Honestly...does money come into the equation when you marry someone?

Lalealea

I have never considered money in choosing a relationship.

OH money/status not that all important.

It is the respect and affection they give you. Character,love the way they treat you and physical attraction etc. Will they be there during the tough times? It's who they are and how they treat you. And how they respond to how you treat them. I give everything, my heart. Is that what they are looking for? I need to feel appreciated. I need to feel trust. Do we have the same ideals in love?Is there mutual love, attraction etc? The relationship x factor. Do you want to ride the arse of each other in other words? When I love someone I want them to feel loved. I want it to be a positive healthy relationship for them. I want them to fancy me and me them. I want us to be friends, lovers the whole thing! You should care about each others well being. I deserve a guy who will love me and treat me nicely because that is what i want to give. I want him to stick up for me and be by my side in the world.

Anyway you can't help who you fall in love with.I couldn't look at a rich old guy and go ...ping fall for him.I wouldn't be able to sleep with someone I didn't love or feel attraction for. I just couldn't. It would be awful.In the long term for your sanity and well being ONLY be with someone you love.

Anyway people rich or poor deserve to be loved for who they are. What rich man or woman wants to be taken for a ride like that?

Anyway I think generally a rich guy is going to move in his own social circle etc and date a certain type of girl. I don't think I'm that girl.

You shouldn't need him for his house. You should need him for him. Kids need a Dad who is kind and loves them.


Besides I am going to be the next JK Rowling and get ALL the monies! :-P

It's true though what Doyouevenlift said. Don't plan children you can't afford. There must be no accidental babies. It's interesting what people say about being on the same page. Some couples have a very traditional idea of that. One person handles the finances and not only earns but controls them. Others keep it equal but separate. Some work as a team.

People aren't thick though. You can tell if someone is really into you for you or not. People know if there is an attraction genuinely there.

Mrs Garth Brooks

It's just an added bonus with me.

Filmer Paradise

The older I get the more I realise that there are only 2 ways to be rich in this country.

1. Be born into money.

2. Marry into money.

Neither happened to me despite half a lifetime of hard work of myself & my wife.

Bar a Lotto win or an enormous stroke of luck, you will have enough to survive & pay your bills & that's it!

How hard you work or how productive you are does not come into it.

Simply put, the system is geared to the very wealthy & the people who just do not give one shiney ****e about anything.

Financially, I'd be better off if I went straight onto the Dole when I left College back in '89.

What a mug I am!:mad:

_Whimsical_

I should say first I have never considered money when choosing a partner and personally I would be looking at a lifetime on the shelf if anyone was to take my bank balance into account when considering me as a partner.

That said however,the older I get the more I realise that to consider money in the equation is probably practical, maybe even wise. We are biologically driven to seek a partner whose genetic makeup is such that together we will we create the strongest children with the greatest chance of survival. Why would we not also be drawn to a partner who can provide the greatest means of survival for those children? In this world the greatest means of survival of the modern gauntlet of life is money. It's essential to provide the best nutrition,childcare,healthcare, all the basic needs of life. Yet it's considered unseemly to so much as acknowledge money as an evolutionary bonus point along with youth,health,facial symmetry.

There are other things much more important, like love,connection and support but it seems a bit strange we all are programmed to insist money wouldn't be wise to consider so I don't really blame people who do think about it, even if I'd definitely be in the loser category if that thinking prevailed.

RubyRoss

DoYouEvenLift wrote: »

My opinion is people shouldn't be having kids if they don't have the capabilities of raising them to be quality people, obviously this isn't limited to earnings but it's a massive part of it. I'm just disappointed when I see people having children who I know have sh!t morals and outlooks on life and also earn next to nothing. The children these types of people give life to did not choose to be born into the poor families and I just feel it's selfish that the parents couldn't just put their own egos aside and hold off on having kids until they achieved better circumstances, but if they happened to never achieve better circumstances then just hold off on reproducing altogether.

I’m sorry poor families disappoint you. That’s tough but I’m more disappointment when narrow-minded people have kids and raise them with ridiculous ideas about ‘quality people’.

Following your quality logic, there would have been hardly any children born in the 1980s since most of the population were not in the right ‘circumstances’.

Lalealea

Right now all I want is to love and be loved by a person I love. I don't have anything to give.

Relationships should be based on love and self knowledge.

I want a partner to see me, in the crowd as I see them.

Money shouldn't matter because everyone needs to know they are seen, just them, apart from the world by their partner.

One eyed Jack

RubyRoss wrote: »

I’m sorry poor families disappoint you. That’s tough but I’m more disappointment when narrow-minded people have kids and raise them with ridiculous ideas about ‘quality people’.

Following your quality logic, there would have been hardly any children born in the 1980s since most of the population were not in the right ‘circumstances’.

Not to mention the fact that some of the most financially successful people came from humble beginnings with few opportunities, and have managed to make opportunities for themselves, not for the love of money or for the accumulation of wealth, but purely because of their resolve, their determination, their ambition, and their ability to respect people equally, regardless of their social background or their circumstances. Money is merely a by-product of their outlook on life, a secondary concern to them, and more often than not comes way down the list in terms of what they seek in a potential partner.

Money just isn't a motivator for some people the way it is for others, and the same could be said for any number of criteria one would care to mention, whether it be physical appearance, age, outlook on life, etc.

It's quite literally impossible to say one particular quality outstands against all others in who we look for to share our lives with, and someone who thinks like that is closing themselves off to an awful lot of opportunities and possibilities.

Lalealea

My Dad came from Oliver Bond. And he is a quality person. He came from nothing and when my mother got engaged to him her family brought her to Oliver Bond to meet his family for the engagement party. In the car pointed to the flats and said 'this is it you know'.

But she loved him.

And he is not perfect. But he is a wonderful man. And he was loved and went to college. And got himself out of there and got our family to where we are now. He has done really well career wise. And come so far.

I don't come from money so if it's a measure of worth for you then you may as well over look me as a person to be honest. I think people get offended within this conversation from both ends.

Suggesting money is a motivating factor or that it should be is saying that someone with money would somehow be less lovable without it. Under their clothes, in the bath it's just them. You should see them.

And if people don't see me, well there then.

No money, no honey for the Nidgeweasel

In all seriousness though money shouldnt be a factor whatsoever.

Tigger

when we met i had nothing i was sleeping on peoples floors cos i couldn't afford rent, when i proposed i was able to bring her on a five star surprise weekend break to a European capital and let her choose her own stone in a diamond factory. when we married we were able to take 6 weeks off work cos she now works in my company and you need two off before a wedding and a months (moon) break afterwards.

so is it important to me that i had the cash to get married with a bit of class and not too much worry? well of course it is. but she'd of married me if i lived in a €200 car and that is the real question.

xxmeabhxx

I wouldn't care about money but I would care a little bit about career and intelligence. As someone posted earlier, a good career shows that a guy is probably smart and motivated which would be pretty good traits. I would always intend to have my own career and money though so I wouldn't care about what a bf is making

Call Me Jimmy

Filmer Paradise wrote: »

The older I get the more I realise that there are only 2 ways to be rich in this country.

1. Be born into money.

2. Marry into money.

3. Don't have kids?

Micky Dolenz

How Soon Is Now wrote: »

Dont ever go near a woman with a really good job or education unless your equal or better. Either she will look down her nose at you or someone else will make sure your aware of how much a failure you are!. Theres bound to be exceptions to this but not very often id imagine.

Ive seen it happen on more then one occasion!

Mod

The above really is an example of what we don't want to be reading.It's generalist and quite frankly sexist.

Sexism is not tolerated.

Everyone, please be aware on how you phrase comments.

ewinslet

Questions couched in the wrong way. We obviously need to know the gender in addition to whether they view their status/money as more or less important than their OH...

TheBeardedLady

ewinslet wrote: »

Questions couched in the wrong way. We obviously need to know the gender in addition to whether they view their status/money as more or less important than their OH...

Yep so some posters can have a good auld scoff at how shallow women are. Seen it all before. Status and money aren't the same thing so that needs to be changed too.


I'll say it again, money is important because I want to have some kids with my boyfriend, not because I want to be a kept woman or live in a mansion or any of that ****e. If it comes out that women think money IS important when considering a partner, you'll have the usual posters jump in to label us shallow and imply we're gold-diggers. I can already foresee how it'd go.

How Soon Is Now

How Soon Is Now wrote: »

Dont ever go near a woman with a really good job or education unless your equal or better. Either she will look down her nose at you or someone else will make sure your aware of how much a failure you are!. Theres bound to be exceptions to this but not very often id imagine.

Ive seen it happen on more then one occasion!

Look I've no issue with women so yous can get that out your head s for starters ha. If I had any issues I wouldn't be in a long term committed relationship. Fine I should of worded it better but it is true I've seen it plenty of times but yes obviously not all situations most women are not likr that I know that Sure I'm not stupid.

I think more or less what I was trying to say but jumped into it without going over it was I've seen a lot of situations where some people will look down on a man for not having the better job etc because a lot still think the man should be the provider.

I'm not questioning any mods or anything ok I just wanted it to be clear I have no issues with women in general I'd have issues with certain kinds of PEOPLE if anything.

So if I said anything I shouldn't have I'm sorry I didn't word it the right way.

IrishCule

Can't believe how many are saying it's not an issue. It definitely should be, think people are viewing this purely as a is he/she rich or not and would you marry them because of that. Its much more than that, surely people have seen that it is often cited that money is the number one issue couples fight over. If you have fundamental differences in how you view money, the spending of it and the accumulation of debt then you are gonna have a bad time.

One eyed Jack

IrishCule wrote: »

Can't believe how many are saying it's not an issue. It definitely should be, think people are viewing this purely as a is he/she rich or not and would you marry them because of that. Its much more than that, surely people have seen that it is often cited that money is the number one issue couples fight over. If you have fundamental differences in how you view money, the spending of it and the accumulation of debt then you are gonna have a bad time.

For me personally though, that would come under the heading of 'similar outlook on life' which is more dependent on a person's values, rather than simply their attitude to money. I mean, it doesn't take genius levels of intellect to figure out that if someone sees having children at some point in their future, then provisions would have to be made towards that goal, that if they want to retire to a house in the country, well they're going to need money for that too. Money would underlie those goals, rather than 'accumulate first, then spend' kind of thing.

One of the reasons people fight over money is not because of the lack of money itself, but because they don't have enough money to meet the lifestyle they envisioned for themselves, and they blame their partner for that. The problem there isn't money, the problem there is their attitude towards their partner.

If we take the issue of children - if a couple hasn't talked openly and honestly about the possibility of children in their future, and one partner wants children, and the other one doesn't, that can become a far more contentious issue than whether they can even afford to have children or not.

We often read in the media how children now cost upwards of €200k until they reach 18. I've never met anyone who sets aside €200k for a 'child fund', let alone people who might plan on having two, maybe three children (that'd mean setting aside €600k). Far more important than money seems to be their ability to care for those children, and provide for them on an ongoing basis, and that would be determined primarily by their attitude to having children and their attitude towards other people.

Affordability is a secondary concern, because while a person may want to give their child the best start in life, they may not always have the financial means to afford private tuition and all the after school activities and so on, and even then if they can afford all these things, the children themselves may not want to be the next GAA All-Star or the next Bill Gates, etc.

My point really is this - two people can be chalk and cheese with regard to their attitudes to money, but without similar goals and a similar outlook on life and a similar healthy and positive attitude to each other, and towards other people, those differences are going to make or break a relationship a long time before their differences in their attitudes towards money and the accumulation of wealth ever will.

Wompa1

TheBeardedLady wrote: »

I'll say it again, money is important because I want to have some kids with my boyfriend, not because I want to be a kept woman or live in a mansion or any of that ****e. If it comes out that women think money IS important when considering a partner, you'll have the usual posters jump in to label us shallow and imply we're gold-diggers. I can already foresee how it'd go.

My ambition is to get my own house. I don't want to have a large mortgage. I want something I could pay off quickly and not be under pressure. I don't want it because I have some Irish fixation on owning land. The way I see it, if set on renting for the rest of my life, at some point I'd need to sit down and decide, how much money is enough to cover the rest of my life....how long do I plan on living!

But this is important to me, this is something I'm working towards. I'm getting myself into a position to make the kind of money which will put me where I want to be, when I want to be there.

If it's very important for a woman to have a baby and money is a major factor in that. Should she be getting that money in place herself?

purplecow1977

Money isn't important.....

....until you don't have any.

Then it's important.

I am quite independent and wouldn't rely or expect anyone to be able to support me.

I support myself.

In return, I would expect my partner to be reasonably able to support himself. I don't mean everything has to be split half and half, nor do I mean I wouldn't support him if he lost his job etc, but I wouldn't be happy providing long term.

I chose Atari Jaguar as there were far too many options in the poll and I am not a patient person!