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Threatened by Housemates boyfriend

gazzamc

This probably isn't the best place to post it but oh well...

Anyway, my last housemate was kicked out for being a very dirty, ignorant person so we get a new one in about a month ago.. She has a BF who has been spending most nights here and uses the electricity ect... We've over looked it cuz well we're just glad to have a normal/ clean person in the house..

So we went out together as a group last week and I got a little drunk and offered the girl some weed (Myself and a friend we're planning on smoking and I was being polite), she said no and I thought nothing of it.

We ended up talking about the previous housemate and his disgusting behaviour.. I was saying how nice it was to have someone normal and clean, I then put my arm around her and said you complete the house.. I ment it as a friendly welcome and nothing else..

So fast forward to a few hours ago (about 1.30am) and I go to the kitchen to grab a bottle of coke.. Everyone else were in their rooms (asleep I presume) and her BF is in the kitchen making something to eat.. I say hi and grab the coke about to return to my room when he calls me over..

I go over and he mentions the previous night and how I put my arm around his GF and said she completed the house.. I immediately say it meant nothing (which it didn't) and that I was only being friendly.. Then he mentions the weed.. Again I say I was only being friendly and she said no so why the issue..

I could clearly see he had something behind his back (best guess was a knife as he was buttering toast).. Then he says that when she told him what happened that he was going to go into my room and stab me in my sleep.. He then starts to move closer to me and I get a bit edgy.. I still had the 2ltr in my hands and I couldn't set it dwn or else he may get the wrong idea..

He says that if I ever offer his GF weed again he'll stab me, I say no problem it won't happen again, message received.. As I'm about to walk out he continues to move into my space (I didn't move an inch and was observing his movement, and had the coke bottle ready just I case he swung with the knife)...

Then he eagerly tries to get me to go outside to fight him.. It's really late and my housemates we're asleep so I didn't want to go outside.. Not sure if he wanted me to attack him first as he only ever moved closer.. I agree again to what he said and back up in to my room...

Anyway I'm not sure how to approach this situation, will I confront the GF or my landlady or what?

I don't take too kindly to threats, it was such a surprise I guess he caught me off guard.. Or I was in a very good mood (which I was until it happened) as I would have laced into him on any other night.. It's probably fortunate as I only spotted the knife late on..

So how will I approach this?

Any advice is appreciated, sorry for the long post.

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Comments

Sofiztikated

rarnes1 wrote: »

Buy a sword OP.

That'll show his butter knife

Looks like someone has never played knifey spooney.

gramar

You fluffed your lines OP...this is what you should have said....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W09ghiWskUk

gordongekko

Rock, paper, scissors, knife, coke bottle.

kylith

Tell his GF that you apologise if you overstepped your bounds and made her uncomfortable, but that if her boyfriend ever threatens to stab you again she'll be out on the kerb so fast it'll make her head spin.

frostyjacks

He pulls a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue.

gazzamc

frostyjacks wrote: »

He pulls a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue.

I brought a coke bottle to a knife fight, silly me :pac:

pragmatic1

gazzamc wrote: »

I was actually contiplating on whether to mention this to the rest (and see if it was mutual), I didn't mind the odd day or two but every night is ridiculous, especially when he comes in at all hours of the night makes a lot of noise

He also parks his car in the driveway and leaves it there all night blocking my housemates way out (if she wants to drive anywhere)

He sounds like a complete pain in the arse. I'd try and get rid of the both of them as quickly as possible.

Gyalist

K4t wrote: »

My advice would be explain what happened to your female housemate (the bf can be present) and explain that his behaviour is unacceptable and if he does it again you'll be on to the landlady.

There should be no next time. Why would you give a lunatic who threatens you with a knife in your own home a second chance? Bar him from the house and if his GF doesn't like it she could go too.

RonanP77

If you go to the landlady you can't be 100% honest or you might get kicked out of the house. If you mention smoking weed there's a good chance you're out.

To be honest he was right to confront you and give you a warning. You offered his Gf drugs and touched her in what she obviously sees as an inappropriate way, you shouldn't have done either. However, he had no right to mention or have a knife.

Speak to her about it, apologise for what you did and tell her his behaviour was also unacceptable. Speak to your other housemates too. You also need to cop yourself on a bit.

Kirby

K4t wrote: »

By the boyfriend? Can she not speak for herself? Or is she as you say yourself "his"?

Irony alert.

Wow. Just wow. Are those questions, statements or just a blind attempt to put words in my mouth?

Yes, she is his girlfriend. In the same way that he is her boyfriend. That is the common vernacular so kindly stop looking for chauvinism where none exists.

And by the way, nothing you quoted constitutes irony. I know you may think you know what it means because Alanis sang that lovely song about it, but you might need to google it's meaning.

gazzamc

RonanP77 wrote: »

If you go to the landlady you can't be 100% honest or you might get kicked out of the house. If you mention smoking weed there's a good chance you're out.

To be honest he was right to confront you and give you a warning. You offered his Gf drugs and touched her in what she obviously sees as an inappropriate way, you shouldn't have done either. However, he had no right to mention or have a knife.

Speak to her about it, apologise for what you did and tell her his behaviour was also unacceptable. Speak to your other housemates too. You also need to cop yourself on a bit.

I honestly didn't know it was an issue until last night otherwise I would have apologised the next day, he could have easily said it without threatening me... I already got the message before he mentioned about stabbing me, after that i went into self defence mode, I no longer focused on what he was saying and started watching was he was doing.

I didn't provoke him in anyway, he was hostile from the get go.

gramar

First of all you need to talk about it with your other housemates, then I'd say it to the girl. No offence was meant by either gesture and you're sorry she was made uncomfortable by it.

Offering weed is no different to offering a smoke to someone. A friendly gesture and be rude not to. Same with the arm around her, a friendly gesture but easier to miscontrue so keep your hands to yourself next time.

It may be the case she wasn't even bothered and just mentioned it in passing to her bf who seems a touch over protective and insecure. Either way he has to go.

Bf's or gf's who stay too much in the other's rental house are usually a pain in the hole but that type of threatening behaviour is just not acceptable. If she kicks up a fuss tell the landlord. You don't need to put up with that kind of crap.

gazzamc

gramar wrote: »

First of all you need to talk about it with your other housemates, then I'd say it to the girl. No offence was meant by either gesture and you're sorry she was made uncomfortable by it.

Offering weed is no different to offering a smoke to someone. A friendly gesture and be rude not to. Same with the arm around her, a friendly gesture but easier to miscontrue so keep your hands to yourself next time.

It may be the case she wasn't even bothered and just mentioned it in passing to her bf who seems a touch over protective and insecure. Either way he has to go.

Bf's or gf's who stay too much in the other's rental house are usually a pain in the hole but that type of threatening behaviour is just not acceptable. If she kicks up a fuss tell the landlord. You don't need to put up with that kind of crap.

I'll see what the rest of the lads say, then say it to the girl (preferably with the rest there).

seventeen sheep

In a houseshare, it's acceptable to have a friend/partner/whatever stay over occasionally. Certainly not several times a week, so she is overstepping the boundaries there anyways.

In this case, he has threatened you - it is perfectly fine to say to her that you (and hopefully your housemates - get them on board first) are not happy to have him in the house again, either staying over, or even during the day. If she doesn't like it, she can move out, or go to the landlord. The landlord will side with the long-term housemates who haven't been creating hassle, over the one who's just moved in and has a stab-happy non-rent-paying boyfriend.

Keep your door locked until she's moved out.

nxbyveromdwjpg

pipelaser wrote: »

I think you should grow up and stop smoking weed

That's what you took from the whole story?

Really??

.G.

Confront the boyfriend with everybody else present, confronting her just means second hand information getting back to give about what was said, plus He's the one making the threats. In the course of the discussion it can be brought up that's he's staying over too much but the most pressing issue is the threats.

DoYouEvenLift

How could you get the gardai involved anyway?

"Hi, my housemates boyfriend threatened to stab me because I offered her drugs."

Even talking to the landlord could be risky if he ends up getting to bring it to their attention as chances are they wouldn't be pleased about tenants smoking in their house.

Your best option is speaking to all your housemates, except her, first to raise awareness on the fact that some dickhead who doesn't even pay rent to live there threatened to stab you. From there, once you have them all on your side, have them all sit with you and bring in the housemate and her boyfriend and tell her about it. If you told her without him there it'd be a lot easier for him to deny it. After the ensuing sh!tstorm, you can either choose to tell her she's welcome to continue living there but he's no longer welcome or else tell her to move out which I'd honestly choose since she's clearly a bad judge of character to be in a relationship with such a kunt.

Next time wait a longgg time before offering weed to a new housemate unless you find out from them early on that they're okay with it. Also, set ground rules before they move in about bringing people over.

king_of_inismac

Sounds like he was coming onto you IMHO.

Try to be less flirtatious in future.

Teyla Emmagan

If this is true you need them both out of there asap. No one in their right mind goes around threatening people with knives or asking to batter them. You need to tell your housemates and have them thrown out immediately. As long your woman is in the house this looper will keep coming around. God forbid you get him "banned" or he will really think you are after his girlfriend. Tell your housemates he frightened the **** out of you and get them both out.

Stavro Mueller

I reckon your judgement has been clouded by the bad experience of the person who lived there before her. Having your boyfriend more or less moved in without asking is not ok. You're effectively saying your housemate tried to stab you.

She's got to go basically. You're paying to live under the same roof as some creep who threatened you. I'm sure you'll have no trouble finding someone else but next time lay down some ground rules.

[Deleted User]

Sofiztikated wrote: »

Wait til he's not there, and ask yer wan, "What's the craic with Stabby McStabberson? Has he ever stabbed anyone?"

That is without doubt one of the fumiest comments I've heard in a while. I know it's a serious topic but I snotted into my coffee when I read this.

Superb.

beertons

He fancies you too, the big tease.

seamusk84

Dude, he actually said he wanted to stab you in your sleep. However you do it one thing has to happen, they both have to go.
Are you ever going to be comfortable living there with them now? Stabberson is the jealous type and also very unhinged. He is now paranoid about you and that is only going to get worse. If I were you I would be worried for my safety.
You can't go to the guards as drugs are involved so you need to deal with it yourself. Whatever anyway, just get them out!

fizzypish

lol. I remember having elements of this in my psyche when I was younger. I look back and cringe on how much of a narrow minded tard I was. I still am but bit less so.
Talk to your house mates (minus the GF). Get their input.
Talk to the GF. Ask her did you make her uncomfortable and apologize if so.
Finally, if you have everyone pretty much in agreement talk to the fellah. If he was willing to brandish a knife to intimidate you then he's probably woefully insecure. Unfortunately when you approach him he'll probably/maybe/possibly act like a cornered animal and start shouting mad max quotes ("2 men enter, one man leave" while slowly drawing the knife across his chest) and inviting you outside for a "discussion" so do it with some witnesses.

seventeen sheep

seamusk84 wrote: »

Dude, he actually said he wanted to stab you in your sleep. However you do it one thing has to happen, they both have to go.
Are you ever going to be comfortable living there with them now? Stabberson is the jealous type and also very unhinged. He is now paranoid about you and that is only going to get worse. If I were you I would be worried for my safety.
You can't go to the guards as drugs are involved so you need to deal with it yourself. Whatever anyway, just get them out!

Of course he can still go to the guards. It's not illegal to take drugs. As for offering them to someone else - it's a matter of hearsay, if it comes up. No reason for any mention of drugs to even come into the equation.

king_of_inismac

seventeen sheep wrote: »

Of course he can still go to the guards. It's not illegal to take drugs. As for offering them to someone else - it's a matter of hearsay, if it comes up. No reason for any mention of drugs to even come into the equation.

eh, strictly speaking I think it IS illegal to take drugs....

gazzamc

There was something else i found odd, he said i was bitchy to her... I didn't say hi to her today when i woke up, i was in a hurry and was half asleep. I presume that's what he meant as i was talking to her the day before.

[Deleted User]

well lets be honest both the drug thing and the knife thing will be your word against his if the guards come into it.
Id simply get rid of him. just tell yer wan he cannot come in anymore.
others are right, several people died at a party years ago after some lunatic stabbed them. you know nothing about this guy and what little you do, is not good!!

but for the record, I would go to the guards and give em a fright. don't mind the weed thing.. once there's a report of "threats" against him, he's on their mind. Providing you've no priors yourself.
surely she must know he's nuts anyway, id worry about her too.

in the end, it will teach you to keep your hands to yourself. Had I have just met you and you did that, you'd certainly be on my radar as a potential w*nker to watch.

pragmatic1

gazzamc wrote: »

There was something else i found odd, he said i was bitchy to her... I didn't say hi to her today when i woke up, i was in a hurry and was half asleep. I presume that's what he meant as i was talking to her the day before.

They're weirdos gazzamc. If I were you, I'd try and get rid of them both by any means necessary. Life is tough enough without having to deal with that bollox in your own house.

Stavro Mueller

gazzamc wrote: »

There was something else i found odd, he said i was bitchy to her... I didn't say hi to her today when i woke up, i was in a hurry and was half asleep. I presume that's what he meant as i was talking to her the day before.

You said he has been hostile from the get go. Expect more comments of this ilk. What's the bet she's feeding some of it too. This shyte is going to rumble on and on and lead to one toxic house. Have a chat with your other housemates with a view to getting the pair of them out.