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Child Item

2IN2U radio advert

RoboRat

Anybody else hear that commercial for 2IN2U where they say... If he is telling you what to wear or texting you when you're out, you need to step away as he could be dangerous?

Any woman I have ever been with has always tried to tell me what to wear and kept tabs on me when I am out!

Im not saying that the premise of the advert is wrong but it looks like another shot at blokes in general. The website is all about if he does this, or he does that, you may be in danger. There are plenty of abusive women out there who are also just as dangerous, some are worse, because they know that the public will always side with the woman and use this to their advantage.

I think sites like this need to be gender neutral.

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ash23

RoboRat wrote: »

Why cant there be an all encompassing site for men and women? Domestic abuse is not gender specific.

Because what might appeal to a young woman might not appeal to a young man and vice versa.

In domestic abuse cases it is very different for men and women in terms of rights, children etc.

I don't see the problem having the services there but separate support systems to deal with them. You'll also find that it's usually women helping abused women and men helping abused men due to their own experiences.

catallus

RoboRat wrote: »

I had to run after her, begging her to stay with me, I had made a mistake etc. I then had to endure a few more months of misery until I left the company and moved to the other side of the country.

I'm not a walkover .

I'm not too sure what that has to do with the thread topic but no you didn't have to run after her. Didn't it just drag out the pain?

I've had manipulative people in my life too, (probably still do tbh

) but that's life; it's how you react to it that counts.

catallus

kylith wrote: »

That attitude is the reason why men stay in abusive relationships, and why male suicides vastly outnumber female ones.

No, you've got it backwards.

That attitude is why men leave abusive relationships and live happy lives.

RoboRat

I'm not too sure what that has to do with the thread topic but no you didn't have to run after her. Didn't it just drag out the pain?

It was in response to the comment that real men take care of themselves.

I had a choice on the spur of the moment... (a) stick to your guns and hope that she doesn't go down to the lobby and tell all your work colleagues that you hit her which could end up in losing your job and possible legal action. Irrespective of the outcome, those accusations stick and considering we were seen to have an argument the night before, I was terrified. (b) run after her and try to calm her down but start working on a plan to get the fcuk away from her.

I had a few seconds to make a decision and thats what I done.

SeanW

ash23 wrote: »

Get on to Amen and get them to set up a group designed for young men to recognise when they are in a controlling relationship. There absolutely should be one for young men. But just because there isn't doesn't mean there shouldn't be one for young women.

Then surely the feminists can fund it themselves, without the taxpayers help? Same way Amen would have to?

Oh and BTW isn't the behaviour outlined in the ad something that lots of women do to their husbands/bfs?

How do you spell hypocrisy?

ash23

SeanW wrote: »

Then surely the feminists can fund it themselves, without the taxpayers help? Same way Amen would have to?

Oh and BTW isn't the behaviour outlined in the ad something that lots of women do to their husbands/bfs?

How do you spell hypocrisy?

So is Amen sexist also? Because I've had a look on their page and see nothing about women who are being abused?

I think that funding should be equal between the two groups because yes, I am a feminist. And if someone wants to post about that then fire away and I'd back it up.

But the attitude of thinking it shouldn't exist for women because it isn't there for men is kind of silly. Surely it's better to have the support for both abused men and women.

I don't know that "lots" of women are controlling of their partners. Domestic abuse is thankfully in the minority. And there should be support for those men who are being abused to get away from those kind of relationships. Nobody should have to put up with a controlling partner.

Bipolar Joe

Literally no one is saying it shouldn't exist. Point me to the post where you read that.

mazwell

I was in an abusive relationship for many years, thankfully I'm over a year out of it now and starting to get better. But when I heard the ad I recognised the two things listed as being things that happened to me and which started very early on. There's a huge difference between your partner saying "I don't really like what you're wearing, that other outfit is nicer on you" or texting you occasionally on a night out to say they hope youre enjoying it, and saying "you can't wear heels/short skirt/whatever" or constantly contacting you when you're out to keep tabs on you and who you're with.
I agree that there should also be a similar campaign aimed at men experiencing abuse, but I think this is a great thing. If it stops one woman going through what i did by allowing them to spot the early signs of control which might not otherwise ring alarm bells, then it's a success.

ash23

Bipolar Joe wrote: »

Literally no one is saying it shouldn't exist. Point me to the post where you read that.

I suggested that as the 2IN2U site is operated by women's aid which by it's very definition is not gender neutral, then perhaps people should contact Amen to set up a similar site for young men.

Rather than complain about the fact that a site specifically for young women exists, create one that caters to young men instead. Then both bases are covered.

Alternatively set up a gender neutral charity that deals with domestic abuse. Or look for more funding for Amen so that they can set up a similar site.

I just don't see the point in dissing this campaign when it's actually important and worthwhile. Rather than complaining that there is a campaign aimed at young women, take the positives from it and use it to create a campaign for young men.

I agree completely that young men also need to be made aware of the signs of an abusive relationship but perhaps there's a more positive way of doing it without doing so by undermining the good work the 2IN2U campaign is doing?

RoboRat

But the attitude of thinking it shouldn't exist for women because it isn't there for men is kind of silly. Surely it's better to have the support for both abused men and women.

Amen is about men IN abusive relationships. This is about spotting the signs... therefore one is real, the other is an interpretation. I'm not saying it shouldn't exist but it seems very anti men and I would like an all encompassing site, perhaps with sections for men and a section for women.

As I already stated, the radio advert says 2 things that when done by a man are deemed controlling, when done by a woman, nobody blinks an eyelid. I said that I have absolutely no problem with the premise behind the website, just that it should be less 'anti men' - I appears to me that they never talked to a bloke or got a mans feedback?

Tombi!

Problem with women being the victims is it's been ingrained in society for a long time. Always been "woman does as her father and then husband says". The idea of women not being "in care" of by a man is still somewhat new.

I think it's less about "we only care about women, not men" and more of a "it's not the past were women are objects; don't feel like they are" kinda deal.

floggg

Dog of Tears wrote: »

No.

Probably makes you rather annoying though.

How else will I remind him to do my washing though?

RoboRat

Brutal Deluxe wrote: »

Problem with women being the victims is it's been ingrained in society for a long time. Always been "woman does as her father and then husband says". The idea of women not being "in care" of by a man is still somewhat new.

I think it's less about "we only care about women, not men" and more of a "it's not the past were women are objects; don't feel like they are" kinda deal.

Good point, never looked at it from that angle and as mazwell said, it gets one woman away from a potentially abusive relationship, then its a success.

I do think that there should be more done to empower women. Personally I do Jiu Jitsu and I think more women really should do this as its extremely effective martial art for women. It would give a woman self-confidence to know that she is able to defend herself if needs be.

I also think on the other hand that men should also be taught to spot the signs of an abusive woman. I think its very different with men because there are many men that would knock seven shades of sh1t out of another bloke but are still being abused because they have no idea of what to do when a woman makes a threat to call the Gardai or threatens to takes their kids away from them. At the end of the day, if you're a bloke and a domestic report is put against you, generally you are already judged by the public to be guilty.

floggg

ash23 wrote: »

So is Amen sexist also? Because I've had a look on their page and see nothing about women who are being abused?

I think that funding should be equal between the two groups because yes, I am a feminist. And if someone wants to post about that then fire away and I'd back it up.

But the attitude of thinking it shouldn't exist for women because it isn't there for men is kind of silly. Surely it's better to have the support for both abused men and women.

I don't know that "lots" of women are controlling of their partners. Domestic abuse is thankfully in the minority. And there should be support for those men who are being abused to get away from those kind of relationships. Nobody should have to put up with a controlling partner.

I'd say they just shouldn't do these things in such a cack handed fashion as they seem to be doing.

I'm generally not one to be bothered by how men are portrayed in ads (because let's face life is generally quite good for men, and we don't really have much to complain about) but those "man up" ads telling me how I al responsible for stopping domestic violence really boil my blood.

I've never hit a woman in my life (assuming that fight with my sister when we were both kids doesn't count), so no I don't have any responsibility for stopping domestic violence any more than I have any responsibility for stopping child abuse.

It's defintiely worthwhile to bring attention to domestic violence, but painting it as a "men v women" issue or something all men are somehow responsible for is stupid and likely to make men disengage with the campaign.

Equally over simplification of abusive behaviour or warning signs isn't helpful either. Texting a partner on a night out isn't a problem - requiring them to account for their movements or not giving them their privacy is.

Tombi!

RR, I think the biggest issue is people. for some bizarre reason want to live up to stereotypes. It's seen as normal by a lot of people for women to nag and for men to be caring. But men and women can have some pretty horrible people. So it's hard to tell (especially for people that grew up or are influenced to consider it normal) if a woman is nagging or being controlling to the point it's abusive or if a man is just being caring or being abusive.

Obviously there's clear cut signs, like physical abuse but even t hen, the best of people can still make bad judgement calls. I read somewhere that in relationships, or at least when we start seeing someone we're interested in, the part of your brain that makes decisions can be a bit less effective. It went on to explain it's one of the reasons your friend who's seeing an absolute nightmare of a man might be oblivious to some things.

But yeah, the more stuff like this that gets put out there (ideally for both sexes) the better; it'll hopefully stop abusive relationships from developing.

keithclancy

This thread reminds me of that Dutch Reality show where they stuck men and women on separate islands

http://www.returnofkings.com/32053/this-accidental-experiment-shows-the-superiority-of-patriarchy

In the end they had to swap 2 people between each island.

The Men ended up working their holes off to make the place liveable.

The Women turned up and did fock all.

I think this whole equality thing is gone a bit mad.

A woman can beat the living shíte out of a man on the street and no one gets involved, he's just supposed to be a man and take it.

RoboRat

A woman can beat the living shíte out of a man on the street and no one gets involved, he's just supposed to be a man and take it.

Watch this

Tombi!

RoboRat wrote: »

Watch this

Scary how clearly that's assault and nobody cares more than to just grin at the the "big tough man" getting hit by a woman.

Fred Swanson

This post has been deleted.

Taylor365

RoboRat wrote: »

As a bloke I am more than able to take care of myself yadayada

Just wondering Robo, how long were you together and how long were you workin in that job?

I know if a girl went kicking and screamin to my work colleagues that i had hit her they'd probably ask ''Is she ok in the head?''. Afters years, they know me and what I'm like. I know you can say what goes on behind closed doors yada yada, but there's usually signs from people like that i.e. short fuse, unstable, etc. They'd have no reason to doubt me.

Also, behaviour like that doesn't just come out of thin air. She didn't seem a bit unstable when you were dating?

Crooked Jack

Fred Swanson wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

Because men would not watch such drivel

Dravokivich

Crooked Jack wrote: »

Because men would not watch such drivel

Actually, it does be on in the breakroom were I work and it's only ever a couple of lads that watch it. I've never seen women watch it. Then again, I've never seen who put it on either. But whenever a woman goes through to get a tea or a coffee or whatever, they pay no attention to it in the slightest.