2IN2U radio advert

RoboRat

Anybody else hear that commercial for 2IN2U where they say... If he is telling you what to wear or texting you when you're out, you need to step away as he could be dangerous?

Any woman I have ever been with has always tried to tell me what to wear and kept tabs on me when I am out!

Im not saying that the premise of the advert is wrong but it looks like another shot at blokes in general. The website is all about if he does this, or he does that, you may be in danger. There are plenty of abusive women out there who are also just as dangerous, some are worse, because they know that the public will always side with the woman and use this to their advantage.

I think sites like this need to be gender neutral.

Dravokivich

Just set up another'un called CrayCray.

RoboRat

Dravokivich wrote: »

Just set up another'un called CrayCray.

Never heard that term before but looked it up... spot on!

kylith

It depends. Saying that a different shirt/top would look better is ok, but if it's a case that they're telling you that you can't go out 'dressed like that' then that would be something to worry about.

floggg

RoboRat wrote: »

Anybody else hear that commercial for 2IN2U where they say... If he is telling you what to wear or texting you when you're out, you need to step away as he could be dangerous?

Any woman I have ever been with has always tried to tell me what to wear and kept tabs on me when I am out!

Im not saying that the premise of the advert is wrong but it looks like another shot at blokes in general. The website is all about if he does this, or he does that, you may be in danger. There are plenty of abusive women out there who are also just as dangerous, some are worse, because they know that the public will always side with the woman and use this to their advantage.

I think sites like this need to be gender neutral.

Whatever about the clothes, texting a girl when they are out is a sign it abuse now?

****! Does this hold true for men too?

I certainly text my bf when he is out. In fact I text him constantly throughout the day.

Does that make me an abuser? And here was my thinking I was being considerate asking him where he was going and whether he was having fun!

RoboRat

I think the clothes thing is a bit of a pandoras box. I am with my wife over 11 years now and when we started going out, I wasn't too pleased about her going out with her single mates in a micro skirt with a low cut top. I never told her to take them off but I did voice my opinion when asked. It was nothing to do with control, it was the fact the I really liked her and I thought it sent the wrong signals.

I wasn't asking her to step into a Burka but when we started going out, I ditched my funny 'pulling' t-shirts and I felt that what she was going out in was 'pulling' clothes. I understand women a lot better now and I know that they just want to look their best and get recognition for it from both women and men.

I think that a lot of young lads are a bit naive and insecure, especially if they are with a woman that they really like. I personally don't think that it shouldn't be broadly categorised that if a bloke is unhappy with your clothes that he is a control freak and being honest, if he doesn't give a toss about what you wear, then he might not be that interested.

qt3.14

kylith wrote: »

It depends. Saying that a different shirt/top would look better is ok, but if it's a case that they're telling you that you can't go out 'dressed like that' then that would be something to worry about.

I worked in a charity shop once upon a time and it was an occasional occurrence for a fella to come in looking for stuff back that the wog had decided he shouldn't wear. A man doing that would light PI forum up like a Christmas tree and justifiably so but women doing it seemed to get hearty approval from my coworkers.

RDM_83 again

Basically all this sh-t does is reinforce the stereotypical ideas of keeping it cool, playing hard to get and acting disinterested, if somebodies an actual sociopathic control freak they won't be half this obvious. Telling somebody that wearing a greyhound skirt might not be on isn't the same as being a potential domestic abuser (recently had a conversation with my german flat mate*, if I used the word to describe how she thought some women here dress on a night out I would get carded)

*Least conservative/repressed person you could meet, stoner, free love hippyish type

The_Valeyard

Who funds these groups?

catallus

The_Valeyard wrote: »

Who funds these groups?

Isis?

keithclancy

RoboRat wrote: »

Anybody else hear that commercial for 2IN2U where they say... If he is telling you what to wear or texting you when you're out, you need to step away as he could be dangerous?

Any woman I have ever been with has always tried to tell me what to wear and kept tabs on me when I am out!

Im not saying that the premise of the advert is wrong but it looks like another shot at blokes in general. The website is all about if he does this, or he does that, you may be in danger. There are plenty of abusive women out there who are also just as dangerous, some are worse, because they know that the public will always side with the woman and use this to their advantage.

I think sites like this need to be gender neutral.

And if he lets you go out dressed horribly and doesn't text you to make sure your ok or if you need a lift home he's a pr!ck

What is it with these stupid Irish ads, their so f*cking vague they don't mean anything...

Like the RSA .. EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED ..

Wtf does that sh*t even mean ^^^^^^^

kylith

qt3.14 wrote: »

I worked in a charity shop once upon a time and it was an occasional occurrence for a fella to come in looking for stuff back that the wog had decided he shouldn't wear. A man doing that would light PI forum up like a Christmas tree and justifiably so but women doing it seemed to get hearty approval from my coworkers.

It's not about ugly clothes (though I would say that anyone throwing out their bf/gf's clothes because they didn't like them is a cnt), it's about the fact that some people will exert control over their partner by controlling what they can and can't wear, I had a run in with one myself - I wasn't dressed sluttily but I was wearing a relatively low cut top and a cardigan over it and I was told 'You're not going out in that'. He didn't want me to attract attention to myself. I was 'his' so he was the only one who should be looking at me and I was to cover myself whenever I went out. I told him to shove it up his arse and that I'd wear whatever I felt like, but not everyone can do that.

The texting is the same - if your OH is texting you saying they hope you're having a good night and just asking what pub your in or who's out and about then that wouldn't be anything to be concerned about, but a constant stream of texts asking 'Where are you? Who else is there? Is Person X there? What are you doing? When will you be back?' would be worrying; it shows signs of attempts to control where you go and who you associate with.

It does no harm to make people aware of signs that may mean that their OH may be controlling and abusive. I hope there's a similar ad for men to spot the signs of controlling and abusive women.

Bipolar Joe

kylith wrote: »

I hope there's a similar ad for men to spot the signs of controlling and abusive women.

There won't be.

The Backwards Man

Why'd you come in here looking like that in your high heeled boots and your painted on jeans?

kylith

Bipolar Joe wrote: »

There won't be.

Well, there should be.

catallus

kylith wrote: »

Well, there should be.

I don't know why there should be.

Surely the idea is to protect women from predators.

Taylor365

kylith wrote: »

The texting is the same - if your OH is texting you saying they hope you're having a good night and just asking what pub your in or who's out and about then that wouldn't be anything to be concerned about, but a constant stream of texts asking 'Where are you? Who else is there? Is Person X there? What are you doing? When will you be back?' would be worrying; it shows signs of attempts to control where you go and who you associate with.

It does no harm to make people aware of signs that may mean that their OH may be controlling and abusive. I hope there's a similar ad for men to spot the signs of controlling and abusive women.

It comes down to interpretation.

I'd see someone texting their OH like that to be insecure and immature, male or female.

If it was my OH, she'd be on her bike! :pac:

I think people who are controlling just picked the wrong partner. Control who you date and you wont need to control anyone.

kylith

catallus wrote: »

I don't know why there should be.

Surely the idea is to protect women from predators.

Because men shouldn't be protected from abusive relationships

Taylor365 wrote: »

It comes down to interpretation.

I'd see someone texting their OH like that to be insecure and immature, male or female.

If it was my OH, she'd be on her bike! :pac:

I think people who are controlling just picked the wrong partner. Control who you date and you wont need to control anyone.

Abusive, controlling partners are abusive and controlling. It shouldn't be considered ok for them to do so just because they've landed a gf/bf who is too insecure and lacking in self confidence to realise that they are being controlled. By which I mean: if a guy attempts to tell gf1 that she can't wear her favourite top out because he considers it too revealing and she dumps him, and he meets gf2 who dresses conservatively by inclination he's not going to suddenly turn into a great bf because gf2 buttons her shirts all the way to the top, instead he's likely to move on to controlling what she eats or watches on telly, who she can associate with, that sort of thing.

Sleepy

The_Valeyard wrote: »

Who funds these groups?

You do.

I do.

And anyone else paying tax in Ireland does.

The website is branded by Cosc (a Government Department) and Womens Aid, a registered charity that receives funding from a number of Government sources (HSE, DoECLG etc.).

Dog of Tears

floggg wrote: »

I certainly text my bf when he is out. In fact I text him constantly throughout the day.

Does that make me an abuser?

No.

Probably makes you rather annoying though.

ash23

Get on to Amen and get them to set up a group designed for young men to recognise when they are in a controlling relationship. There absolutely should be one for young men. But just because there isn't doesn't mean there shouldn't be one for young women.

Bipolar Joe

ash23 wrote: »

Get on to Amen and get them to set up a group designed for young men to recognise when they are in a controlling relationship. There absolutely should be one for young men. But just because there isn't doesn't mean there shouldn't be one for young women.

The point is, for me, you can't say "We're all equal!" in one ear and hear "Here's a special thing just for one gender" in the other. It's a stupid dissonance and it drives me so crazy I might just have to text a woman.

razorblunt

There should be a male equivalent where lads are encouraged to wear their rugby/football jerseys without being told "where the fock do you think you're going dressed like that, you're not 12".


Just me?


Ah she's great really, if I play my cards right she'll get the ironed on Premier League badges for my Liverpool jersey next season!

catallus

kylith wrote: »

Because men shouldn't be protected from abusive relationships

In the real world men take care of themselves.

lazybones32

catallus wrote: »

In the real world men take care of themselves.

In the real world, men can be victims of abuse by women. It's not exclusive to women.

conorhal

Taylor365 wrote: »

It comes down to interpretation.

I'd see someone texting their OH like that to be insecure and immature, male or female.

If it was my OH, she'd be on her bike! :pac:

I think people who are controlling just picked the wrong partner. Control who you date and you wont need to control anyone.

Spot on, it's a pointless and horribly subjective campaign.
You can be sure that a partner that's telling sombody what they can and can't wear and texting them relentlessly when they are out are signs that you're dating a psycho, what it doesn't mention is that sombody who acquiesces to that behaviour is sombody that probably suffers from low self esteem and has issues of their own, freaky controlling blokes like to prey on such women. A better use of resources would be equipping such people with the coping skills in life to avoid freaks in the first place.

catallus

lazybones32 wrote: »

In the real world, men can be victims of abuse by women...

Well, yes of course, but the question of responsibility for one's own well being is what the OP is talking about, I think.

Like it or not the reality is that men and women are viewed differently in this regard; a man, if he is to be a man, should look out for himself and not allow his emotion to overcome his reason.

biko

No, I didn't hear the 2IN2U radio advert. Hope this helps

Dravokivich

catallus wrote: »

Well, yes of course, but the question of responsibility for one's own well being is what the OP is talking about, I think.

Like it or not the reality is that men and women are viewed differently in this regard; a man, if he is to be a man, should look out for himself and not allow his emotion to overcome his reason.

Ah stereotypes, is there ever anything they've gotten wrong? right?

kylith

catallus wrote: »

Well, yes of course, but the question of responsibility for one's own well being is what the OP is talking about, I think.

Like it or not the reality is that men and women are viewed differently in this regard; a man, if he is to be a man, should look out for himself and not allow his emotion to overcome his reason.

That attitude is the reason why men stay in abusive relationships, and why male suicides vastly outnumber female ones.

RoboRat

In the real world men take care of themselves.

As a bloke I am more than able to take care of myself but there is a huge difference when you are dealing with a manipulative woman. Here is a brief synopsis of an incident with an ex who was an manipulative witch.

We were on a work night out for Christmas with my work crowd, she was flirting with all my mates and I mean full on flirting. I was getting a bit annoyed but I knew half of it was to piss me off because she liked playing mind games like that.

Anyhow, we were all staying in a hotel and I end up saying I am going to bed. I was wrecked but I was also sick of her BS, I told her I was heading and she said fine, she was staying up with the lads - 'they're much better craic than you'. We had a heated exchange and I went to bed. She came to the room around 5am and I had a feeling that she was after cheating (later a few mates confirmed that she was getting very close with another guy and they didn't know when she actually left).

Anyhow, that was the straw that broke the camels back and I decided enough was enough. I said that I was sick of her **** and was done with her. She went mental and started hitting me and then started screaming No, don't hit me. She stormed out telling me that she was going to tell everyone we had a huge argument and that I had hit her a few times.

I had to run after her, begging her to stay with me, I had made a mistake etc. I then had to endure a few more months of misery until I left the company and moved to the other side of the country.

I'm not a walkover but I had no idea how to deal with that situation and the cards were well and truly stacked against me and she knew it. There are plenty of controlling women out there but no info such as that website on the tell tale signs nor what to do.

But just because there isn't doesn't mean there shouldn't be one for young women.

Why cant there be an all encompassing site for men and women? Domestic abuse is not gender specific.

ash23

RoboRat wrote: »

Why cant there be an all encompassing site for men and women? Domestic abuse is not gender specific.

Because what might appeal to a young woman might not appeal to a young man and vice versa.

In domestic abuse cases it is very different for men and women in terms of rights, children etc.

I don't see the problem having the services there but separate support systems to deal with them. You'll also find that it's usually women helping abused women and men helping abused men due to their own experiences.

catallus

RoboRat wrote: »

I had to run after her, begging her to stay with me, I had made a mistake etc. I then had to endure a few more months of misery until I left the company and moved to the other side of the country.

I'm not a walkover .

I'm not too sure what that has to do with the thread topic but no you didn't have to run after her. Didn't it just drag out the pain?

I've had manipulative people in my life too, (probably still do tbh ) but that's life; it's how you react to it that counts.

catallus

kylith wrote: »

That attitude is the reason why men stay in abusive relationships, and why male suicides vastly outnumber female ones.

No, you've got it backwards.

That attitude is why men leave abusive relationships and live happy lives.

RoboRat

I'm not too sure what that has to do with the thread topic but no you didn't have to run after her. Didn't it just drag out the pain?

It was in response to the comment that real men take care of themselves.

I had a choice on the spur of the moment... (a) stick to your guns and hope that she doesn't go down to the lobby and tell all your work colleagues that you hit her which could end up in losing your job and possible legal action. Irrespective of the outcome, those accusations stick and considering we were seen to have an argument the night before, I was terrified. (b) run after her and try to calm her down but start working on a plan to get the fcuk away from her.

I had a few seconds to make a decision and thats what I done.

SeanW

ash23 wrote: »

Get on to Amen and get them to set up a group designed for young men to recognise when they are in a controlling relationship. There absolutely should be one for young men. But just because there isn't doesn't mean there shouldn't be one for young women.

Then surely the feminists can fund it themselves, without the taxpayers help? Same way Amen would have to?

Oh and BTW isn't the behaviour outlined in the ad something that lots of women do to their husbands/bfs?

How do you spell hypocrisy?

ash23

SeanW wrote: »

Then surely the feminists can fund it themselves, without the taxpayers help? Same way Amen would have to?

Oh and BTW isn't the behaviour outlined in the ad something that lots of women do to their husbands/bfs?

How do you spell hypocrisy?

So is Amen sexist also? Because I've had a look on their page and see nothing about women who are being abused?

I think that funding should be equal between the two groups because yes, I am a feminist. And if someone wants to post about that then fire away and I'd back it up.

But the attitude of thinking it shouldn't exist for women because it isn't there for men is kind of silly. Surely it's better to have the support for both abused men and women.

I don't know that "lots" of women are controlling of their partners. Domestic abuse is thankfully in the minority. And there should be support for those men who are being abused to get away from those kind of relationships. Nobody should have to put up with a controlling partner.

Bipolar Joe

Literally no one is saying it shouldn't exist. Point me to the post where you read that.

mazwell

I was in an abusive relationship for many years, thankfully I'm over a year out of it now and starting to get better. But when I heard the ad I recognised the two things listed as being things that happened to me and which started very early on. There's a huge difference between your partner saying "I don't really like what you're wearing, that other outfit is nicer on you" or texting you occasionally on a night out to say they hope youre enjoying it, and saying "you can't wear heels/short skirt/whatever" or constantly contacting you when you're out to keep tabs on you and who you're with.
I agree that there should also be a similar campaign aimed at men experiencing abuse, but I think this is a great thing. If it stops one woman going through what i did by allowing them to spot the early signs of control which might not otherwise ring alarm bells, then it's a success.

ash23

Bipolar Joe wrote: »

Literally no one is saying it shouldn't exist. Point me to the post where you read that.

I suggested that as the 2IN2U site is operated by women's aid which by it's very definition is not gender neutral, then perhaps people should contact Amen to set up a similar site for young men.

Rather than complain about the fact that a site specifically for young women exists, create one that caters to young men instead. Then both bases are covered.

Alternatively set up a gender neutral charity that deals with domestic abuse. Or look for more funding for Amen so that they can set up a similar site.

I just don't see the point in dissing this campaign when it's actually important and worthwhile. Rather than complaining that there is a campaign aimed at young women, take the positives from it and use it to create a campaign for young men.

I agree completely that young men also need to be made aware of the signs of an abusive relationship but perhaps there's a more positive way of doing it without doing so by undermining the good work the 2IN2U campaign is doing?

RoboRat

But the attitude of thinking it shouldn't exist for women because it isn't there for men is kind of silly. Surely it's better to have the support for both abused men and women.

Amen is about men IN abusive relationships. This is about spotting the signs... therefore one is real, the other is an interpretation. I'm not saying it shouldn't exist but it seems very anti men and I would like an all encompassing site, perhaps with sections for men and a section for women.

As I already stated, the radio advert says 2 things that when done by a man are deemed controlling, when done by a woman, nobody blinks an eyelid. I said that I have absolutely no problem with the premise behind the website, just that it should be less 'anti men' - I appears to me that they never talked to a bloke or got a mans feedback?

Tombi!

Problem with women being the victims is it's been ingrained in society for a long time. Always been "woman does as her father and then husband says". The idea of women not being "in care" of by a man is still somewhat new.

I think it's less about "we only care about women, not men" and more of a "it's not the past were women are objects; don't feel like they are" kinda deal.

floggg

Dog of Tears wrote: »

No.

Probably makes you rather annoying though.

How else will I remind him to do my washing though?

RoboRat

Brutal Deluxe wrote: »

Problem with women being the victims is it's been ingrained in society for a long time. Always been "woman does as her father and then husband says". The idea of women not being "in care" of by a man is still somewhat new.

I think it's less about "we only care about women, not men" and more of a "it's not the past were women are objects; don't feel like they are" kinda deal.

Good point, never looked at it from that angle and as mazwell said, it gets one woman away from a potentially abusive relationship, then its a success.

I do think that there should be more done to empower women. Personally I do Jiu Jitsu and I think more women really should do this as its extremely effective martial art for women. It would give a woman self-confidence to know that she is able to defend herself if needs be.

I also think on the other hand that men should also be taught to spot the signs of an abusive woman. I think its very different with men because there are many men that would knock seven shades of sh1t out of another bloke but are still being abused because they have no idea of what to do when a woman makes a threat to call the Gardai or threatens to takes their kids away from them. At the end of the day, if you're a bloke and a domestic report is put against you, generally you are already judged by the public to be guilty.

floggg

ash23 wrote: »

So is Amen sexist also? Because I've had a look on their page and see nothing about women who are being abused?

I think that funding should be equal between the two groups because yes, I am a feminist. And if someone wants to post about that then fire away and I'd back it up.

But the attitude of thinking it shouldn't exist for women because it isn't there for men is kind of silly. Surely it's better to have the support for both abused men and women.

I don't know that "lots" of women are controlling of their partners. Domestic abuse is thankfully in the minority. And there should be support for those men who are being abused to get away from those kind of relationships. Nobody should have to put up with a controlling partner.

I'd say they just shouldn't do these things in such a cack handed fashion as they seem to be doing.

I'm generally not one to be bothered by how men are portrayed in ads (because let's face life is generally quite good for men, and we don't really have much to complain about) but those "man up" ads telling me how I al responsible for stopping domestic violence really boil my blood.

I've never hit a woman in my life (assuming that fight with my sister when we were both kids doesn't count), so no I don't have any responsibility for stopping domestic violence any more than I have any responsibility for stopping child abuse.

It's defintiely worthwhile to bring attention to domestic violence, but painting it as a "men v women" issue or something all men are somehow responsible for is stupid and likely to make men disengage with the campaign.

Equally over simplification of abusive behaviour or warning signs isn't helpful either. Texting a partner on a night out isn't a problem - requiring them to account for their movements or not giving them their privacy is.

Tombi!

RR, I think the biggest issue is people. for some bizarre reason want to live up to stereotypes. It's seen as normal by a lot of people for women to nag and for men to be caring. But men and women can have some pretty horrible people. So it's hard to tell (especially for people that grew up or are influenced to consider it normal) if a woman is nagging or being controlling to the point it's abusive or if a man is just being caring or being abusive.

Obviously there's clear cut signs, like physical abuse but even t hen, the best of people can still make bad judgement calls. I read somewhere that in relationships, or at least when we start seeing someone we're interested in, the part of your brain that makes decisions can be a bit less effective. It went on to explain it's one of the reasons your friend who's seeing an absolute nightmare of a man might be oblivious to some things.

But yeah, the more stuff like this that gets put out there (ideally for both sexes) the better; it'll hopefully stop abusive relationships from developing.

keithclancy

This thread reminds me of that Dutch Reality show where they stuck men and women on separate islands

http://www.returnofkings.com/32053/this-accidental-experiment-shows-the-superiority-of-patriarchy

In the end they had to swap 2 people between each island.

The Men ended up working their holes off to make the place liveable.

The Women turned up and did fock all.

I think this whole equality thing is gone a bit mad.

A woman can beat the living shíte out of a man on the street and no one gets involved, he's just supposed to be a man and take it.

RoboRat

A woman can beat the living shíte out of a man on the street and no one gets involved, he's just supposed to be a man and take it.

Watch this

Tombi!

RoboRat wrote: »

Watch this

Scary how clearly that's assault and nobody cares more than to just grin at the the "big tough man" getting hit by a woman.

Fred Swanson

This post has been deleted.

Taylor365

RoboRat wrote: »

As a bloke I am more than able to take care of myself yadayada

Just wondering Robo, how long were you together and how long were you workin in that job?

I know if a girl went kicking and screamin to my work colleagues that i had hit her they'd probably ask ''Is she ok in the head?''. Afters years, they know me and what I'm like. I know you can say what goes on behind closed doors yada yada, but there's usually signs from people like that i.e. short fuse, unstable, etc. They'd have no reason to doubt me.

Also, behaviour like that doesn't just come out of thin air. She didn't seem a bit unstable when you were dating?