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Having a girl over for first time need advice.

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  • 12-01-2015 2:11am
    #1
    the nikkei is rising
    Closed Accounts Posts: 178 ✭✭


    A girl I've been seeing for a while now is coming over to my place to chill for the first time tomorrow, I dress exceptionally well and drive a nice car but the car was a gift the the clothes are the fruits of a part time job I no longer have. I only moved into this new pad last week and it's terribly under furnished. I have built a certain image and I don't want her to be turned off when she enters the poverty zone, it will be a few months before I have the capital raised to furnish this place to my taste so I don't have any other options.

    I was thinking I could tell her I was waiting to have stuff delivered from Switzerland or some other trendy country (France is very in right now as well) and then further obscure my current cash flow issues trough an elaborate story.

    I was thinking that I would make a mess in the toilet but as she is walking in to use it I will charge in ahead of her and act totally disgusted and claim the package in the bowl was made not by me but my maid. I would then ring 'the maid' (played on the phone by my sister or one of her friends ((who are all part of the gaiety school of acting))(((not related to the gaiety theatre))) and 'fire' her for making a mess of my toilet.

    The purpose of this yarn would be twofold 1) it would show that I have a maid and nobody with cash flow problems would ever hire one 2) it would show I value cleanliness as a virtue 3) it would show I have an authoritative streak which would ease her mind even if she was in fact suspicious of my cash flow situation as no man with such authority and clarity of action would ever be subject to cash flow issues for long.

    What says after hours to my plan? The only accomplice I require is the credulity of a beautiful girl and I promise on my honour I will reveal my treachery should I ever seek her hand in marriage.


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Comments

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    #2
    comewatmay
    Registered Users Posts: 274 ✭✭comewatmay


    How do you plan on disguising that you are a full gob****e?


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    #3
    The Backwards Man
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,299 ✭✭✭✭The Backwards Man


    You could tell her the truth.

    I'm no expert on women, but I believe they 'dig' that from time to time.


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    #4
    Riesen_Meal
    Registered Users Posts: 10,575 ✭✭✭✭Riesen_Meal


    Fúck her right in the pussy....


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    #5
    highgiant1985
    Registered Users Posts: 1,777 ✭✭✭highgiant1985


    you are certainly a special catch... what a lucky girl... :rolleyes:

    honestly just be honest and cut the bull crap.


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    #6
    AndonHandon
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,384 ✭✭✭AndonHandon


    Even if it was your maid who laid an Eton mess in the toilet, it would freak out the girl (presuming she is classy and well-heeled). As an alternative you could have a dump in your kettle pre-prepared and when she comes over, offer her coffee and boil the dump in the kettle. Serve it to her and when she tastes it and barfs you should, eyes rolling, comment "it's organic, I don't 'do' processed".


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    #7
    macyard
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 380 ✭✭macyard


    the nikkei is rising wrote: »
    A girl I've been seeing for a while now is coming over to my place to chill for the first time tomorrow, I dress exceptionally well and drive a nice car but the car was a gift the the clothes are the fruits of a part time job I no longer have. I only moved into this new pad last week and it's terribly under furnished. I have built a certain image and I don't want her to be turned off when she enters the poverty zone, it will be a few months before I have the capital raised to furnish this place to my taste so I don't have any other options.

    I was thinking I could tell her I was waiting to have stuff delivered from Switzerland or some other trendy country (France is very in right now as well) and then further obscure my current cash flow issues trough an elaborate story.

    I was thinking that I would make a mess in the toilet but as she is walking in to use it I will charge in ahead of her and act totally disgusted and claim the package in the bowl was made not by me but my maid. I would then ring 'the maid' (played on the phone by my sister or one of her friends ((who are all part of the gaiety school of acting))(((not related to the gaiety theatre))) and 'fire' her for making a mess of my toilet.

    The purpose of this yarn would be twofold 1) it would show that I have a maid and nobody with cash flow problems would ever hire one 2) it would show I value cleanliness as a virtue 3) it would show I have an authoritative streak which would ease her mind even if she was in fact suspicious of my cash flow situation as no man with such authority and clarity of action would ever be subject to cash flow issues for long.

    What says after hours to my plan? The only accomplice I require is the credulity of a beautiful girl and I promise on my honour I will reveal my treachery should I ever seek her hand in marriage.

    Tell her the truth if you lie it could be considered rape if she sleeps with you and she consented on the lie you gave.

    Not worth going to jail over


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    #8
    shamrock55
    Registered Users Posts: 7,208 ✭✭✭shamrock55


    I have some advice for you - stop being a gob****e!!


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    #9
    AndonHandon
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,384 ✭✭✭AndonHandon


    macyard wrote: »
    Tell her the truth if you lie it could be considered rape if she sleeps with you and she consented on the lie you gave.

    Not worth going to jail over

    It's not rape if she isn't aware of it. Rohypnol OP.


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    #10
    The Strawman Argument
    Closed Accounts Posts: 477 ✭✭The Strawman Argument


    Jesus, your maid plan sounds like something George Costanza would do...


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    #11
    neil_
    Registered Users Posts: 274 ✭✭neil_


    comewatmay wrote: »
    How do you plan on disguising that you are a full gob****e?
    The Backwards Man wrote: »
    You could tell her the truth.

    I'm no expert on women, but I believe they 'dig' that from time to time.
    highgiant1985 wrote: »
    you are certainly a special catch... what a lucky girl... :rolleyes:

    honestly just be honest and cut the bull crap.

    Lads, I reckon he's joking. It's the utterly absurd horse**** that gives it away.


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    #12
    mfergus
    Registered Users Posts: 326 ✭✭mfergus


    Try get as many fingers in as possible. They love that


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    #13
    macyard
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 380 ✭✭macyard


    AndonHandon wrote: »
    It's not rape if she isn't aware of it. Rohypnol OP.

    If he outright lies about the furniture coming when it's not she is not fully aware and it is rape.


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    #14
    the nikkei is rising
    Closed Accounts Posts: 178 ✭✭the nikkei is rising


    macyard wrote: »
    Tell her the truth if you lie it could be considered rape if she sleeps with you and she consented on the lie you gave.

    Not worth going to jail over

    Fraud as to my means cannot vitiate consent, I know this as I am a lawyer in training which also makes me unwilling to tell her the truth as my cash flow situation will likely resolve itself in the next month or two when I settle in my new position.


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    #15
    Mickey H
    Registered Users Posts: 1,822 ✭✭✭Mickey H


    OP, I'll leave this here.


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    #16
    AndonHandon
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,384 ✭✭✭AndonHandon


    macyard wrote: »
    If he outright lies about the furniture coming when it's not she is not fully aware and it is rape.

    What?


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    #17
    Honey Monster
    Registered Users Posts: 703 ✭✭✭Honey Monster


    Op sounds like a complete bell.


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    #18
    Absoluvely
    Registered Users Posts: 1,318 ✭✭✭Absoluvely


    the nikkei is rising wrote: »
    The purpose of this yarn would be twofold 1) it would show that I have a maid and nobody with cash flow problems would ever hire one 2) it would show I value cleanliness as a virtue 3) it would show I have an authoritative streak which would ease her mind even if she was in fact suspicious of my cash flow situation as no man with such authority and clarity of action would ever be subject to cash flow issues for long.

    You count real real good.


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    #19
    macyard
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 380 ✭✭macyard


    the nikkei is rising wrote: »
    Fraud as to my means cannot vitiate consent, I know this as I am a lawyer in training which also makes me unwilling to tell her the truth as my cash flow situation will likely resolve itself in the next month or two when I settle in my new position.

    I hope you get to test that in a court of law, the law alway side with us :)


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    #20
    Panda_Turtle
    Closed Accounts Posts: 304 ✭✭Panda_Turtle


    Tell her its just a temporary arrangement and your awaiting the keys for your new pad on killiney hill


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    #21
    the nikkei is rising
    Closed Accounts Posts: 178 ✭✭the nikkei is rising


    Absoluvely wrote: »
    You count real real good.

    Trifold would be an awfully hackneyed neologism, I outright refuse to employ it.


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    #22
    catallus
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,106 ✭✭✭catallus


    The Backwards Man wrote: »
    You could tell her the truth.

    I'm no expert on women, but I believe they 'dig' that from time to time.

    Whatever the OP does, this is not an option.

    NO GOOD can EVER come from the truth!!!!!


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    #23
    Absoluvely
    Registered Users Posts: 1,318 ✭✭✭Absoluvely


    the nikkei is rising wrote: »
    Trifold would be an awfully hackneyed neologism, I outright refuse to employ it.

    Is basic mathematics hackneyed too?


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    #24
    macyard
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 380 ✭✭macyard


    AndonHandon wrote: »
    What?

    He is using fraud to to sleep with her buy falsifying his means, she cannot consent on a lie so it's rape.

    He is coning her into having sex with him cause she thinks he is well off but he really is poor and has nothing to offer


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    #25
    The Backwards Man
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,299 ✭✭✭✭The Backwards Man


    neil_ wrote: »
    Lads, I reckon he's joking. It's the utterly absurd horse**** that gives it away.
    Yeah, I guess you're right. She'd cop right away that the maid would use the staff toilet, completely absurd.

    Anyhoo, here's some real advice, sing this to her and quit your notions.

    Before you take another step, there's something you should know
    About the years ahead and how they'll be
    You'll be living in a world where roses hardly ever grow
    'Cause all I have to offer you is me

    There'll be no mansion waiting on the hill with crystal chandeliers
    And there'll be no fancy clothes for you to wear
    Everything I have is standing here in front of you to see
    All I have to offer you is me


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    #26
    the nikkei is rising
    Closed Accounts Posts: 178 ✭✭the nikkei is rising


    Look I know a relationship built on foundations of untruth is unlikely to bear fruit but I do truly have feelings for this girl and would hate for my interim situation to sully her opinion of my irreconcilably.

    My novel is being considered by several publishers so it shouldn't be all that long before the cash begins to flow.


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    #27
    Bandito909
    Registered Users Posts: 354 ✭✭Bandito909


    Stuff her full of bread.


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    #28
    RDM_83 again
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,116 ✭✭✭RDM_83 again


    Tell her you've gutted the place because your flying in a Feng Shui expert from Hong Kong next week.
    Also nothing says wealth like wearing a monocle


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    #29
    Larianne
    Registered Users Posts: 35,954 ✭✭✭✭Larianne


    OP, go to bed. School in the morning.


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    #30
    the nikkei is rising
    Closed Accounts Posts: 178 ✭✭the nikkei is rising


    RDM_83 again wrote: »
    Tell her you've gutted the place because your flying in a Feng Shui expert from Hong Kong next week.
    Also nothing says wealth like wearing a monocle

    Heavens no!

    There is a clear bias in favour of metropolitan 'nouveau riche' I must hide anything that would lead her to believe I am old money.


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    #31
    the nikkei is rising
    Closed Accounts Posts: 178 ✭✭the nikkei is rising


    Larianne wrote: »
    OP, go to bed. School in the morning.

    From the evidence in this thread you can gather

    I have purchased my own abode
    I was and will be engaged in the legal profession
    I have written a book
    I am courting a beautiful girl

    I am no child


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