Tipping at weddings

Victor · 14-09-2014 10:40PM

Sala wrote: »

What is the usual for tipping at weddings? My dad suggeted handing around a basket because his daughters (that includes me!) waitressed at many during out college years, at 16 hours a day, and never got tips, even those that we know were given in to reception, apart from the one time someone handed around baskets and ask people to tip their servers.

Any thoughts on this?

Cue the staff going through the basket and finding €50 notes intended for the bride and groom.

JayRoc · 14-09-2014 11:08PM

Another notion from a generation of Irish people who seem to think they're yanks.

cactusgal · 14-09-2014 11:20PM

JayRoc wrote: »

Another notion from a generation of Irish people who seem to think they're yanks.

I'm a "Yank" and I would never pass around a basket for tips at a wedding!

Calhoun · 14-09-2014 11:21PM

I have worked many a wedding in my day and i have never seen it done. Sure its a nice idea and kudos on thinking of the staff but it is the hotels responsibility first and foremost to look after them .

I don't know how your wedding will be but is the service at a wedding really at a level that warrants tipping? If i go to a restaurant the waiting staff spend allot of time in comparison to a wedding.

You also have to factor in that although the wedding is hosted by the bride and groom each guest normally comes to it at a cost to themselves , added to that the possible average of 50 to 150 worth of money in a card i think its a bit much to expect guests to tip.

Toots · 14-09-2014 11:26PM

Ahem....

Maybe people missed my post from about an hour or so ago, so I'll say it again: If you haven't got something helpful to contribute to the thread, don't bother posting. This is the last on-thread warning there will be. After this anyone who posts in an unhelpful/snarky/sarcastic way will get an infraction or ban.

Toots wrote: »

Folks, please keep replies friendly/helpful. There's no need to get snarky.

Sala · 14-09-2014 11:46PM

Calhoun wrote: »

I have worked many a wedding in my day and i have never seen it done. Sure its a nice idea and kudos on thinking of the staff but it is the hotels responsibility first and foremost to look after them .

I don't know how your wedding will be but is the service at a wedding really at a level that warrants tipping? If i go to a restaurant the waiting staff spend allot of time in comparison to a wedding.

You also have to factor in that although the wedding is hosted by the bride and groom each guest normally comes to it at a cost to themselves , added to that the possible average of 50 to 150 worth of money in a card i think its a bit much to expect guests to tip.

Thanks, it was something I have seen it but I recall it was only the once. Like another poster I have contributed to the "glass" before but I presumed that was someone on the table starting it.

I thought it was a nice idea, but that was when I was on the other side - a server! Maybe the person who did it was as well. I asked about it here but So many people think it's an awful idea I'll take that on and not do it.

What do you mean about service that warrants tipping? I assumed we'd tip something given the staff are there all day and they do tend to put in a long slog for weddings, but not to the level of a restaurant ie 10% of meals or something as we can't afford it!

Calhoun · 15-09-2014 12:14AM

Sala wrote: »

What do you mean about service that warrants tipping? I assumed we'd tip something given the staff are there all day and they do tend to put in a long slog for weddings, but not to the level of a restaurant ie 10% of meals or something as we can't afford it!

Well the way i see it restaurant staff are also there all day the difference is restaurant staff have much more face time with customer they serve and the service they offer if they want a tip would be much better. Waiting staff at a hotel may spend at the most 5-10 minutes (if even) with an individual for the entire day, most of it will be around the meal and it will be 20-30 second interactions when confirming food order, drinks order (if there is a toast) and serving.

Anytime spent setting up for the wedding ect that staff incur is really down to the bride and groom. You got to remember it is you that is hosting the event not your guests, all that extra time is down to you.

Finally are you sure serving staff spend 16 hours a day there? i know they maybe there from setup until after the meal but hotels i have been in once the meal ended most of the waiting staff apart from the barmen (who dont really get busy until after the email) and maybe the night porter/barstaff who handles the late bar go home.

Additionally to this there could also be an argument for tipping the chef's and barstaff ect.

Sala · 15-09-2014 12:20AM

Ah yes I agree i would tip more in a restaurant but was curious if you meant at wedding seevice doesn't warrant a tip at all? I presumed i would give them something but not 10% of food bill as it's excessive. I don't know how long they'll be there I just know from my own days I certainly did 16 hours frequently.

Calhoun · 15-09-2014 12:28AM

Well really it depends if it does warrant a tip, i paid quite allot of money for my own wedding venue. So if you can afford to then of course the staff will appreciate it but the only reason they have a job is because your booking your wedding there.

Back when i worked we had 3- finish shifts, serving staff that would work for the duration of the wedding only and then leave, the rest was looked after by barstaff, porters ect. So it can really depend on the size of the venue and the staff they have, i would expect most venues these days will have reasonable enough shifts for waiting staff.

Faith · 15-09-2014 12:55AM

Sala wrote: »

Ah yes I agree i would tip more in a restaurant but was curious if you meant at wedding seevice doesn't warrant a tip at all? I presumed i would give them something but not 10% of food bill as it's excessive. I don't know how long they'll be there I just know from my own days I certainly did 16 hours frequently.

Why do you think it does warrant a tip? The servers are being paid an hourly wage (you'd hope), they're making at least minimum wage, and their interaction with guests is low compared to serving a table of 4 at a restaurant, for example.

A tip is, in Ireland, used to acknowledge excellent service. It's not expected or required, like in North America. So unless you feel the servers do an outstanding job, then I can't see why they'd get tipped.

cactusgal · 15-09-2014 07:23AM

+1 to what Faith has said.

In the USA, there's a loophole in employment law which allows the restaurant industry to pay servers way below minimum wage (it was just $2.13 an hour when I was a waitress in the late 90s). Most of that goes to taxes anyway, so the employers have effectively forced their customers to pay the wages of their employees, through tips.

Staff here make at least minimum wage, so it's a completely different setup.

Arbiter of Good Taste · 15-09-2014 08:24AM

cactusgal wrote: »

+1 to what Faith has said.

In the USA, there's a loophole in employment law which allows the restaurant industry to pay servers way below minimum wage (it was just $2.13 an hour when I was a waitress in the late 90s). Most of that goes to taxes anyway, so the employers have effectively forced their customers to pay the wages of their employees, through tips.

Staff here make at least minimum wage, so it's a completely different setup.

AFAIK, in Ireland, staff in the hospitality sector make a higher minimum wage than those in other sectors. I'm sure someone will correct me if I am wrong, but if I'm not, it doesn't make sense to tip waiting staff rather than, say, the person working in a newsagents.

xtradel · 15-09-2014 08:58AM

At my wedding during my speech when I was thanking parents/best men etc I asked everybody to applaud the waiting staff for all their hard work. I think they seemed surprised that they were thought about.

Tarzana · 15-09-2014 10:06AM

kandr10 wrote: »

I just never imagined all staff would be kept til 3 am! I'll have a lot more sympathy next time I'm at a wedding.

Doesn't surprise me at all, hotel staff get treated terribly in this country. It's something I'm always aware of when I'm attending an event in a hotel.

OldNotWIse · 15-09-2014 10:15AM

It's a nice idea - if you think about an average wedding with 100 people, if everyone gave a couple of euro - not bad. When you think about how much money people will spend on themselves at a wedding it's not much to tip a bit extra. But I think passing around a basket is forcing people to give against their will. Maybe leaving a basket in the centre of each table might be a more subtle way of doing it? Also, remember that with the majority of people being asked to gift cash or buy specific items from "wish lists" (I know someone who has a "honeymoon fund" online) - guests may not take too kindly to being asked to pay extra as they may feel they have already paid for your wedding for you.

Tarzana · 15-09-2014 10:16AM

Victor wrote: »

Cue the staff going through the basket and finding €50 notes intended for the bride and groom.

Why would someone put their gift for the bride and groom in a tip basket?

Sala · 15-09-2014 10:31AM

OldNotWIse wrote: »

It's a nice idea - if you think about an average wedding with 100 people, if everyone gave a couple of euro - not bad. When you think about how much money people will spend on themselves at a wedding it's not much to tip a bit extra. But I think passing around a basket is forcing people to give against their will. Maybe leaving a basket in the centre of each table might be a more subtle way of doing it? Also, remember that with the majority of people being asked to gift cash or buy specific items from "wish lists" (I know someone who has a "honeymoon fund" online) - guests may not take too kindly to being asked to pay extra as they may feel they have already paid for your wedding for you.

Thanks, I thought it was a nice idea when I saw it but so many people are opposed I defo won't do it!

Lol, re the honeymoon fund. I was at a wedding where they had a box with a contribute to our honeymoon sign on it and a picture of where they wanted to go!!

kingtut · 15-09-2014 10:46AM

If you are expecting the waiting staff to get tips then it is only far that the kitchen staff get them too! There would be no food / clean dishes without them after all.

Arbiter of Good Taste · 15-09-2014 11:11AM

Sala wrote: »

Lol, re the honeymoon fund. I was at a wedding where they had a box with a contribute to our honeymoon sign on it and a picture of where they wanted to go!!

WTF!!! :eek:

The Rabbit · 15-09-2014 11:14AM

Sala wrote: »

Thanks, I thought it was a nice idea when I saw it but so many people are opposed I defo won't do it!

Lol, re the honeymoon fund. I was at a wedding where they had a box with a contribute to our honeymoon sign on it and a picture of where they wanted to go!!

The cheeky pigs!

Milly33 · 15-09-2014 11:18AM

Do they not split it here with the kitchen staff. I rem working abroad and it was great as it used to be shared with everyone.

Yeah id say it would not go down well to be honest, do it yerselfs as a thank you if ye must

Sala · 15-09-2014 11:29AM

The Rabbit wrote: »

The cheeky pigs!

In reality it's probably no more cheeky than setting up one online or a register or something, but I thought it was gas. They had already outright asked for money so the box was overkill!!

The Rabbit · 15-09-2014 11:32AM

Sala wrote: »

In reality it's probably no more cheeky than setting up one online or a register or something, but I thought it was gas. They had already outright asked for money so the box was overkill!!

Yeah I meant the box with the photo of their preferred destination.

I could never bring myself to do that.

15-09-2014 11:36AM

Simple solution.

Take the tip from the cash the guests brought the B&G as gifts if you want to tip waiting staff.

Sala · 15-09-2014 11:38AM

The Rabbit wrote: »

Yeah I meant the box with the photo of their preferred destination.

I could never bring myself to do that.

I can't hear the term "honeymoon fund" without thinking of the box! Lol.

BabysCoffee · 15-09-2014 11:42AM

My feelings are that if the B&G want to tip the wait staff they should do so through their best man or Father of the Bride, etc.

Handing around a basket for the guests to tip is uncalled for - and as a guest I wouldn't appreciate it.

amdublin · 15-09-2014 01:27PM

I am confused as to your reason for the basket (I.e. by tipping the next day the money doesn't get to them).

So just take the money that you would have given the next day and instead give it via the route it would go if it was in a basket.

Frankly the basket route the way you've described it sounds like you want your guests to pay the tip, not you.

But from what you say you don't mind paying the tip? Therefore you just need to decide how best to get the tip to the people you want it to go to.
I'd suggest you put your tip into an envelope/envelopes and ask the best man to give to head server/wedding Co - ordinator to divvy up etc.

The Rabbit · 15-09-2014 01:29PM

I'm getting married in 7 weeks and hadn't even thought about the tip for the staff.

What is a usual/appropriate amount?

It's a small wedding, about 50/60 guests.

Sala · 15-09-2014 01:33PM

amdublin wrote: »

I am confused as to your reason for the basket (I.e. by tipping the next day the money doesn't get to them).

So just take the money that you would have given the next day and instead give it via the route it would go if it was in a basket.

Frankly the basket route the way you've described it sounds like you want your guests to pay the tip, not you.

But from what you say you don't mind paying the tip? Therefore you just need to decide how best to get the tip to the people you want it to go to.
I'd suggest you put your tip into an envelope/envelopes and ask the best man to give to head server/wedding Co - ordinator to divvy up etc.

Hello, I had seen it at a wedding before and my dad suggested it was a nice idea but so I asked about it here, and so many people think it's a really bad idea so I'll go with them!!

No I don't mind paying a tip, I would have anyway, I think it's a nice gesture and serving staff do tend to work very hard at weddings. I would never hand it to reception or anything as they don;t reach staff in my experience but I presume there will be a head server or someone as you suggest

amdublin · 15-09-2014 01:36PM

Ah good, get it all decided and sorted in advance and enjoy the day!

Tipping at weddings

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