Threatened by Housemates boyfriend

gazzamc

This probably isn't the best place to post it but oh well...

Anyway, my last housemate was kicked out for being a very dirty, ignorant person so we get a new one in about a month ago.. She has a BF who has been spending most nights here and uses the electricity ect... We've over looked it cuz well we're just glad to have a normal/ clean person in the house..

So we went out together as a group last week and I got a little drunk and offered the girl some weed (Myself and a friend we're planning on smoking and I was being polite), she said no and I thought nothing of it.

We ended up talking about the previous housemate and his disgusting behaviour.. I was saying how nice it was to have someone normal and clean, I then put my arm around her and said you complete the house.. I ment it as a friendly welcome and nothing else..

So fast forward to a few hours ago (about 1.30am) and I go to the kitchen to grab a bottle of coke.. Everyone else were in their rooms (asleep I presume) and her BF is in the kitchen making something to eat.. I say hi and grab the coke about to return to my room when he calls me over..

I go over and he mentions the previous night and how I put my arm around his GF and said she completed the house.. I immediately say it meant nothing (which it didn't) and that I was only being friendly.. Then he mentions the weed.. Again I say I was only being friendly and she said no so why the issue..

I could clearly see he had something behind his back (best guess was a knife as he was buttering toast).. Then he says that when she told him what happened that he was going to go into my room and stab me in my sleep.. He then starts to move closer to me and I get a bit edgy.. I still had the 2ltr in my hands and I couldn't set it dwn or else he may get the wrong idea..

He says that if I ever offer his GF weed again he'll stab me, I say no problem it won't happen again, message received.. As I'm about to walk out he continues to move into my space (I didn't move an inch and was observing his movement, and had the coke bottle ready just I case he swung with the knife)...

Then he eagerly tries to get me to go outside to fight him.. It's really late and my housemates we're asleep so I didn't want to go outside.. Not sure if he wanted me to attack him first as he only ever moved closer.. I agree again to what he said and back up in to my room...

Anyway I'm not sure how to approach this situation, will I confront the GF or my landlady or what?

I don't take too kindly to threats, it was such a surprise I guess he caught me off guard.. Or I was in a very good mood (which I was until it happened) as I would have laced into him on any other night.. It's probably fortunate as I only spotted the knife late on..

So how will I approach this?

Any advice is appreciated, sorry for the long post.

pipelaser

I think you should grow up and stop smoking weed

gazzamc wrote: »

This probably isn't the best place to post it but oh well...

Anyway, my last housemate was kicked out for being a very dirty, ignorant person so we get a new one in about a month ago.. She has a BF who has been spending most nights here and uses the electricity ect... We've over looked it cuz well we're just glad to have a normal/ clean person in the house..

So we went out together as a group last week and I got a little drunk and offered the girl some weed (Myself and a friend we're planning on smoking and I was being polite), she said no and I thought nothing of it.

We ended up talking about the previous housemate and his disgusting behaviour.. I was saying how nice it was to have someone normal and clean, I then put my arm around her and said you complete the house.. I ment it as a friendly welcome and nothing else..

So fast forward to a few hours ago (about 1.30am) and I go to the kitchen to grab a bottle of coke.. Everyone else were in their rooms (asleep I presume) and her BF is in the kitchen making something to eat.. I say hi and grab the coke about to return to my room when he calls me over..

I go over and he mentions the previous night and how I put my arm around his GF and said she completed the house.. I immediately say it meant nothing (which it didn't) and that I was only being friendly.. Then he mentions the weed.. Again I say I was only being friendly and she said no so why the issue..

I could clearly see he had something behind his back (best guess was a knife as he was buttering toast).. Then he says that when she told him what happened that he was going to go into my room and stab me in my sleep.. He then starts to move closer to me and I get a bit edgy.. I still had the 2ltr in my hands and I couldn't set it dwn or else he may get the wrong idea..

He says that if I ever offer his GF weed again he'll stab me, I say no problem it won't happen again, message received.. As I'm about to walk out he continues to move into my space (I didn't move an inch and was observing his movement, and had the coke bottle ready just I case he swung with the knife)...

Then he eagerly tries to get me to go outside to fight him.. It's really late and my housemates we're asleep so I didn't want to go outside.. Not sure if he wanted me to attack him first as he only ever moved closer.. I agree again to what he said and back up in to my room...

Anyway I'm not sure how to approach this situation, will I confront the GF or my landlady or what?

I don't take too kindly to threats, it was such a surprise I guess he caught me off guard.. Or I was in a very good mood (which I was until it happened) as I would have laced into him on any other night.. It's probably fortunate as I only spotted the knife late on..

So how will I approach this?

Any advice is appreciated, sorry for the long post.

gazzamc

pipelaser wrote: »

I think you should grow up and stop smoking weed

I smoke the odd time. So threatening ppl with knives is what grown ups do?

Kirby

Well you offered his girlfriend drugs and then got all touchy feely with her. Frankly, you deserved a talking to but if he did threaten to stab you and you aren't just making that bit up, you need to deal with it.

Tell her about what happened and then explain to her that he isn't allowed back in the house. If she has a problem with that, which she probably will, then she'll have to find somewhere else to live.

The upside of this is you wont be stabbed by some nutter. The downside is that he'll probably deny it and you are the one that will end up looking like some drama queen nutcase.

scudzilla

Ride his GF, you're gonna get stabbed in the end anyway so may as well get your hole

AnotherYear

Ring the gards. Get him removed from the house. Threatening to stab someone is mental. It's your house too, not his

gazzamc

Kirby wrote: »

Well you offered his girlfriend drugs and then got all touchy feely with her. Frankly, you deserved a talking to but if he did threaten to stab you and you aren't just making that bit up, you need to deal with it.

Tell her about what happened and then explain to her that he isn't allowed back in the house. If she has a problem with that, which she probably will, then she'll have to find somewhere else to live.

The upside of this is you wont be stabbed by some nutter. The downside is that he'll probably deny it and you are the one that will end up looking like some drama queen nutcase.

Well one of the housemates has a room next to the kitchen so I'll ask him if he over heard anything.. We've only just realised how on the edge the guy is about his GF living with 2 guys.. Which I presume is why he sleeps over.. Btw she isn't the only girl in the house.

I didn't really get touch feely with her.. If she thinks I was coming on to her she want to get over herself... Gonna say it tomorrow and see what happens.

BetterThanThou

I'd recommend talking to his girlfriend, and if that doesn't help or you don't like her response, go straight to the land lady, this type of behaviour at all, never mind in a house that he's a guest in is not acceptable. Offering someone a bit of pot or putting your arm around her in a friendly way is nothing wrong.

Markcheese

BetterThanThou wrote: »

I'd recommend talking to his girlfriend, and if that doesn't help or you don't like her response, go straight to the land lady, this type of behaviour at all, never mind in a house that he's a guest in is not acceptable.

+ keep your door locked -

gazzamc

AnotherYear wrote: »

Ring the gards. Get him removed from the house. Threatening to stab someone is mental. It's your house too, not his

I rather not get the Gards involved yet..

Sofiztikated

First off, what good would "lacing into him" do? Get that shíte out of your head.

Now, to the problem. I'd bring it up with the girlfriend. Obviously it's a problem that he has. You were being nice and welcoming, although possibly a little over friendly with the hug/arm thing, some people can get a bit weird about that.

AnotherYear

gazzamc wrote: »

I rather not get the Gards involved yet..

Ok but I would wait until he's gone before telling his gf what happened. She will contact him straight away and he might land worked up so have a plan in order if u need it. Someone who's threatens to stab you is not someone to take lightly.

gazzamc

Sofiztikated wrote: »

First off, what good would "lacing into him" do? Get that shíte out of your head.

Now, to the problem. I'd bring it up with the girlfriend. Obviously it's a problem that he has. You were being nice and welcoming, although possibly a little over friendly with the hug/arm thing, some people can get a bit weird about that.

Nothing good, which is why I'm glad I didn't.. It felt like the guy was trying to play the hard man, maybe prove something idk... I honestly didn't think anything of it and regret it now, she was moved in about a month and we seemed to be getting on well.. Maybe I overstepped but I rather she told me herself..

henryporter

Sounds like the GF has her hands full with that juvenile possessive lunatic. If he's living there full time and you still want to put up with that he should be made pay his share of rent and overhead - maybe that's a polite way of telling them to move on. I would also seriously consider mentioning it to the guards (if you know any maybe get one to drop in and have a 'chat' with him). The guy sounds seriously messed up and there's been plenty of cases in recent years of young dumb guys without the emotional intelligence to deal with normal life going round stabbing people.

That or you could hide behind the door when he comes in this evening and get the drop on him first

gazzamc

henryporter wrote: »

Sounds like the GF has her hands full with that juvenile possessive lunatic. If he's living there full time and you still want to put up with that he should be made pay his share of rent and overhead - maybe that's a polite way of telling them to move on. I would also seriously consider mentioning it to the guards (if you know any maybe get one to drop in and have a 'chat' with him). The guy sounds seriously messed up and there's been plenty of cases in recent years of young dumb guys without the emotional intelligence to deal with normal life going round stabbing people.

That or you could hide behind the door when he comes in this evening and get the drop on him first

He seems pretty possessive, had her go home early the night we went out and interrogated my friend who walked her home.

I'm not from the area so don't know any guards, there is a station about 5 mins down te road though.. I'll be honest I haven't slept tonight, don't really feel safe in the house.. It could be shock too I suppose..

Sofiztikated

Wait til he's not there, and ask yer wan, "What's the craic with Stabby McStabberson? Has he ever stabbed anyone?"

gazzamc

Sofiztikated wrote: »

Wait til he's not there, and ask yer wan, "What's the craic with Stabby McStabberson? Has he ever stabbed anyone?"

Lol I knew moving to stab city was a bad idea.. Might get me one of those stab prove vests.

BetterThanThou

Pay me 3 million and you won't have to deal with him again.

Kim Kardashi Un

Rewatch Home Alone and rig up the house before he comes round.

pipelaser

gazzamc wrote: »

I smoke the odd time. So threatening ppl with knifes is what grown ups do?

Do you try to deal or "offer" it to people too?
If the OP behaves like a scobe, the chances are he'll get into situations like this, with other scobes.

Sofiztikated

pipelaser wrote: »

Do you try to deal or "offer" it to people too?
If the OP behaves like a scobe, the chances are he'll get into situations like this, with other scobes.

Oh will you get over yourself?

salamanca22

pipelaser wrote: »

Do you try to deal or "offer" it to people too?
If the OP behaves like a scobe, the chances are he'll get into situations like this, with other scobes.

That's just like, your opinion, man.

csallmighty

Hide all the knives first before any confrontation

Spook_ie

gazzamc wrote: »

This probably isn't the best place to post it but oh well...

Anyway, my last housemate was kicked out for being a very dirty, ignorant person so we get a new one in about a month ago.. She has a BF who has been spending most nights here and uses the electricity ect... We've over looked it cuz well we're just glad to have a normal/ clean person in the house..

So we went out together as a group last week and I got a little drunk and offered the girl some weed (Myself and a friend we're planning on smoking and I was being polite), she said no and I thought nothing of it.

We ended up talking about the previous housemate and his disgusting behaviour.. I was saying how nice it was to have someone normal and clean, I then put my arm around her and said you complete the house.. I ment it as a friendly welcome and nothing else..

So fast forward to a few hours ago (about 1.30am) and I go to the kitchen to grab a bottle of coke.. Everyone else were in their rooms (asleep I presume) and her BF is in the kitchen making something to eat.. I say hi and grab the coke about to return to my room when he calls me over..

I go over and he mentions the previous night and how I put my arm around his GF and said she completed the house.. I immediately say it meant nothing (which it didn't) and that I was only being friendly.. Then he mentions the weed.. Again I say I was only being friendly and she said no so why the issue..

I could clearly see he had something behind his back (best guess was a knife as he was buttering toast).. Then he says that when she told him what happened that he was going to go into my room and stab me in my sleep.. He then starts to move closer to me and I get a bit edgy.. I still had the 2ltr in my hands and I couldn't set it dwn or else he may get the wrong idea..

He says that if I ever offer his GF weed again he'll stab me, I say no problem it won't happen again, message received.. As I'm about to walk out he continues to move into my space (I didn't move an inch and was observing his movement, and had the coke bottle ready just I case he swung with the knife)...

Then he eagerly tries to get me to go outside to fight him.. It's really late and my housemates we're asleep so I didn't want to go outside.. Not sure if he wanted me to attack him first as he only ever moved closer.. I agree again to what he said and back up in to my room...

Anyway I'm not sure how to approach this situation, will I confront the GF or my landlady or what?

I don't take too kindly to threats, it was such a surprise I guess he caught me off guard.. Or I was in a very good mood (which I was until it happened) as I would have laced into him on any other night.. It's probably fortunate as I only spotted the knife late on..

So how will I approach this?

Any advice is appreciated, sorry for the long post.

Well if he was using slightly salted butter on his toast you could always have him done for "a salt an buttery"

I'll get me coat!

mikemac1

Why do people think it's acceptable to rent a room and then move their lover in with them. A few nights per week is fine but this is every night

The pair of them are taking the OP and his housemates for fools

Demand money for bills from them and inform the landlady and she can decide if she wants more rent money

gazzamc

mikemac1 wrote: »

Why do people think it's acceptable to rent a room and then move their lover in with them. A few nights per week is fine but this is every night

The pair of them are taking the OP and his housemates for fools

Demand money for bills from them and inform the landlady and she can decide if she wants more rent money

I was actually contiplating on whether to mention this to the rest (and see if it was mutual), I didn't mind the odd day or two but every night is ridiculous, especially when he comes in at all hours of the night makes a lot of noise

He also parks his car in the driveway and leaves it there all night blocking my housemates way out (if she wants to drive anywhere)

Greenmachine

mikemac1 wrote: »

Why do people think it's acceptable to rent a room and then move their lover in with them. A few nights per week is fine but this is every night

The pair of them are taking the OP and his housemates for fools

Demand money for bills from them and inform the landlady and she can decide if she wants more rent money

Every night is taking the p***. I had similare issuess as the OP, housemate moving their partner in, not the weed issues, or stabby staberson thing.
Firstly moving someone into a house share without asking is ridiculous. Breach of trust, people not comfortable in their won home, increased wear and tear, higher utility bills, couple taking over the common area. Paying more for less enjoyment and peaceful living in your own home etc. I won't even go into the threats, clearly not the way to behave. OP if you were pretty wasted maybe you were not even aware of imposing on this new girls boundaries, a little ironic considering, the fact you appear to now live with too new housemates, inadvertently. If this guy wasn't worried about the house share situation, he certainly will be now.

If he is the jealous, controlling type, if your new HM gave him the boot, he may not take not take the hint. Welcome to shared living.

I'm so glad I've never had to share a house with strangers

Get them both out of the house pronto OP. You can't be living scared in your own home ffs.

K4t

Kirby wrote: »

Well you offered his girlfriend drugs and then got all touchy feely with her. Frankly, you deserved a talking to but if he did threaten to stab you and you aren't just making that bit up, you need to deal with it.

By the boyfriend? Can she not speak for herself? Or is she as you say yourself "his"?

pipelaser wrote: »

I think you should grow up and stop smoking weed

Irony alert.


My advice would be explain what happened to your female housemate (the bf can be present) and explain that his behaviour is unacceptable and if he does it again you'll be on to the landlady.

Buy a sword OP.

That'll show his butter knife

Fuzzytrooper

rarnes1 wrote: »

Buy a sword OP.

That'll show his butter knife

That only works if you challenge him to a duel.

Sofiztikated

rarnes1 wrote: »

Buy a sword OP.

That'll show his butter knife

Looks like someone has never played knifey spooney.

gramar

You fluffed your lines OP...this is what you should have said....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W09ghiWskUk

gordongekko

Rock, paper, scissors, knife, coke bottle.

kylith

Tell his GF that you apologise if you overstepped your bounds and made her uncomfortable, but that if her boyfriend ever threatens to stab you again she'll be out on the kerb so fast it'll make her head spin.

frostyjacks

He pulls a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue.

gazzamc

frostyjacks wrote: »

He pulls a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue.

I brought a coke bottle to a knife fight, silly me :pac:

pragmatic1

gazzamc wrote: »

I was actually contiplating on whether to mention this to the rest (and see if it was mutual), I didn't mind the odd day or two but every night is ridiculous, especially when he comes in at all hours of the night makes a lot of noise

He also parks his car in the driveway and leaves it there all night blocking my housemates way out (if she wants to drive anywhere)

He sounds like a complete pain in the arse. I'd try and get rid of the both of them as quickly as possible.

Gyalist

K4t wrote: »

My advice would be explain what happened to your female housemate (the bf can be present) and explain that his behaviour is unacceptable and if he does it again you'll be on to the landlady.

There should be no next time. Why would you give a lunatic who threatens you with a knife in your own home a second chance? Bar him from the house and if his GF doesn't like it she could go too.

RonanP77

If you go to the landlady you can't be 100% honest or you might get kicked out of the house. If you mention smoking weed there's a good chance you're out.

To be honest he was right to confront you and give you a warning. You offered his Gf drugs and touched her in what she obviously sees as an inappropriate way, you shouldn't have done either. However, he had no right to mention or have a knife.

Speak to her about it, apologise for what you did and tell her his behaviour was also unacceptable. Speak to your other housemates too. You also need to cop yourself on a bit.

Kirby

K4t wrote: »

By the boyfriend? Can she not speak for herself? Or is she as you say yourself "his"?

Irony alert.

Wow. Just wow. Are those questions, statements or just a blind attempt to put words in my mouth?

Yes, she is his girlfriend. In the same way that he is her boyfriend. That is the common vernacular so kindly stop looking for chauvinism where none exists.

And by the way, nothing you quoted constitutes irony. I know you may think you know what it means because Alanis sang that lovely song about it, but you might need to google it's meaning.

gazzamc

RonanP77 wrote: »

If you go to the landlady you can't be 100% honest or you might get kicked out of the house. If you mention smoking weed there's a good chance you're out.

To be honest he was right to confront you and give you a warning. You offered his Gf drugs and touched her in what she obviously sees as an inappropriate way, you shouldn't have done either. However, he had no right to mention or have a knife.

Speak to her about it, apologise for what you did and tell her his behaviour was also unacceptable. Speak to your other housemates too. You also need to cop yourself on a bit.

I honestly didn't know it was an issue until last night otherwise I would have apologised the next day, he could have easily said it without threatening me... I already got the message before he mentioned about stabbing me, after that i went into self defence mode, I no longer focused on what he was saying and started watching was he was doing.

I didn't provoke him in anyway, he was hostile from the get go.

gramar

First of all you need to talk about it with your other housemates, then I'd say it to the girl. No offence was meant by either gesture and you're sorry she was made uncomfortable by it.

Offering weed is no different to offering a smoke to someone. A friendly gesture and be rude not to. Same with the arm around her, a friendly gesture but easier to miscontrue so keep your hands to yourself next time.

It may be the case she wasn't even bothered and just mentioned it in passing to her bf who seems a touch over protective and insecure. Either way he has to go.

Bf's or gf's who stay too much in the other's rental house are usually a pain in the hole but that type of threatening behaviour is just not acceptable. If she kicks up a fuss tell the landlord. You don't need to put up with that kind of crap.

gazzamc

gramar wrote: »

First of all you need to talk about it with your other housemates, then I'd say it to the girl. No offence was meant by either gesture and you're sorry she was made uncomfortable by it.

Offering weed is no different to offering a smoke to someone. A friendly gesture and be rude not to. Same with the arm around her, a friendly gesture but easier to miscontrue so keep your hands to yourself next time.

It may be the case she wasn't even bothered and just mentioned it in passing to her bf who seems a touch over protective and insecure. Either way he has to go.

Bf's or gf's who stay too much in the other's rental house are usually a pain in the hole but that type of threatening behaviour is just not acceptable. If she kicks up a fuss tell the landlord. You don't need to put up with that kind of crap.

I'll see what the rest of the lads say, then say it to the girl (preferably with the rest there).

seventeen sheep

In a houseshare, it's acceptable to have a friend/partner/whatever stay over occasionally. Certainly not several times a week, so she is overstepping the boundaries there anyways.

In this case, he has threatened you - it is perfectly fine to say to her that you (and hopefully your housemates - get them on board first) are not happy to have him in the house again, either staying over, or even during the day. If she doesn't like it, she can move out, or go to the landlord. The landlord will side with the long-term housemates who haven't been creating hassle, over the one who's just moved in and has a stab-happy non-rent-paying boyfriend.

Keep your door locked until she's moved out.

nxbyveromdwjpg

pipelaser wrote: »

I think you should grow up and stop smoking weed

That's what you took from the whole story?

Really??

.G.

Confront the boyfriend with everybody else present, confronting her just means second hand information getting back to give about what was said, plus He's the one making the threats. In the course of the discussion it can be brought up that's he's staying over too much but the most pressing issue is the threats.

DoYouEvenLift

How could you get the gardai involved anyway?

"Hi, my housemates boyfriend threatened to stab me because I offered her drugs."

Even talking to the landlord could be risky if he ends up getting to bring it to their attention as chances are they wouldn't be pleased about tenants smoking in their house.


Your best option is speaking to all your housemates, except her, first to raise awareness on the fact that some dickhead who doesn't even pay rent to live there threatened to stab you. From there, once you have them all on your side, have them all sit with you and bring in the housemate and her boyfriend and tell her about it. If you told her without him there it'd be a lot easier for him to deny it. After the ensuing sh!tstorm, you can either choose to tell her she's welcome to continue living there but he's no longer welcome or else tell her to move out which I'd honestly choose since she's clearly a bad judge of character to be in a relationship with such a kunt.


Next time wait a longgg time before offering weed to a new housemate unless you find out from them early on that they're okay with it. Also, set ground rules before they move in about bringing people over.

king_of_inismac

Sounds like he was coming onto you IMHO.

Try to be less flirtatious in future.

Teyla Emmagan

If this is true you need them both out of there asap. No one in their right mind goes around threatening people with knives or asking to batter them. You need to tell your housemates and have them thrown out immediately. As long your woman is in the house this looper will keep coming around. God forbid you get him "banned" or he will really think you are after his girlfriend. Tell your housemates he frightened the **** out of you and get them both out.

Stavro Mueller

I reckon your judgement has been clouded by the bad experience of the person who lived there before her. Having your boyfriend more or less moved in without asking is not ok. You're effectively saying your housemate tried to stab you.

She's got to go basically. You're paying to live under the same roof as some creep who threatened you. I'm sure you'll have no trouble finding someone else but next time lay down some ground rules.