Now Ye're Talking - To A Man With 2 Mothers

Zaph

sniperman wrote: »

hey ,im having my say like all the rest,so i dont give a rats behind what you do,simples:D

Week off.

tjomeara118

Hi,

I was wondering if you ever had a time where you wondered would you be gay because you had lesbian parents? and if at any point, after you began to realise you had feelings for women, that you thought you would begin to have gay feelings at a later date?

shalalala

It makes me sad that people are using this thread to push an agenda. This is one mans experiences and I for one am interested in hearing his answers. I have no idea why people are using it to attack the OPs upbringing when they could be using it to learn more about someones life.

Thank you OP for taking the time to answer these questions, often I have pondered a lot of them and never before have I had the opportunity to have them answered by someone that grew up in the situation.

stillalive88

Did you ever wonder how life would have been with two fathers instead?

secman

My grandson has 2 mammies and it is normal for him, he distinguishes them apart by calling them Mama and their name. He's just a normal happy 3year old bundle of joy... pure tonic.When they told us they were going to try for a baby, my immediate question was "which one of you ?". My daughters response was " me, Jenny doesn't do pain "
And i used to be a dinosaur. ... shames me when i think how i used to behave and think about gay people. ... Thanks to my daughter and daughter in law I have copped on big time and for their sake i sincerely hope the referendum is passed.
Thanks sonic for your input into the debate .


.

lyda

Wonderful thread, bar the two commenters here who are a little, um, off.

1. How do your moms feel about the beard?
2. What age were you when your parents split up? And a follow-up - did they handle it well? We all have friends who have had parents split up and some were messier than others. But straight parents have official recognition and there are some resources for them. Your mums were on their own. Official Ireland didn't even recognise them as you said so it had to have been hard for them.
3. Your fiancee essentially has four mothers-in-law. What does her family make of it? How do you and your future father-in-law handle being outnumbered 6 to 2?
4. How did your moms deal with you dating as you got older? Did they offer advice on how to treat women or did they find straight women mysterious?

The context for #4 for me - I worked for a few days in an office where I slowly realised I was the sole straight guy there. During breaks the guys would bemoan the state of their relationships / dating lives. And more importantly they would explain very often that men are horrible. There were multiple rather hilarious iterations of these conversations.

Obviously ones that parents wouldn't have with their kids, but I would just imagine a lesbian couple parenting a straight boy as he begins to date would have many potential moments of comedy. In fact I assume such a sitcom already exists or will soon.

chaz_angel

Fantastic thread certainly putting my mind at ease on a few things. All expectant parents worry and stress, we all hope that we get it right basically. All the debates just make that worry worse for those of us actually living this at the moment. Anyway I smiled reading your witty replies and I hope my son/daughter turns out as intelligent, respectful and polite as you.

Zaph

I've just removed a lot of posts to clean up this thread and get it back on-topic. It would be appreciated if it could be kept that way. Thanks.

Dave147

Don't have a question for OP, but just wanted to say after reading his posts that he is clearly a very well rounded, intelligent and articulate individual. Your mothers I'm sure are very proud and you are an excellent spokesperson for the Yes vote. I was already voting yes, but hopefully it will make a few others realise they should vote yes also.

gary_world

first and foremost, thank you for taking the time out to answer genuine questions with such candor and humour. i'm so impressed with the whole discussion on this thread and how people are so genuinely inquisitive of a life unknown.

i have just 2 questions for you:

1. where people have 'condemned' [for lack of a better word] your life experience of being raised by a lesbian couple etc., have they tended to cite 'religious' beliefs or something else? could you please talk to the reasons behind people not approving of your family situation.

2. with the exception of simpleman/sniperman, whatever his name was, have you had to moderate out a lot of negativity on this thread or have the majority of people posting been supportive of you?

thank you, and everyone else on this thread, for showing some maturity and grace in this debate ... it really is lacking on most social media sites.

Sonics2k

Well gosh, it looks like I missed all the fun last night. Damned early nights forcing me to go to bed early!

Joeytheparrot wrote: »

What do you call your Mothers?

Answered above, but I call them by their names! I call everyone by their names growing up. It's like call my Aunt "Auntie", it sounds weird to me.

tjomeara118 wrote: »

Hi,

I was wondering if you ever had a time where you wondered would you be gay because you had lesbian parents? and if at any point, after you began to realise you had feelings for women, that you thought you would begin to have gay feelings at a later date?

Nope, never really came up for me. Before the age of 10 the idea of sex and sexuality in my world was basically "Ewwww grossss!", and then puberty smacked in like a monster and was attracted to girls straight away (no pun intended I swear).

stillalive88 wrote: »

Did you ever wonder how life would have been with two fathers instead?

I jokingly discussed it with my biological mother like 5 years ago. We both came to the conclusion I'd probably have a better dress sense, instead of the jeans and a t-shirt look I've been rocking for 20 odd years.

Sonics2k

secman wrote: »

My grandson has 2 mammies and it is normal for him, he distinguishes them apart by calling them Mama and their name. He's just a normal happy 3year old bundle of joy... pure tonic.When they told us they were going to try for a baby, my immediate question was "which one of you ?". My daughters response was " me, Jenny doesn't do pain "
And i used to be a dinosaur. ... shames me when i think how i used to behave and think about gay people. ... Thanks to my daughter and daughter in law I have copped on big time and for their sake i sincerely hope the referendum is passed.
Thanks sonic for your input into the debate .


.

I wanted to post an answer to this separately, but thank secman. This was a fantastic post to read at 5.30 am and really made me smile.

The best thing anyone can do is simply remember that a gay person is still the same person, just a different sexuality. They will always be a normal human being, no matter what.

Sonics2k

lyda wrote: »

Wonderful thread, bar the two commenters here who are a little, um, off.

1. How do your moms feel about the beard?
2. What age were you when your parents split up? And a follow-up - did they handle it well? We all have friends who have had parents split up and some were messier than others. But straight parents have official recognition and there are some resources for them. Your mums were on their own. Official Ireland didn't even recognise them as you said so it had to have been hard for them.
3. Your fiancee essentially has four mothers-in-law. What does her family make of it? How do you and your future father-in-law handle being outnumbered 6 to 2?
4. How did your moms deal with you dating as you got older? Did they offer advice on how to treat women or did they find straight women mysterious?

The context for #4 for me - I worked for a few days in an office where I slowly realised I was the sole straight guy there. During breaks the guys would bemoan the state of their relationships / dating lives. And more importantly they would explain very often that men are horrible. There were multiple rather hilarious iterations of these conversations.

Obviously ones that parents wouldn't have with their kids, but I would just imagine a lesbian couple parenting a straight boy as he begins to date would have many potential moments of comedy. In fact I assume such a sitcom already exists or will soon.

1. They both love it, and are probably slightly jealous. Except for the foxiness of it.
2. I was 10 or 11 I think when they separated. Obviously it hurt me pretty bad at the time and for a while afterwards, but they both made it very clear it wasn't my fault and was simply them not being in love anymore. I lived with my biological mother and would spent a night or two a week at my other mothers house. Now, it's safe to say that they weren't exactly "friends" after they broke up, but not many couples are! But they never let me really see it and kept it between them
3. Her family are all very much liberal protestants and are grand with it. Neither her mother or father have ever even commented on it and get on fine with my parents whenever they meet.
4. The idea of sex was taught to me quite young and the importance of hygiene too! "The girls won't go near you if you aren't clean"
I'm sure there was some comical moments, but like most parents they mostly kept out of it, but were there for me when I got dumped and so on.

Sonics2k

Properprogress wrote: »

Hi, fair play to you for doing this, it must be an emotionally draining experience. I have many many questions I could ask you but I won't and will settle for one question which has a couple sub-questions. Firstly I'd like to give you a bit of my background. I'm a married man with 3 kids with my wife. Just over x years ago now my wife and I decided to help friends, a lesbian couple, to have a kid of their own. We did this via ai old fashioned way. We had success within 3/4 tries but unfortunately baby did not make full term and miscarried. A very heartbreaking time for all involved. A long story short, the second pregnancy had a much happier outcome with a beautiful healthy baby. My wife and I are still in contact with the parents but we agreed that they were the parents and that we would be hear if they needed us.

My question is what do you think of your biological fathers descission to help your parents? Would you be able to do what he did (with regards to emotions and feelings)and for him to respect your descission to not try and contact you through all these years. And finally do you every foresee a time when you will try and contact him?
Again I have massive respect for you for doing this, well done.

Another great post!

For the first question. Well I honestly don't know for sure. I know right now, I'd say no. In 5 or 10 years time, that answer could be different. Obviously I'd speak to my fiancée about it too.
I don't know if I ever plan on contacting him. It came up briefly after my daughter was born and I have the information to track him down if I wished it, like I said my parents were open with his details. A part of me will always kinda wonder about his life and where he ended up in later life, but I never missed him or felt the need to know him growing up. My parents were wonderful and treated me fantastically.

Sonics2k

gary_world wrote: »

first and foremost, thank you for taking the time out to answer genuine questions with such candor and humour. i'm so impressed with the whole discussion on this thread and how people are so genuinely inquisitive of a life unknown.

i have just 2 questions for you:

1. where people have 'condemned' [for lack of a better word] your life experience of being raised by a lesbian couple etc., have they tended to cite 'religious' beliefs or something else? could you please talk to the reasons behind people not approving of your family situation.

2. with the exception of simpleman/sniperman, whatever his name was, have you had to moderate out a lot of negativity on this thread or have the majority of people posting been supportive of you?

thank you, and everyone else on this thread, for showing some maturity and grace in this debate ... it really is lacking on most social media sites.

1. It's -always- been religious in it's source. Now, first of all, I can only remember of 1 case where someone directly said to my face that my parents were "wrong". It was a Priest who came to my school and I was 11 years old. I hated that man for a long time. He wouldn't give a reason, just simply said God didn't like gay people and I wasn't natural.
The funny thing is, his comment just made me love my parents more. I realised he was speaking hate, and even then, had he said the same thing because they were mixed race, it would have been nothing but hate.

2. I haven't moderated a thing being honest. I encourage people like sniperman and the other one I apparently missed to come forward so we can speak to them and correct their misconceptions. Sure, it may not work but at least we can try.
I really do respect the right to belief, my great-grandmother was very religious, and while she truly believed in God and Jesus, she also accepted my mother for who she was and never treated her any differently.
The Religious aspect of this debate is basically unneeded, because Religious has nothing to do with this referendum, as much as they try.

amdublin

A link to this thread is on Rabble's facebook.

Should generate a lot of new readers, if not some new posters.

alcof89

No questions - but great topic! There are too many unresearched theories regarding children being thrown around, so I hope that they too can look at actual examples!

Richie15

Great post, very insightful! Especially that sniperman, what an eloquent and well-informed gentleman. Anyway, Sonic, couple of questions...

How long after your parents split did you first meet their new partners?

Were there any others in between that you met, or even just heard of?

Was it awkward the first few times you met them?

You said earlier you'd be closer to your biological mother than to the other one, does this extend to their partners too? And extended family?

Say you decided for definite not to get in touch with your father, but wanted to find out about medical history etc. Would you be able to do this without actually speaking to him?

Thanks for all the info by the way, I like to think I'm pretty up-to-date on topics like this but there's a good bit of stuff here I never thought of! :-)

Gbear

This is a quality thread lads.

Two questions from me..

1) Your position is somewhat novel and I think it gives an interesting perspective that counters some of the family-based arguments from opponents of gay rights. Has your background had any effect in getting involved with activism, specifically to do with gay rights?

2) Have you ever experienced a situation where a relationship either between you and someone else or between one of your parents and someone else changed their mind about gay rights? Do you think that getting to know someone like you helps to soften people's stances on the issue?

Stinjy

so this thread made for an awesome read at 4am seen as I cant sleep... You , sonics are fantaasic for answering everything,I really hope this helps people who werent sure that the referendum was all about...

As an adopted child I guess I really believe it doesn't matter who your biological parents are but more who raised you and did they do it with love .... In your case I can see you came from a household who did their best for you as any parents would and hopefully your experience will help others to be more open and accepting..

anyway question - I get that everyone is entitled to their own beliefs and because if that I try not to make anyone feel the same way as I do because then I'm just as bad as they are for making me try to change my beliefs.. However when met with arguments that relationships should be between a male and a female I'm running out of ways to try and put across a message of acceptance even if the person/people in question dont believe its right or whatever have you managed, to change peoples 'hate' into acceptance? do you find your circumstances i.e. having two mammies helps you to explain it better to people?

B_Wayne

Do you find the arguments of opposition to be in any way hurtful in regards to their claim that your upbringing was substandard? Also,do you think this year's referendum will pass?

Also,fair play to you for dismantling the argument that the opposition hangs on.

Sonics2k

Richie15 wrote: »

Great post, very insightful! Especially that sniperman, what an eloquent and well-informed gentleman. Anyway, Sonic, couple of questions...

How long after your parents split did you first meet their new partners?

Were there any others in between that you met, or even just heard of?

Was it awkward the first few times you met them?

You said earlier you'd be closer to your biological mother than to the other one, does this extend to their partners too? And extended family?

Say you decided for definite not to get in touch with your father, but wanted to find out about medical history etc. Would you be able to do this without actually speaking to him?

Thanks for all the info by the way, I like to think I'm pretty up-to-date on topics like this but there's a good bit of stuff here I never thought of! :-)

1. Yup, they've both had other partners over the years. I believe they've both had two long term relationships each, the most recent going for about 10 years or so. Couldn't tell you exactly how long they were between relationships, I think it was about a year or two at a guess.

2. No more awkward for me than it was for them I'd say. They both have pretty good taste, so neither showed up with a total train wreck haha

3. Yeah that would extend to the other side of the family too, though a lot of that comes down to their living in England and Scotland.

4. That I genuinely do not know. As he's not on my birth certificate in anyway, I'd have no legal right to get his medical information without his consent. That's a big guess, but I'm pretty sure I'm right on that one.

Sonics2k

Gbear wrote: »

This is a quality thread lads.

Two questions from me..

1) Your position is somewhat novel and I think it gives an interesting perspective that counters some of the family-based arguments from opponents of gay rights. Has your background had any effect in getting involved with activism, specifically to do with gay rights?

2) Have you ever experienced a situation where a relationship either between you and someone else or between one of your parents and someone else changed their mind about gay rights? Do you think that getting to know someone like you helps to soften people's stances on the issue?

1. Actually this is my first real foray into politics like this, I've done a little bit for some Fathers Rights stuff in the past, but nothing heavy duty. I walked in loads of Gay Pride parades over the years, often because I knew a lot of the people in them. Aside from that, nothing much.

2. Absolutely, but I wouldn't really say soften it. Most of the people I'd associate myself with would typically be quite open in terms of race/sexuality/religion and all that stuff, but I'd say it was more subtle was a child and teenager. My neighbours and friends who grew up with me all lived knowing full well about my parents, and saw my life was pretty much the same as theirs. Do homework, attempt to hide hard homework, go outside and play, called in for dinner and then get caught out on not doing homework. The usual stuff really.
Because they grew up with me, it never entered their minds that being raised by a gay couple could damage me, because they could see it wasn't right in front of them.

Shrap

spacecowboy56 wrote: »

Unfortunately boards want it's liberal hug box and if you have any other opinion then you get removed.

Only trolling is removed afaik. A person could always give their opinion without trolling.

Orim

spacecowboy56 wrote: »

Unfortunately boards want it's liberal hug box and if you have any other opinion then you get removed.

Or you could try asking Sonics some questions without soapboxing or being abusive. This isn't a debate, it's just a man giving up his time to answer questions.

My question is about your sig. Is that from Doctor Who or somewhere else?

Sonics2k

Stinjy wrote: »

so this thread made for an awesome read at 4am seen as I cant sleep... You , sonics are fantaasic for answering everything,I really hope this helps people who werent sure that the referendum was all about...

As an adopted child I guess I really believe it doesn't matter who your biological parents are but more who raised you and did they do it with love .... In your case I can see you came from a household who did their best for you as any parents would and hopefully your experience will help others to be more open and accepting..

anyway question - I get that everyone is entitled to their own beliefs and because if that I try not to make anyone feel the same way as I do because then I'm just as bad as they are for making me try to change my beliefs.. However when met with arguments that relationships should be between a male and a female I'm running out of ways to try and put across a message of acceptance even if the person/people in question dont believe its right or whatever have you managed, to change peoples 'hate' into acceptance? do you find your circumstances i.e. having two mammies helps you to explain it better to people?

Insomnia is the worst! I can get some bad cases to now and then.

On to the question.

This is a hard one, and if you look at even my own post history, even I have resorted to insulting people in the past who would not change their minds.

Here's the bad news folks, some people won't change their mind, it's that simple. The best you can do as a supporter of marriage equality is to simply vote for it when it the referendum comes around.

A fun little exercise when someone is being homophobic is to ask them to replace the word "black" "Jewish" or something else and see how it sounds. If they're still okay with it, just back away slowly and don't make any sudden moves, because they just might be a dinosaur.

But seriously, if they are open to it, speak to them, ask them how they'd feel if their own child or family was restricted from a very basic right that they have lost out on because a particular group of people don't like what they do in the bedroom.

Sonics2k

spacecowboy56 wrote: »

Unfortunately boards want it's liberal hug box and if you have any other opinion then you get removed.

I'm sorry you got banned, but I will do a decent thing and "answer" you before you get banned again.

http://www.regnerusfallout.org/the-story

Please read this and educate yourself a little on the man who wrote that "study" and realise that the man who wrote this set out with a very clear agenda in place. All his previous work has been based around claims that Womens Health is dangerous for women and anti-feminist, and that being gay is immoral and evil. His donors have also backed groups claiming Barack Obama is a Kenyan Muslim.

Hardly a reputable source.

Sonics2k

Orim wrote: »

Or you could try asking Sonics some questions without soapboxing or being abusive. This isn't a debate, it's just a man giving up his time to answer questions.

My question is about your sig. Is that from Doctor Who or somewhere else?

It is indeed from Doctor Who. A fantastic episode called Blink. A great episode to watch on a stormy night for a bit of a spook fest.

Bigmambo

Hi Sonics2k

I've just read the entire thread and just wanted to say thanks for answering so many questions so openly. You're a credit to your parents

floggg

Sonics2k wrote: »

It is indeed from Doctor Who. A fantastic episode called Blink. A great episode to watch on a stormy night for a bit of a spook fest.

A doctor who fan?

Maybe you didn't turn out alright after all......

Joke