Ridiculous things your teachers said in school.

ciartastix

young male pe teacher in school shouts to the girls "you would be able to run faster if you lost some weight" q sitdown protest over his remarks as he gets redder and redder and apologises over and over again. felt sorry for him in the end but situation was made far worse by the fact one girl was known by all to be battling anorexia at the time.

Anal sex kills. You can bleed to death after it.

Needless to say it was religion class, not science. It was meant to dissuade us from taking up homosexuality.

Not sure if the teacher really believed that. Perhaps her husband was monstrously well-hung.

Leonard18

Told me last year that he "would hit me only he'd lose his job" because i was moving a drill on the desk when he was talking even tho i was still paying attention... he also put a wooden t square through a table..

First_October

MRnotlob606 wrote: »

I hate when dumb teachers try to undermine precocious students.

Unfortunately, ALL teachers are dumb to precocious students.

fussyonion

Not said, but written;

I had completed my homework and handed it in to the teacher to be looked at.
She gave it back to me during the day and had used her red pen to tick a few things that she was impressed with.

But the real cracker was where she crossed off the word "Gorgeous" I'd written and written underneath: "'georgeous'".

Chloris

I went to a terrible leaving cert Irish course. The teacher was explaining "pathetic fallacy" and she called it "pitiful phallus". Also known as tiny wang.

silverfeather

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

Anal sex kills. You can bleed to death after it.

Needless to say it was religion class, not science. It was meant to dissuade us from taking up homosexuality.

Not sure if the teacher really believed that. Perhaps her husband was monstrously well-hung.

Did he show you the ' Dear god I am bleeding from my anus' cartoon???

Only mildly inferior to the 'I am the Queen of France' cartoon.

Ompala

Greenmachine wrote: »

Assume Pi = 4

Pi is exactly 3.

Salvation Tambourine

I was in 1st year History on the day of 9/11 and my teacher came in and said "Childen, World War Three has started..."

We hadn't a clue about what was going on.

xalot

My teacher in high infants tried to ration the toilet roil and would tell us to use exactly one folded over square and if we didn't then God would know because he watches us at all times, even in the toilet.

Catholic schools, cant even take a piss without guilt.

Greenmachine

Vice Principal pulled me aside at the beginning of 5th year. "Greenmachine, Chemistry is a very hard course... I am not sure you will be able for it"
Result B1, it was my best subject. :P

HalloweenJack

We had a teacher in primary (think it was sixth class) who used to tell us such bull**** stories. Even at 12/13, we knew they were complete bull****. Can't remember them all unfortunately but they were the stories that attention-seekers would tell. Bear in mind this was a woman in her late 20's and we were kids on the edge of puberty.

One I do remember was about a friend of hers who drank a bottle of whiskey in one go then vomited his stomach as soon as he'd finished.

_Brian

"Using your left hand for writing is straight from the Devil", this was accompanied by repeated 20 on each hand with the cane as when she'd turn her back i'd swap over and use my left hand, had to as we got the cane for not keeping up with the class while trying to write with our right hand :mad:

Senior infants, imagine beating 5YO children for being left handed.

knucklehead6

http://xkcd.com/1519/

Dman001

This thread makes me distraught for the education system in Ireland....

kylith

"It takes three people to make a baby; a man, a woman, and God", said the science teacher.

She also tried to convince us that Pluto (the ex-planet) had a temperature of hundreds of degrees Celsius. Nerdy me and my nerdy mate wound up teaching the space part of the curriculum.

PopePalpatine

Jaysus...that sounds like something you'd learn in Sunday School in Iowa, not Ireland! :pac:

The_Valeyard

Dman001 wrote: »

This thread makes me distraught for the education system in Ireland....

Actually most of it seems like funny comebacks or witty comments teachers said. Had a few good chuckles.

To Elland Back

Head Brother to me at career guidance, grabbing my arm;

"You're not going to get a decent Leaving Cert To Elland Back, but a good looking chap like you will get a job anywhere"

In fairness, he was right

kylith

PopePalpatine wrote: »

Jaysus...that sounds like something you'd learn in Sunday School in Iowa, not Ireland! :pac:

Never, ever, ever, ever, ever should an ex nun be allowed to teach science.

Wish I'd been quick enough to ask if digestion needed ADP, pepsin, and the grace of Jesus Christ.

rawn

tony 2 tone wrote: »

I had an Irish teacher like that too, you didn't happen to go to school in Dublin 15 did you?

Yes

sbsquarepants

Atoms are indivisible fundamental particles, junior cert science:eek:
By the time I'd made it to leaving cert and honours physics they had at least conceded the existence of protons, electrons and so on but talk of quarks, gluons etc was still heresy. I wonder what they teach now?

PopePalpatine

Funnily enough, when I was doing Physics for the LC, quarks were mentioned, along with the combinations of quarks that made up each elementary particle, as well as the difference between hadrons and leptons.

languagenerd

My third-class teacher told us that if you drew on your skin, the ink would be absorbed into your bloodstream and could poison you.

She was very young (maybe younger than I am now :eek: ) and probably only said it as a way to get us to stop drawing on our hands while she was teaching, but... Whole class of 8-year-olds terrified at the thought of accidentally getting ink on our hands while writing.

peneau

Ara com'on now lads (he's from Roscommon)

Elbow

I told you last week you might as well have been pissing into the wind, well looks like you didn't listen and now after a week of lad in the hand facing a gale all you've gotten soggy f*cking stockings!

RhubarbCrumble

languagenerd wrote: »

My third-class teacher told us that if you drew on your skin, the ink would be absorbed into your bloodstream and could poison you.

My third class teacher said that too. She was an evil b***h though. Had her for fourth class as well :mad:

Squaredude

In 6th class a lad got the head beat off him with his spelling notebook for getting 10/10 in a spelling test. Teacher came down to his desk and asked him why he couldn't do that all the time, while beating him around the head with the notebook: "Why(slap) can't(slap) you(slap) do(slap) this(slap) all(slap) the(slap) time(slap)?"

fiachr_a

Rocks that break open are due to ice expanding in the cracks. Someone could have belted that rock with a hammer!

Father Ted Crilly

How was it that a teacher who is a complete stranger could torture students all day long and you wouldn't get that type of thing at home. It's as revolting as paedophile priests (and other non-religious paedophiles...).