When life screwed you?

Luke92

Ever a time when life just royally screwed you over? Could be an interesting thread so I'll start.

Cancer! Through no fault of my own I believe (so the doctors tell me)!

Anyone else feel hard done by life?

Sheep Lover

When my straw doesn't go into Capri Sun first time

Luke92

Sheep Lover wrote: »

When my straw doesn't go into Capri Sun first time

Or when it goes through the other side hate that's shît man!

CJ Haughey

When my usb stick wont fit in.

Luke92

CJ Haughey wrote: »

When my usb stick wont fit in.

That's actually a superpower I possess! Get it right every time!

big.bird84

You're making a fry and when you're cracking the egg into the pan the yolk breaks so ya can't have a proper runny egg. FML!!

CJ Haughey

Luke92 wrote: »

That's actually a superpower I possess! Get it right every time!

A micro usb fits the port either way, I have a big one.

Tugboats

Every morning when I wake up and see my pig of a girlfriend lying beside me.

CJ Haughey

Tugboats wrote: »

Every morning when I wake up and see my pig of a girlfriend lying beside me.

Says Romeo himself :rolleyes:

Luke92

Tugboats wrote: »

Every morning when I wake up and see my pig of a girlfriend lying beside me.

Thankfully I hit above my weight in the girlfriend department so I'm lucky

Luke92

CJ Haughey wrote: »

A micro usb fits the port either way, I have a big one.

Micro USB as in for smart phones? They're two sided are they not?

Oyva bigwan

When my poo doesn't drop straight down and hits the side of the bowl

CJ Haughey

Oyva bigwan wrote: »

When my poo doesn't drop straight down and hits the side of the bowl

That is a symptom of constipation.

Tasden

When you pour a cup of tea and then realise the milk is gone sour.

Oyva bigwan

CJ Haughey wrote: »

That is a symptom of constipation.

Nothing wrong with my BM's I go 2-3 times a day

Luke92

Oyva bigwan wrote: »

When my poo doesn't drop straight down and hits the side of the bowl

I aim to wipe it off when pîssing! And what you're saying is often called "painting the toilet bowl".

CJ Haughey

Oyva bigwan wrote: »

Nothing wrong with my BM's I go 2-3 times a day

2-3 times a day is excessive unless you live in macdonalds?

HardenendMan

Oyva bigwan wrote: »

When my poo doesn't drop straight down and hits the side of the bowl

Or when you're done, and go for the first ass wipe, and there is actually excessive excrement on the tissue, requiring a further 20 wipes and an unplanned shower.

Luke92

HardenendMan wrote: »

Or when you're done, and go for the first ass wipe, and there is actually excessive excrement on the tissue, requiring a further 20 wipes and an unplanned shower.

Just fold the paper 20 times over

CJ Haughey

Luke92 wrote: »

Micro USB as in for smart phones? They're two sided are they not?

Meant to say a micro usb fits a big usb either way.

the evasion_kid

Luke92 wrote: »

Just fold the paper 20 times over

Would be like wiping your ass with an LSD tab by the end of it

Luke92

CJ Haughey wrote: »

Meant to say a micro usb fits a big usb either way.

Yeah but then its useless.

HardenendMan

Luke92 wrote: »

Just fold the paper 20 times over

Oh I am a folder all right, paper is expensive! But you can get caught out, one fold too many and you actually get poop on your hand. I verbally abuse life when that happens.

CJ Haughey

Luke92 wrote: »

Yeah but then its useless.

U feel screwed then.

Tugboats

Does anyone smell the toilet paper after a wipe or is it just me?

dd972

Been trying for the last 23 years to get into a certain line of work, one that's autonomous and very well remunerated, and constantly receive knockbacks, failing the tests and interviews by the skin of my teeth, passed some of the tests last year only to be told that the company's pass mark was higher but the results were an industry pass. Another company acknowledged the test results but told me after their interview I'd marginally hadn't got through. Still trying though.

Especially galling though is that a couple of lads I knew only decided to try this line of work because I'd told them about it, they went straight in and have been on about €60K a year for the last 20 odd years, no begrudgery to them individually but this issue isn't so much a monkey on my back more like the global primate populace. :mad:

berger89

Luke92 wrote: »

Ever a time when life just royally screwed you over? Could be an interesting thread so I'll start.

Cancer! Through no fault of my own I believe (so the doctors tell me)!

Anyone else feel hard done by life?

^^don't mean this insensitively but hope you're doing well you definitely got fcuked over

Anesthetize

Tasden wrote: »

When you pour a cup of tea and then realise the milk is gone sour.

Or when you pour a cup of tea and realise there's no cup

CJ Haughey

Luke92 wrote: »

I aim to wipe it off when pîssing! And what you're saying is often called "painting the toilet bowl".

Having a semi helps to power wash it off.

HardenendMan

Tugboats wrote: »

Does anyone smell the toilet paper after a wipe or is it just me?

Eh...no.

But I do have a Dutch oven after a dirty curry fart!!

Plazaman

On a busy street I was kissing a gorgeous girl when an ex of mine decided to wander up and tell drunken tales (92.67% of them were lies).

Luke92

berger89 wrote: »

^^don't mean this insensitively but hope you're doing well you definitely got fcuked over

How could I possibly take that as insensitivity! Quite nice of you to ask.

Yeah doing great! I was in remission after first set of chemo so wasn't ****ed over half as bad as some people! I sometimes feel lucky actually

Oyva bigwan

Tugboats wrote: »

Does anyone smell the toilet paper after a wipe or is it just me?

Sometimes, for a treat

Luke92

HardenendMan wrote: »

Eh...no.

But I do have a Dutch oven after a dirty curry fart!!

My gf loves to Dutch oven! Absolutely horrific sometimes! But yeah I don't smell the bog roll after a wipe! Bit weird..... Even for AH

jungleman

Tugboats wrote: »

Does anyone smell the toilet paper after a wipe or is it just me?

Yes I do. I'm not ashamed.

Tearin It Up

USB sticks and ****, lovely reading in after hours.

jungleman

When you're in a steamy hot shower and you let rip a dodgy fart, and the pungent stench of the gas mixes with the steam and you're just trapped in a glass cuboid of foggy fart.

Oyva bigwan

jungleman wrote: »

When you're in a steamy hot shower and you let rip a dodgy fart, and the pungent stench of the gas mixes with the steam and you're just trapped in a glass cuboid of foggy fart.

Basking in the ambiance

HardenendMan

Luke92 wrote: »

My gf loves to Dutch oven!

She likes her own or yours? If it's yours then that is one kinky lady!

CJ Haughey

When Mary Agenes o Brien beats you to the queue in the shop with her basket of cat food, ham, milk, calvita cheese, batteries and kitchen towels and gives half the day doing checkout talking trash to the shop keeper about who died, weather etc and all i want to buy is a can of fanta.

Tugboats

Tugboats wrote: »

Every morning when I wake up and see my pig of a girlfriend lying beside me.

I thought this thread was when life screwed you and not when you screwed yourself

Tearin It Up

CJ Haughey wrote: »

When Mary Agenes o Brien beats you to the queue in the shop with her basket of cat food, ham, milk, calvita cheese, batteries and kitchen towels and gives half the day doing checkout talking trash to the shop keeper about who died, weather etc and all i want to buy is a can of fanta.

Its getting late. I read that as kitten towels.

Luke92

HardenendMan wrote: »

She likes her own or yours? If it's yours then that is one kinky lady!

Her own unfortunately! Would really be a keeper if it were mine!

CJ Haughey

Tearin It Up wrote: »

Its getting late. I read that as kitten towels.

Its 8.23am in Bangkok.

hatrickpatrick

I've never been screwed by life, but Death has screwed me a number of times. Surprisingly good in bed for a skeletal figure, and that scythe can do things even Christian Grey couldn't have dreamt of

Luke92

Luke92 wrote: »

Cancer! Through no fault of my own I believe (so the doctors tell me)!

So give us the low down. What you got. How long. Options. All that

Tugboats

CJ Haughey wrote: »

Its 8.23am in Bangkok.

Great spot. I got my first std in Bangkok

Katgurl

Same as you OP - being diagnosed with cancer. I'm back on track now though.

I can't think of anything else as bad.

The time I had a time-of-the-month embarrassing incident while flirting with a friend I had the hots for in college perhaps.

Luke92

[Deleted User] wrote: »

So give us the low down. What you got. How long. Options. All that

finished! Done with most of it except a few tablets which I should be off by Summer! One thing I will say. Not as bad as they make it out on TV! Not half as bad! Overly dramatic f*cks!

Luke92

Katgurl wrote: »

The time I had a time-of-the-month embarrassing incident while flirting with a friend I had the hots for in college perhaps.

Glad you're back on track!

Now elaborate!

Then Life hardly screwed you over sounds like life is giving you a second go