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Are most friendships based on drinking?

THEZAPPA

Are they?

I realized after I stopped drinking how little real friends I actually had.

A lot of them I hardly saw because I wasn't going out on weekends drinking and because I wasn't drinking, watching drunk people on nights out just isn't fun.

Don't get me wrong I tried asking about other activities but everything ended up with drinking before during or after. Most couldn't hold a conversation without a pint in them and these were people I was close to in college and for years.

What are your thoughts?

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Sunnyisland

THEZAPPA wrote: »

Are they?

I realized after I stopped drinking how little real friends I actually had.

A lot of them I hardly saw because I wasn't going out on weekends drinking and because I wasn't drinking, watching drunk people on nights out just isn't fun.

Don't get me wrong I tried asking about other activities but everything ended up with drinking before during or after. Most couldn't hold a conversation without a pint in them and these were people I was close to in college and for years.

What are your thoughts?

Whether you drink or not it's hard to find real true friends.

The One Doctor

Yes. My experience is that people become more open and honest after a few drinks, which for me is conducive to deeper friendships.

chuckyarelaw

I have three friends that haven't had a drink in months. They are great craic, always out walking and stuff. That's the great thing about Colin, Clive and Clitoris. They are all Camels.

sheesh

yeah couldn't drink for a while there, one of them called over we share a common interest and made sure we went out and did it the others in fairness have kids and probably only had the one night a week to get out. I did actually wonder for a while but then I realised that I treat them the exact same way so 'swings and round abouts', good friends are hard to find.

solomafioso

Your round OP.

Nib

THEZAPPA wrote: »

Are they?

I realized after I stopped drinking how little real friends I actually had.

A lot of them I hardly saw because I wasn't going out on weekends drinking and because I wasn't drinking, watching drunk people on nights out just isn't fun.

Don't get me wrong I tried asking about other activities but everything ended up with drinking before during or after. Most couldn't hold a conversation without a pint in them and these were people I was close to in college and for years.

What are your thoughts?

Plural?

Hotfail.com

If you can't be friends with them when they're not drinking then I wouldn't call them friends...

The Backwards Man

The vast majority of people who take a drink are cnuts, myself included.

People who don't drink are cool.

danslevent

Maybe in the college atmosphere I had a lot of drinking friends, but now I am done all my friends are real friends, where we can do non-alcohol related activities. I always knew my other friends were just drinking friends though, kind of obvious when you only saw them at pre drinks!

The One Doctor

The Backwards Man wrote: »

The vast majority of people who take a drink are cnuts, myself included.

People who don't drink are cool.

Non-drinkers have, on average, a shorter lifespan.

QED - drinking is the sensible choice (assuming no history of alcohol abuse).

toastedpickles

The Backwards Man wrote: »

The vast majority of people who take a drink are cnuts, myself included.

People who don't drink are cool.

In that case I'm ice fcuking cold :cool:

nocoverart

The only drawback on having friends is that they're humans.

Tail Docker

The One Doctor wrote: »

Non-drinkers have, on average, a shorter lifespan.

QED - drinking is the sensible choice (assuming no history of alcohol abuse).

I'd say the boredom gets to them eventually.

The One Doctor

nocoverart wrote: »

The only drawback on having friends is that they're humans.

Very nihilist. I am intrigued by your ideas and wish to subscribe to your newsletter. Unless you're a beard-stroking hipster reading Nietzsche, that is.

The Backwards Man

The One Doctor wrote: »

Non-drinkers have, on average, a shorter lifespan.

QED - drinking is the sensible choice (assuming no history of alcohol abuse).

Perception bias.

Days seem longer with a hangover.

[Deleted User]

I have a few drinky friends that I would only see in the pub or at a gig, but most of my friends, even the ones I mightn't see for months, would be at my door immediately if I was in need. I'd be the same for them.

Lyaiera

I think it's great have a common interest with friends. It gives you something to do and shared experiences are really fun.

RedemptionZ

As a recovering alcoholic of sorts, yes there are some friendships that are based on drinking, because I need be drunk to tolerate some of the ****e they come out with. Is it a bad thing that you end up with less of those friends? I don't think so. I mean you want friends that'll pick you up when you're down not try to hold you back with them.

ahmdoda

i guess it depends on the type of people you are with the majority of my friends are Muslims and some practicing Christians so for someone like me drinking has no effect at all

The Peanut

The friendship should come first. Some of the best craic I've had with my friends over the last 20 years has been during the giddiness/silliness that occurs after a few drinks.

None of us are really regular drinkers. We meet through family occasions, matches, meals, etc. Alcohol as the centre of any friendship or relationship is destructive.

[Deleted User]

THEZAPPA wrote: »

Are they?

I realized after I stopped drinking how little real friends I actually had.

A lot of them I hardly saw because I wasn't going out on weekends drinking and because I wasn't drinking, watching drunk people on nights out just isn't fun.

Don't get me wrong I tried asking about other activities but everything ended up with drinking before during or after. Most couldn't hold a conversation without a pint in them and these were people I was close to in college and for years.

What are your thoughts?

Maybe it a male thing I have friends that date back to walking to school together as 5 year olds and we can meet up and have chats over a cup of tea, in fact I cant think of any friends I have that are based around drinking, but that could be because I am a woman.

[Deleted User]

Difference between friends and drinking buddies

Tar.Aldarion

I don't go drinking much so it's important to find people you share interests with and can ask each other to go do things, I go hiking, play boardgames, go to LANs, go to gigs with friends etc. People you just go drinking with wouldn't be too interesting to me.

ash23

I have friends that I only see on a night out. I have true friends though who I can meet any time and no drink needs to be involved.

I wanted a change of scene so joined a social group but to be honest, even though the stuff they did was not revolving around drink, none of it was my scene either. It was all hill walking and cycling and art house cinema......not my cup of tea at all. I'm lazy and mainstream.

Anyway point is, that with or without drinking based activities, you don't always find people want to do the same things that you do.

Similar interests are the most important thing.

Dravokivich

OP, what have to done instead of going out drinking? Nothing in your post suggests you've taken up other activities that would include your friends.

If you just stop one thing and don't do anything else to replace it what are you expecting in return?

Scratch that, appears I glossed over your last line.

xzanti

THEZAPPA wrote: »

Are they?

I realized after I stopped drinking how little real friends I actually had.

After I gave up (2 years ago this week :cool:) I found myself gravitating more towards my childhood friends again.. and I have regained a certain closeness with them.. even though they would have a drink themselves, the friendships weren't formed around drink and pubs.

I have maintained contact with and occasionally see my 'drinking' friends.. but the bond we once shared is definitely gone.. in fact I often feel like I'm intruding if I stay past a certain time at parties.. even though they make me feel very welcome.. it's a strange one.

I've done a few evening courses and I find them a great way to make new friends.

buried

Yeah but its Ireland, and a lot of people think the only acceptable universal social interaction outlet is the pub and the only way to socially interact in it is to get totally thrashed drunk with this trademark bull$hit of "the craic" Your lucky if you even have just one friendship that isn't based on seeing which one of you won't be sleeping on the pub jacks p!ss soaked floor for the night, because from the looks of it, a lot of people don't.

The Peanut

buried wrote: »

Yeah but its Ireland, and a lot of people think the only acceptable universal social interaction outlet is the pub and the only way to socially interact in it is to get totally thrashed drunk with this trademark bull$hit of "the craic" Your lucky if you even have just one friendship that isn't based on seeing which one of you won't be sleeping on the pub jacks p!ss soaked floor for the night, because from the looks of it, a lot of people don't.

Surely it isn't that bad. Or is it age related?

I'm in my forties. We'd have 3-4 pints max. Out of every 5 occasions I'd meet some of my friends, 1 might involve alcohol.

buried

The Peanut wrote: »

Surely it isn't that bad. Or is it age related?

I'm in my forties. We'd have 3-4 pints max. Out of every 5 occasions I'd meet some of my friends, 1 might involve alcohol.

Yeah I'm in my thirties, I'm lucky enough to have two actual friend's whose friendship isn't based on getting thrashed, the rest of them, they can barely talk to you on the street when they meet you in the daytime but once they get you inside some pub its all total "craic" with pints, followed by jagershots and whatever, followed by total gibberish talk, followed by falling around the place. Then the next day, without the crutch of the bar, they barely have two words to say to you again!

Potatoeman

THEZAPPA wrote: »

Are they?

I realized after I stopped drinking how little real friends I actually had.

A lot of them I hardly saw because I wasn't going out on weekends drinking and because I wasn't drinking, watching drunk people on nights out just isn't fun.

Don't get me wrong I tried asking about other activities but everything ended up with drinking before during or after. Most couldn't hold a conversation without a pint in them and these were people I was close to in college and for years.

What are your thoughts?

You've changed a part of your life and you expect them to change to suit you. Did you do non drink related activities before this?

Why cant you go out with them and not drink? Just jeave if they are getting messy. Its usually people that stop drinking have this problem.