Now Ye're Talking - To A Man With 2 Mothers

Sonics2k

Well gosh, it looks like I missed all the fun last night. Damned early nights forcing me to go to bed early!

Joeytheparrot wrote: »

What do you call your Mothers?

Answered above, but I call them by their names! I call everyone by their names growing up. It's like call my Aunt "Auntie", it sounds weird to me.

tjomeara118 wrote: »

Hi,

I was wondering if you ever had a time where you wondered would you be gay because you had lesbian parents? and if at any point, after you began to realise you had feelings for women, that you thought you would begin to have gay feelings at a later date?

Nope, never really came up for me. Before the age of 10 the idea of sex and sexuality in my world was basically "Ewwww grossss!", and then puberty smacked in like a monster and was attracted to girls straight away (no pun intended I swear).

stillalive88 wrote: »

Did you ever wonder how life would have been with two fathers instead?

I jokingly discussed it with my biological mother like 5 years ago. We both came to the conclusion I'd probably have a better dress sense, instead of the jeans and a t-shirt look I've been rocking for 20 odd years.

Sonics2k

secman wrote: »

My grandson has 2 mammies and it is normal for him, he distinguishes them apart by calling them Mama and their name. He's just a normal happy 3year old bundle of joy... pure tonic.When they told us they were going to try for a baby, my immediate question was "which one of you ?". My daughters response was " me, Jenny doesn't do pain "
And i used to be a dinosaur. ... shames me when i think how i used to behave and think about gay people. ... Thanks to my daughter and daughter in law I have copped on big time and for their sake i sincerely hope the referendum is passed.
Thanks sonic for your input into the debate .


.

I wanted to post an answer to this separately, but thank secman. This was a fantastic post to read at 5.30 am and really made me smile.

The best thing anyone can do is simply remember that a gay person is still the same person, just a different sexuality. They will always be a normal human being, no matter what.

Sonics2k

lyda wrote: »

Wonderful thread, bar the two commenters here who are a little, um, off.

1. How do your moms feel about the beard?
2. What age were you when your parents split up? And a follow-up - did they handle it well? We all have friends who have had parents split up and some were messier than others. But straight parents have official recognition and there are some resources for them. Your mums were on their own. Official Ireland didn't even recognise them as you said so it had to have been hard for them.
3. Your fiancee essentially has four mothers-in-law. What does her family make of it? How do you and your future father-in-law handle being outnumbered 6 to 2?
4. How did your moms deal with you dating as you got older? Did they offer advice on how to treat women or did they find straight women mysterious?

The context for #4 for me - I worked for a few days in an office where I slowly realised I was the sole straight guy there. During breaks the guys would bemoan the state of their relationships / dating lives. And more importantly they would explain very often that men are horrible. There were multiple rather hilarious iterations of these conversations.

Obviously ones that parents wouldn't have with their kids, but I would just imagine a lesbian couple parenting a straight boy as he begins to date would have many potential moments of comedy. In fact I assume such a sitcom already exists or will soon.

1. They both love it, and are probably slightly jealous. Except for the foxiness of it.
2. I was 10 or 11 I think when they separated. Obviously it hurt me pretty bad at the time and for a while afterwards, but they both made it very clear it wasn't my fault and was simply them not being in love anymore. I lived with my biological mother and would spent a night or two a week at my other mothers house. Now, it's safe to say that they weren't exactly "friends" after they broke up, but not many couples are! But they never let me really see it and kept it between them
3. Her family are all very much liberal protestants and are grand with it. Neither her mother or father have ever even commented on it and get on fine with my parents whenever they meet.
4. The idea of sex was taught to me quite young and the importance of hygiene too! "The girls won't go near you if you aren't clean"
I'm sure there was some comical moments, but like most parents they mostly kept out of it, but were there for me when I got dumped and so on.

Sonics2k

Properprogress wrote: »

Hi, fair play to you for doing this, it must be an emotionally draining experience. I have many many questions I could ask you but I won't and will settle for one question which has a couple sub-questions. Firstly I'd like to give you a bit of my background. I'm a married man with 3 kids with my wife. Just over x years ago now my wife and I decided to help friends, a lesbian couple, to have a kid of their own. We did this via ai old fashioned way. We had success within 3/4 tries but unfortunately baby did not make full term and miscarried. A very heartbreaking time for all involved. A long story short, the second pregnancy had a much happier outcome with a beautiful healthy baby. My wife and I are still in contact with the parents but we agreed that they were the parents and that we would be hear if they needed us.

My question is what do you think of your biological fathers descission to help your parents? Would you be able to do what he did (with regards to emotions and feelings)and for him to respect your descission to not try and contact you through all these years. And finally do you every foresee a time when you will try and contact him?
Again I have massive respect for you for doing this, well done.

Another great post!

For the first question. Well I honestly don't know for sure. I know right now, I'd say no. In 5 or 10 years time, that answer could be different. Obviously I'd speak to my fiancée about it too.
I don't know if I ever plan on contacting him. It came up briefly after my daughter was born and I have the information to track him down if I wished it, like I said my parents were open with his details. A part of me will always kinda wonder about his life and where he ended up in later life, but I never missed him or felt the need to know him growing up. My parents were wonderful and treated me fantastically.

Sonics2k

gary_world wrote: »

first and foremost, thank you for taking the time out to answer genuine questions with such candor and humour. i'm so impressed with the whole discussion on this thread and how people are so genuinely inquisitive of a life unknown.

i have just 2 questions for you:

1. where people have 'condemned' [for lack of a better word] your life experience of being raised by a lesbian couple etc., have they tended to cite 'religious' beliefs or something else? could you please talk to the reasons behind people not approving of your family situation.

2. with the exception of simpleman/sniperman, whatever his name was, have you had to moderate out a lot of negativity on this thread or have the majority of people posting been supportive of you?

thank you, and everyone else on this thread, for showing some maturity and grace in this debate ... it really is lacking on most social media sites.

1. It's -always- been religious in it's source. Now, first of all, I can only remember of 1 case where someone directly said to my face that my parents were "wrong". It was a Priest who came to my school and I was 11 years old. I hated that man for a long time. He wouldn't give a reason, just simply said God didn't like gay people and I wasn't natural.
The funny thing is, his comment just made me love my parents more. I realised he was speaking hate, and even then, had he said the same thing because they were mixed race, it would have been nothing but hate.

2. I haven't moderated a thing being honest. I encourage people like sniperman and the other one I apparently missed to come forward so we can speak to them and correct their misconceptions. Sure, it may not work but at least we can try.
I really do respect the right to belief, my great-grandmother was very religious, and while she truly believed in God and Jesus, she also accepted my mother for who she was and never treated her any differently.
The Religious aspect of this debate is basically unneeded, because Religious has nothing to do with this referendum, as much as they try.

amdublin

A link to this thread is on Rabble's facebook.

Should generate a lot of new readers, if not some new posters.

alcof89

No questions - but great topic! There are too many unresearched theories regarding children being thrown around, so I hope that they too can look at actual examples!

Richie15

Great post, very insightful! Especially that sniperman, what an eloquent and well-informed gentleman. Anyway, Sonic, couple of questions...

How long after your parents split did you first meet their new partners?

Were there any others in between that you met, or even just heard of?

Was it awkward the first few times you met them?

You said earlier you'd be closer to your biological mother than to the other one, does this extend to their partners too? And extended family?

Say you decided for definite not to get in touch with your father, but wanted to find out about medical history etc. Would you be able to do this without actually speaking to him?

Thanks for all the info by the way, I like to think I'm pretty up-to-date on topics like this but there's a good bit of stuff here I never thought of! :-)

Gbear

This is a quality thread lads.

Two questions from me..

1) Your position is somewhat novel and I think it gives an interesting perspective that counters some of the family-based arguments from opponents of gay rights. Has your background had any effect in getting involved with activism, specifically to do with gay rights?

2) Have you ever experienced a situation where a relationship either between you and someone else or between one of your parents and someone else changed their mind about gay rights? Do you think that getting to know someone like you helps to soften people's stances on the issue?

Stinjy

so this thread made for an awesome read at 4am seen as I cant sleep... You , sonics are fantaasic for answering everything,I really hope this helps people who werent sure that the referendum was all about...

As an adopted child I guess I really believe it doesn't matter who your biological parents are but more who raised you and did they do it with love .... In your case I can see you came from a household who did their best for you as any parents would and hopefully your experience will help others to be more open and accepting..

anyway question - I get that everyone is entitled to their own beliefs and because if that I try not to make anyone feel the same way as I do because then I'm just as bad as they are for making me try to change my beliefs.. However when met with arguments that relationships should be between a male and a female I'm running out of ways to try and put across a message of acceptance even if the person/people in question dont believe its right or whatever have you managed, to change peoples 'hate' into acceptance? do you find your circumstances i.e. having two mammies helps you to explain it better to people?

B_Wayne

Do you find the arguments of opposition to be in any way hurtful in regards to their claim that your upbringing was substandard? Also,do you think this year's referendum will pass?

Also,fair play to you for dismantling the argument that the opposition hangs on.

Sonics2k

Richie15 wrote: »

Great post, very insightful! Especially that sniperman, what an eloquent and well-informed gentleman. Anyway, Sonic, couple of questions...

How long after your parents split did you first meet their new partners?

Were there any others in between that you met, or even just heard of?

Was it awkward the first few times you met them?

You said earlier you'd be closer to your biological mother than to the other one, does this extend to their partners too? And extended family?

Say you decided for definite not to get in touch with your father, but wanted to find out about medical history etc. Would you be able to do this without actually speaking to him?

Thanks for all the info by the way, I like to think I'm pretty up-to-date on topics like this but there's a good bit of stuff here I never thought of! :-)

1. Yup, they've both had other partners over the years. I believe they've both had two long term relationships each, the most recent going for about 10 years or so. Couldn't tell you exactly how long they were between relationships, I think it was about a year or two at a guess.

2. No more awkward for me than it was for them I'd say. They both have pretty good taste, so neither showed up with a total train wreck haha

3. Yeah that would extend to the other side of the family too, though a lot of that comes down to their living in England and Scotland.

4. That I genuinely do not know. As he's not on my birth certificate in anyway, I'd have no legal right to get his medical information without his consent. That's a big guess, but I'm pretty sure I'm right on that one.

Sonics2k

Gbear wrote: »

This is a quality thread lads.

Two questions from me..

1) Your position is somewhat novel and I think it gives an interesting perspective that counters some of the family-based arguments from opponents of gay rights. Has your background had any effect in getting involved with activism, specifically to do with gay rights?

2) Have you ever experienced a situation where a relationship either between you and someone else or between one of your parents and someone else changed their mind about gay rights? Do you think that getting to know someone like you helps to soften people's stances on the issue?

1. Actually this is my first real foray into politics like this, I've done a little bit for some Fathers Rights stuff in the past, but nothing heavy duty. I walked in loads of Gay Pride parades over the years, often because I knew a lot of the people in them. Aside from that, nothing much.

2. Absolutely, but I wouldn't really say soften it. Most of the people I'd associate myself with would typically be quite open in terms of race/sexuality/religion and all that stuff, but I'd say it was more subtle was a child and teenager. My neighbours and friends who grew up with me all lived knowing full well about my parents, and saw my life was pretty much the same as theirs. Do homework, attempt to hide hard homework, go outside and play, called in for dinner and then get caught out on not doing homework. The usual stuff really.
Because they grew up with me, it never entered their minds that being raised by a gay couple could damage me, because they could see it wasn't right in front of them.

Shrap

spacecowboy56 wrote: »

Unfortunately boards want it's liberal hug box and if you have any other opinion then you get removed.

Only trolling is removed afaik. A person could always give their opinion without trolling.

Orim

spacecowboy56 wrote: »

Unfortunately boards want it's liberal hug box and if you have any other opinion then you get removed.

Or you could try asking Sonics some questions without soapboxing or being abusive. This isn't a debate, it's just a man giving up his time to answer questions.

My question is about your sig. Is that from Doctor Who or somewhere else?

Sonics2k

Stinjy wrote: »

so this thread made for an awesome read at 4am seen as I cant sleep... You , sonics are fantaasic for answering everything,I really hope this helps people who werent sure that the referendum was all about...

As an adopted child I guess I really believe it doesn't matter who your biological parents are but more who raised you and did they do it with love .... In your case I can see you came from a household who did their best for you as any parents would and hopefully your experience will help others to be more open and accepting..

anyway question - I get that everyone is entitled to their own beliefs and because if that I try not to make anyone feel the same way as I do because then I'm just as bad as they are for making me try to change my beliefs.. However when met with arguments that relationships should be between a male and a female I'm running out of ways to try and put across a message of acceptance even if the person/people in question dont believe its right or whatever have you managed, to change peoples 'hate' into acceptance? do you find your circumstances i.e. having two mammies helps you to explain it better to people?

Insomnia is the worst! I can get some bad cases to now and then.

On to the question.

This is a hard one, and if you look at even my own post history, even I have resorted to insulting people in the past who would not change their minds.

Here's the bad news folks, some people won't change their mind, it's that simple. The best you can do as a supporter of marriage equality is to simply vote for it when it the referendum comes around.

A fun little exercise when someone is being homophobic is to ask them to replace the word "black" "Jewish" or something else and see how it sounds. If they're still okay with it, just back away slowly and don't make any sudden moves, because they just might be a dinosaur.

But seriously, if they are open to it, speak to them, ask them how they'd feel if their own child or family was restricted from a very basic right that they have lost out on because a particular group of people don't like what they do in the bedroom.

Sonics2k

spacecowboy56 wrote: »

Unfortunately boards want it's liberal hug box and if you have any other opinion then you get removed.

I'm sorry you got banned, but I will do a decent thing and "answer" you before you get banned again.

http://www.regnerusfallout.org/the-story

Please read this and educate yourself a little on the man who wrote that "study" and realise that the man who wrote this set out with a very clear agenda in place. All his previous work has been based around claims that Womens Health is dangerous for women and anti-feminist, and that being gay is immoral and evil. His donors have also backed groups claiming Barack Obama is a Kenyan Muslim.

Hardly a reputable source.

Sonics2k

Orim wrote: »

Or you could try asking Sonics some questions without soapboxing or being abusive. This isn't a debate, it's just a man giving up his time to answer questions.

My question is about your sig. Is that from Doctor Who or somewhere else?

It is indeed from Doctor Who. A fantastic episode called Blink. A great episode to watch on a stormy night for a bit of a spook fest.

Bigmambo

Hi Sonics2k

I've just read the entire thread and just wanted to say thanks for answering so many questions so openly. You're a credit to your parents

floggg

Sonics2k wrote: »

It is indeed from Doctor Who. A fantastic episode called Blink. A great episode to watch on a stormy night for a bit of a spook fest.

A doctor who fan?

Maybe you didn't turn out alright after all......

Joke

spikeS

Just read about your story in the indo and want to say you are an inspiration, thank you for doing this.

Richie15

Sonics2k wrote: »

1. Yup, they've both had other partners over the years. I believe they've both had two long term relationships each, the most recent going for about 10 years or so. Couldn't tell you exactly how long they were between relationships, I think it was about a year or two at a guess.

2. No more awkward for me than it was for them I'd say. They both have pretty good taste, so neither showed up with a total train wreck haha

3. Yeah that would extend to the other side of the family too, though a lot of that comes down to their living in England and Scotland.

4. That I genuinely do not know. As he's not on my birth certificate in anyway, I'd have no legal right to get his medical information without his consent. That's a big guess, but I'm pretty sure I'm right on that one.

Thanks for the reply, all makes sense I suppose! By the way I just realised my questions were nothing to do with them being gay, I can't decide if this is a good or a bad thing! :-P

Nah I was just trying to compare your situation with my own, I grew up with a single mother and I met my dad when I was 18. Like you, I never thought much about meeting him until he made the first move and I said I'd give him a chance. Now we get on pretty well, have loads in common (says a lot about the nature/nurture question).

D'ya reckon you'd do the same if your father got in touch? Give him a chance and see how it goes?

Sonics2k

Richie15 wrote: »

Thanks for the reply, all makes sense I suppose! By the way I just realised my questions were nothing to do with them being gay, I can't decide if this is a good or a bad thing! :-P

Nah I was just trying to compare your situation with my own, I grew up with a single mother and I met my dad when I was 18. Like you, I never thought much about meeting him until he made the first move and I said I'd give him a chance. Now we get on pretty well, have loads in common (says a lot about the nature/nurture question).

D'ya reckon you'd do the same if your father got in touch? Give him a chance and see how it goes?

Fair enough!

I don't see any reason why I wouldn't give him a fair chance, I'm sure we'd both have some interesting stories to tell, plus he could give me a few funny stories about both my mothers. I'm sure there's plenty of good ones.

chaz_angel

have you a blog, or do you know of a gay parents blog. I don't have a lot of questions yet but I'm sure when baby is born I'll have millions and reading all your answers so far has been great. listening to all the debates was scaring the bejesus out of us that school was going to be awful.

david75

Read somewhere Soniks2 is gonna be on RTE radio 1 this morning?

hope it's true

Shrap

david75 wrote: »

Read somewhere Soniks2 is gonna be on RTE radio 1 this morning?

hope it's true

Sean O'Rourke's show apparently. He will be debating with Dr Joanna Rose on Radio One at around 11 in the morning. Her area of interest is ending sperm donor anonymity as she was conceived by non-traditional methods and she is a member of "Mothers and Fathers Matter".

Not sure why this is specific to the debate on marriage equality considering that heterosexual couples and homosexual couples have already been going this route if they're unable to conceive, with the vast majority being heterosexual couples. Doesn't seem to be relevant to SSM at all.

amdublin

Good luck sonics2!

Sonics2k

david75 wrote: »

Read somewhere Soniks2 is gonna be on RTE radio 1 this morning?

hope it's true

Hi all,

Yes, I will be speaking on RTE Radio 1 with Sean O'Rourke and Dr Joanna Rose will be speaking too.

I will be honest and say this whole thread got so much bigger than I'd ever expected and obviously gained far more media attention that I imagined.

I've never spoken on the Radio before and I'm not exactly a public speaker, so I have no idea how this will go. I'm just going to do my best to speak from my own experience and life, and hopefully some people will take that on board in the next referendum.

Shrap

Best of luck Sonics. Your's is the voice of experience that hasn't been heard yet so I've no doubt in my mind that it'll be of extreme value to people. Thank you so much for doing this.

david75

Youll be grand and thanks again for taking the time to do this thread!

amdublin

Just be yourself sonik.

You've been doing an eexcellent job on this thread and I've no doubt you will do excellent on the radio.

jaja321

Best of luck! Really delighted you are doing this. Its so important that those who are waivering get to hear your voice on this issue. Might shut a certain Iona 'Institute' patron up too!

Gunslinger92

Just read the whole thread, and it's by far my favourite thing I've ever read here.

I have no questions at the moment anyway, I just wanted to say thank you and well done, you seem like an absolute gent. Best of luck on the radio this morning, must be nerve wracking!

Stinjy

Good luck Sonic, is it going to be at 11 or at the start of the show?

AtomicHorror

He's on now!

kitten_k

Well done Sonics2K.

It crazy how a simple AMA thread has lead to all this media discussion.

One eyed Jack

I've no questions to ask here, just wanted to say congratulations Sonics on a fantastic thread and the way you conducted yourself on the radio just now. You're an absolute credit to your parents and a fine example to your children and everyone else who has been following this AMA and listened to your interview.

miamee

I have a question for you - do your own kids or their friends think it's funny to have so many grannies? They must have 5 if you include your mothers' partners and your fiancées mother. Or is it just a case of no big deal, it just is what it is?

JellyBeans92

It can be found on RTE Player, starts at about 1.20

Slutmonkey57b

Before there's a potential influx of radio listeners,I think someone should post the important questions about the male child of two lesbians:

Best time for green hill zone 1?

Thoughts on releasing sonic & knuckles as an expansion for sonic 3?

Any dogs?

Any lesbian dogs?

oceanclub

Fair play to Finbarr who kept his cool even when Rose seemed determined to get angry at him for her own circumstances.(1)

(1) Which I completely sympathise with but donor laws have nothing to do with equal marriage. You could teleport every single homosexual to Mars and donor-conceived children by straight parents would still not know who their parents were. (2)

(2) And in any case, Rose knows who her father is but he does not want contact. You can't legislate for that.

P.

Sonics2k

Hi all,

I just wanted to post and say thank you to everyone for listening and the support. I haven't listened to the podcast myself, I've never liked the sound of my own voice so I still don't know how I actually did.

Now for the questions!

Slutmonkey57b wrote: »

Before there's a potential influx of radio listeners,I think someone should post the important questions about the male child of two lesbians:

Best time for green hill zone 1?

Thoughts on releasing sonic & knuckles as an expansion for sonic 3?

Any dogs?

Any lesbian dogs?

An all too common misconception of where Sonics comes from! Whilst I love the Sonic games, it's not where the name comes from.

1. I also loved the idea of flying a plane, and once at Heathrow airport I got to see a concorde and heard a Sonic Boom later on.I've based most of my online names on a variation of Sonic or Sonics, even in Warcraft!

2. More Knuckles in the game is always a good thing! Except Sonic Boom. To hell with that game.

3. Sadly none in my own house as we have no garden. My biological mother has 5 of them. We actually do a little bit of charity work for dogs on the side too.

4. Uh, I also suspected one of them was. Anytime a male dog went near her she had no interest at all.

ellybabes

Apparently it's been 18 months since I last posted on boards, but I just had to today, to say thanks to Sonics2k, for going forward and doing the radio interview today.

The woman who was also participating in the discussion was quite crazy and I personally wouldn't have been able to stay calm, as she didn't seem to be able to grasp the fact that this referendum doesn't change anything about kids being created via IVF or sperm donation.

Thanks to Sonics2k for doing what he did and coming across as very sane!

keynesian

I've had great fun reading your posts, it sounds like you had a painful middle class upbringing ;-)

I also listened to you on the radio and sorry but your a great public speaker, although you sound very straight and this is my question ....

What was it like when you told your ma you were straight, "come out" to them so to speak, was she shock and like how did it happen?

(Bad joke question aside, what your doing is great, give me hope)

eviltwin

Heard that interview today, didn't realise it was you Sonics. Well done, you came across brilliantly.

Shrap

I also thought you were great in the interview Sonics - a really nice strong voice without a hint of nerves, and of course the content of your answers were spot on.

Hopefully you'll forgive me for this slightly cheeky and completely irrelevant question, but I was just telling my bf about the radio interview and some of the questions you fielded up here. It popped into my head that I find it quite awkward sometimes watching a film with my older teen (16) when a sex scene comes up and a studious and pained silence ensues. I've often thought that hetero fathers might feel less awkward watching those moments with their sons, and mothers with daughters as perhaps they're appreciating the same ...em...physical qualities of the actors.

My question is did you ever notice having a similar appreciation for a particular actress with either of your mothers?! Impertinent, sorry! Don't answer if that was a weird question

Tigger

you were very good on the radio
the doctor lady is stupid, she even said "i'm not exactly stupid" which is what stupid people say

well done

volchitsa

JellyBeans92 wrote: »

It can be found on RTE Player, starts at about 1.20

Thanks for that, Jelly beans, and even more thanks to Sonics2k, for the thread, which I've been following since the beginning and also for the radio interview.

I'm puzzled by why the other interviewee is there at all - her story, sad as it is for her, has nothing to do with the topic. As Sonics pointed out at the start of the interview!

They might as well have brought in an adopted child to make the same point - all very good, or not. But not related to the marriage referendum. I wonder is that simply because they couldn't actually find anyone to argue that side of the debate whose personal experience was relevant?

Oh and yes, Sonics, you came across really well. Congrats.

volchitsa

This Dr Rose woman, her problem is with IVF and adoption rather than with same sex marriage. If a woman had a child in a heterosexual relationship, was widowed or abandoned and then formed a new SS relationship, her objection would be completely irrelevant, because it's not so much about the situation in which children are brought up as about preventing infertile couples from having children at all.

She really was just irrelevant to the topic in Ireland. Not surprising I guess - she's English, and O think she only had the vaguest of ideas of what the issue here is. She seemed to have been having her own argument rather than what everyone else was discussing : hers was sperm donation is bad.

I wish O Rourke had asked her what she thinks about IVF using donor sperm, and sometimes donor eggs too. Seeing as she was completely off topic anyway.

Eeden

Well done, both for this thread and the radio piece. You are very articulate.