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Can you be just friends with members of the oppisite sex?

  • 31-01-2015 10:06pm
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 27,564 ✭✭✭✭


    Can you be really close friends with members of the opposite sex without the following happening:

    • One person develops feelings
    • One person thinks the other person likes them
    • Friends assume there's other people going on between you and your friend :mad:
    • Accidentally sleep with them and ruin the friendship
    Now it's the third option down that really bugs me. I am really good friends with some girls. They're are genuinely only friends yet everyone is insisting that there's something going on between us or that one of us wants something more. I mean I'm 30 and people still can't accept you can be friends with a girl without wanting to get into her pants.


«13

Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,971 ✭✭✭Holsten


    If either of you are gay, or don't find each other any way remotely attractive then sure.

    Otherwise, nope.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,798 ✭✭✭Sir Osis of Liver.


    Yes, you fcan.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,798 ✭✭✭Mr. Incognito


    Women can.

    Men cant.


  • Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,217 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    Yep. So long as there is no longing on either party's part. Have been and am.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



  • Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,217 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    Women can.

    Men cant.
    Dunno about that Mr I.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,812 ✭✭✭thelad95


    I think if there's no feelings of any sort either way then sure as long as things don't get fúcked up by sleeping with each other. However, a lot of the time there are usually feelings of some sort from one if not both sides.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,730 ✭✭✭Balmed Out


    In your thirties I'd have thought you wouldnt care what others thought. I have plenty of female friends never gone out with any but there have been isolated incidents which haven't been a problem as we were always on the same page. Would have made sure they weren't repeated too often. When yere both single the dynamics can change a bit.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,681 ✭✭✭bodice ripper


    I wonder what sort of sad world some people exist in that they would believe that you can't be friends with the opposite gender.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,644 ✭✭✭✭lazygal


    Before I got married I'd have said no, unless the other person is gay, as is my experience. Now I'm hitched I can't say I see any issue with having male friend or himself having female friends. We're in a different zone.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 20,919 ✭✭✭✭Gummy Panda


    Yes you can. You just make sure you friendzone them


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 12,318 ✭✭✭✭Menas


    You certainly can. Not been attracted to each other is essential IMO.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,094 ✭✭✭wretcheddomain


    steddyeddy wrote: »
    Can you be really close friends with members of the opposite sex without the following happening:

    • One person develops feelings
    • One person thinks the other person likes them
    • Friends assume there's other people going on between you and your friend :mad:
    • Accidentally sleep with them and ruin the friendship
    Now it's the third option down that really bugs me.

    If your friends are that pathetic and infantile, ditch them and get some proper ones.


  • Hosted Moderators Posts: 23,211 ✭✭✭✭beertons


    Fno.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 27,564 ✭✭✭✭steddyeddy


    Balmed Out wrote: »
    In your thirties I'd have thought you wouldnt care what others thought. I have plenty of female friends never gone out with any but there have been isolated incidents which haven't been a problem as we were always on the same page. Would have made sure they weren't repeated too often. When yere both single the dynamics can change a bit.

    Well it's a problem because girls I do want to get with think we're together. They don't seem to accept you can be friends with a girl and not want sex.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 27,564 ✭✭✭✭steddyeddy


    Yes you can. You just make sure you friendzone them

    Done :P


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 204 ✭✭shuffle65


    It is possible, my best friend is male. He's about 10 years younger than me (age seems to be irrelevant between us, we both have the sense of humour of a 14 year old boy). We've been friends for 10 years or more, never anything sexual between us. We used to spend all our time together up until about 4 years ago when he hooked up with his girlfriend. She initially was very suspicious of me but has come to realise there's nothing to worry about. (We now are good friends). We did experience a bit of the people assuming we would eventually get together, but who cares what other people think/say? They have long since come to realise it was never going to happen.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 13,582 ✭✭✭✭kowloon


    How do people accidentally sleep with friends all the time? I think I need new friends.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 19,802 ✭✭✭✭suicide_circus


    It depends how potent your pheromones are


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,644 ✭✭✭✭lazygal


    kowloon wrote: »
    How do people accidentally sleep with friends all the time? I think I need new friends.

    Or a different definition of "accidentally sleep with."


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,092 ✭✭✭catbear


    Women can.

    Men cant.
    "If I had a dollar for every woman that didn't find me attractive then woman might actually start finding me attractive"


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 27,564 ✭✭✭✭steddyeddy


    kowloon wrote: »
    How do people accidentally sleep with friends all the time? I think I need new friends.

    Drink :( and me looking too sexy!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 19,802 ✭✭✭✭suicide_circus


    You have to watch out for the lunge


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 27,564 ✭✭✭✭steddyeddy


    You have to watch out for the lunge

    What's that?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,106 ✭✭✭catallus


    steddyeddy wrote: »
    What's that?

    I think he means clunge?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 19,802 ✭✭✭✭suicide_circus


    steddyeddy wrote: »
    What's that?

    When it happens, you'll know


  • Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,217 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    It depends how potent your pheromones are
    Or how different they are. EG I once met a woman who physically and mentally ticked all the boxes for me and apparently it was mutual. However upon our first snog it went south. Nothing, nada in the loins. Couples match up on scent and taste at a low level on top of all the other attractants. It signals how different our immune systems are. More different, more chance of better immune systems in any kids we may have. Anyway, people with very similar immune systems are conversely less attracted to each other. They "feel" more like your sister or brother kinda thing. In that case the attraction would be near zero so friendship would be more likely the outcome.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,553 ✭✭✭Tarzana2


    Of course. How is this even a question?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,106 ✭✭✭catallus


    Having sex with friends is lovely.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,553 ✭✭✭Tarzana2


    lazygal wrote: »
    Before I got married I'd have said no, unless the other person is gay, as is my experience.

    You had to marry to realise you can have platonic friendships with the opposite sex? That is so very odd. :confused:


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,553 ✭✭✭Tarzana2


    Wibbs wrote: »
    Or how different they are. EG I once met a woman who physically and mentally ticked all the boxes for me and apparently it was mutual. However upon our first snog it went south. Nothing, nada in the loins.

    That happens. You fancy someone, they fancy you, clothes come off, you hop in bed... and proceed to go through the motions of the most passionless sex ever. Awful.

    Don't know about the scent and immune system stuff though, sounds a wee bit pseud and airy fairy to me.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,056 ✭✭✭darced


    This post has been deleted.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,644 ✭✭✭✭lazygal


    Tarzana2 wrote: »
    You had to marry to realise you can have platonic friendships with the opposite sex? That is so very odd. :confused:

    No, it's just different now I'm married. A different commitment and as I'm not looking for anything with anyone else besides friendship it simplifies things a lot.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,086 ✭✭✭TheBeardedLady


    Tarzana2 wrote: »
    Of course. How is this even a question?


    People really do question it. Mad stuff.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 206 ✭✭BrowmThomas


    I have never had a male friend who hasn't tried it on at some point in our friendship. Even a few married guys have tried.
    Bit awkward telling a guy we are just friends but I act like it never happened and it soon passes!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 27,564 ✭✭✭✭steddyeddy


    Tarzana2 wrote: »
    Of course. How is this even a question?

    Well of course to me and you but it's a no to a lot of people and that can cause problems in the friendship.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,086 ✭✭✭TheBeardedLady


    I have never had a male friend who hasn't tried it on at some point in our friendship. Even a few married guys have tried.
    Bit awkward telling a guy we are just friends but I act like it never happened and it soon passes!


    I've ended one or two friendships when this happened (when I found out they were interested beyond just friendship). I wouldn't call what you've outlined above a friendship in the strictest sense, more some fella hanging on in the hopes you'll change your mind. Not something I'm into personally.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 27,564 ✭✭✭✭steddyeddy


    I've ended one or two friendships when this happened (when I found out they were interested beyond just friendship). I wouldn't call what you've outlined above a friendship in the strictest sense, more some fella hanging on in the hopes you'll change your mind. Not something I'm into personally.

    Indeed. I don't think wanting something more to happen is friendship.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 27,564 ✭✭✭✭steddyeddy


    But there are friendships that start off innocent and feelings develop.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16,734 ✭✭✭✭osarusan


    Yes it is possible.

    In my case it is possible with people that I find attractive.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭Buona Fortuna


    Course you can just be friends.

    If they're hot though there's nothing wrong with borrowing a pair of their undies to crank one out.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,809 ✭✭✭Frigga_92


    You sure can.
    My husband has loads of female friends, some of whom are exes, and I have loads of male friends and there has never been a problem.
    I think worrying about things like that doesn't do anyone any good and I also think it's a waste of time.

    If you don't trust someone around the opposite sex you're going to live a very sad life. If someone is going to cheat, they're going to cheat, worrying about it won't stop it from happening.


  • Posts: 26,052 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    I hope I never accidentally sleep with someone, sounds dangerous.

    I'd hate to think people I considered friends actually had ulterior motives to seek my company. I don't think it's ever happened as it's usually quite clear when someone is interested in you romantically.

    Yes, I think straight men and women can be friends, and yes there are people who don't believe that, but I'd imagine it's because of their own experiences of unrequited feelings.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22 ChaosSymbol


    Of course you can. Any suggestion otherwise is just silly and immature. If you're a girl, not every guy you meet wants to jump your bones. If you had a female friend who 'came out', would that mean she automatically wants to sleep with you? No, it wouldn't.

    On another note, how the actual fcuk of all fcuks do you 'accidentally' sleep with someone?!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,106 ✭✭✭catallus


    On another note, how the actual fcuk of all fcuks do you 'accidentally' sleep with someone?!

    Get drunk and slip? Or something.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,093 ✭✭✭fineso.mom



    On another note, how the actual fcuk of all fcuks do you 'accidentally' sleep with someone?!

    Easy...if you both have narcolepsy and spend a lot of time together,,,it's bound to happen eventually.


  • Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,217 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    Tarzana2 wrote: »
    Don't know about the scent and immune system stuff though, sounds a wee bit pseud and airy fairy to me.
    Not really, t'is actual research and science.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,172 ✭✭✭Mister Vain


    On another note, how the actual fcuk of all fcuks do you 'accidentally' sleep with someone?!

    It happened to my mate. He rode the wrong twin.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 750 ✭✭✭onlyrocknroll


    Of course :confused:... I don't even understand how it's a question.

    Look at all the millions of people who have platonic friends of the opposite sex.

    It's like asking if there's really such things as cups.

    Yes... just f*cking look at all the ones all around you!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,106 ✭✭✭catallus


    ..
    It's like asking if there's really such things as cups.

    Yes... just f*cking look at all the ones all around you!

    What kind of cups?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,553 ✭✭✭Tarzana2


    Wibbs wrote: »
    Not really, t'is actual research and science.

    Links to scientific studies please. Or properly cited articles, not Wiki segments with vague statements and little to no citations.

    I've asked you to link a study before to stony silence. :pac:


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