Tipping at weddings

Sala · 14-09-2014 01:36AM #1

What is the usual for tipping at weddings? My dad suggeted handing around a basket because his daughters (that includes me!) waitressed at many during out college years, at 16 hours a day, and never got tips, even those that we know were given in to reception, apart from the one time someone handed around baskets and ask people to tip their servers.

Any thoughts on this?

Faith · 14-09-2014 02:16AM

I'm not sure I understand. You want your guests to tip their servers at your wedding, and you want to pass around collection baskets for the tips?

That would be a bizarre idea to me, if I've understood you correctly.

wazky · 14-09-2014 02:17AM

I've tipped a few bridesmaids in my time, If thats what you mean?

ElleEm · 14-09-2014 07:33AM

Wow. Definitely don't do this.

racso1975 · 14-09-2014 07:41AM

Agree with Elle. If people want to tip let them dont force them. Plus you cannot be certain of the service quality at each table

kandr10 · 14-09-2014 08:19AM

Why would the servers be working 16 hours? Seems a long day if guests only arrive at 3 or 4 and meal is over by 8. Usually you don't see them after the meal, unless they're working the bar too. I've never seen tipping after the meal, whatever about throwing bar staff a few quid.

Sala · 14-09-2014 10:08AM

Yes that happened at one or two weddings I worked at, but I have never seen it at one I've been a guest at.

Sala · 14-09-2014 10:13AM

kandr10 wrote: »

Why would the servers be working 16 hours? Seems a long day if guests only arrive at 3 or 4 and meal is over by 8. Usually you don't see them after the meal, unless they're working the bar too. I've never seen tipping after the meal, whatever about throwing bar staff a few quid.

Servers don't start and finish with the food. When I worked in a hotel the banqueting staff did all set up and clean up, starting at 11 or 12 pm and finishing 3 or 4 am

Sala · 14-09-2014 10:15AM

Faith wrote: »

I'm not sure I understand. You want your guests to tip their servers at your wedding, and you want to pass around collection baskets for the tips?

That would be a bizarre idea to me, if I've understood you correctly.

Thanks it's unusual but as I said I've seen it! Anyway people seem to be opposed so I won't. I just know the next day if you leave a tip for servers it doesn't get to them

kandr10 · 14-09-2014 10:21AM

Sala wrote: »

Thanks it's unusual but a so said I've seen it! Anyway people seem to be opposed so I won't. I just know the next day if you leave a tip for servers it doesn't get to them

That's good to know in fairness. If individuals ever want to leave a tip to put it in the hand of the person. I get that obviously there would be some set up before hand and clean up , I just never imagined all staff would be kept til 3 am! I'll have a lot more sympathy next time I'm at a wedding.

homemadecider · 14-09-2014 10:24AM

Why would you expect the guests to tip? It's your wedding, you're paying the bill - YOU leave a tip!

Sala · 14-09-2014 10:24AM

kandr10 wrote: »

That's good to know in fairness. If individuals ever want to leave a tip to put it in the hand of the person. I get that obviously there would be some set up before hand and clean up , I just never imagined all staff would be kept til 3 am! I'll have a lot more sympathy next time I'm at a wedding.

In about 2-3 years working weddings the only tips I got were the basket scenario above or the rare occasion someone gave you something at the table. I also know the bar staff got tipped and they told us a few times the person tipping, ie brides dad, said that's for you I've already sorted the girls out (meaning us!) and we never saw any of them

Sala · 14-09-2014 10:28AM

homemadecider wrote: »

Why would you expect the guests to tip? It's your wedding, you're paying the bill - YOU leave a tip!

As I said you pay the bill and tip it doesn't get to the servers

imitation · 14-09-2014 10:30AM

I have been at one or two weddings where I saw the same staff setting up the meal during the day, and then later on serving at the residents bar at 3-4 am. I think its pretty unfair to expect that of staff, especially as many hotels can expect to do a fair few weddings a year and naturally Irish weddings will always have the dozen people who insist on sticking around in the residents bar til 6 in the morning. Ultimately I think its on the hotel to be fair to its staff rather than customers offering tips to make up for it.

The tip baskets a nice idea, but it depends on the crowd, a lot of people feel weddings are a big enough involuntary expense, between stags, staying the night, presents etc. It might feel a bit annoying to see a tip basket coming around out of nowhere. Tipping is still an optional thing really too in Irish culture but the basket going around just forces people to do it, like it or not.

Arbiter of Good Taste · 14-09-2014 10:39AM

To be honest, if I was a guest at a wedding and handed a basket to put in a tip, I would not be happy at all.

Though if you are looking to do something "different" to make your wedding memorable.....

Sala · 14-09-2014 10:42AM

imitation wrote: »

I have been at one or two weddings where I saw the same staff setting up the meal during the day, and then later on serving at the residents bar at 3-4 am. I think its pretty unfair to expect that of staff, especially as many hotels can expect to do a fair few weddings a year and naturally Irish weddings will always have the dozen people who insist on sticking around in the residents bar til 6 in the morning. Ultimately I think its on the hotel to be fair to its staff rather than customers offering tips to make up for it.

The tip baskets a nice idea, but it depends on the crowd, a lot of people feel weddings are a big enough involuntary expense, between stags, staying the night, presents etc. It might feel a bit annoying to see a tip basket coming around out of nowhere. Tipping is still an optional thing really too in Irish culture but the basket going around just forces people to do it, like it or not.

A lot of staff are students so I suppose for us getting 16 hours pay in one 'day' at the weekend was great!

I certainly don't want to annoy my guests though! I thought it was a nice idea I suppose as I was on the other side and it walk great to walk out with a few quid :-)

I think it's nice for people to tip their servers but obviously not the done thing here! I know at weddings people often give change if there's table service for drinks but that's all

Arbiter of Good Taste · 14-09-2014 10:45AM

Sala wrote: »

A lot of staff are students so I suppose for us getting 16 hours pay in one 'day' at the weekend was great!

I certainly don't want to annoy my guests though! I thought it was a nice idea I suppose as I was on the other side and it walk great to walk out with a few quid :-)

I think it's nice for people to tip their servers but obviously not the done thing here! I know at weddings people often give change if there's table service for drinks but that's all

But why should it be up to the guests to tip? It's generally done by the B&G. If you are concerned that the hotel won't pass it on, then allocate one of the groomsmen to tip the staff individually after the meal.

14-09-2014 10:54AM

Funny we should be talking about this-I was at a wedding last weekend &for the first time ever a glass was pushed around our table to tip our server. I had never saw that at a wedding before and felt we had to throw a few quid in as everyone else was.
To be fair the waitress was a scream and really entertained the table,she was halirious and she looked after us very well- extra wine top ups, extra food, info re taxis from the venue to our accomodation etc, we didn't mind tipping her but it was unusual, I don't think it should me mandatory, you are a guest after all

Sala · 14-09-2014 11:10AM

Arbiter of Good Taste wrote: »

But why should it be up to the guests to tip? It's generally done by the B&G. If you are concerned that the hotel won't pass it on, then allocate one of the groomsmen to tip the staff individually after the meal.

I suppose because they are your servers even if you're not paying ? Anyway I threw it out as an idea as I have seen it, and thought it was nice but enough people here seem to think its a really bad idea, so I'll get groomsman or someone to tip after the meal

LynnGrace · 14-09-2014 11:13AM

I agree with the suggestion to get one of your own party to tip the servers, individually, if you want to do that. I definitely wouldn't pass around a basket.

evolving_doors · 14-09-2014 11:17AM

Dont forget the kitchen staff either.

Sala · 14-09-2014 11:20AM

Armelodie wrote: »

Dont forget the kitchen staff either.

How do you tip them- give it to a waiter ? Or tip a lump to 'head' waiter for divvying

Santa Cruz · 14-09-2014 11:39AM

And the car park attendant, and the man who cuts the grass.

If you want to bring your wedding down to the level of a stag night go ahead with your tipping plan. I was at a wedding 20 years ago and a brother of the bride went around with a glass to the guests looking for tips. It was like an episode of Shameless

Typer Monkey · 14-09-2014 11:40AM

Kitchen staff never get tipped, even in a restaurant scenario where tipping the waiter is the norm

Sala · 14-09-2014 12:18PM

Typer Monkey wrote: »

Kitchen staff never get tipped, even in a restaurant scenario where tipping the waiter is the norm

Thanks I didn't realise that poster was being sarky

14-09-2014 12:21PM

Why should wedding guests be expected to suppliment staff wages? Also, if a waiter/ess work 16 hours in a day, it's their choice. Again NOTHING to do with the guests of their clients. It would be very wrong to place a basket in front of guests and expect them to pay, especially if they have no idea if it will reach the intended people. Guests go to a lot of expense just getting to a wedding.

AoifeCork · 14-09-2014 01:36PM

kandr10 wrote: »

Why would the servers be working 16 hours? Seems a long day if guests only arrive at 3 or 4 and meal is over by 8. Usually you don't see them after the meal, unless they're working the bar too. I've never seen tipping after the meal, whatever about throwing bar staff a few quid.

As somebody that plays for drinks receptions and fronts a wedding band, I have, on numerous occasions, been served a cup of coffee at 3pm, a coffee at 11pm and said goodbye at 2am to the same waiter/waitress.

I honestly don't know how they do it sometimes.

I always tip the waiter/waitress at a wedding if I think they are doing a good job. If myself or my partner win the "speech" bet thing, we usually give a cut of it to the server.

Milly33 · 14-09-2014 07:46PM

I wouldn't tip at a wedding not a hope unless wait nope I would not. If they were great I would make sure and say it to the manager that they were but after that I certainly would not..If the b&g want to then that's up to them but I would not ask guest to do it, I would find it pretty cheeky actually if a basket came my way with a note saying tips...

I do understand tipping but at the same time I do not understand why I am tipping someone for doing their job,

Electric Sheep · 14-09-2014 09:25PM

Sala wrote: »

A lot of staff are students so I suppose for us getting 16 hours pay in one 'day' at the weekend was great!

I certainly don't want to annoy my guests though! I thought it was a nice idea I suppose as I was on the other side and it walk great to walk out with a few quid :-)

Surely you were walking out with a few quid? Or were you working for free?

Sala · 14-09-2014 09:38PM

Electric Sheep wrote: »

Surely you were walking out with a few quid? Or were you working for free?

No you don't get paid by the end of the night. But I think you know what I meant

Toots · 14-09-2014 09:54PM

Folks, please keep replies friendly/helpful. There's no need to get snarky.

Tipping at weddings

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