a bush. I've been shouted at in shops.

But it's rare, and my struggle with my identity was most definitely worse. That struggle was well on the way towards killing me.

deirdre_dub

spurious wrote: »

Have you seen the TV series 'Transparent'?

Nope, and I have no intention of seeing it.

Something a character says echoes something you said earlier, when people asked him when he started dressing up as a woman and he replied all his life he had been dressing up as a man.

Or all her life she had been dressing up as a man.

And that is precisely what it felt like - it felt like I was doing drag. I was dreadfully uncomfortable presenting as male (and not understanding why). And when I discovered why, it just became unbearable to have to present as male.

It's a very good series. If you haven't seen it, you should.

A lot of people have said that. I'm dreadfully disappointed that they didn't cast a transgender actor in the role. But I don't need to see a TV series about another person's struggle with their gender identity - I have my hands full with the flesh-and-blood people in my life who are struggling

AirBiscuit

Do you play Wordament? I think I've seen your name in the leaderboards a few times.

deirdre_dub

AirBiscuit wrote: »

Do you play Wordament? I think I've seen your name in the leaderboards a few times.

Nope. Whoever it is - they are an imposter

Slutmonkey57b

Hi there

I'm not entirely sure how to word this question, so I'll probably have to bumble into it and hope. One of the sticking points with transgender acceptance seems to be a hostility towards the idea of "I was born in the wrong body, I'm supposed to be a different gender". It's obviously impossible for someone who isn't transgender to understand how it feels to grow up, go through puberty and go through all those experiences. Equally, it seems obvious that the experiences of a trans person will be fundamentally different to the experiences of someone who was born into one gender and never experiences any desire/need/requirement to change.

As part of your transition, have you felt "I'm becoming a woman", or "I'm sorting out being a trans woman"? Do you feel there's a significant difference?

In a distant future, do you envision a world with genders which recognise male/female/trans, or one where the genders are still male/female, and trans folk are in a position to (or are forced to) remain behind the gender they've identified with "invisibly"?

Hope that makes sense.

yellowlabrador

I recently had a disagreement with an otherwise liberal friend. We were talking about teenagers who have gender reassignment. She felt that they should wait until proper adulthood before taking such a radical step. I felt that, with more openness and knowledge, young people can more easily express their true desires and feelings and should be helped as soon as possible. I also talked about intersex children, who are often assigned a sex at birth, in the past without consultation of the parents and without genetic testing to find out the true story. She had never heard of intersex people.
Is there now more openness about this? It's after all more common than people realise.
There are some lovely video blogs on Youtube of young people going through the process.

AlanS181824

I can't think of many major questions which is weird for me 'cos usually I'm full of them!:pac:

Well first off I'd like to tell ya how brave you are for doing this, you're an inspiration to us all, not just LGBTQI people.

I have a question which is a bit silly (to me) but I'll ask it anyway.

What do you think of Facebook having multiple gender titles to choose from, I believe there's just short of 60, everything from cis, genderqueer to fill in the blank.

What about national IDs would you prefer to have Male/Female/Other only on it or go the Facebook route and have multiple possible choices.

Sorry if it's a stupid question and thanks again!

deirdre_dub

Greenmachine wrote: »

Where does your sexuality come in all of this. I have met various transgender people, and cross-dressers from working on 2nd hand clothing stores, for example, an individual may be born male, but identify as a lesbian woman.

Reviewing my answer, I might not have answered your question.

There are some key concepts you need to get, and then the answer will become self-evident.

The first key concept is that what's between your legs doesn't determine your gender identity. For the vast majority of people, their gender identity (who they are in the deepest recesses of their sense of self) is the gender suggested by what's between their legs. But that's not the case for transgender people. So when it comes to transgender people, you have to completely forget about what's between our legs - it's irrelevant to gender identity.

The second key concept is that there are many ways in which people have gender, but that on a personal level, the most important of those by far is gender identity. In my case, I have a male chromosomal gender, a mixed biological gender, a female genital gender, a male birth cert (still waiting for gender recognition!), a female legal gender, female gender expression, and a female gender identity. Of all those ways I have gender, the one that's most important is that my gender identity is female.

And the third key concept is that it appears your gender identity is something you are born with. There have been various attempts to mess with the gender identity of young babies as they grow up, which have failed. So when I was born, I was born with a male chromosomal gender, a male biological gender, a male genital gender, a male birth cert, a male legal gender, male gender expression (imposed on me), and a female gender identity.

When you add the second and third key concepts, what happens is that I was not born male - I was born female, albeit transgender female.

And when you add the first and second key concepts, what happens is that when I am in a relationship with a woman, it's a lesbian relationship, regardless of what's between my legs, as I'm a female in a relationship with another female.

deirdre_dub

Slutmonkey57b wrote: »

I'm not entirely sure how to word this question, so I'll probably have to bumble into it and hope. One of the sticking points with transgender acceptance seems to be a hostility towards the idea of "I was born in the wrong body, I'm supposed to be a different gender". It's obviously impossible for someone who isn't transgender to understand how it feels to grow up, go through puberty and go through all those experiences. Equally, it seems obvious that the experiences of a trans person will be fundamentally different to the experiences of someone who was born into one gender and never experiences any desire/need/requirement to change.

As part of your transition, have you felt "I'm becoming a woman", or "I'm sorting out being a trans woman"? Do you feel there's a significant difference?

Definitely "I'm sorting out the consequences of the recently-discovered fact that I was born a transgender female". And there is a significant difference.

I hate the expression "I was born into the wrong body". I understand where that expression came from - it was used by transgender people to try and describe an experience that's ridiculously difficult to describe.

Here's what I believe, and there is a degree of scientific evidence to back this up. Babies are constantly being born with something "wrong" with them. Yet we, as a society, seem to have this notion that mother nature always gets the gender of babies perfectly correct each and every time. She doesn't! I believe that I was born with a body which produced a massive excess of testosterone over estrogen, yet my organs need estrogen much more than testosterone. In particular, my brain needs estrogen (and I can tell you from first hand experience that being on testosterone is a very different experience than being on estrogen - and the latter most decidedly feels much better for me - and female-to-male trans people will tell you that testosterone feels much better for them).

I don't take estrogen because I want breasts - I take estrogen because I've discovered that I need it in order to function!!! There is something about my body (likely my brain) that most definitely needs estrogen.

So I don't see myself as "becoming a woman" at all. I've always been a woman in some sense or other, in that I've always had a body which properly runs on estrogen.

In a distant future, do you envision a world with genders which recognise male/female/trans, or one where the genders are still male/female, and trans folk are in a position to (or are forced to) remain behind the gender they've identified with "invisibly"?

There isn't one way to be transgender. In my case, I'm female, I've happily changed my documentation to say so, and I'll (eventually!) be changing my birth cert. Socially I tell people I'm female, though I don't nervously hide that I'm also transgender.

But there are transgender friends of mine for whom neither "male" nor "female" fits. In Australia and a few other places, they can get gender "X" on their documentation, and I know a few people who would like to see gender "X" introduced into our gender recognition legislation (currently being discussed in the Oireachtas - though it's unlikely to happen).

I hope that answers your question.

deirdre_dub

yellowlabrador wrote: »

We were talking about teenagers who have gender reassignment.

That actually doesn't happen. What the media calls "teenage sex change" is actually nothing more than puberty-blocking drugs. The idea of these drugs is that they prevent puberty from progressing. When you come off the drugs, puberty proceeds naturally. However, if in the mean time you discover that you need to transition, the fact that you've been on those drugs makes your medical transition an awful lot easier and better and safer.

She felt that they should wait until proper adulthood before taking such a radical step. I felt that, with more openness and knowledge, young people can more easily express their true desires and feelings and should be helped as soon as possible.

You are both right.

It is a massive radical step. It's a bigger thing than I thought it was going to be. Having said that, if the young person needs to transition, then they need to transition - end of discussion.

I also talked about intersex children, who are often assigned a sex at birth, in the past without consultation of the parents and without genetic testing to find out the true story. She had never heard of intersex people.
Is there now more openness about this? It's after all more common than people realise.

I know some intersex people - including intersex people whose intersex condition was "treated" at birth (and, obviously, since I know them through the transgender scene, the treatment was a failure).

I think there is more openness and knowledge about these issues now. And I hope that the barbaric practice of "treating" intersex babies has come / is coming to a stop.

deirdre_dub

AlanS181824 wrote: »

Well first off I'd like to tell ya how brave you are for doing this, you're an inspiration to us all, not just LGBTQI people.

Thanks. I'd encourage everyone to give themselves the freedom to express their inner selves.

I have a question which is a bit silly (to me) but I'll ask it anyway.

The only silly question is the one that was asking to be asked, but wasn't.

What do you think of Facebook having multiple gender titles to choose from, I believe there's just short of 60, everything from cis, genderqueer to fill in the blank.

A very positive move. Personally my facebook page is going to remain "female", but this move raises awareness, and there are lots of my friends who are delighted to be able to tell their facebook contacts about their true experience of gender.

What about national IDs would you prefer to have Male/Female/Other only on it or go the Facebook route and have multiple possible choices.

I think the question can be asked - why do we need gender on our national IDs at all? What purpose does it serve? It seems to me that the only purpose it can serve is to enable gender discrimination or discrimination on the basis of sexuality.

In Thailand, when someone speaks to you, apparently you never ever call anyone "sir", "ma'am" until they themself calls themselves "sir" or "ma'am" in their speech with you. In other words - gender is a personal experience which each individual has and each individual should be permitted to express in whatever way is appropriate to them and which should be respected by everyone else. There really is no need for it to be a legal thing too.

AlteredStates

I look at things more from a higher/souls perspective so not sure if this will reasonate with you but here goes...

Do you think that perhaps the spiritual reason for tg is that you would have had alot of previous incarnations as a woman and this may be your first incarnation as a man hence why you understand and feel more natural as a woman? Eg encoded into your dna, female historical experiences imprinted into soul etc..

Also your sexual preferences is bi and if a new male soul, could that be an indicator that previously you like men as you were always female but your born physical gender in this lifetime is male which higher probability of liking female so sexuality in this lifetime has been both but naturally more liking female?


Whats your view on this?

MrWalsh

You've just given me the epiphany that our words for sexuality are wrong! They are based on a comparison with our gender.

So a straight man likes women.
A lesbian woman likes women.

But surely we should just have one word for someone who likes women regardless of gender?

So a "woman liking" man likes women.
A "woman liking" woman likes women.

Then trans people wouldn't have to relabel their sexuality, less confusion all round!

I wonder if other languages have a similar issue?

deirdre_dub

AlteredStates wrote: »

Do you think that perhaps the spiritual reason for tg is that you would have had alot of previous incarnations as a woman and this may be your first incarnation as a man hence why you understand and feel more natural as a woman? Eg encoded into your dna, female historical experiences imprinted into soul etc..

Also your sexual preferences is bi and if a new male soul, could that be an indicator that previously you like men as you were always female but your born physical gender in this lifetime is male which higher probability of liking female so sexuality in this lifetime has been both but naturally more liking female?

Whats your view on this?

I honestly don't know - I'm not even sure I'd believe in reincarnation.

My world view simply states that the world is extremely diverse, and nothing is either-or, nothing is this-or-that, and that diversity is good and necessary to our survival.

I've been asked - "would you like to see science cure gender dysphoria in such a way that eliminates the need for transition". There are two reasons why I say "no". The first is that in order for science to do that, we would have to invent a way of changing people's gender identity, and the implications of such an invention (particularly if it were used as a weapon) are dreadful.

But the other reason why I say "no" is because I'd hate to live in a world without transgender people. I'd hate to lose that aspect of diversity. And if I have to pay the price in order to live in that world, so be it.

deirdre_dub

MrWalsh wrote: »

You've just given me the epiphany that our words for sexuality are wrong! They are based on a comparison with our gender.

So a straight man likes women.
A lesbian woman likes women.

But surely we should just have one word for someone who likes women regardless of gender?

Gynephilic

Way ahead of ya!

And liking of men is called - you guessed it - androphilic.

MrWalsh

deirdre_dub wrote: »

Gynephilic

Way ahead of ya!

And liking of men is called - you guessed it - androphilic.

I do love to be educated!

gozunda

deirdre_dub wrote: »

Reviewing my answer, I might not have answered your question.

There are some key concepts you need to get, and then the answer will become self-evident.

The first key concept is that what's between your legs doesn't determine your gender identity. For the vast majority of people, their gender identity (who they are in the deepest recesses of their sense of self) is the gender suggested by what's between their legs. But that's not the case for transgender people. So when it comes to transgender people, you have to completely forget about what's between our legs - it's irrelevant to gender identity.

The second key concept is that there are many ways in which people have gender, but that on a personal level, the most important of those by far is gender identity. In my case, I have a male chromosomal gender, a mixed biological gender, a female genital gender, a male birth cert (still waiting for gender recognition!), a female legal gender, female gender expression, and a female gender identity. Of all those ways I have gender, the one that's most important is that my gender identity is female.

And the third key concept is that it appears your gender identity is something you are born with. There have been various attempts to mess with the gender identity of young babies as they grow up, which have failed. So when I was born, I was born with a male chromosomal gender, a male biological gender, a male genital gender, a male birth cert, a male legal gender, male gender expression (imposed on me), and a female gender identity.

When you add the second and third key concepts, what happens is that I was not born male - I was born female, albeit transgender female.

And when you add the first and second key concepts, what happens is that when I am in a relationship with a woman, it's a lesbian relationship, regardless of what's between my legs, as I'm a female in a relationship with another female.

I am correct in understanding that this is where the concept of sis gender derives?

Vojera

I'm not really sure how to phrase what I want to say, so bear with me.

Within the LGB community there can be a bit of anger from some people towards others who don't "conform" to wider societal ideals (for example, the queer community tends to be more open about the existence of polyamory, kink etc.) because they're afraid that if we're not all "normal" then we won't be accepted by society in general.

Is there a similar feeling in the trans community towards those who don't "pass" as well, or those who are genderqueer, etc? And is there ever a superiority complex from people who've "completed" their transitions over those who decide that they don't need surgery to feel comfortable in their bodies?