Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

Short story feedback.

Options
2»

Comments

  • Options
    #32
    Esel
    Registered Users Posts: 22,015 ✭✭✭✭Esel


    Lalealea wrote: »
    ...
    ... --- ... :)

    Needs more paragraphs, and maybe a bit of spell-check, with a bit less emphasis on rare words e.g. innominate, sqwoked, nymphet. Also, more hyphens where appropriate.

    Above only based on the extract posted by jamesbondings above.

    Not your ornery onager



  • Options
    #33
    Lalealea
    Closed Accounts Posts: 212 ✭✭Lalealea


    jamesbondings wrote: »
    ah feck sake because "she wrote it"so .....

    where are the mods to delete this??? thanks for the laughs! but i feel i have outstayed my welcome once again......im tempted to post the whole lot of it in after hours under my pseudonym laLeaLea........

    No no you are very welcome at least you read it ...thanks!


  • Options
    #34
    Lalealea
    Closed Accounts Posts: 212 ✭✭Lalealea


    Esel wrote: »
    ... --- ... :)

    Needs more paragraphs, and maybe a bit of spell-check, with a bit less emphasis on rare words e.g. innominate, sqwoked, nymphet. Also, more hyphens where appropriate.

    Above only based on the extract posted by jamesbondings above.


    Awh thank you for the feedback.
    It's spell checked.Prob could use another. I have odd words because I like them.:-P


    The formatting was prob altered from the copy and paste, so yes it probably does need more paragraphs. :-)

    Is it boring?


  • Options
    #35
    jamesbondings
    Registered Users Posts: 2,201 ✭✭✭jamesbondings


    Lalealea wrote: »
    No no you are very welcome at least you read it ...thanks!

    ........i didnt.......:confused::confused::confused:


  • Options
    #36
    Lalealea
    Closed Accounts Posts: 212 ✭✭Lalealea


    jamesbondings wrote: »
    ........i didnt.......:confused::confused::confused:

    You're mean then.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #37
    scream
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 430 ✭✭scream


    I'm still reading. But what I've read so far certainly isn't boring. Cheering me up no end. Pink Hot Pants are all I can think of now.


  • Options
    #38
    jamesbondings
    Registered Users Posts: 2,201 ✭✭✭jamesbondings


    how?? i never once said or alluded to reading it??


  • Options
    #39
    Lalealea
    Closed Accounts Posts: 212 ✭✭Lalealea


    scream wrote: »
    I'm still reading. But what I've read so far certainly isn't boring. Cheering me up no end. Pink Hot Pants are all I can think of now.

    YAY! Thank you for saying its not boring.


  • Options
    #40
    Lalealea
    Closed Accounts Posts: 212 ✭✭Lalealea


    jamesbondings wrote: »
    how?? i never once said or alluded to reading it??

    You're mean cuz you didn't read it :-(


  • Options
    #41
    jamesbondings
    Registered Users Posts: 2,201 ✭✭✭jamesbondings


    dya want more scream??



    What is the key that opens every door? Is it a warded pick otherwise known as a skeleton key? No! It’s ingenuity! She was about to pick the deadbolt lock on the French window doors with a homemade feeler pick. Noteworthy tip about feeler picks is that if you are going to make one never make one on the job think ahead. She had made a tension wrench and a feeler pick out of bobby pins. Clichéd she knew, but it was a cliché for a reason. Just to mix it up she was going to nick his car afterwards, with a pick made from the hinge of an umbrella. She was also carrying bump keys, a snap gun and a decoder pick. They were all wrapped in tissue to stop them from clanging as she climbed up. The snap gun was just in case. It was a lazy way of quickly‘bumping’ the correct driver pins so the cylinder turns freely for a moment. It encapsulated the principle of Newton’s Cradle impressively i.e., the banging of balls together, demonstrating conservation of momentum and energy. Perfectly,for this occasion, it was also known as ‘The Executive Ball Clicker’. It demonstrates the law of impact between bodies. She believed the world was dynamic and ever changing people’s life paths spun into each other. His life choices had created a yellow brick road of destruction for her and her family. And now she wanted her innocence back. She had decided to steal it.

    Credit: by Lelealea because SHE wrote it


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #42
    Lalealea
    Closed Accounts Posts: 212 ✭✭Lalealea


    The whole thing is in creative writing.


  • Options
    #43
    jamesbondings
    Registered Users Posts: 2,201 ✭✭✭jamesbondings


    hang on what P[INK HOT PANTS????????


  • Options
    #44
    Lalealea
    Closed Accounts Posts: 212 ✭✭Lalealea


    jamesbondings wrote: »

    Credit: by Lelealea because SHE wrote it

    Thank you! :-)


  • Options
    #45
    jamesbondings
    Registered Users Posts: 2,201 ✭✭✭jamesbondings


    Lalealea wrote: »
    The whole thing is in creative writing.


    ah now stop ruining my fun i feel like im in a position of power and you are undermining it!:mad:


  • Options
    #46
    Lalealea
    Closed Accounts Posts: 212 ✭✭Lalealea


    jamesbondings wrote: »
    ah now stop ruining my fun i feel like im in a position of power and you are undermining it!:mad:

    I am deeply deeply sorry.

    I apologize.

    Carry on.


  • Options
    #47
    jamesbondings
    Registered Users Posts: 2,201 ✭✭✭jamesbondings


    Thank you, as i was saying .....Taco Chips AND pics or the rest of it gets posted now that I have an interested viewer......


  • Options
    #48
    Lalealea
    Closed Accounts Posts: 212 ✭✭Lalealea


    jamesbondings wrote: »
    Thank you, as i was saying .....Taco Chips AND pics or the rest of it gets posted now that I have an interested viewer......

    I'm trying but the internet has limits!


  • Options
    #49
    jamesbondings
    Registered Users Posts: 2,201 ✭✭✭jamesbondings


    it hasnt........tick tock.........3 mins left


  • Options
    #50
    Lalealea
    Closed Accounts Posts: 212 ✭✭Lalealea


    jamesbondings wrote: »
    it hasnt........tick tock.........3 mins left

    TACOS TACOS ...here are tacos....cheesy goodness.


  • Options
    #51
    jamesbondings
    Registered Users Posts: 2,201 ✭✭✭jamesbondings


    tacos???? i hate tacos...................................



    Her torque was good, very good her touch was light, a female hand was best. She inserted another bobby pin and scrubbed over the pins from the inside to the outside. The pins set and the lock sprung open. She could feel a ‘ping’ in her brain.

    thats for offending me.....

    Credit: by Lelealea yadayada


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #52
    Lalealea
    Closed Accounts Posts: 212 ✭✭Lalealea


    jamesbondings wrote: »
    tacos???? i hate tacos...................................



    Her torque was good, very good her touch was light, a female hand was best. She inserted another bobby pin and scrubbed over the pins from the inside to the outside. The pins set and the lock sprung open. She could feel a ‘ping’ in her brain.

    thats for offending me.....

    Credit: by Lelealea yadayada

    Chocolate chocolate ..here is chocolate...


  • Options
    #53
    jamesbondings
    Registered Users Posts: 2,201 ✭✭✭jamesbondings


    well done.........you have just made me hungry at 10 to five in the morning feck sake


  • Options
    #54
    scream
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 430 ✭✭scream


    Lalealea wrote: »
    The whole thing is in creative writing.

    I've finished reading it now. I liked a lot of it. It was different anyway. I suspect there's a lot of crazy in your head, but it seems like a pleasant kind of crazy.


  • Options
    #55
    Lalealea
    Closed Accounts Posts: 212 ✭✭Lalealea


    scream wrote: »
    I've finished reading it now. I liked a lot of it. It was different anyway. I suspect there's a lot of crazy in your head, but it seems like a pleasant kind of crazy.

    A lot less crazy than you think probably and a lot more pleasant:-)


  • Options
    #56
    Ruu
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,622 ✭✭✭Ruu


    Nothing much left to be said here...

    Mod.


This discussion has been closed.
Advertisement