Tipping at weddings

Sala

What is the usual for tipping at weddings? My dad suggeted handing around a basket because his daughters (that includes me!) waitressed at many during out college years, at 16 hours a day, and never got tips, even those that we know were given in to reception, apart from the one time someone handed around baskets and ask people to tip their servers.

Any thoughts on this?

Faith

I'm not sure I understand. You want your guests to tip their servers at your wedding, and you want to pass around collection baskets for the tips?

That would be a bizarre idea to me, if I've understood you correctly.

wazky

I've tipped a few bridesmaids in my time, If thats what you mean?

ElleEm

Wow. Definitely don't do this.

racso1975

Agree with Elle. If people want to tip let them dont force them. Plus you cannot be certain of the service quality at each table

kandr10

Why would the servers be working 16 hours? Seems a long day if guests only arrive at 3 or 4 and meal is over by 8. Usually you don't see them after the meal, unless they're working the bar too. I've never seen tipping after the meal, whatever about throwing bar staff a few quid.

Sala

Yes that happened at one or two weddings I worked at, but I have never seen it at one I've been a guest at.

Sala

kandr10 wrote: »

Why would the servers be working 16 hours? Seems a long day if guests only arrive at 3 or 4 and meal is over by 8. Usually you don't see them after the meal, unless they're working the bar too. I've never seen tipping after the meal, whatever about throwing bar staff a few quid.

Servers don't start and finish with the food. When I worked in a hotel the banqueting staff did all set up and clean up, starting at 11 or 12 pm and finishing 3 or 4 am

Sala

Faith wrote: »

I'm not sure I understand. You want your guests to tip their servers at your wedding, and you want to pass around collection baskets for the tips?

That would be a bizarre idea to me, if I've understood you correctly.

Thanks it's unusual but as I said I've seen it! Anyway people seem to be opposed so I won't. I just know the next day if you leave a tip for servers it doesn't get to them

kandr10

Sala wrote: »

Thanks it's unusual but a so said I've seen it! Anyway people seem to be opposed so I won't. I just know the next day if you leave a tip for servers it doesn't get to them

That's good to know in fairness. If individuals ever want to leave a tip to put it in the hand of the person. I get that obviously there would be some set up before hand and clean up , I just never imagined all staff would be kept til 3 am! I'll have a lot more sympathy next time I'm at a wedding.

homemadecider

Why would you expect the guests to tip? It's your wedding, you're paying the bill - YOU leave a tip!

Sala

kandr10 wrote: »

That's good to know in fairness. If individuals ever want to leave a tip to put it in the hand of the person. I get that obviously there would be some set up before hand and clean up , I just never imagined all staff would be kept til 3 am! I'll have a lot more sympathy next time I'm at a wedding.

In about 2-3 years working weddings the only tips I got were the basket scenario above or the rare occasion someone gave you something at the table. I also know the bar staff got tipped and they told us a few times the person tipping, ie brides dad, said that's for you I've already sorted the girls out (meaning us!) and we never saw any of them

Sala

homemadecider wrote: »

Why would you expect the guests to tip? It's your wedding, you're paying the bill - YOU leave a tip!

As I said you pay the bill and tip it doesn't get to the servers

imitation

I have been at one or two weddings where I saw the same staff setting up the meal during the day, and then later on serving at the residents bar at 3-4 am. I think its pretty unfair to expect that of staff, especially as many hotels can expect to do a fair few weddings a year and naturally Irish weddings will always have the dozen people who insist on sticking around in the residents bar til 6 in the morning. Ultimately I think its on the hotel to be fair to its staff rather than customers offering tips to make up for it.

The tip baskets a nice idea, but it depends on the crowd, a lot of people feel weddings are a big enough involuntary expense, between stags, staying the night, presents etc. It might feel a bit annoying to see a tip basket coming around out of nowhere. Tipping is still an optional thing really too in Irish culture but the basket going around just forces people to do it, like it or not.

Arbiter of Good Taste

To be honest, if I was a guest at a wedding and handed a basket to put in a tip, I would not be happy at all.

Though if you are looking to do something "different" to make your wedding memorable.....

Sala

imitation wrote: »

I have been at one or two weddings where I saw the same staff setting up the meal during the day, and then later on serving at the residents bar at 3-4 am. I think its pretty unfair to expect that of staff, especially as many hotels can expect to do a fair few weddings a year and naturally Irish weddings will always have the dozen people who insist on sticking around in the residents bar til 6 in the morning. Ultimately I think its on the hotel to be fair to its staff rather than customers offering tips to make up for it.

The tip baskets a nice idea, but it depends on the crowd, a lot of people feel weddings are a big enough involuntary expense, between stags, staying the night, presents etc. It might feel a bit annoying to see a tip basket coming around out of nowhere. Tipping is still an optional thing really too in Irish culture but the basket going around just forces people to do it, like it or not.

A lot of staff are students so I suppose for us getting 16 hours pay in one 'day' at the weekend was great!

I certainly don't want to annoy my guests though! I thought it was a nice idea I suppose as I was on the other side and it walk great to walk out with a few quid :-)

I think it's nice for people to tip their servers but obviously not the done thing here! I know at weddings people often give change if there's table service for drinks but that's all

Arbiter of Good Taste

Sala wrote: »

A lot of staff are students so I suppose for us getting 16 hours pay in one 'day' at the weekend was great!

I certainly don't want to annoy my guests though! I thought it was a nice idea I suppose as I was on the other side and it walk great to walk out with a few quid :-)

I think it's nice for people to tip their servers but obviously not the done thing here! I know at weddings people often give change if there's table service for drinks but that's all

But why should it be up to the guests to tip? It's generally done by the B&G. If you are concerned that the hotel won't pass it on, then allocate one of the groomsmen to tip the staff individually after the meal.

Funny we should be talking about this-I was at a wedding last weekend &for the first time ever a glass was pushed around our table to tip our server. I had never saw that at a wedding before and felt we had to throw a few quid in as everyone else was.
To be fair the waitress was a scream and really entertained the table,she was halirious and she looked after us very well- extra wine top ups, extra food, info re taxis from the venue to our accomodation etc, we didn't mind tipping her but it was unusual, I don't think it should me mandatory, you are a guest after all

Sala

Arbiter of Good Taste wrote: »

But why should it be up to the guests to tip? It's generally done by the B&G. If you are concerned that the hotel won't pass it on, then allocate one of the groomsmen to tip the staff individually after the meal.

I suppose because they are your servers even if you're not paying ? Anyway I threw it out as an idea as I have seen it, and thought it was nice but enough people here seem to think its a really bad idea, so I'll get groomsman or someone to tip after the meal

LynnGrace

I agree with the suggestion to get one of your own party to tip the servers, individually, if you want to do that. I definitely wouldn't pass around a basket.

evolving_doors

Dont forget the kitchen staff either.

Sala

Armelodie wrote: »

Dont forget the kitchen staff either.

How do you tip them- give it to a waiter ? Or tip a lump to 'head' waiter for divvying

Santa Cruz

And the car park attendant, and the man who cuts the grass.

If you want to bring your wedding down to the level of a stag night go ahead with your tipping plan. I was at a wedding 20 years ago and a brother of the bride went around with a glass to the guests looking for tips. It was like an episode of Shameless

Typer Monkey

Kitchen staff never get tipped, even in a restaurant scenario where tipping the waiter is the norm

Sala

Typer Monkey wrote: »

Kitchen staff never get tipped, even in a restaurant scenario where tipping the waiter is the norm

Thanks I didn't realise that poster was being sarky

Why should wedding guests be expected to suppliment staff wages? Also, if a waiter/ess work 16 hours in a day, it's their choice. Again NOTHING to do with the guests of their clients. It would be very wrong to place a basket in front of guests and expect them to pay, especially if they have no idea if it will reach the intended people. Guests go to a lot of expense just getting to a wedding.

AoifeCork

kandr10 wrote: »

Why would the servers be working 16 hours? Seems a long day if guests only arrive at 3 or 4 and meal is over by 8. Usually you don't see them after the meal, unless they're working the bar too. I've never seen tipping after the meal, whatever about throwing bar staff a few quid.

As somebody that plays for drinks receptions and fronts a wedding band, I have, on numerous occasions, been served a cup of coffee at 3pm, a coffee at 11pm and said goodbye at 2am to the same waiter/waitress.

I honestly don't know how they do it sometimes.

I always tip the waiter/waitress at a wedding if I think they are doing a good job. If myself or my partner win the "speech" bet thing, we usually give a cut of it to the server.

Milly33

I wouldn't tip at a wedding not a hope unless wait nope I would not. If they were great I would make sure and say it to the manager that they were but after that I certainly would not..If the b&g want to then that's up to them but I would not ask guest to do it, I would find it pretty cheeky actually if a basket came my way with a note saying tips...

I do understand tipping but at the same time I do not understand why I am tipping someone for doing their job,

Electric Sheep

Sala wrote: »

A lot of staff are students so I suppose for us getting 16 hours pay in one 'day' at the weekend was great!

I certainly don't want to annoy my guests though! I thought it was a nice idea I suppose as I was on the other side and it walk great to walk out with a few quid :-)

Surely you were walking out with a few quid? Or were you working for free?

Sala

Electric Sheep wrote: »

Surely you were walking out with a few quid? Or were you working for free?

No you don't get paid by the end of the night. But I think you know what I meant

Toots

Folks, please keep replies friendly/helpful. There's no need to get snarky.

Victor

Sala wrote: »

What is the usual for tipping at weddings? My dad suggeted handing around a basket because his daughters (that includes me!) waitressed at many during out college years, at 16 hours a day, and never got tips, even those that we know were given in to reception, apart from the one time someone handed around baskets and ask people to tip their servers.

Any thoughts on this?

Cue the staff going through the basket and finding €50 notes intended for the bride and groom.

JayRoc

Another notion from a generation of Irish people who seem to think they're yanks.

cactusgal

JayRoc wrote: »

Another notion from a generation of Irish people who seem to think they're yanks.

I'm a "Yank" and I would never pass around a basket for tips at a wedding!

Calhoun

I have worked many a wedding in my day and i have never seen it done. Sure its a nice idea and kudos on thinking of the staff but it is the hotels responsibility first and foremost to look after them .

I don't know how your wedding will be but is the service at a wedding really at a level that warrants tipping? If i go to a restaurant the waiting staff spend allot of time in comparison to a wedding.

You also have to factor in that although the wedding is hosted by the bride and groom each guest normally comes to it at a cost to themselves , added to that the possible average of 50 to 150 worth of money in a card i think its a bit much to expect guests to tip.

Toots

Ahem....

Maybe people missed my post from about an hour or so ago, so I'll say it again: If you haven't got something helpful to contribute to the thread, don't bother posting. This is the last on-thread warning there will be. After this anyone who posts in an unhelpful/snarky/sarcastic way will get an infraction or ban.

Toots wrote: »

Folks, please keep replies friendly/helpful. There's no need to get snarky.

Sala

Calhoun wrote: »

I have worked many a wedding in my day and i have never seen it done. Sure its a nice idea and kudos on thinking of the staff but it is the hotels responsibility first and foremost to look after them .

I don't know how your wedding will be but is the service at a wedding really at a level that warrants tipping? If i go to a restaurant the waiting staff spend allot of time in comparison to a wedding.

You also have to factor in that although the wedding is hosted by the bride and groom each guest normally comes to it at a cost to themselves , added to that the possible average of 50 to 150 worth of money in a card i think its a bit much to expect guests to tip.

Thanks, it was something I have seen it but I recall it was only the once. Like another poster I have contributed to the "glass" before but I presumed that was someone on the table starting it.

I thought it was a nice idea, but that was when I was on the other side - a server! Maybe the person who did it was as well. I asked about it here but So many people think it's an awful idea I'll take that on and not do it.

What do you mean about service that warrants tipping? I assumed we'd tip something given the staff are there all day and they do tend to put in a long slog for weddings, but not to the level of a restaurant ie 10% of meals or something as we can't afford it!

Calhoun

Sala wrote: »

What do you mean about service that warrants tipping? I assumed we'd tip something given the staff are there all day and they do tend to put in a long slog for weddings, but not to the level of a restaurant ie 10% of meals or something as we can't afford it!

Well the way i see it restaurant staff are also there all day the difference is restaurant staff have much more face time with customer they serve and the service they offer if they want a tip would be much better. Waiting staff at a hotel may spend at the most 5-10 minutes (if even) with an individual for the entire day, most of it will be around the meal and it will be 20-30 second interactions when confirming food order, drinks order (if there is a toast) and serving.

Anytime spent setting up for the wedding ect that staff incur is really down to the bride and groom. You got to remember it is you that is hosting the event not your guests, all that extra time is down to you.

Finally are you sure serving staff spend 16 hours a day there? i know they maybe there from setup until after the meal but hotels i have been in once the meal ended most of the waiting staff apart from the barmen (who dont really get busy until after the email) and maybe the night porter/barstaff who handles the late bar go home.

Additionally to this there could also be an argument for tipping the chef's and barstaff ect.

Sala

Ah yes I agree i would tip more in a restaurant but was curious if you meant at wedding seevice doesn't warrant a tip at all? I presumed i would give them something but not 10% of food bill as it's excessive. I don't know how long they'll be there I just know from my own days I certainly did 16 hours frequently.

Calhoun

Well really it depends if it does warrant a tip, i paid quite allot of money for my own wedding venue. So if you can afford to then of course the staff will appreciate it but the only reason they have a job is because your booking your wedding there.

Back when i worked we had 3- finish shifts, serving staff that would work for the duration of the wedding only and then leave, the rest was looked after by barstaff, porters ect. So it can really depend on the size of the venue and the staff they have, i would expect most venues these days will have reasonable enough shifts for waiting staff.

Faith

Sala wrote: »

Ah yes I agree i would tip more in a restaurant but was curious if you meant at wedding seevice doesn't warrant a tip at all? I presumed i would give them something but not 10% of food bill as it's excessive. I don't know how long they'll be there I just know from my own days I certainly did 16 hours frequently.

Why do you think it does warrant a tip? The servers are being paid an hourly wage (you'd hope), they're making at least minimum wage, and their interaction with guests is low compared to serving a table of 4 at a restaurant, for example.

A tip is, in Ireland, used to acknowledge excellent service. It's not expected or required, like in North America. So unless you feel the servers do an outstanding job, then I can't see why they'd get tipped.

cactusgal

+1 to what Faith has said.

In the USA, there's a loophole in employment law which allows the restaurant industry to pay servers way below minimum wage (it was just $2.13 an hour when I was a waitress in the late 90s). Most of that goes to taxes anyway, so the employers have effectively forced their customers to pay the wages of their employees, through tips.

Staff here make at least minimum wage, so it's a completely different setup.

Arbiter of Good Taste

cactusgal wrote: »

+1 to what Faith has said.

In the USA, there's a loophole in employment law which allows the restaurant industry to pay servers way below minimum wage (it was just $2.13 an hour when I was a waitress in the late 90s). Most of that goes to taxes anyway, so the employers have effectively forced their customers to pay the wages of their employees, through tips.

Staff here make at least minimum wage, so it's a completely different setup.

AFAIK, in Ireland, staff in the hospitality sector make a higher minimum wage than those in other sectors. I'm sure someone will correct me if I am wrong, but if I'm not, it doesn't make sense to tip waiting staff rather than, say, the person working in a newsagents.

xtradel

At my wedding during my speech when I was thanking parents/best men etc I asked everybody to applaud the waiting staff for all their hard work. I think they seemed surprised that they were thought about.

Tarzana

kandr10 wrote: »

I just never imagined all staff would be kept til 3 am! I'll have a lot more sympathy next time I'm at a wedding.

Doesn't surprise me at all, hotel staff get treated terribly in this country. It's something I'm always aware of when I'm attending an event in a hotel.

OldNotWIse

It's a nice idea - if you think about an average wedding with 100 people, if everyone gave a couple of euro - not bad. When you think about how much money people will spend on themselves at a wedding it's not much to tip a bit extra. But I think passing around a basket is forcing people to give against their will. Maybe leaving a basket in the centre of each table might be a more subtle way of doing it? Also, remember that with the majority of people being asked to gift cash or buy specific items from "wish lists" (I know someone who has a "honeymoon fund" online) - guests may not take too kindly to being asked to pay extra as they may feel they have already paid for your wedding for you.

Tarzana

Victor wrote: »

Cue the staff going through the basket and finding €50 notes intended for the bride and groom.

Why would someone put their gift for the bride and groom in a tip basket?

Sala

OldNotWIse wrote: »

It's a nice idea - if you think about an average wedding with 100 people, if everyone gave a couple of euro - not bad. When you think about how much money people will spend on themselves at a wedding it's not much to tip a bit extra. But I think passing around a basket is forcing people to give against their will. Maybe leaving a basket in the centre of each table might be a more subtle way of doing it? Also, remember that with the majority of people being asked to gift cash or buy specific items from "wish lists" (I know someone who has a "honeymoon fund" online) - guests may not take too kindly to being asked to pay extra as they may feel they have already paid for your wedding for you.

Thanks, I thought it was a nice idea when I saw it but so many people are opposed I defo won't do it!

Lol, re the honeymoon fund. I was at a wedding where they had a box with a contribute to our honeymoon sign on it and a picture of where they wanted to go!!

kingtut

If you are expecting the waiting staff to get tips then it is only far that the kitchen staff get them too! There would be no food / clean dishes without them after all.

Arbiter of Good Taste

Sala wrote: »

Lol, re the honeymoon fund. I was at a wedding where they had a box with a contribute to our honeymoon sign on it and a picture of where they wanted to go!!

WTF!!! :eek:

The Rabbit

Sala wrote: »

Thanks, I thought it was a nice idea when I saw it but so many people are opposed I defo won't do it!

Lol, re the honeymoon fund. I was at a wedding where they had a box with a contribute to our honeymoon sign on it and a picture of where they wanted to go!!

The cheeky pigs!