I Can't Believe I Just Did/Said That ....!

Ditch

We all have these moments. Call them " Blonde ". " Senior ". Not to be confused with accidents. I'm talking about those transient times when eye, hand and brain fleetingly lose all contact.

I eat stew. Every night. I make it in my slow cooker and ladle it onto my glass flan dish. On my tray. Bring it in here and nom nom nom. Every night. Ye'd think I'd have got the hang of it, by now ....?

Other night, I came in here. Sat down and prepared to enjoy. Till, looking down at my lap I thought; " Hang on ..... Where's the fcuking Dish?!? "

What have You managed, AH?

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

Stew every night out of a flan dish?

You're a weirdo.

The_Valeyard

Do not feel to bad OP, I was chatting to a lady today who IS convinced that Portugal is a province and part of Spain.

Kovu

Laughed at the cat asleep on the armchair an hour ago.
Came in 20 minutes later while looking at my phone and *plonk* sat on the cat.

Mr_Red

Yes my OH has these issues all the time

I was on the phone to someone who was shadowing my citrix session, they asked "which file" and I said "that one" and I pointed to the file. With my finger.

DLMA23

Mmmm...stew

The Backwards Man

I made a raisin scone earlier, forgot to put the bloody raisins in it.

Ficheall

I want some stew

Can we come around for dinner, OP?

Adyx

The Backwards Man wrote: »

I made a raisin scone earlier, forgot to put the bloody raisins in it.

Lucky escape :cool:

padd b1975

Ditch wrote: »

We all have these moments. Call them " Blonde ". " Senior ". Not to be confused with accidents. I'm talking about those transient times when eye, hand and brain fleetingly lose all contact.

I eat stew. Every night. I make it in my slow cooker and ladle it onto my glass flan dish. On my tray. Bring it in here and nom nom nom. Every night. Ye'd think I'd have got the hang of it, by now ....?

Other night, I came in here. Sat down and prepared to enjoy. Till, looking down at my lap I thought; " Hang on ..... Where's the fcuking Dish?!? "

What have You managed, AH?

Where the fcuk is here???

Sterling Archer

I've often been driving home playing music from my phone, and had a mini panic as I think sh*t did I leave my phone at work again

endacl

Forgot to put me trousers on today.

Again.

Nib

Frantically search for my glasses all the time before I realise I'm wearing them.

Ruu

Used glass lens cleaner spray inside of crystal spray deodorant a few weeks ago, nearly always reach for the bottle.

The_Valeyard

You mean like when you accidentally tried to put it in the a** ?

greedygoblin

Once, when having breakfast I poured milk into a glass while simultaneously pouring orange juice into my cereal.

It was not nice.

Ditch

Deleted User wrote: »

I was on the phone to someone who was shadowing my citrix session, they asked "which file" and I said "that one" and I pointed to the file. With my finger.

That actually reminds me of the best blonde joke I've ever come across .....


A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.

The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

"What does it look like?" she finally asked. The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it." The driver finally found a square
mirror, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman.

"Here it is," she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."

:pac:

J Mysterio

Ditch wrote: »

We all have these moments. Call them " Blonde ". " Senior ". Not to be confused with accidents. I'm talking about those transient times when eye, hand and brain fleetingly lose all contact.

I eat stew. Every night. I make it in my slow cooker and ladle it onto my glass flan dish. On my tray. Bring it in here and nom nom nom. Every night. Ye'd think I'd have got the hang of it, by now ....?

Other night, I came in here. Sat down and prepared to enjoy. Till, looking down at my lap I thought; " Hang on ..... Where's the fcuking Dish?!? "

What have You managed, AH?

How long have you been eating stew every night for?

Irish stew?

I am pie

Leitrim man dies from massive stew overdose.

Nib

Have to ask.

What the fuck is a citrix session?

Birneybau

Nib wrote: »

Have to ask.

What the fuck is a citrix session?

You're too young to know.

Ditch

Ditch wrote: »

That actually reminds me of the best blonde joke I've ever come across .....

Heh, yeh, imagine being blonde.

<.<
>.>

Nib wrote: »

Have to ask.

What the fuck is a citrix session?

Sorry, it's a virtual desktop on your puter. It's a pain in the bleedin' tits.

I, um, work in IT

Mariasofia

Lots of times over the summer I put the dinner in the oven, lay out in the sun and came in an hour later starving to find I hadnt turned the oven on.....
I am blonde though..... :O

Wabbit Ears

A citrix session is like BDSM but instead of rubber whips and chains and stuff you torture yourself with timeouts, laggy connections and sh1t applications that have to be run in citrix because there so cr@p they only run in this ancient virtualised environment.

This morning I said to myself that i should put my laptop bag with both laptops on it by the door so I wouldn't forget them. Realised when I got to work I had forgotten them.


i also had to edit this post because I forgot to actually write my response to the topic.

FloatingVoter

Wabbit Ears wrote: »

A citrix session is like BDSM but instead of rubber whips and chains and stuff you torture yourself with timeouts, laggy connections and sh1t applications that have to be run in citrix because there so cr@p they only run in this ancient virtualised environment.

This is why Nerd Porn failed epically in the test screenings.

bitemeluis

Nib wrote: »

Have to ask.

What the fuck is a citrix session?

A social gathering of Lemon, Limes and Grapefruit

Peregrine

greedygoblin wrote: »

Once, when having breakfast I poured milk into a glass while simultaneously pouring orange juice into my cereal.

It was not nice.

I was making a cup of coffee and getting a bowl of cereal one morning. Ended up putting coffee and sugar into a bowl of milk.

It was actually quite nice though

My name is URL

All I know is that now I want a flan dish full of stew

Fiolina

If I park my car the opposite way to normal outside my house I'll invariably go to get in to the passenger side every time.

Collie D

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I was on the phone to someone who was shadowing my citrix session, they asked "which file" and I said "that one" and I pointed to the file. With my finger.

Haha. I can relate to that. I regularly have to wipe my work monitor clean because I circle things on it with pen while showing things to other people.

Larianne

My name is URL wrote: »

All I know is that now I want a flan dish full of stew

You'd be following that piece of carrot all around the friggin dish with your spoon!
No thank you!!

... I can't think of a good story here.

FloatingVoter

That time I put cornflakes in the vodka. It was no accident. According to Jah Wobble it was God telling me I needed feeding up.

paperclip2

Absently chopping cherry tomatoes into my porridge instead of strawberries is something I've done on a couple of occasions.

czechlin

bitemeluis wrote: »

A social gathering of Lemon, Limes and Grapefruit

You forgot oranges, that's a bit mean! :pac:

The J Stands for Jay

"I'm going to have to call you back; I think I've lost my phone."

Kev.OC

Was topping up the sugar bowl last week, but instead of picking up a bag of sugar from the press I took the bag of porridge oats beside it...

whiskeyman

If I shower in the evening after coming home from sports, I've often thrown my dirty socks and jocks in the toilet, thinking it was the linen basket... in a proper slam dunk motion for added effect too!! Only seeing it leave my hand do I realise... Doh!!

Thankfully, never mixed it up the other way around!

LenaClaire

I failed badly at making a cup tea at work a few years ago :

Me making tea:
add tea bags to cup
add hot water
take un opened sachet of sugar
throw sugar directly into cup WITHOUT opening packet
stare at cup with sugar packet floating in it
10 second processing delay
realize what I have just done
stick fingers into boiling hot water to get sugar out
stick fingers in mouth to cool them off
stare at cup
say screw it
scoop out sugar packet
add milk
drink tea anyway

Chancer3001

Turned on the car.

Sat there for a second, then tried to turn on the car again. Horrible scraping sound out of the ignition.

Tail Docker

The_Valeyard wrote: »

Do not feel to bad OP, I was chatting to a lady today who IS convinced that Portugal is a province and part of Spain.

It is though, really, isn't it? A slightly ruraller province..

Call Me Jimmy

took the match out, lit it and put it in front of my mouth 'this cigarette ain't lighting' but only because it wasn't there coz I hadn't taken it out.

LorMal

Said 'thanks Love' to Barman when he served me my pint the other night. Not the right thing to do.

Mam of 4

Have went to take the first mouthful of my first coffee of the morning and realised it's hot water and sugar. Worst part is I've done this more than once

fleet_admiral

I cant function without a coffee when I get up. Ive been known to put the coffee jar in the fridge and the milk in the press the odd time

Scruffy...The Janitor

Ruu wrote: »

Used glass lens cleaner spray inside of crystal spray deodorant a few weeks ago, nearly always reach for the bottle.

Ha ha. I Think you need to clean your gla...........oh.

kingchess

back when I was a smoker 25 years ago and driving home from work I lit my cigarette with a match(not easy when driving but it was a quite and straight country road) and then threw the cig instead of the match out the window,(how times change-I would not dream of throwing even a match out the window these days)

Jake Rugby Walrus666

kingchess wrote: »

I lit my cigarette with a match(not easy when driving but it was a quite and straight country road) and then threw the cig instead of the match out the window

Were you able to find the smoke?

lazeedaisy

The other day I forgot to turn on slow cooker, first time in EVER,

No dinner for me,

Seriously, make a massive pot of stew, tastes better every day.

The King of Moo

I one accidentally pis*ed in the sink instead of the urinal in a public toilet, even though I was completely sober and alert. It was the middle of the afternoon in college and after a few seconds pis*ing I thought "this urinal is very high." Then it hit me.

It was a horrible feeling, thinking I'd have to wait there till I finished, hoping nobody would come in.
Panicking, I flexed to hold the stream in for a moment, then quickly crossed over to the urinal before the stream started again.

I've no idea how it happened, but at least it's not as weird as eating stew every night.

endacl

The King of Moo wrote: »

I one accidentally pis*ed in the sink instead of the urinal in a public toilet, even though I was completely sober and alert. It was the middle of the afternoon in college and after a few seconds pis*ing I thought "this urinal is very high." Then it hit me.

It was a horrible feeling, thinking I'd have to wait there till I finished, hoping nobody would come in.
Panicking, I flexed to hold the stream in for a moment, then quickly crossed over to the urinal before the stream started again.

I've no idea how it happened, but at least it's not as weird as eating stew every night.

I did exactly the same thing! In school, Monday morning after a wild weekend, I went in to the jacks, turned left as usual, and in mid flow thought to myself, 'this pisspot seems a little higher than usual?'.

In my hungover state, I'd accidentally gone into the ladies. It was an all male school, and I was in the staff ladies toilet. Full bladder too. I can't remember a pish ever taking so long...