Are most friendships based on drinking?

THEZAPPA

Are they?

I realized after I stopped drinking how little real friends I actually had.

A lot of them I hardly saw because I wasn't going out on weekends drinking and because I wasn't drinking, watching drunk people on nights out just isn't fun.

Don't get me wrong I tried asking about other activities but everything ended up with drinking before during or after. Most couldn't hold a conversation without a pint in them and these were people I was close to in college and for years.

What are your thoughts?

Sunnyisland

THEZAPPA wrote: »

Are they?

I realized after I stopped drinking how little real friends I actually had.

A lot of them I hardly saw because I wasn't going out on weekends drinking and because I wasn't drinking, watching drunk people on nights out just isn't fun.

Don't get me wrong I tried asking about other activities but everything ended up with drinking before during or after. Most couldn't hold a conversation without a pint in them and these were people I was close to in college and for years.

What are your thoughts?

Whether you drink or not it's hard to find real true friends.

The One Doctor

Yes. My experience is that people become more open and honest after a few drinks, which for me is conducive to deeper friendships.

chuckyarelaw

I have three friends that haven't had a drink in months. They are great craic, always out walking and stuff. That's the great thing about Colin, Clive and Clitoris. They are all Camels.

sheesh

yeah couldn't drink for a while there, one of them called over we share a common interest and made sure we went out and did it the others in fairness have kids and probably only had the one night a week to get out. I did actually wonder for a while but then I realised that I treat them the exact same way so 'swings and round abouts', good friends are hard to find.

solomafioso

Your round OP.

Nib

THEZAPPA wrote: »

Are they?

I realized after I stopped drinking how little real friends I actually had.

A lot of them I hardly saw because I wasn't going out on weekends drinking and because I wasn't drinking, watching drunk people on nights out just isn't fun.

Don't get me wrong I tried asking about other activities but everything ended up with drinking before during or after. Most couldn't hold a conversation without a pint in them and these were people I was close to in college and for years.

What are your thoughts?

Plural?

Hotfail.com

If you can't be friends with them when they're not drinking then I wouldn't call them friends...

The Backwards Man

The vast majority of people who take a drink are cnuts, myself included.

People who don't drink are cool.

danslevent

Maybe in the college atmosphere I had a lot of drinking friends, but now I am done all my friends are real friends, where we can do non-alcohol related activities. I always knew my other friends were just drinking friends though, kind of obvious when you only saw them at pre drinks!

The One Doctor

The Backwards Man wrote: »

The vast majority of people who take a drink are cnuts, myself included.

People who don't drink are cool.

Non-drinkers have, on average, a shorter lifespan.

QED - drinking is the sensible choice (assuming no history of alcohol abuse).

toastedpickles

The Backwards Man wrote: »

The vast majority of people who take a drink are cnuts, myself included.

People who don't drink are cool.

In that case I'm ice fcuking cold :cool:

nocoverart

The only drawback on having friends is that they're humans.

Tail Docker

The One Doctor wrote: »

Non-drinkers have, on average, a shorter lifespan.

QED - drinking is the sensible choice (assuming no history of alcohol abuse).

I'd say the boredom gets to them eventually.

The One Doctor

nocoverart wrote: »

The only drawback on having friends is that they're humans.

Very nihilist. I am intrigued by your ideas and wish to subscribe to your newsletter. Unless you're a beard-stroking hipster reading Nietzsche, that is.

The Backwards Man

The One Doctor wrote: »

Non-drinkers have, on average, a shorter lifespan.

QED - drinking is the sensible choice (assuming no history of alcohol abuse).

Perception bias.

Days seem longer with a hangover.

I have a few drinky friends that I would only see in the pub or at a gig, but most of my friends, even the ones I mightn't see for months, would be at my door immediately if I was in need. I'd be the same for them.

Lyaiera

I think it's great have a common interest with friends. It gives you something to do and shared experiences are really fun.

RedemptionZ

As a recovering alcoholic of sorts, yes there are some friendships that are based on drinking, because I need be drunk to tolerate some of the ****e they come out with. Is it a bad thing that you end up with less of those friends? I don't think so. I mean you want friends that'll pick you up when you're down not try to hold you back with them.

ahmdoda

i guess it depends on the type of people you are with the majority of my friends are Muslims and some practicing Christians so for someone like me drinking has no effect at all

The Peanut

The friendship should come first. Some of the best craic I've had with my friends over the last 20 years has been during the giddiness/silliness that occurs after a few drinks.

None of us are really regular drinkers. We meet through family occasions, matches, meals, etc. Alcohol as the centre of any friendship or relationship is destructive.

THEZAPPA

THEZAPPA wrote: »

Are they?

I realized after I stopped drinking how little real friends I actually had.

A lot of them I hardly saw because I wasn't going out on weekends drinking and because I wasn't drinking, watching drunk people on nights out just isn't fun.

Don't get me wrong I tried asking about other activities but everything ended up with drinking before during or after. Most couldn't hold a conversation without a pint in them and these were people I was close to in college and for years.

What are your thoughts?

Maybe it a male thing I have friends that date back to walking to school together as 5 year olds and we can meet up and have chats over a cup of tea, in fact I cant think of any friends I have that are based around drinking, but that could be because I am a woman.

Difference between friends and drinking buddies

Tar.Aldarion

I don't go drinking much so it's important to find people you share interests with and can ask each other to go do things, I go hiking, play boardgames, go to LANs, go to gigs with friends etc. People you just go drinking with wouldn't be too interesting to me.

ash23

I have friends that I only see on a night out. I have true friends though who I can meet any time and no drink needs to be involved.

I wanted a change of scene so joined a social group but to be honest, even though the stuff they did was not revolving around drink, none of it was my scene either. It was all hill walking and cycling and art house cinema......not my cup of tea at all. I'm lazy and mainstream.

Anyway point is, that with or without drinking based activities, you don't always find people want to do the same things that you do.

Similar interests are the most important thing.

Dravokivich

OP, what have to done instead of going out drinking? Nothing in your post suggests you've taken up other activities that would include your friends.

If you just stop one thing and don't do anything else to replace it what are you expecting in return?

Scratch that, appears I glossed over your last line.

xzanti

THEZAPPA wrote: »

Are they?

I realized after I stopped drinking how little real friends I actually had.

After I gave up (2 years ago this week :cool:) I found myself gravitating more towards my childhood friends again.. and I have regained a certain closeness with them.. even though they would have a drink themselves, the friendships weren't formed around drink and pubs.

I have maintained contact with and occasionally see my 'drinking' friends.. but the bond we once shared is definitely gone.. in fact I often feel like I'm intruding if I stay past a certain time at parties.. even though they make me feel very welcome.. it's a strange one.

I've done a few evening courses and I find them a great way to make new friends.

buried

Yeah but its Ireland, and a lot of people think the only acceptable universal social interaction outlet is the pub and the only way to socially interact in it is to get totally thrashed drunk with this trademark bull$hit of "the craic" Your lucky if you even have just one friendship that isn't based on seeing which one of you won't be sleeping on the pub jacks p!ss soaked floor for the night, because from the looks of it, a lot of people don't.

The Peanut

buried wrote: »

Yeah but its Ireland, and a lot of people think the only acceptable universal social interaction outlet is the pub and the only way to socially interact in it is to get totally thrashed drunk with this trademark bull$hit of "the craic" Your lucky if you even have just one friendship that isn't based on seeing which one of you won't be sleeping on the pub jacks p!ss soaked floor for the night, because from the looks of it, a lot of people don't.

Surely it isn't that bad. Or is it age related?

I'm in my forties. We'd have 3-4 pints max. Out of every 5 occasions I'd meet some of my friends, 1 might involve alcohol.

buried

The Peanut wrote: »

Surely it isn't that bad. Or is it age related?

I'm in my forties. We'd have 3-4 pints max. Out of every 5 occasions I'd meet some of my friends, 1 might involve alcohol.

Yeah I'm in my thirties, I'm lucky enough to have two actual friend's whose friendship isn't based on getting thrashed, the rest of them, they can barely talk to you on the street when they meet you in the daytime but once they get you inside some pub its all total "craic" with pints, followed by jagershots and whatever, followed by total gibberish talk, followed by falling around the place. Then the next day, without the crutch of the bar, they barely have two words to say to you again!

Potatoeman

THEZAPPA wrote: »

Are they?

I realized after I stopped drinking how little real friends I actually had.

A lot of them I hardly saw because I wasn't going out on weekends drinking and because I wasn't drinking, watching drunk people on nights out just isn't fun.

Don't get me wrong I tried asking about other activities but everything ended up with drinking before during or after. Most couldn't hold a conversation without a pint in them and these were people I was close to in college and for years.

What are your thoughts?

You've changed a part of your life and you expect them to change to suit you. Did you do non drink related activities before this?

Why cant you go out with them and not drink? Just jeave if they are getting messy. Its usually people that stop drinking have this problem.

The Peanut

buried wrote: »

Yeah I'm in my thirties, I'm lucky enough to have two actual friend's whose friendship isn't based on getting thrashed, the rest of them, they can barely talk to you on the street when they meet you in the daytime but once they get you inside some pub its all total "craic" with pints, followed by jagershots and whatever, followed by total gibberish talk, followed by falling around the place. Then the next day, without the crutch of the bar, they barely have two words to say to you again!

That sounds more like my twenties. Is everything being pushed out?

SterlingArcher

Awh I have lots of friends and no beer. Why can't I have no friends and lots of beers.

buried

The Peanut wrote: »

That sounds more like my twenties. Is everything being pushed out?

Yeah that's what it seems like, hanging on to their twenties or something, but it seems like the pub and drinking has gone from being the handy option for socialising at that age to becoming the only option for them now. And as they get older the tolerance levels lessen, so they look and get way more thrashed.

THEZAPPA

Potatoeman wrote: »

You've changed a part of your life and you expect them to change to suit you. Did you do non drink related activities before this?

Why cant you go out with them and not drink? Just jeave if they are getting messy. Its usually people that stop drinking have this problem.

Well i'm mid twenties female. I did do non-alcohol related activities before but all my friends seemed to have gravitated towards making everything drink related. Any suggestions I have made of meeting up with any of them has turned into "Ahh sure we will just get a few pints".

Some examples:

Going to the zoo = ah few pints before or after.
Bowling = lets go to bring your own beer,
Holidays away or down the country = just a big excuse for a piss up
Lets go for a walk and talk = can we go to this pub and talk
Meet after work = just go to the pub
Book club = excuse to eat and drink bottles of wine
Sunbathing = beer garden

I have gone out and not drank with them however talking to drunk people all the time isn't fun especially when they are talking complete shiote after a few drinks.

Maybe it's just the age of all my friends but I've had no problems with friends from other countries, they never rely on alcohol or want a pint every time they go out anywhere.

It's all a bit sad really

DeVore

Yep, I find the same... In fact the mates I find myself closest with are the ones I play online games with ... might seem weird but I've known these people for years (in person) and we use games like Bf4 or MMORPG's to goof off with each other in a virtual setting now that we don't all live in the same country anymore (in fact only two of us live in Ireland still).

I'm thoroughly feckin' bored going to a pub as they mostly are so loud you cant hold a conversation and the whole purpose seems to be to get plastered. I'm not adverse to a few drinks but I'm stone cold bored stupid looking at the walls of a pub for 4 hours.

Santa Cruz

What sobriety conceals drunkennes reveals

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Wouldn't agree with the OP. I have drinking friends. People who I'd only see/call if I was going out, but I have 3 good friends who I never really drink with, and we would be really close.

Potatoeman

THEZAPPA wrote: »

Well i'm mid twenties female. I did do non-alcohol related activities before but all my friends seemed to have gravitated towards making everything drink related. Any suggestions I have made of meeting up with any of them has turned into "Ahh sure we will just get a few pints".

Some examples:

Going to the zoo = ah few pints before or after.
Bowling = lets go to bring your own beer,
Holidays away or down the country = just a big excuse for a piss up
Lets go for a walk and talk = can we go to this pub and talk
Meet after work = just go to the pub
Book club = excuse to eat and drink bottles of wine
Sunbathing = beer garden

I have gone out and not drank with them however talking to drunk people all the time isn't fun especially when they are talking complete shiote after a few drinks.

Maybe it's just the age of all my friends but I've had no problems with friends from other countries, they never rely on alcohol or want a pint every time they go out anywhere.

It's all a bit sad really

You dont want them to drink at all? Unless they are getting hammered I dont see the issue. Why not make your excuses and leave if they are getting messy. Your friends shouldnt need to drink but at the same time you shouldn't dictate what they do with their free time. Most of what you mentioned seemed reasonable enough. They went where you wanted and had a drink.

Why not do something mid week when they are less likley to drink too much if that is the issue. Many Irish people enjoy a drink at the weekend but wont drink duriing the week as they have work.

kylith

My best mate recently gave up the booze. These days we go for walks and eat ice-cream. Sometimes we'll go to the pub and she'll have an alcohol free beer or a coke and I'll have my usual, but pubs are by no means mandatory. As said above, it's the difference between a friend and a drinking buddy.

The Peanut

DeVore wrote: »

I'm thoroughly feckin' bored going to a pub as they mostly are so loud you cant hold a conversation and the whole purpose seems to be to get plastered. I'm not adverse to a few drinks but I'm stone cold bored stupid looking at the walls of a pub for 4 hours.

It's one great advantage of living relatively rural. Many pubs in towns and cities are geared primarily to getting bums on seats. Typically the younger demographic spend more on drink so pubs now are like early clubs. Very loud music is rarely an issue in our village pubs.

Eh, but I'm old.

harry Bailey esq

THEZAPPA wrote: »

Are they?

I realized after I stopped drinking how little real friends I actually had.

A lot of them I hardly saw because I wasn't going out on weekends drinking and because I wasn't drinking, watching drunk people on nights out just isn't fun.

Don't get me wrong I tried asking about other activities but everything ended up with drinking before during or after. Most couldn't hold a conversation without a pint in them and these were people I was close to in college and for years.

What are your thoughts?

in my case its true,I'm 33 and me mates are 30s 40s and everytime we get together booze is always on the agenda.Not that I mind of course,can't beat a few cold ones with your pals

Lyaiera

The best decision I made when I moved into my current apartment was to buy a decent TV and a cheap computer to hook up to it. I don't watch TV much but it's great to have a friend over, laze on the couch, drink tea or coffee and watch a good film, then spend time after talking about it.

I find I go to the pub when I have nothing else to do. It just fills time. If I'm doing something, like watching a film or going for a cycle with friends I couldn't be bothered with alcohol. Maybe a beer or two with a board game but I wouldn't be knocking them back.

I do agree with a lot of the posts here though. I don't think there's anything wrong with drinking while doing other activities. A few glasses of wine or a couple of beers with a board game, film or playing on the XBox is grand, or even when going out dancing. But going out to get blotto should really be reserved for special occasions (such as "We haven't been out for a good session in a few months.")

Tar.Aldarion

DeVore wrote: »

Yep, I find the same... In fact the mates I find myself closest with are the ones I play online games with ... might seem weird but I've known these people for years (in person) and we use games like Bf4 or MMORPG's to goof off with each other in a virtual setting now that we don't all live in the same country anymore (in fact only two of us live in Ireland still).

I'm thoroughly feckin' bored going to a pub as they mostly are so loud you cant hold a conversation and the whole purpose seems to be to get plastered. I'm not adverse to a few drinks but I'm stone cold bored stupid looking at the walls of a pub for 4 hours.

This is why i am a host for boardgames nights in pubs, plenty of conversation and laughs while keeping yourselves occupied

anncoates

I know one close friend that had to give up drinking and it definitely required a recalibration of friendships although presumably it's more a case of retaining close friends and shedding more casual acquaintances if you spent a lot of time in the pub previously.

Tarzana

THEZAPPA wrote: »

Going to the zoo = ah few pints before or after

OK, that's pretty bad. :pac:

Tarzana

THEZAPPA wrote: »

I have gone out and not drank with them however talking to drunk people all the time isn't fun especially when they are talking complete shiote after a few drinks.

Yes, drunk/tipsy people are fooking annoying when one is sober. And yes, I include myself in that fooking annoying cohort. :pac:

Chairman Meow

I only really realized just how much everything in this country revolves around booze after my wife moved here from the US. Any time id try and think of something for us to do it ended or began with the pub. Barely drink at all now and couldn't tell you the last time I went out to a pub, and I don't miss it. Hate getting drunk now, cant abide hangovers, so I only drink the occasional glass of Leffe, or Lowenbrau if I can get it, for the taste, instead of getting sloshed.

InTheTrees

Chairman Meow wrote: »

I only really realized just how much everything in this country revolves around booze after my wife moved here from the US.

Moving away from Ireland was a shock too.

I learned that you can drink a little, and get a light buzz going. Without having to get completely hammered.

And I cringe when I hear people talking abut their consumption as though its something to be proud of.

cena

All people I used to hang with it was always around a pub. I stopped going out six years. I hardly see or hear from them now

THEZAPPA

Potatoeman wrote: »

You dont want them to drink at all? Unless they are getting hammered I dont see the issue. Why not make your excuses and leave if they are getting messy. Your friends shouldnt need to drink but at the same time you shouldn't dictate what they do with their free time. Most of what you mentioned seemed reasonable enough. They went where you wanted and had a drink.

Why not do something mid week when they are less likley to drink too much if that is the issue. Many Irish people enjoy a drink at the weekend but wont drink duriing the week as they have work.

You are taking my comments completely out of context.

I never said I don't want them to ever drink. My point is they can't do anything without drink being involved in some way. I do leave any situations where they are hammered but I get grief for leaving which is annoying.

I've no issue with anyone drinking but an odd occasion where no drink is involved would be nice especially if its a trip to the zoo or an activity were drink really shouldn't have to be on the agenda.

And any midweek activities after work they either want a few pints or cinema and a few pints before or after...

I'm not a no alcohol person, I enjoy a pint every few months or so over nice conversations. However, every activity being an excuse to get totally pissed all the time is what seems to be happening.