Is there "something wrong" with a guy if he...

walshb

mariaalice wrote: »

So for you it a bit like how advertising works, a woman is more worthy/desirable if she attracts a lot of interest and has sex, but turns down a los of men as well, its the fact that she has turned down lots of men that's the crucial point in her attractiveness, she is all the more desirable because if you in a relationship with her you are getting something she turned down some for?

So basically its about your ego.

Close, yes.

I am sure most men and most women would rather that the man or woman that they marry and settle with is somehow "clean," in the sense that they weren't the local bicycle. It's only a natural feeling to want this. Not saying virgin like, but a little fussy and choosy in who they decided to sleep with.

eviltwin

walshb wrote: »

Close, yes.

I am sure most men and most women would rather that the man or woman that they marry and settle with is somehow "clean," in the sense that they weren't the local bicycle. It's only a natural feeling to want this. Not saying virgin like, but a little fussy and choosy in who they decided to sleep with.

The local bicycle? I know a few people of both sexes who have a lot of casual sex but they wouldn't have a reputation. The world isn't that small and if you are discreet, as most people are I'd imagine, who would ever know you have had a lot of partners. Its not something most people discuss.

Barely There

eviltwin wrote: »

The local bicycle? I know a few people of both sexes who have a lot of casual sex but they wouldn't have a reputation. The world isn't that small and if you are discreet, as most people are I'd imagine, who would ever know you have had a lot of partners. Its not something most people discuss.

The term 'local bicycle' probably comes from a smaller town setting than a big city like Dublin. And it doesn't matter how discreet you are, if you're sleeping with a lot of blokes, the chances are that many of them won't be so discreet about discussing/bragging about it.

eviltwin

eviltwin wrote: »

The local bicycle? I know a few people of both sexes who have a lot of casual sex but they wouldn't have a reputation. The world isn't that small and if you are discreet, as most people are I'd imagine, who would ever know you have had a lot of partners. Its not something most people discuss.

That true very few people today live in some ballygobackwards village when everyone know every one else, people move, go to college, live in urban areas, emigrate, mix with different people. The age of marriage is rising. How would you know what they did when they were young.

I cant believe in 2014 any of this is still an issue for people.

eviltwin

Barely There wrote: »

The term 'local bicycle' probably comes from a smaller town setting than a big city like Dublin. And it doesn't matter how discreet you are, if you're sleeping with a lot of blokes, the chances are that many of them won't be so discreet about discussing/bragging about it.

I suppose its a question of the type of people you know and what you like to discuss. I couldn't care at all who sleeps with who, its not something I've ever discussed with friends, its not something that tends to come up in conversation. I've no interest in who went home with who. Any discussion of sex tends to be done in a discreet way and I've known most of my friends since we were teenagers, they were never like that. Yeah you get people who brag about who they've been with but its very childish and juvenile. I would imagine most adults are mature enough not to do that.

DoYouEvenLift

I've changed my mind. I'll now be eagerly seeking a partner with as many sexual partners as possible as obviously they'll be the best in bed and completely comfortable experimenting with me since they'll be choosing to settle with me and not one of the other hundreds of partners they had failed or purely sexual relationships with. Hopefully I can find one who has partaken in lots of threesomes but I'm feeling lucky, so maybe I can snag one who has been in multiple orgies and gang bangs as clearly this is a highly respectable and desired kind of partner. She will definitely help me raise my children and instill good morals on them as they mature and grow up. Who knows, maybe if I have a daughter she can grow up to be just like my partner, sexually liberated and free to do whatever she likes as possessing these opinions means that I am completely open minded and a liberal thinker.

Thank you all for showing me the way. Please accept me.

ancapailldorcha

DoYouEvenLift wrote: »

I've changed my mind. I'll now be eagerly seeking a partner with as many sexual partners as possible as obviously they'll be the best in bed and completely comfortable experimenting with me since they'll be choosing to settle with me and not one of the other hundreds of partners they had failed or purely sexual relationships with. Hopefully I can find one who has partaken in lots of threesomes but I'm feeling lucky, so maybe I can snag one who has been in multiple orgies and gang bangs as clearly this is a highly respectable and desired kind of partner. She will definitely help me raise my children and instill good morals on them as they mature and grow up. Who knows, maybe if I have a daughter she can grow up to be just like my partner, sexually liberated and free to do whatever she likes as possessing these opinions means that I am completely open minded and a liberal thinker.

Thank you all for showing me the way.

Riiiight...

DoYouEvenLift

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

Riiiight...

Don't oppress me with your sarcastic judgement.

eviltwin

DoYouEvenLift wrote: »

I've changed my mind. I'll now be eagerly seeking a partner with as many sexual partners as possible as obviously they'll be the best in bed and completely comfortable experimenting with me since they'll be choosing to settle with me and not one of the other hundreds of partners they had failed or purely sexual relationships with. Hopefully I can find one who has partaken in lots of threesomes but I'm feeling lucky, so maybe I can snag one who has been in multiple orgies and gang bangs as clearly this is a highly respectable and desired kind of partner. She will definitely help me raise my children and instill good morals on them as they mature and grow up. Who knows, maybe if I have a daughter she can grow up to be just like my partner, sexually liberated and free to do whatever she likes as possessing these opinions means that I am completely open minded and a liberal thinker.

Thank you all for showing me the way. Please accept me.

How will you ever know how many partners your wife has had? You don't ask that on a first date, are you really going to end things with someone who ticks all the others boxes on the basis of something they did before you even met?

Barely There

DoYouEvenLift wrote: »

I've changed my mind. I'll now be eagerly seeking a partner with as many sexual partners as possible as obviously they'll be the best in bed and completely comfortable experimenting with me since they'll be choosing to settle with me and not one of the other hundreds of partners they had failed or purely sexual relationships with. Hopefully I can find one who has partaken in lots of threesomes but I'm feeling lucky, so maybe I can snag one who has been in multiple orgies and gang bangs as clearly this is a highly respectable and desired kind of partner. She will definitely help me raise my children and instill good morals on them as they mature and grow up. Who knows, maybe if I have a daughter she can grow up to be just like my partner, sexually liberated and free to do whatever she likes as possessing these opinions means that I am completely open minded and a liberal thinker.

Thank you all for showing me the way. Please accept me.

How will you even know?

What if you ask the girl and she says she doesn't want to discuss it?
What if she lies?

Are you going to demand verified documented proof of any potential partners previous sexual encounters before you'll agree to marriage?

Ave Sodalis

DoYouEvenLift wrote: »

I've changed my mind. I'll now be eagerly seeking a partner with as many sexual partners as possible as obviously they'll be the best in bed and completely comfortable experimenting with me since they'll be choosing to settle with me and not one of the other hundreds of partners they had failed or purely sexual relationships with. Hopefully I can find one who has partaken in lots of threesomes but I'm feeling lucky, so maybe I can snag one who has been in multiple orgies and gang bangs as clearly this is a highly respectable and desired kind of partner. She will definitely help me raise my children and instill good morals on them as they mature and grow up. Who knows, maybe if I have a daughter she can grow up to be just like my partner, sexually liberated and free to do whatever she likes as possessing these opinions means that I am completely open minded and a liberal thinker.

Thank you all for showing me the way. Please accept me.

Why am I getting the feeling you've missed the point of most of the post directed towards you...

Boskowski

A virgin is the last thing I want in my bed.
Seriously man think about it.

Plus a case could be made she's more likely to cheat on you since eventually it'll dawn on her that you are the only guy she ever had. How boring she'll think and she might resent you for it and go wandering. Maybe not next year but what about 5, 10 years down the road when the gloss is off?

Serious cases of the madonna syndrome hangups in here. But what seems so 'clean' and comfortable has serious flaws. People don't think this one through.

Also this whole 'rhe mouth she kisses my children with' wtf? Were you born in the 19 hundreds or somethin?. I mean I just had a **** this morning yet you shook my hand when we met for breakfast no problem.

I'd say the desire for inexperienced (unblemished more like) spouses stems probably from insecurities. What if one (or all ) of the 20 were better than me in the sack sort of thing.

So I guess, yes, most likely there's something's wrong. 20 isn't that bad either.
Now hundreds is different as it may indicate some sort of compulsive behaviour but 20?

Alf Veedersane

I'm not sure why there is still a perception that a woman has been degraded for having a lot of sex.

Jesus H, sex is great fun. Really, it is.

And women enjoy it as well.

But god forbid they partake in it for fear that someone might think they're soiled goods for it.

If you're in a relationship with someone, their sexual history has no relvance other than STIs but that goes both ways.

Wompa1

Barely There wrote: »

The term 'local bicycle' probably comes from a smaller town setting than a big city like Dublin. And it doesn't matter how discreet you are, if you're sleeping with a lot of blokes, the chances are that many of them won't be so discreet about discussing/bragging about it.

Not necessarily. I'm living in a bigger city than Dublin. It can still apply within groups or circles. She wasn't bragging about anything but getting with a different guy any night they all go out whilst having a boyfriend you live with or worse still, getting with multiple guys in one night one after another tends to get you a reputation.

I just feel sorry for her boyfriend though. He's the geeky type. He's either completely oblivious or has such low confidence that he doesn't want to confront it. Hopefully if she catches something, she doesn't pass it on to him.

Wompa1

Alf Veedersane wrote: »

But god forbid they partake in it for fear that someone might think they're soiled goods for it.

If you're in a relationship with someone, their sexual history has no relvance other than STIs but that goes both ways.

Why? it works both ways. If I was a woman, there's no way I'd let Russel Brand or Rod Stewart stick it to me...The only way this could be perceived as a double standard is if those claiming it believe that it's admirable for men to f*ck all around them. I don't think it is on either side...

From reading this I have come to the conclusion that in sexual matters some people are motivated by.

(1) Their lack of self esteem masquerading as something else.

(2) Their ego



Also our sexual desires are not very pc, logical brain v emotional brain.

DoYouEvenLift

Alf Veedersane wrote: »

I'm not sure why there is still a perception that a woman has been degraded for having a lot of sex.

Jesus H, sex is great fun. Really, it is.

And women enjoy it as well.

But god forbid they partake in it for fear that someone might think they're soiled goods for it.

If you're in a relationship with someone, their sexual history has no relvance other than STIs but that goes both ways.

Women that have one night stands are being used purely for sexual pleasure by the man and are seen as nothing but a sex object and then tossed aside for the next man that comes along. If a woman's okay with that and knows it then more power to her.

Can women enjoy sex and one night stands? Obviously. But don't forget that most men engaging in them do not give a single sh!t about the woman once they've used them for what they wanted and got.

Wompa1 wrote: »

Not necessarily. I'm living in a bigger city than Dublin. It can still apply within groups or circles. She wasn't bragging about anything but getting with a different guy any night they all go out whilst having a boyfriend you live with or worse still, getting with multiple guys in one night one after another tends to get you a reputation.

I just feel sorry for her boyfriend though. He's the geeky type. He's either completely oblivious or has such low confidence that he doesn't want to confront it. Hopefully if she catches something, she doesn't pass it on to him.

This is why you, and other men in a similar situation, should tell him. Nobody wants to be seen as an eejit because their partners a cheating scumbag. If he doesn't believe or break up with her though then that's his problem and at least you'll have tried to help. Can't condone cheating.

Alf Veedersane

DoYouEvenLift wrote: »

Women that have one night stands are being used purely for sexual pleasure by the man and are seen as nothing but a sex object and then tossed aside for the next man that comes along. If a woman's okay with that and knows it then more power to her.

Can women enjoy sex and one night stands? Obviously. But don't forget that most men engaging in them do not give a single sh!t about the woman once they've used them for what they wanted and got.

But the women are?

Really?

You don't think women are capable for engaging in sex for exactly the same shallow reasons as men?

Or do you think they're expecting to wake up to breakfast in bed and flowers?

eviltwin

DoYouEvenLift wrote: »

Women that have one night stands are being used purely for sexual pleasure by the man and are seen as nothing but a sex object and then tossed aside for the next man that comes along. If a woman's okay with that and knows it then more power to her.

Can women enjoy sex and one night stands? Obviously. But don't forget that most men engaging in them do not give a single sh!t about the woman once they've used them for what they wanted and got.

I think you'll find a lot of women having one night stands feel the same way. Its purely a physical thing. Its not like women have one night stands hoping he'll be the one.

Wompa1

DoYouEvenLift wrote: »

Women that have one night stands are being used purely for sexual pleasure by the man and are seen as nothing but a sex object and then tossed aside for the next man that comes along. If a woman's okay with that and knows it then more power to her.

Can women enjoy sex and one night stands? Obviously. But don't forget that most men engaging in them do not give a single sh!t about the woman once they've used them for what they wanted and got.

I'm sure most women who have one night stands know that. Granted, I've known women who have gone crazy after one. I had a friend who had a one nighter appear on his door step at 3am one weeknight banging down his door. She punched him in the face when he opened the door.

Also had a 19 year old friend of a girlfriend in a heap crying because he just put her into a taxi and wouldn't return her texts...

Collateral damage

Alf Veedersane

Wompa1 wrote: »

Why? it works both ways. If I was a woman, there's no way I'd let Russel Brand or Rod Stewart stick it to me...The only way this could be perceived as a double standard is if those claiming it believe that it's admirable for men to f*ck all around them. I don't think it is on either side...

It's unlikely you'll be meeting Russell Brand or Rod Stewart anytime soon.

You're more likely to meet a man whose sexual history isn't plastered across the paper and you'll probably have no idea whether his number is 2, 20 or 200.

If you hit it off, you hit it off.

How soon do you ask a guy how many people he's slept with?

UnitedWeStand

quote="paddy1990;92505476"]

Personally I would rather marry a girl with as low an amount of sexual partners as possible, with a virgin being absolutely ideal.[/quote]

I'm exactly the same to be honest. I'm 22 at the moment and just came out of a three year relationship. Maybe this has influenced me and instead of going from girl to girl during 18-22 I stayed committed. It's a hell of a lot better if you're committed to each other, and screw insecurity etc if your future girlfriends had a multitude of **** up her that will play with your mind in terms of intimacy mainly all before say doubts pop in before you stack up. You need a healthy sex life at least in the beginning parts of a relationship if it's gonna go anywhere.

In the girl I plan to settle down with I would preferably want two or less. That way she has dignity, doesn't sell herself out, and by doing that her body and her as a whole looks a lot more attractive. Plus you don't have to worry about STD'S either.

Alf Veedersane

UnitedWeStand wrote: »

In the girl I plan to settle down with I would preferably want two or less. That way she has dignity, doesn't sell herself out, and by doing that her body and her as a whole looks a lot more attractive. Plus you don't have to worry about STD'S either.

Wow.

Just...wow.

Wompa1

Alf Veedersane wrote: »

It's unlikely you'll be meeting Russell Brand or Rod Stewart anytime soon.

You're more likely to meet a man whose sexual history isn't plastered across the paper and you'll probably have no idea whether his number is 2, 20 or 200.

If you hit it off, you hit it off.

How soon do you ask a guy how many people he's slept with?

That was an example of men with high numbers that I would think would have women seriously questioning if it's worth the risk.

How soon depends on the person or even if you ask. Have had relationships in the past in which the girl insisted on both of us getting tested before having sex. All personal preference. I did have one girl I asked...only one. Somebody said it's due to self confidence. I only asked one, I reckon it was my own lack of confidence in her...she ended up cheating on me. Which may have in part been my fault for not being confident in her...or I could tell myself...this is why I wasn't confident in her.

When she told me her number it threw me for a loop and made things worse in my mind. Struggled to get over it but then, she wasn't the right girl either so, in the end I'm better off.

I wouldn't be getting into a relationship with somebody who acts on impulse a lot.

reprazant

UnitedWeStand wrote: »

It's a hell of a lot better if you're committed to each other, and screw insecurity etc if your future girlfriends had a multitude of **** up her that will play with your mind in terms of intimacy mainly all before say doubts pop in before you stack up. You need a healthy sex life at least in the beginning parts of a relationship if it's gonna go anywhere.

I may be wrong but this seems to read as you don't want any future possible girlfriend to have much experience so that you don't get insecure about if her previous fellas were better than?

DoYouEvenLift

Also, I don't find it all very feminine. And a woman that's not feminine or does things that aren't feminine aren't usually attractive, most men will agree.

Wompa1

UnitedWeStand wrote: »

quote="paddy1990;92505476"]
In the girl I plan to settle down with I would preferably want two or less. That way she has dignity, doesn't sell herself out, and by doing that her body and her as a whole looks a lot more attractive. Plus you don't have to worry about STD'S either.

That's probably more rare than a Unicorn for girls around your age but good luck with that. Also not sure what you mean about her doing that to her body? You mean risking an STD or do you mean something more?

eviltwin

DoYouEvenLift wrote: »

Also, I don't find it all very feminine. And a woman that's not feminine or does things that aren't feminine aren't usually attractive, most men will agree.

Gotta hear more about this....what is it that makes a woman feminine?

Ave Sodalis

DoYouEvenLift wrote: »

Women that have one night stands are being used purely for sexual pleasure by the man and are seen as nothing but a sex object and then tossed aside for the next man that comes along. If a woman's okay with that and knows it then more power to her.

Can women enjoy sex and one night stands? Obviously. But don't forget that most men engaging in them do not give a single sh!t about the woman once they've used them for what they wanted and got.

Actually, in my own experience, it's the other way around more so. Out of all the guys I've slept with (and I keep bringing me into it because I can only speak for myself), I've fallen for one. The rest were clearly one night stands. Some, if they were good enough and could hold boundaries, may have even become **** buddies. However, I've had guys who wouldn't let me leave the next morning, ones that won't stop asking to go on dates, even one I had to threaten with a restraining order before he would leave me alone, despite in all cases, it was made very clear that I was not looking for anything more. Except some guys don't get that and just assume that all girls want something more. The only exception was my current boyfriend because I had eye on him before we started sleeping together. Even then, it was almost a year before anything came of it.

UnitedWeStand wrote: »

I'm exactly the same to be honest. I'm 22 at the moment and just came out of a three year relationship. Maybe this has influenced me and instead of going from girl to girl during 18-22 I stayed committed. It's a hell of a lot better if you're committed to each other, and screw insecurity etc if your future girlfriends had a multitude of **** up her that will play with your mind in terms of intimacy mainly all before say doubts pop in before you stack up. You need a healthy sex life at least in the beginning parts of a relationship if it's gonna go anywhere.

In the girl I plan to settle down with I would preferably want two or less. That way she has dignity, doesn't sell herself out, and by doing that her body and her as a whole looks a lot more attractive. Plus you don't have to worry about STD'S either.

Eh wut? Also, you do know that you don't have to worry about STDs if they test clean... and that you're still not safe, even if you've had only one partner...

strobe

DoYouEvenLift wrote: »

Women that have one night stands are being used purely for sexual pleasure by the man and are seen as nothing but a sex object and then tossed aside for the next man that comes along. If a woman's okay with that and knows it then more power to her.

Can women enjoy sex and one night stands? Obviously. But don't forget that most men engaging in them do not give a single sh!t about the woman once they've used them for what they wanted and got.

You have quite a negative way of viewing ONS's, have you ever had any out of curiosity?

While I didn't love deeply girls I've had ONS's with (or them me, I'm sure), I certainly liked most of them, to a lesser or greater degree, and while quite a few I would have never seen again (others I became friends with or ended up in a relationship with), I certainly gave a single sh1t, maybe even two or three sh1ts about them, as I do most of the people I meet and like and make some sort of a connection (sexual or not, brief and insubstantial or a little more than that) with.