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Are most friendships based on drinking?

THEZAPPA

Are they?

I realized after I stopped drinking how little real friends I actually had.

A lot of them I hardly saw because I wasn't going out on weekends drinking and because I wasn't drinking, watching drunk people on nights out just isn't fun.

Don't get me wrong I tried asking about other activities but everything ended up with drinking before during or after. Most couldn't hold a conversation without a pint in them and these were people I was close to in college and for years.

What are your thoughts?

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The Peanut

buried wrote: »

Yeah I'm in my thirties, I'm lucky enough to have two actual friend's whose friendship isn't based on getting thrashed, the rest of them, they can barely talk to you on the street when they meet you in the daytime but once they get you inside some pub its all total "craic" with pints, followed by jagershots and whatever, followed by total gibberish talk, followed by falling around the place. Then the next day, without the crutch of the bar, they barely have two words to say to you again!

That sounds more like my twenties. Is everything being pushed out?

SterlingArcher

Awh I have lots of friends and no beer. Why can't I have no friends and lots of beers.

buried

The Peanut wrote: »

That sounds more like my twenties. Is everything being pushed out?

Yeah that's what it seems like, hanging on to their twenties or something, but it seems like the pub and drinking has gone from being the handy option for socialising at that age to becoming the only option for them now. And as they get older the tolerance levels lessen, so they look and get way more thrashed.

THEZAPPA

Potatoeman wrote: »

You've changed a part of your life and you expect them to change to suit you. Did you do non drink related activities before this?

Why cant you go out with them and not drink? Just jeave if they are getting messy. Its usually people that stop drinking have this problem.

Well i'm mid twenties female. I did do non-alcohol related activities before but all my friends seemed to have gravitated towards making everything drink related. Any suggestions I have made of meeting up with any of them has turned into "Ahh sure we will just get a few pints".

Some examples:

Going to the zoo = ah few pints before or after.
Bowling = lets go to bring your own beer,
Holidays away or down the country = just a big excuse for a piss up
Lets go for a walk and talk = can we go to this pub and talk
Meet after work = just go to the pub
Book club = excuse to eat and drink bottles of wine
Sunbathing = beer garden

I have gone out and not drank with them however talking to drunk people all the time isn't fun especially when they are talking complete shiote after a few drinks.

Maybe it's just the age of all my friends but I've had no problems with friends from other countries, they never rely on alcohol or want a pint every time they go out anywhere.

It's all a bit sad really

DeVore

Yep, I find the same... In fact the mates I find myself closest with are the ones I play online games with ... might seem weird but I've known these people for years (in person) and we use games like Bf4 or MMORPG's to goof off with each other in a virtual setting now that we don't all live in the same country anymore (in fact only two of us live in Ireland still).

I'm thoroughly feckin' bored going to a pub as they mostly are so loud you cant hold a conversation and the whole purpose seems to be to get plastered. I'm not adverse to a few drinks but I'm stone cold bored stupid looking at the walls of a pub for 4 hours.

Santa Cruz

What sobriety conceals drunkennes reveals

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Wouldn't agree with the OP. I have drinking friends. People who I'd only see/call if I was going out, but I have 3 good friends who I never really drink with, and we would be really close.

Potatoeman

THEZAPPA wrote: »

Well i'm mid twenties female. I did do non-alcohol related activities before but all my friends seemed to have gravitated towards making everything drink related. Any suggestions I have made of meeting up with any of them has turned into "Ahh sure we will just get a few pints".

Some examples:

Going to the zoo = ah few pints before or after.
Bowling = lets go to bring your own beer,
Holidays away or down the country = just a big excuse for a piss up
Lets go for a walk and talk = can we go to this pub and talk
Meet after work = just go to the pub
Book club = excuse to eat and drink bottles of wine
Sunbathing = beer garden

I have gone out and not drank with them however talking to drunk people all the time isn't fun especially when they are talking complete shiote after a few drinks.

Maybe it's just the age of all my friends but I've had no problems with friends from other countries, they never rely on alcohol or want a pint every time they go out anywhere.

It's all a bit sad really

You dont want them to drink at all? Unless they are getting hammered I dont see the issue. Why not make your excuses and leave if they are getting messy. Your friends shouldnt need to drink but at the same time you shouldn't dictate what they do with their free time. Most of what you mentioned seemed reasonable enough. They went where you wanted and had a drink.

Why not do something mid week when they are less likley to drink too much if that is the issue. Many Irish people enjoy a drink at the weekend but wont drink duriing the week as they have work.

kylith

My best mate recently gave up the booze. These days we go for walks and eat ice-cream. Sometimes we'll go to the pub and she'll have an alcohol free beer or a coke and I'll have my usual, but pubs are by no means mandatory. As said above, it's the difference between a friend and a drinking buddy.

The Peanut

DeVore wrote: »

I'm thoroughly feckin' bored going to a pub as they mostly are so loud you cant hold a conversation and the whole purpose seems to be to get plastered. I'm not adverse to a few drinks but I'm stone cold bored stupid looking at the walls of a pub for 4 hours.

It's one great advantage of living relatively rural. Many pubs in towns and cities are geared primarily to getting bums on seats. Typically the younger demographic spend more on drink so pubs now are like early clubs. Very loud music is rarely an issue in our village pubs.

Eh, but I'm old.

harry Bailey esq

THEZAPPA wrote: »

Are they?

I realized after I stopped drinking how little real friends I actually had.

A lot of them I hardly saw because I wasn't going out on weekends drinking and because I wasn't drinking, watching drunk people on nights out just isn't fun.

Don't get me wrong I tried asking about other activities but everything ended up with drinking before during or after. Most couldn't hold a conversation without a pint in them and these were people I was close to in college and for years.

What are your thoughts?

in my case its true,I'm 33 and me mates are 30s 40s and everytime we get together booze is always on the agenda.Not that I mind of course,can't beat a few cold ones with your pals

Lyaiera

The best decision I made when I moved into my current apartment was to buy a decent TV and a cheap computer to hook up to it. I don't watch TV much but it's great to have a friend over, laze on the couch, drink tea or coffee and watch a good film, then spend time after talking about it.

I find I go to the pub when I have nothing else to do. It just fills time. If I'm doing something, like watching a film or going for a cycle with friends I couldn't be bothered with alcohol. Maybe a beer or two with a board game but I wouldn't be knocking them back.

I do agree with a lot of the posts here though. I don't think there's anything wrong with drinking while doing other activities. A few glasses of wine or a couple of beers with a board game, film or playing on the XBox is grand, or even when going out dancing. But going out to get blotto should really be reserved for special occasions (such as "We haven't been out for a good session in a few months.")

Tar.Aldarion

DeVore wrote: »

Yep, I find the same... In fact the mates I find myself closest with are the ones I play online games with ... might seem weird but I've known these people for years (in person) and we use games like Bf4 or MMORPG's to goof off with each other in a virtual setting now that we don't all live in the same country anymore (in fact only two of us live in Ireland still).

I'm thoroughly feckin' bored going to a pub as they mostly are so loud you cant hold a conversation and the whole purpose seems to be to get plastered. I'm not adverse to a few drinks but I'm stone cold bored stupid looking at the walls of a pub for 4 hours.

This is why i am a host for boardgames nights in pubs, plenty of conversation and laughs while keeping yourselves occupied

anncoates

I know one close friend that had to give up drinking and it definitely required a recalibration of friendships although presumably it's more a case of retaining close friends and shedding more casual acquaintances if you spent a lot of time in the pub previously.

Tarzana

THEZAPPA wrote: »

Going to the zoo = ah few pints before or after

OK, that's pretty bad. :pac:

Tarzana

THEZAPPA wrote: »

I have gone out and not drank with them however talking to drunk people all the time isn't fun especially when they are talking complete shiote after a few drinks.

Yes, drunk/tipsy people are fooking annoying when one is sober. And yes, I include myself in that fooking annoying cohort. :pac:

Chairman Meow

I only really realized just how much everything in this country revolves around booze after my wife moved here from the US. Any time id try and think of something for us to do it ended or began with the pub. Barely drink at all now and couldn't tell you the last time I went out to a pub, and I don't miss it. Hate getting drunk now, cant abide hangovers, so I only drink the occasional glass of Leffe, or Lowenbrau if I can get it, for the taste, instead of getting sloshed.

InTheTrees

Chairman Meow wrote: »

I only really realized just how much everything in this country revolves around booze after my wife moved here from the US.

Moving away from Ireland was a shock too.

I learned that you can drink a little, and get a light buzz going. Without having to get completely hammered.

And I cringe when I hear people talking abut their consumption as though its something to be proud of.

cena

All people I used to hang with it was always around a pub. I stopped going out six years. I hardly see or hear from them now

THEZAPPA

Potatoeman wrote: »

You dont want them to drink at all? Unless they are getting hammered I dont see the issue. Why not make your excuses and leave if they are getting messy. Your friends shouldnt need to drink but at the same time you shouldn't dictate what they do with their free time. Most of what you mentioned seemed reasonable enough. They went where you wanted and had a drink.

Why not do something mid week when they are less likley to drink too much if that is the issue. Many Irish people enjoy a drink at the weekend but wont drink duriing the week as they have work.

You are taking my comments completely out of context.

I never said I don't want them to ever drink. My point is they can't do anything without drink being involved in some way. I do leave any situations where they are hammered but I get grief for leaving which is annoying.

I've no issue with anyone drinking but an odd occasion where no drink is involved would be nice especially if its a trip to the zoo or an activity were drink really shouldn't have to be on the agenda.

And any midweek activities after work they either want a few pints or cinema and a few pints before or after...

I'm not a no alcohol person, I enjoy a pint every few months or so over nice conversations. However, every activity being an excuse to get totally pissed all the time is what seems to be happening.

Sam Kade

Go to the pub drink, get drunk talk shíte listen to others talking shíte repeat every week.

worded

Was in Co Clare for two weekends and they are serious drinkers there. Lock ins to 6am. You think you drink a lot until your with clare drinking commandos.

Meeting random local beauties from Galway and surrounding areas and Having the Craic. It just gets so boring after twenty to thirty years and 100s of wimmins. Who needs all that casual sex?

I wish if have saved all that money and joined a golf club.

I was asking a pensioner what advice he could give me about life ....

He said drink as much whiskey as you can and be with as many women as you can ....

Great, I was looking for inspiration, tell me something I don't know !

[Deleted User]

I don't drink and in recent times I've been feeling pressured to start! I was at a wedding a few weeks back, where someone told me I was being antisocial for not drinking.

The Peanut

Karsini wrote: »

I don't drink and in recent times I've been feeling pressured to start! I was at a wedding a few weeks back, where someone told me I was being antisocial for not drinking.

As a drinker all my life, ignore the idiot. Don't know what age you are, but peer pressure is tough. Nobody has any right to tell you you're antisocial.

It you're happy not drinking, don't drink.

Tarzana

Karsini wrote: »

I don't drink and in recent times I've been feeling pressured to start! I was at a wedding a few weeks back, where someone told me I was being antisocial for not drinking.

I'd well believe it. I think sometimes the odd drinker can feel awkward around non-drinkers because it highlights their own consumption.

Me? I couldn't actually afford to get drunk often, even if I wanted to. But I don't want to anyway so 'tis grand. Getting hammered a few times a year does me. :pac: